That’s a lot more coherent than I would have been.
Reminds me of the old joke about black bears vs grizzlies:
The National Park Rangers are advising hikers in Glacier National Park and other Rocky Mountain parks to be alert for bears and take extra precautions to avoid an encounter.
They advise park visitors to wear little bells on their clothes so they make noise when hiking. The bell noise allows bears to hear them coming from a distance and not be startled by a hiker accidentally sneaking up on them. This might cause a bear to charge.
Visitors should also carry a pepper spray can just in case a bear is encountered. Spraying the pepper into the air will irritate the bear’s sensitive nose and it will run away.
It is also a good idea to keep an eye out for fresh bear scat so you have an idea if bears are in the area. People should be able to recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear scat.
Black bear droppings are smaller and often contain berries, leaves, and possibly bits of fur. Grizzly bear droppings tend to contain small bells and smell of pepper.
For black bears, IMO, not much use. Black bears are normally quite skittish and the sound of two people talking is usually enough to warn them. It couldn’t hurt, but it’s generally just annoying to hikers. Putting bear bells on an unleashed dog is probably more beneficial, as they can and do sneak up on bears.
In grizzly bear country someone in the group is usually banging hiking poles together to make noise, or a rousing chorus of “Hey bear, bear, bear” is usually sufficient. But you should also be carrying bear spray.
Another one:
If you encounter a bear and climb a tree to get away from it, how do you know what kind of bear has treed you?:
- If the bear climbs the tree after you, it’s a black bear.
- If the bear pushes the tree over, it’s a grizzly.
In the mid 80s, we visited Glacier National Park and did a fair bit of walking on hiking trails. We bought (and used) bear bells. Never saw an actual bear - though we did come across a large, and apparently fresh, pile of bear poop on the trail.
We stopped by a ranger station a bit later to report this, as they encouraged people to report any kind of bear sightings. The ranger told us that her colleagues were dismissive of bear bells, but she always wore them - and she had never seen a bear in person while they all had - which suggests that they worked at least somewhat.
We had no way of identifying the species of bear that had left the deposit.
Had we seen the bear itself, I suspect it would not have been the only thing leaving a steaming pile on the trail that day.
Yeah, but was it in the woods?
Close - a trail in a forest!
So…these bears?
Some deep, ancestral memory compels me to ask: was the bear Catholic?
And if you meet the Pope in the woods, do you offer him toilet paper?
Bear bells aren’t really supposed to scare off bears, it’s to make sure you don’t surprise a bear. Nothing worse than surprising a bear - they can turn aggressive if spooked. Most bears will avoid or ignore a human if they hear them coming, not necessarily run away but just amble off.
The Kids in the Hall had some good advice on the subject:
We get a lot of black bears out in our country house. I’m about 90% sure I hit with my car at night over the summer. A few days later we saw a big black bear not too far from where the incident happened. We’re coming out of the town library and my daughters like “Look daddy! A bear!” Sure enough, there it was.
LL wisdom on 
Exactly. The bear hears you coming, and it can decide whether it feels like an encounter, but at the very least, it’s not startled by your arrival.
We were unable to find the bear’s religion - not having seen the bear itself, just its poop, we did not have any evidence such as, say, sporting a crucifix on a collar. There was no evidence of it having EATEN a Catholic, either, though I admit we did not attempt to examine the output too closely, so we didn’t have a chance to spot any buried, half-digested rosary beads or the like.
Reminds me of two European backpackers who encountered a mating pair of Grizzlies. Searchers shot the female bear and found the remains of a German man in her stomach. They thus concluded that the Czech must be in the male.
They were having a picnic, I’d bet.
Grew up in an area with lots of black bears so was quite familiar with their droppings. When I visited Glacier & came across a pile of bear scat I had absolutely no doubt about the type of bear that left it – not just a grizzly, but a big grizzly. The realization caused me to spin in a full circle as my brain switched from a pleasant walk in the woods to OMG, how fresh is that?!
That many bears hanging out so close together suggests there’s something they love to eat there. I’d take a different route for a while.
I understand. I once hiked through a long overgrown field along the one path through chest high brush & weeds & came out under some apple trees. Glanced up & realized that was not a bird, but a baby black bear in the top of one of the trees. My first thought wasn’t “Cute photo op” (which I later realized it was), it was “I need to get out of here before he sees me & calls for mom”. I then spent some time sweating which direction mom would most likely be coming from because meeting her on the path through the weeds was not a comfortable thought.