# Closeted gays in straight relationships - Or, Is my boyfriend gay? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 26, 2004, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/closeted-gays-in-straight-relationships-or-is-my-boyfriend-gay/281622 "2004-12-26T00:32:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 5\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Club\_33](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@Club\_33](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Club_33)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2004, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/closeted-gays-in-straight-relationships-or-is-my-boyfriend-gay/281622/21 "2004-12-27T16:45:35Z")
> [@gobear](#): > > The answer, of course, is that if the guy is gay he will watch **Black Hawk Down** and not the crappy musical. Have you noticed how hot the all-male cast of BHD is? Of course he has. šŸ˜‰ ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2004, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/closeted-gays-in-straight-relationships-or-is-my-boyfriend-gay/281622/22 "2004-12-27T16:52:39Z")
> [@gobear](#): > > The answer, of course, is that if the guy is gay he will watch **Black Hawk Down** and not the crappy musical. Have you noticed how hot the all-male cast of BHD is? Crappy musical?!? Lerner and Loewe? Cyd Charisse? Gene Kelly? Itā€™s Almost Like Being In Love? Cā€™mon - thatā€™s a great show! Black Hawk Down - a fine film, but hardly a classic. Hmmmā€¦ maybe youā€™re right. šŸ™‚ ---
**Author:** ![plnnr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@plnnr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plnnr)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2004, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/closeted-gays-in-straight-relationships-or-is-my-boyfriend-gay/281622/23 "2004-12-27T17:05:42Z")
Thereā€™s a lack of both physical and emotional intimacy and heā€™s not willing to put forth any effort to improve the situation. That, alone, is reason enough to stop seeing each other. Whether the reason for the lack of intimacy is his sexual orientation or something else is beside the point - heā€™s expressed his feelings on the issue and you have to deal with that on your own. ā€œIf there is a simple explanation for most of our problems, it would relieve some of the bitterness I feel about the way things have turned out.ā€ Sorry that you feel bitter, but youā€™re only prolonging the bitterness by trying to figure it out - time to move on. ---
**Author:** ![Seven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Seven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seven)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2004, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/closeted-gays-in-straight-relationships-or-is-my-boyfriend-gay/281622/24 "2004-12-27T19:00:55Z")
INAS (Iā€™m not a shrink) but I would think if he does have some sort of sexual dysfunction, asking him if heā€™s gay might make matters worse. That is, if he isnā€™t gay. Think about it for a second. Heā€™s having some weird sexual issue, perhaps left over from a weird past relationship or maybe childhood abuse. Then his girlfriend starts asking him if heā€™s gay because he shows no real sexual interest in her. Man, that would kind of suck if you ask me. Some people just arenā€™t very sexual. Or, just maybe, heā€™s got a fetish you donā€™t know about (of the non-penis kink) What I would do is introduce porn into the picture. Pick up a couple of different titles aimed at different bents. Big tits, blowjobs, leather, lesbian, anal, femdom. See what gets him going. If you really wonder if he might be gay, pick up a bisexual movie where the guys do the girls and the guys. If that gets him going then you might be on to something. But the last thing I would do is come right out and say ā€œare you gay?ā€ ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2004, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/closeted-gays-in-straight-relationships-or-is-my-boyfriend-gay/281622/25 "2004-12-28T03:23:09Z")
> [@FinnAgain](#): > > **chula** : I mean no offense, but perhaps you are barking up the wrong tree? Occamā€™s Razor wouldnā€™t state that heā€™s gay, but that heā€™s no longer attracted to you. You may be a very attractive woman, but maybe the ā€˜sparkā€™ has gone out of it for him? I second the hypothesis that heā€™s just not that into you anymore. I know a couple going through the same thing right now (theyā€™re getting divorced). Theā€™ve been together for years but their lives have been moving in different directions. She has a very high profile PR job with her company where she travels all the time while heā€™s become very ā€œJoe Sixpackā€ and has had some career issues of late. I imagine that a combination of resentment, jealousy and agitation can and has built up over the years to the point where they can barely stand to be in the same room, much less have sex. While it is possible that he is gay, more likely that there are other problems in the relationship. Contrary to popular belief, we guys can say no to sex. > [@Bricker](#): > > Crappy musical?!? Lerner and Loewe? Cyd Charisse? Gene Kelly? Itā€™s Almost Like Being In Love? Cā€™mon - thatā€™s a great show! Now Bricker Iā€™m pretty sure might be gay. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/closeted-gays-in-straight-relationships-or-is-my-boyfriend-gay/281622.md?page=1)