# Clueless Cows at Fast Food Places **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 29, 2002, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clueless-cows-at-fast-food-places/145529 "2002-12-29T19:36:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Cessandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/59ef9b/32.png) [@Cessandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cessandra)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2002, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clueless-cows-at-fast-food-places/145529/21 "2002-12-30T03:36:30Z")
MMMMM… Taco Bell… ---
**Author:** ![Desmostylus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c57346/32.png) [@Desmostylus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Desmostylus)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2002, 4:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clueless-cows-at-fast-food-places/145529/22 "2002-12-30T04:55:11Z")
From Ben Elton’s 1989 novel _Stark_: > [@](#): > > “When I do get a stab a some groovy chow, what’s happened to it, man? I mean, what has happened to it? I’ll tell you, it has been _fucked up_ man! That’s what! You know, I mean, shit, like, tinned pears and sweet mayonnaise and skins on the chips! I mean, man, what is the point? Can’t a groover just have a burger without having to scrape eight tons of shit out of it! And what’s with the tomatoes that remind me of my bollocks? Very tactful, man, I must say. Fuck you!” > > Zimmerman walked out to polite applause from the few remaining guests. On the whole they agreed with every word he had said, although they had found the bit about his bollocks confusing. > > “I’m glad somebody finally _said_ something,” they all whispered to each other. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2002, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clueless-cows-at-fast-food-places/145529/23 "2002-12-30T05:12:01Z")
I guess I count as a cluesless cow at a fast food restaurant. 🙂 Yeah, I was about 25 when I had my first Big Mac. We didn’t have McDonalds where I grew up, and on the occasions when my family ate fast food, everybody preferred Roy Rogers (it used to be good, honest!) When I got to college, everyone preferred Wendy’s. Not having a preference, I just got used to Wendy’s. Of course, I’d eaten at McDonalds a few times before I was 25, but I had never ordered a Big Mac. I was in a McDonalds, and asked “What’s on a Big Mac?” The workers thought I was joking. I said “No really, what’s on a Big Mac?” So the worker told me. I said “What’s special sauce?” The worker started to tell me, when the manager shushed her and said “Shhh! It’s SECRET!” 😃 FWIW, I thought it was pretty tasty, but I still prefer Wendy’s. In other words, how would that lady know what was on a Taco Bell taco if she didn’t know? ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2002, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clueless-cows-at-fast-food-places/145529/24 "2002-12-30T05:43:52Z")
I don’t know what’s on a Taco. I don’t know much about food outside of my limited sad pathetic death-inducing diet. There’s something widely available in Melbourne (and other parts of Australia I suppose) that is widespread, called Souvlaki, which is (I think) of Greek origins. I haven’t a clue what it is, or what’s in it. I had never heard of it before coming over to Australia. I also had never heard of Gelati, but I’m grateful for that small mercy, as it appears to glow in the dark. ---
**Author:** ![Speaker\_for\_the\_Dead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c77e96/32.png) [@Speaker\_for\_the\_Dead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Speaker_for_the_Dead)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2002, 6:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clueless-cows-at-fast-food-places/145529/25 "2002-12-30T06:15:22Z")
Isn’t souvlaki (quite common in Saskatchewan) just meat and vegetables cooked on a stick? That’s what I’ve called it whenever I’ve eaten it… ---
**Author:** ![sturmhauke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@sturmhauke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sturmhauke)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2002, 6:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clueless-cows-at-fast-food-places/145529/26 "2002-12-30T06:42:49Z")
Kat: It’s called a joke, although admittedly not a very good one. ---
**Author:** ![Cessandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/59ef9b/32.png) [@Cessandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cessandra)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2002, 6:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clueless-cows-at-fast-food-places/145529/27 "2002-12-30T06:46:58Z")
Wouldn’t be so sure, sturnmhauke, considering the source… ---
**Author:** ![Audrey\_Levins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Audrey\_Levins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Audrey_Levins)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2002, 7:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clueless-cows-at-fast-food-places/145529/28 "2002-12-30T07:45:26Z")
What about when McD’s _won’t_ put something on there that you want? I’ll never forget when I was in The Hague (tagging along with my dad on a business trip at age 14) and we went by McD’s…I know, I know, what the hell were we doing eating at McD’s instead of some rich local cuisine… We were in a hurry. Anyway, I ordered their McFish, or whatever it’s called…that fish sandwich they have…and I asked for cheese on it. The girl just looked at me. “It doesn’t come with cheese.” “Can you just put some on there, though?” “It doesn’t come with cheese. We don’t put cheese on that.” “But if I want cheese, can’t you just…throw a slice on there for me?” “We don’t put cheese on the fish sandwich.” The crazy bitch REFUSED to put cheese on my fish sandwich. I don’t know what her problem was, but I ended up eating my fish sandwich sans cheese. Ten years later, and I’m still bitter. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![amarinth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3be4f8/32.png) [@amarinth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amarinth)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2002, 7:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clueless-cows-at-fast-food-places/145529/29 "2002-12-30T07:48:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Chimera \* > \*\*3. Three years ago. Driving through the coastal mountains of southern Oregon. Pull into McDonalds, it being the only place around (that I saw). Expensive Cadillac pulls in next to me, older (60’s) well (over) dressed woman in it. She gets into line ahead of me. At the register, she is bewildered. Has obviously NEVER been in a McDonalds in her life. She asks what is in a Quarter Pounder with Cheese. Though most faces around her did not show it, the _mirth_ shot through us all like a wave. The Manager’s deadpan answer was priceless. “It’s a big cheeseburger. Meat, Cheese and a Bun”. _She didn’t get it_. \*\* Actually, a quarter pounder with cheese also comes with onions, pickles, mustard, and ketchup. If you don’t like certain standard condiments, you learn to ask before ordering so you can have them not put on your burger. ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2002, 8:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clueless-cows-at-fast-food-places/145529/30 "2002-12-30T08:00:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by GuanoLad \* > There’s something widely available in Melbourne (and other parts of Australia I suppose) that is widespread, called Souvlaki, which is (I think) of Greek origins. I haven’t a clue what it is, or what’s in it. I had never heard of it before coming over to Australia. Souvlaki’s awesome. I live in a neighborhood populated by Greek immigrants so all manner of souvlaki can be acquired on any street corner. Even the ATMs here speak Greek. Mmmmmm…souvlaki. ---
**Author:** ![Flutterby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Flutterby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flutterby)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2002, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clueless-cows-at-fast-food-places/145529/31 "2002-12-30T13:41:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by GuanoLad \* > There’s something widely available in Melbourne (and other parts of Australia I suppose) that is widespread, called Souvlaki, which is (I think) of Greek origins. I haven’t a clue what it is, or what’s in it. I had never heard of it before coming over to Australia. I used to work for a little Greek place that served souvlaki and donairs and such. Their souvlaki was chicken on a skewer that was grilled and sprinkled with seasonings (Don’t know what ones sorry) and served either with garlic toast or rolled up in a pita with onion, tomato, lettuce and tzatsiki sauce. mmm I’m drooling just thinking of it. Maybe since I have to be that way later today anyway I’ll go get myself one 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Flutterby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Flutterby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flutterby)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2002, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clueless-cows-at-fast-food-places/145529/32 "2002-12-30T13:42:56Z")
Oh and I forgot to add that the skewer is removed if you get it in a pita. Don’t need to eat the skewer! ---
**Author:** ![Indygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Indygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indygrrl)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2002, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clueless-cows-at-fast-food-places/145529/33 "2002-12-30T15:39:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Audrey Levins \* > \*\* > The crazy bitch REFUSED to put cheese on my fish sandwich. I don’t know what her problem was, but I ended up eating my fish sandwich sans cheese. > \*\* Are you sure it was McDonald’s? I think they’ve always put cheese on the filet of fish sandwich. I just had one yesterday and it had cheese on it. ---
**Author:** ![slortar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@slortar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slortar)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2002, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clueless-cows-at-fast-food-places/145529/34 "2002-12-30T15:48:06Z")
And I thought this was going to be a rant about wandering livestock. Poor little fellas escape the farm and wind up at Burger King… ---
**Author:** ![Swampwolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8edcca/32.png) [@Swampwolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swampwolf)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2002, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clueless-cows-at-fast-food-places/145529/35 "2002-12-30T15:53:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Green Bean \* > \*\* I said “What’s special sauce?” The worker started to tell me, when the manager shushed her and said “Shhh! It’s SECRET!” \*\* This may get the McIlluminati after me but… It’s Thousand Island Dressing. “special” sauce, my ass. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Indygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Indygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indygrrl)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2002, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clueless-cows-at-fast-food-places/145529/36 "2002-12-30T16:10:16Z")
Maybe this is a stupid question, but what’s the dealio with these spoiler boxes? Can you click on it to see what it says? I’m new here. ---
**Author:** ![Swampwolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8edcca/32.png) [@Swampwolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swampwolf)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2002, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clueless-cows-at-fast-food-places/145529/37 "2002-12-30T16:19:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Indygrrl \* > \*\*Maybe this is a stupid question, but what’s the dealio with these spoiler boxes? Can you click on it to see what it says? I’m new here. \*\* Yup. Click & drag over the spoiler box to highlight what’s in it. (and welcome to the boards!) ---
**Author:** ![Lucki\_Chaarms](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9de0a6/32.png) [@Lucki\_Chaarms](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucki_Chaarms)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2002, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clueless-cows-at-fast-food-places/145529/38 "2002-12-30T17:07:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Obsidian Flutterby \* > \*\*I used to work for a little Greek place that served souvlaki and donairs and such. Their souvlaki was chicken on a skewer that was grilled and sprinkled with seasonings (Don’t know what ones sorry) and served either with garlic toast or rolled up in a pita with onion, tomato, lettuce and tzatsiki sauce. > > mmm I’m drooling just thinking of it. Maybe since I have to be that way later today anyway I’ll go get myself one 😛 \*\* Ohhh I hate you. I used to go to a boarding school near Toronto, where there was a great little restaurant owned by an old Greek couple. They loved us little boys and we loved to go eat there. Tzatsiki is the condiment of the GODS!!! It is good on everything!! I haven’t had any good Greek food since coming back to Texas. LC ---
**Author:** ![unclviny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e274bd/32.png) [@unclviny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/unclviny)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2002, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clueless-cows-at-fast-food-places/145529/39 "2002-12-30T17:14:51Z")
In houston it’s Nico Nico’s (Montrose & Westhiemer) or the Phonecia Deli (my favorite, westhiemer between kirkwood & dairy ashford, and buy a bag of biscotti ameretti while you are there). unclviny ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2002, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clueless-cows-at-fast-food-places/145529/40 "2002-12-30T17:29:10Z")
Ok, some clarifications and points; If you don’t know what is in the food, DO NOT go through the Drive Through. Walk in and ask, see, check! Yes, I know about health and allergy issues. All the more reason to walk in, so that you can check the food before you drive off. The old rich woman didn’t get what a hamburger was. Possibly she had never actually seen one up close. She certainly looked VERY uncomfortable even being in such a low class establishment, surrounded by the wretched masses. I imagined her going home and going into a near faint crying about how she had to stop at such a place and eat that horrible food! For the record, I seldom eat anything at McD other than the breakfast bagel things. OTOH; I pick them by preference as a place to stop and use the restroom, because they’re usually cleaner than the other restaraunts, though not by much. And having had to display a firearm to prevent myself from being mugged at 6am in a wayside rest, I would rather stop somewhere where there are old people getting coffee at those hours. Audrey - The bitch wouldn’t give you a slice of cheese on your sandwich? _piffle_ What a jerk. Next time try ordering a slice of cheese on the side, or pointing to the “extras” menu. Or simply scream at the top of your lungs in the most demonic voice you can summon… **Give me a Fucking Slice of CHEESE!!!** [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clueless-cows-at-fast-food-places/145529.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clueless-cows-at-fast-food-places/145529.md?page=3)