# Clueless headlines - a sort of game **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 10, 2000, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clueless-headlines-a-sort-of-game/28841 "2000-08-10T15:07:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Milossarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Milossarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Milossarian)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2000, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clueless-headlines-a-sort-of-game/28841/1 "2000-08-10T15:07:24Z")
One of our local newspapers (one I used to work for, actually) is notorious for not grasping what the real story is, for ass-kissing the powers that be and for avoiding delving into negativity at all costs. This has led to a sort of game between myself and some friends/former co-workers, where we take great events in history and speculate as to what this paper’s clueless, anti-controversial headline might be. \*\*“After Delay, Titanic Passengers Arrive in New York” “California, Here I Come!: Nixon Reflects on Five-Plus Positive Years in Office”\*\* With all of your similarly warped imaginations, I figured you might be able to have some fun with this. ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2000, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clueless-headlines-a-sort-of-game/28841/2 "2000-08-10T15:29:32Z")
**FORD HALT PRODUCTION OF “EDSEL” MODEL TO PRESERVE EXCLUSIVENESS** Like that? ---
**Author:** ![Milossarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Milossarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Milossarian)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2000, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clueless-headlines-a-sort-of-game/28841/3 "2000-08-10T15:39:22Z")
(1945 headline) **"Unprecendented new housing construction predicted for Hiroshima, Nagasaki"** ---
**Author:** ![Bottle\_of\_Smoke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Bottle\_of\_Smoke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bottle_of_Smoke)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2000, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clueless-headlines-a-sort-of-game/28841/4 "2000-08-10T15:39:57Z")
**"O.J. Looking Forward to Improving Golf Game"** ---
**Author:** ![meek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ce73a5/32.png) [@meek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/meek)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2000, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clueless-headlines-a-sort-of-game/28841/5 "2000-08-10T16:03:35Z")
Space Shuttle Challenger Malfunctions. L.A. Protests Rodney King Verdict. Stock Market Dips (for the big crash in the 30’s) ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2000, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clueless-headlines-a-sort-of-game/28841/6 "2000-08-10T16:07:02Z")
Not entirely, Smug. I’d say: 1986: **RAPID DECLINE IN FEMALE ASTRONAUTS** …might be a contender. Harsh, I know, but just trying to illustrate the difference. ---
**Author:** ![Asmodeus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8dc957/32.png) [@Asmodeus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asmodeus)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2000, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clueless-headlines-a-sort-of-game/28841/7 "2000-08-10T16:09:29Z")
I am not a crook. Bill Gates…circa 2000 ---
**Author:** ![Bear\_Nenno](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bear_nenno/32/3358_2.png) [@Bear\_Nenno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bear_Nenno)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2000, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clueless-headlines-a-sort-of-game/28841/8 "2000-08-10T16:13:44Z")
**After Delay, Titanic Passengers Arrive in New York** Wasn’t this a REAL headline?? I am pretty sure there was a newspaper that screwed up and posted a headline like this back then. Anyone know which newspaper it was? ---
**Author:** ![Zakalwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zakalwe/32/270_2.png) [@Zakalwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zakalwe)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2000, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clueless-headlines-a-sort-of-game/28841/9 "2000-08-10T16:15:26Z")
**Kennedy’s visit cut short** ---
**Author:** ![Sealemon88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c68b51/32.png) [@Sealemon88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sealemon88)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2000, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clueless-headlines-a-sort-of-game/28841/10 "2000-08-10T16:19:44Z")
Speaking of harsh: How about **Spontanious House Cleanings Coincide With Thousands Of Job Openings In Bangladesh** to describe flood of '98? ---
**Author:** ![Sealemon88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c68b51/32.png) [@Sealemon88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sealemon88)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2000, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clueless-headlines-a-sort-of-game/28841/11 "2000-08-10T16:23:33Z")
**Hindinburg Throws Its Own Fireworks Display** ---
**Author:** ![JoeyHemlock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7ba0ec/32.png) [@JoeyHemlock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JoeyHemlock)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2000, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clueless-headlines-a-sort-of-game/28841/12 "2000-08-10T16:31:11Z")
**President Clinton Promises to Tackle the Sexual Harrassment Issue.** ---
**Author:** ![labradorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3ec8ea/32.png) [@labradorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/labradorian)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2000, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clueless-headlines-a-sort-of-game/28841/13 "2000-08-10T17:19:42Z")
1917: **Shipping excitement draws thousands to Halifax watefront** 1967: **De Gaulle gives rousing speech** 1976: **Olympic spending buoys economy** 1993: **Tory caucus achieves gender parity** 1994: **Lucien Bouchard shares rapid weight-loss secret** 1997: **Boating never better on southern Manitoba lake** ---
**Author:** ![Milossarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Milossarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Milossarian)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2000, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clueless-headlines-a-sort-of-game/28841/14 "2000-08-10T17:46:30Z")
**"Amelia Earhart gives best effort yet by a woman flying solo around the world"** **"Stars Giving Back: Hugh Grant, Charlie Sheen cross ethnic, economic barriers to assist young female entertainment entrepreneurs in Hollywood"** ---
**Author:** ![teela\_brown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d9b06d/32.png) [@teela\_brown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teela_brown)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2000, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clueless-headlines-a-sort-of-game/28841/15 "2000-08-10T18:01:59Z")
Wow, these can get harsh. “GERMAN TOURISTS EXTEND STAY IN PARIS” “GEORGE BUSH MAKES BIG SPLASH AT DINNER WITH JAPANESE PRIME MINISTER” “PRESIDENT FORD MAKES CONTACT WITH FOREIGN BODIES” “TED KACZYNSKI CONTINUES TO ENJOY ISOLATION FROM TECHNOLOGY” “CRIMINALS IN PRISON DISAPPOINTED THAT O.J. ISN’T TO JOIN THEM. ‘WELL, WE WANTED A TIGHT END, ANYWAY,’ SAYS INMATE”