# Co-Dependency vs. Enabling **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [January 10, 2010, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-dependency-vs-enabling/524420 "2010-01-10T19:59:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 6\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Hazle\_Weatherfield](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Hazle\_Weatherfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hazle_Weatherfield)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2010, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-dependency-vs-enabling/524420/1 "2010-01-10T19:59:08Z")
Not even sure exactly what the first one is and also wondering what the difference is. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2010, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-dependency-vs-enabling/524420/2 "2010-01-10T20:42:58Z")
An example of codependency is when you wake up, look at your significant other, and say “good morning dear, how do I feel today?” That is, your mood and emotions and feeling are tightly linked to how they feel and how they behave. An example of enabling would be having an SO drink too much one night, and be too hung-over to go to work, and you call their boss and tell him the SO won’t be in because of a case of the flu, or similar. Basically it’s enabling the person to avoid suffering the consequences of their own behavior. ---
**Author:** ![Nametag](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nametag/32/406_2.png) [@Nametag](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nametag)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2010, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-dependency-vs-enabling/524420/3 "2010-01-10T21:30:34Z")
Qadgop, that is 100% wrong. Codependency is not some ill-defined subset of dependence. Codependency describes a pattern of behaviors within a dysfunctional relationship, most commonly with an alcohol or drug abuser. (Get it? dependent --\> codependent) In general, a codependent perpetuates the addiction or pathological condition of someone close to them in a way that hampers recovery. This can be done through direct control over the dependent, by making excuses for their dysfunctional behavior, or by blunting negative consequences. These actions are described as enabling, but codependency is the psychological condition that motivates those actions. One common shorthand is to say that the codependent is addicted to the addict. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2010, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-dependency-vs-enabling/524420/4 "2010-01-11T00:00:28Z")
Sorry, I reject that assertion (that I’m 100% wrong). Codependency is complex, but one of the hallmarks of it is that codependents have difficulty identifying what they are feeling, they minimize, alter or deny how they truly feel, and they perceive themselves as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well being of others. Codependency is not defined on how it impacts the alcoholic/addict, but how it affects the codependent. And I’ve limited internet connectivity so I will stop here. ---
**Author:** ![Zoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a4c791/32.png) [@Zoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoe)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2010, 7:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-dependency-vs-enabling/524420/5 "2010-01-11T07:22:14Z")
[Wikipedia](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Codependency#Symptoms) has a list of characteristics that was provided by Co-Dependents Anonymous. My understanding is that the term _co-dependent_ originally referred to those in relationships with addicts, but now designates a much larger group. I read the book **Co-dependent No More** and found it very, very eye-opening. Just now in reading over the list at Wiki, I realize that I have developed _different_ codependent behaviors from the ones that I had ten or twelve years ago. ---
**Author:** ![Harriet\_the\_Spry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e56c9b/32.png) [@Harriet\_the\_Spry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harriet_the_Spry)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2010, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-dependency-vs-enabling/524420/6 "2010-01-11T15:37:21Z")
Am I the only one who finds it hilarious that the Wikipedia page on co-dependency has a big banner at the top that starts “This article or section has multiple issues”?