# Co-Worker accused me of being racist...was he right? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 2, 2021, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703 "2021-11-02T23:24:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 14
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2021, 8:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703/261 "2021-11-05T08:33:28Z")
> [@Novelty\_Bobble](#): > > If the outcomes of being accused of _saying_ something racist (even inadvertently) or _behaving_ in a racist way (even inadvertently or temporarily) is the same as an accusation of _being_ a racist And why would you think that’s true? The first gets you an uncomfortable moment in a meeting. The second could get you fired. And i assure you that a modern HR department knows the difference between the two. ---
**Author:** ![Novelty\_Bobble](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Novelty\_Bobble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Novelty_Bobble)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2021, 8:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703/262 "2021-11-05T08:39:48Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > And why would you think that’s true? The first gets you an uncomfortable moment in a meeting. The second could get you fired. And i assure you that a modern HR department knows the difference between the two. You have far more confidence in HR’s ability to distinguish, police and act accordingly in those situations than I do. I can assure you that HR decisions can be made on criteria that do not depend purely on the observeable facts. And in any case not all outcomes are purely HR based or even work-based. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2021, 12:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703/263 "2021-11-05T12:04:00Z")
I doubt HR was even told about the op’s story. Because the people involved, including the person who complained that he didn’t like being singled out on account of his race, recognized that it was a racist comment, and not a RACIST that he was dealing with. But yes, i am confident that hr wouldn’t try to fire an employee for a one-off comment of that sort. Even if it got to hr, that’s the kind of thing realtly with by pointing the employee to some training materials, or maybe a stern talking-to. (And this is a work place incident, and that’s important to the context.) ---
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2021, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703/264 "2021-11-05T13:12:11Z")
> [@Novelty\_Bobble](#): > > You have far more confidence in HR’s ability to distinguish, police and act accordingly in those situations than I do. I can assure you that HR decisions can be made on criteria that do not depend purely on the observeable facts. > > And in any case not all outcomes are purely HR based or even work-based. If you don’t trust HR to adjudicate cases fairly, then you should endeavor to avoid popping up on their radar. Two tips: - Be careful to avoid making statements that could be interpreted by the listener as racist. - If you do happen to make a statement that the listener interprets as racist, apologize for causing offense instead of steadfastly denying that the listener had any reason to take offense. These should actually be personal policies even if you _do_ trust HR. Smoothing the waters should be your goal, and being apologetic instead of defensive goes a long way toward this. ---
**Author:** ![Great\_Antibob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47c2d/32.png) [@Great\_Antibob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Great_Antibob)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2021, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703/265 "2021-11-05T13:29:34Z")
If your impulse when a co-worker is upset is to try to get defensive, explain why they are technically wrong, and dismiss the idea of involving HR, then you need to take a long, hard look in a mirror. Forget racism, that’s true of anything. They might be upset that you have a tuna sandwich in the break room fridge and the same point stands. This is a fundamental tenet of human interaction. A strong impulse to dismiss the idea of taking any personal responsibility because one did not mean offense is not only immature but damaging to basic human interaction norms that underpin our society. ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2021, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703/266 "2021-11-05T14:24:38Z")
Yeah, asking something like “Hey- we’re experiencing a problem with the domain name and Indian people getting mixed up with it, and I’m hoping you may have some insight into why that is- maybe it’s a language thing, or a cultural thing, and I’m at a loss for what that might be. Would you mind taking a look?” Not very different than what you actually said, but you’re appealing to him for aid due to his greater knowledge and experience, not putting him on the spot to answer for all Indians because he’s from there and wears a turban. ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2021, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703/267 "2021-11-05T14:27:21Z")
> [@k9bfriender](#): > > I mean, that’s pretty much the definition of racism, so no. If I find myself making any such assumption, then I question where it would come from, and try to do better in the future. > > What other assumptions do you make about people based on their appearances, I wonder? When people do not fit the stereotype that you have assumed for them, do you get offended with them? Lots of stuff. Accents are a big cue (if that counts as “appearance”). But I never say oh he’s 100% country boy. I’m more like he could possibly be a country boy. Further info needed. And I am never offended if I make a wrong guess, why would I be? (That sounds like you making incorrect assumptions about me because I never mentioned being offended in such a way. Your hypocrisy is manifest!) But, then again, I am also hardly ever wrong because I don’t make hard and fast determinations. How can you be wrong if your assumption is “he might be…”? ---
**Author:** ![Novelty\_Bobble](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Novelty\_Bobble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Novelty_Bobble)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2021, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703/268 "2021-11-05T14:31:08Z")
> [@Machine\_Elf](#): > > These should actually be personal policies even if you _do_ trust HR. Smoothing the waters should be your goal, and being apologetic instead of defensive goes a long way toward this. There is a time an a place for that but I disagree that automatically accepting you are in the wrong when anyone is offended is the best thing to do. ---
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/779978/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats2)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2021, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703/269 "2021-11-05T14:32:28Z")
> [@Great\_Antibob](#): > > If your impulse when a co-worker is upset is to try to get defensive, explain why they are technically wrong, and dismiss the idea of involving HR, then you need to take a long, hard look in a mirror. > > Forget racism, that’s true of anything. They might be upset that you have a tuna sandwich in the break room fridge and the same point stands. > > This is a fundamental tenet of human interaction. A strong impulse to dismiss the idea of taking any personal responsibility because one did not mean offense is not only immature but damaging to basic human interaction norms that underpin our society. On the other hand, it is equally immature and damaging to go looking for reasons to be offended where no malice is intended. Those with lofty goals of calling out micro-aggressions in order to make society a better place need to remember that racism is a dangerous charge to toss around. Probably the only worse thing you can accuse someone of is pedophilia. People can lose their jobs over a thoughtless remark. ---
**Author:** ![Novelty\_Bobble](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Novelty\_Bobble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Novelty_Bobble)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2021, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703/270 "2021-11-05T14:34:25Z")
> [@Great\_Antibob](#): > > If your impulse when a co-worker is upset is to try to get defensive, explain why they are technically wrong, and dismiss the idea of involving HR, then you need to take a long, hard look in a mirror. Really? what if they are wrong? technically or otherwise? > [@Great\_Antibob](#): > > A strong impulse to dismiss the idea of taking any personal responsibility because one did not mean offense is not only immature but damaging to basic human interaction norms that underpin our society. I’d suggest an equally immature reaction is to expect that the offense you feel personally requires some act of personal responsibility on the part of another person. ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2021, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703/271 "2021-11-05T14:38:49Z")
I understand the forever foreign issue as well as anyone else. Any 25 year old would look at me and see me as a foreigner, but I have been living in their country longer than they have. This issue isn’t about that. The OP didn’t mark him as foreign, just as possibly having access to more specialized information that he himself might have. I don’t see a problem. If this stuff makes you cry, come live my life, you will curl up into a ball and die. ---
**Author:** ![Mighty\_Mouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mighty_mouse/32/7776_2.png) [@Mighty\_Mouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mighty_Mouse)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2021, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703/272 "2021-11-05T14:44:25Z")
Ah the old “Japanese people are so racist, Black Americans have no idea how good they have it” trope” ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2021, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703/273 "2021-11-05T14:47:19Z")
Is that a trope? Didn’t know that. I have never lived as a black American. I can’t speak to that. Did I ever say something about that? I don’t think so. ---
**Author:** ![Mighty\_Mouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mighty_mouse/32/7776_2.png) [@Mighty\_Mouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mighty_Mouse)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2021, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703/274 "2021-11-05T14:49:14Z")
Your entire contribution to this thread seems to be “Suck it up, buttercup, it could be so much worse” ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2021, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703/275 "2021-11-05T14:50:34Z")
Maybe half of what I said. But I never mentioned anything about Black Americans so stop putting words in my mouth please. ---
**Author:** ![Mighty\_Mouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mighty_mouse/32/7776_2.png) [@Mighty\_Mouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mighty_Mouse)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2021, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703/276 "2021-11-05T14:52:22Z")
It doesn’t matter what the races are. The idea that worse racism in one part of the world invalidates complaints in another part of the world is beyond stupid. It’s disingenuous. ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2021, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703/277 "2021-11-05T14:55:18Z")
There is truth in that. My arguments show my frustration coming through. But I also feel you are going too far in castigating the OP. I should try to keep my personal situation out of it. OK I get that. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2021, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703/278 "2021-11-05T15:17:22Z")
Yeah, what you said is definitely along the lines of how I might approach it today. I like the idea of just throwing it out to the office in general – that seems to be the best approach of all, as it’s unclear to me whether this issue specifically has to do with some aspect of Indian culture or whatnot anyway, and it seems like such a specialized question that would probably require knowledge of Indian websites with similar names that anyone could suss out with enough research. The answer is probably something like there is either an Indian website with a very similar URL, or somehow web searches for “post office” in India are ending up with the OP’s domain as the first hit or something. Either of which would be rather esoteric knowledge for a person of a certain ethnic extraction to know. Oh, wait, another possibility – look up the referrers. You should be able to pull up log information on how people are reaching your domain. If they googled you, it will show that. Perhaps a website in India has mistakenly put your URL on it and left off a “.in” at the end or something. Does your URL with a “.in” appended to it lead to anywhere resembling a post office website? ---
**Author:** ![Great\_Antibob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47c2d/32.png) [@Great\_Antibob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Great_Antibob)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2021, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703/279 "2021-11-05T15:21:17Z")
> [@Two\_Many\_Cats2](#): > > On the other hand, it is equally immature and damaging to go looking for reasons to be offended where no malice is intended. So what? “He did it first” is the response I’d expect of a 5 year old. Not a professional colleague in a business setting. People complain about snowflakes? A co-worker getting in a huff over not intending offense matches that description at a minimum. They need to grow up. At a minimum, regardless of whether or not the act was racist or the person was racist, it was certainly unprofessional. ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2021, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703/280 "2021-11-05T16:19:28Z")
> [@Novelty\_Bobble](#): > > > [@thorny\_locust](#): > > > > Do you mean that it’s reasonable to think there’s some possibility they have knowledge, but unreasonable to feel at all certain that they do? > > There you go, you do understand. That is what I said and It is clearly what I said in the quotation of mine that you used. > > > [@thorny\_locust](#): > > > > If that is what you mean, or I suppose even if it isn’t, do you also mean that you think it’s unreasonable to call them an expert? Which the OP said that they did. > > Yes it would unreasonable to assume that such a person would be an expert. I already said that very clearly… > [@Novelty\_Bobble](#): > > > [@thorny\_locust](#): > > > > And do you mean that you think it’s unreasonable to think that there’s some possibility that someone who doesn’t seem to you to have Indian background might know something about the subject? > > Of course not. Nothing I have said has even touched on that side of the equation. So you’re in agreement with me that the OP shouldn’t have asked the question solely of the person of Indian descent but should instead have asked the whole group; and in addition should not have made the problem worse by calling the person of Indian descent the company’s expert on India? > [@Novelty\_Bobble](#): > > This is all true, but If the outcomes of being accused of _saying_ something racist (even inadvertently) or _behaving_ in a racist way (even inadvertently or temporarily) is the same as an accusation of _being_ a racist then it becomes a distinction without a practical difference. That’s a very large if there. We have no indication whatsoever that that was the case in this particular instance, or that it’s the case in the vast majority of instances in which somebody clueless accidentally says something racist, is called upon it, apologizes, and doesn’t make a point of repeating the behavior. If the outcome of my going out on the public roads is to be killed or seriously injured by someone driving at high speeds, possibly in the wrong direction, then I should be extremely defensive about going out on the public roads, probably to the point of staying home. Is that something that could possibly happen? Sure it is; there are two such cases right now in my relatively-local news. Is it something that’s sufficiently likely to happen that I need to do anything about it beyond putting on my seatbelt and being reasonably careful that I’m driving sensibly myself? No, it isn’t. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703.md?page=13) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703.md?page=15)