# Co-Worker accused me of being racist...was he right? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 2, 2021, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703 "2021-11-02T23:24:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 18
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2021, 12:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703/342 "2021-11-07T12:32:01Z")
> [@Novelty\_Bobble](#): > > The person made a reasonable assumption of my ability based on my looks alone. They were wrong but it was entirely benign and unremarkable. Benign assumptions that are race based have a tendency to be repeated ad nauseam. It isn’t that one time I vividly remember from my past, it’s a buzzing drone of explanation and redirection, or just ignoring the mistake because you’re tired of explaining. ---
**Author:** ![Novelty\_Bobble](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Novelty\_Bobble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Novelty_Bobble)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2021, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703/343 "2021-11-07T12:53:46Z")
> [@Cheesesteak](#): > > Benign assumptions that are race based have a tendency to be repeated ad nauseam. It isn’t that one time I vividly remember from my past, it’s a buzzing drone of explanation and redirection, or just ignoring the mistake because you’re tired of explaining. Sure, I have no doubt that that happens and it is very annoying. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2021, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703/344 "2021-11-07T14:25:48Z")
> [@edwin\_klockars](#): > > Thanks. This is accurate. Also, the number of responses here is also just overwhelming. Thanks for clarifying. And thanks for investigating the interaction. > [@Miller](#): > > Do you see that sort of social revulsion and public shaming happening in this thread? Do you think the OP is being treated worse for talking about how he said something kind of racist, then he would if he came in here and admitted to cleaning out his company’s pension fund? Of course not. I think that what he said was racist, but i think the OP is a mature adult trying to do the right thing, based on his attempting to understand the situation, and why his coworker took offense. As I’ve said above, i think we all have racist impulses, and have to step out of our perspective and look at things from other’s perspective to avoid carelessly engaging in small racist actions like the OP’s. Also > [@Larry\_Borgia](#): > > This is preposterous. If I say “Here’s a social interaction I might have handled badly. What do you think?” and I get 300 responses, do you think that means people consider me worse than a thief? No one is calling the OP a terrible person. No one thinks he is worse than a thief. No one even thinks he’s a racist. They are just saying he could re-think things a bit and that his co-worker had a point. Most of the 300 replies are people arguing among themselves. And finally, I’m old enough and have a large enough vocabulary that i used to use “niggardly”, because it sounds sort of cool and is more fun to say than “cheap”. But I’ve stopped. There are plenty of other words that mean that same thing and that won’t lead people to think i might be secretly trying to say a much worse word. But from that, I’m very familiar with the word, and how it can be used innocently. > [@Kent\_Clark](#): > > A substance-abuse client filed a complaint saying a counsellor called him “niggardly dumb” That’s not close to an innocent use of the word. It doesn’t even makes sense in that sentence. My first reaction to that sentence was “huh?” because it doesn’t parse. Without context, my second reaction would be to wonder why he used that word. And my third would be to conclude that his intention was to cuddle up close that word i don’t want to say. ---
**Author:** ![chela](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chela/32/21582_2.png) [@chela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chela)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2021, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703/345 "2021-11-07T15:12:30Z")
> [@edwin\_klockars](#): > > During a zoom call with a colleague (who is of Indian heritage, his parents are both Indian, he has a very Indian name, he wears a turban etc) I said “Hey _colleague name_ , do you have any suggestions what we can do to help people from Indian not get our site confused with the Indian Post Office”? To which he repleid “why are you asking me?” And I replied “Well, you our kind of our resident Indian expert in the company” (as he is the only person with Indian heritage in the company). > > He then said “I think what you just said was racist”. > > And I apologized but remained confused and did not press the issue. I would consider racism to be a statement with a negative connotation that is said with malice or distain towards another group. But my statement contained no such malice, I was just asking for his advice because I naturally assumed he would know a lot more about Indian culture and thinking than anyone else in the company. I think your misstep here was naturally assuming based on his heritage that he was an expert on Indian culture. If he was the guy who you knew while at work often mentioned stuff about India, it’s people, history or culture, or times he visited his family or hosted guests from back home, one might then naturally assume he has some native insights. As it were you singled him out for no other reason than his obvious heritage. A social blunder nothing more imo. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2021, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703/346 "2021-11-07T16:10:14Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > There are plenty of other words that mean that same thing and that won’t lead people to think i might be secretly trying to say a much worse word. “Stingy” is perhaps the most common one in my neck of the woods. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2021, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703/347 "2021-11-07T16:27:10Z")
> [@Mighty\_Mouse](#): > > Good luck trying to bait people into drawing a warning from stating the obvious in IMHO. You’re all getting close enough. This thread is not about accusing one another of anything, it’s about the narrative in the OP and a general discussion of racist behavior. Do not make this personal here, towards anyone. This note goes out to everyone. RickJay Moderator ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2021, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703/348 "2021-11-07T19:41:50Z")
When I skimmed the thread last night I thought you were talking about David Howard. I agree that that was an over-reaction to an innocent vocabulary quirk. He should just have gotten a talking to. While he did land on his feet, I suppose it could be looked at as some people seeing racism where none existed. I have no idea what to make of the Broward county incident. I can’t make any sense of “niggardly dumb.” The guy sounds unprofessional at the very least. I’m guessing there is more to the story. I;m really looking for an instance where someone was just called a racist out of the blue, with nothing instigating it. Even in the Howard case–and I agree there was a ridiculous and unfair reaction–he did say niggardly, which does sound a lot like the n word. But the Howard case is pretty close. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2021, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703/349 "2021-11-07T23:21:45Z")
> [@Jaguars](#): > > All the people that explained their lived experience of low level racism and kept their patience, especially Acsenray. You’re a lot more polite than I would manage. I have been hoping that I have managed to remain polite. My anger has come close to boiling over a couple of times. I will say that I bear no grudge or anger against the OP. I hope this whole thing has amounted to an opportunity to learn what it feels like to be on the other side. It is clear that some people have not taken advantage of such an opportunity. ---
**Author:** ![Ranch\_Dip](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranch_dip/32/5238_2.png) [@Ranch\_Dip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranch_Dip)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2021, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703/350 "2021-11-08T18:29:18Z")
> [@Isamu](#): > > Wrong in fact and wrong in definition offered. You’re doing great. Better than you. You were objecting to them putting words in your mouth that you didn’t say/write. When they were in fact using different words to try to illustrate the point. The fact that you didn’t get it is a you problem. We can explain it to you, we can’t understand it for you, and frankly I didn’t have the crayons for it. That’s sarcasm, just so you don’t have to look it up. ---
**Author:** ![Aspenglow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aspenglow/32/76_2.png) [@Aspenglow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aspenglow)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2021, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703/351 "2021-11-08T19:37:47Z")
Moderating: > [@Ranch\_Dip](#): > > Better than you. You were objecting to them putting words in your mouth that you didn’t say/write. When they were in fact using different words to try to illustrate the point. The fact that you didn’t get it is a you problem. We can explain it to you, we can’t understand it for you, and frankly I didn’t have the crayons for it. That’s sarcasm, just so you don’t have to look it up. Way too personal and insulting for IMHO. Mod note this time. Please don’t do this again. ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2021, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703/352 "2021-11-09T12:46:46Z")
> [@Aspenglow](#): > > Moderating: > > > [@Ranch\_Dip](#): > > > > Better than you. You were objecting to them putting words in your mouth that you didn’t say/write. When they were in fact using different words to try to illustrate the point. The fact that you didn’t get it is a you problem. We can explain it to you, we can’t understand it for you, and frankly I didn’t have the crayons for it. That’s sarcasm, just so you don’t have to look it up. > > Way too personal and insulting for IMHO. Mod note this time. Please don’t do this again. Just for the record, I wasn’t insulted. I love it. ---
**Author:** ![garygnu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garygnu/32/2924_2.png) [@garygnu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/garygnu)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2021, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703/353 "2021-11-09T19:41:12Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > The correct attitude I’m should be “I try not to be racist” and that goes hand in hand with listening to people when they say things like in the OP and not taking that opportunity to quibble about the definition of racism. This is exactly my approach. I try not to be racist. I assume there are ways that I am racist in ways I’m unaware of. I try to learn ahead of time, but you never know. My best friend is black. (No, that alone doesn’t make me non-racist, duh.) In the five years we’ve known each other he has certainly widened my awareness of how this shit manifests in everyday life. It’s not like I didn’t believe the stories before. His personal accounts of being detained for matching a description or having epithets yelled at him in public make me want to try harder. It’s maddening that we’re not nearly as far along as I thought, and that I was naïve about it. The OP example sounds like an obvious case of prejudice based on outward appearance of race/ethnicity/national origin/what have you. Whether the assumption was likely accurate or even true is immaterial to the racism aspect. ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2021, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703/354 "2021-11-10T14:02:45Z")
I try not to be racist and I engage with people who feel aggrieved due to racial issues negatively affecting them - I’ve been there too, so I understand it to some extent. But I don’t live in the USA, so maybe that’s part of why I don’t see such a problem here. However, having said that, this thread has made me tip more towards seeing a problem that I never thought existed before. It was a problem that he assumed someone was a resident expert in the ethnicity that they presented themselves as coming from. I see that now, I think. How much of a problem is it? I’m still undecided. Hate to bring up my own situation but let me just quickly say that there is a tactic among Japanese academics to look at western ideas of social improvement that don’t jibe with Japanese social ideals and take them to extremes to make them seem foolish. In that way, it is easy for the Japanese society to dismiss them as rubbish. One example I can give is on the topic of domestic violence. It is tolerated in Japan as a personal relationship issue to a great extent. So some Japanese academics have published papers stating that even a small verbal disagreement with your spouse is “domestic violence”. This neuters the advances in domestic violence prevention because is promotes the very idea as absurd. It is a weakening tactic. So what I am saying is, you can listen to people and try to empathize with them, but at the end of the day, blindly agreeing with what they say has pitfalls too. I wouldn’t do it. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2021, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703/355 "2021-11-11T00:27:12Z")
> [@Isamu](#): > > So what I am saying is, you can listen to people and try to empathize with them, but at the end of the day, blindly agreeing with what they say has pitfalls too. I wouldn’t do it. So what do you say to those of us who tell you that we have spent our lives being “forever” foreign and want people to stop doing it. ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2021, 11:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703/356 "2021-11-11T11:25:30Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > So what do you say to those of us who tell you that we have spent our lives being “forever” foreign and want people to stop doing it You have to do what you think is right, of course. I wish you the best and hope you don’t get too stressed. I know how you feel dude, but if you let it get to you it will eat you up from the inside. You’re commendable for doing your part, but I fear people ain’t gonna change very soon (not around me anyway). I am forever foreign and I just deal with it. That might not work for everyone though. BTW was the OP really “forever foreigner” -ing his coworker, just to think that he might have extra knowledge about a place? I feel that’s reaching. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2021, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703/357 "2021-11-11T14:07:56Z")
> [@Isamu](#): > > BTW was the OP really “forever foreigner” -ing his coworker, just to think that he might have extra knowledge about a place? I feel that’s reaching. Yes. No one asks people of German or Dutch extraction to comment on stuff local to Germany or the Netherlands based on their parents having been born there. Because people of German and Dutch extraction aren’t seen as “foreign”. ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2021, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703/358 "2021-11-11T14:17:44Z")
> [@Isamu](#): > > You’re commendable for doing your part, but I fear people ain’t gonna change very soon They certainly won’t if nobody ever says anything about it. ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2021, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703/359 "2021-11-11T14:36:48Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > Because people of German and Dutch extraction aren’t seen as “foreign”. People ask me all the time about what foreigners think and do. I’m of German extraction. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2021, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703/360 "2021-11-11T14:38:13Z")
They treat you as the resident expert on the German post office? Do you talk a lot about Germany? I’ve never seen anyone called out in that way regarding Germany. ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2021, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703/361 "2021-11-11T14:42:53Z")
No, and I never said they did. Many have said “are you German”? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703.md?page=17) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703.md?page=19)