# Co-Worker accused me of being racist...was he right? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 2, 2021, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703 "2021-11-02T23:24:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2021, 10:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703/161 "2021-11-04T10:49:07Z")
> [@Novelty\_Bobble](#): > > Others seemed to suggest that the person I spoke to was actually offended and that was simply not the case. I don’t think anyone has suggested that–certainly not I. I’ve suggested that you shouldn’t be confident the person _wasn’t_ offended, because people often don’t express their irritation, especially in cases like the one you’ve described. You’ve repeatedly misunderstood that point. ---
**Author:** ![Novelty\_Bobble](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Novelty\_Bobble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Novelty_Bobble)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2021, 10:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703/162 "2021-11-04T10:58:41Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > I don’t think anyone has suggested that–certainly not I. I’ve suggested that you shouldn’t be confident the person _wasn’t_ offended, because people often don’t express their irritation, especially in cases like the one you’ve described. You’ve repeatedly misunderstood that point. I don’t think I have misunderstood. For someone that I don’t know I would be less certain of their level of offence. For someone that I do know (as in this case), I am very certain that they weren’t offended. I don’t know on what basis anyone who wasn’t there, and who doesn’t know this person, could possibly know better than I do. ---
**Author:** ![Ulfreida](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ulfreida/32/8014_2.png) [@Ulfreida](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulfreida)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2021, 11:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703/163 "2021-11-04T11:08:38Z")
> [@Novelty\_Bobble](#): > > I don’t think I have misunderstood. > > For someone that I don’t know I would be less certain of their level of offence. > For someone that I do know (as in this case), I am very certain that they weren’t offended. I don’t know on what basis anyone who wasn’t there, and who doesn’t know this person, could possibly know better than I do. The point you seem to be missing is that making racist assumptions, as in the OP, are rarely worth the chance of NOT offending someone. So, occasionally, someone truly isn’t offended, as opposed to pretending not to be. Doesn’t make it a good practice in general. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2021, 11:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703/164 "2021-11-04T11:49:23Z")
> [@Novelty\_Bobble](#): > > I don’t think I have misunderstood. > [@Novelty\_Bobble](#): > > I don’t know on what basis anyone who wasn’t there, and who doesn’t know this person, could possibly know better than I do. The second quote belies the first. ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2021, 11:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703/165 "2021-11-04T11:55:38Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > what are the odds that treating that one Indian-looking person like a “resident Indian expert” will piss them off? If I were ethnic Indian and no one asked me for any insight that I might have to deal with a problem they were having in India, I might be offended. (Although, this particular question at hand about confusion in the marketplace is a pretty silly one to be taking a cultural tack on, but hey, you never know, and will sometimes be surprised. Don’t go around thinking that you know everything, you’ll learn more that way.) ---
**Author:** ![Novelty\_Bobble](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Novelty\_Bobble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Novelty_Bobble)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2021, 12:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703/166 "2021-11-04T12:05:12Z")
> [@Ulfreida](#): > > The point you seem to be missing is that making racist assumptions, as in the OP, are rarely worth the chance of NOT offending someone. So, occasionally, someone truly isn’t offended, as opposed to pretending not to be. Doesn’t make it a good practice in general. I disagree with such a blanket and presumptive approach. ---
**Author:** ![Novelty\_Bobble](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Novelty\_Bobble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Novelty_Bobble)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2021, 12:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703/167 "2021-11-04T12:06:52Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > The second quote belies the first. Only if you yourself have misunderstood what I initially said and/and responses I received ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2021, 12:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703/168 "2021-11-04T12:44:49Z")
> [@Isamu](#): > > If I were ethnic Indian and no one asked me for any insight that I might have to deal with a problem they were having in India, I might be offended. (Although, this particular question at hand about confusion in the marketplace is a pretty silly one to be taking a cultural tack on, but hey, you never know, and will sometimes be surprised. Don’t go around thinking that you know everything, you’ll learn more that way.) That’s why the suggestion to present the problem to the whole group and allow the “Indian” to volunteer, if e so wishes, is the best one. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2021, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703/169 "2021-11-04T12:50:28Z")
That seems like such an obvious win. If the “Indian” feels he has insight, he can volunteer. If the Irish American guy who lived, for a decade in his youth, in the part of India you are getting hits from feels he has insight, he can volunteer–even though you had no idea he lived in India. If someone who happens to know the name of the company the website is confused with, and has thoughts about how to disambiguate feels she has insights, she’s not shut out of the discussion. No one is singled out, no one is excluded, and it takes slightly less time than asking one person. ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2021, 12:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703/170 "2021-11-04T12:55:32Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > That’s why the suggestion to present the problem to the whole group and allow the “Indian” to volunteer, if e so wishes, is the best one. Yep, its the best one. I agree there. But … I still don’t think what he did was racist. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2021, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703/171 "2021-11-04T13:03:41Z")
> [@Isamu](#): > > But … I still don’t think what he did was racist. Again, quibbling over the definition of “racist” _really_ misses the point in matters like this. But, yes, it was racist. It was making assumptions about a person based on his race–worse, based on _assumptions_ about his race. That’s racism. And the guy he did it to thought it was racist and said so. That’s more important than what you think the definition of “racist” is. ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2021, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703/172 "2021-11-04T13:09:16Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > But, yes, it was racist. It was making assumptions about a person based on his race–worse, based on _assumptions_ about his race. That’s racism. And the guy he did it to thought it was racist and said so. That’s more important than what you think the definition of “racist” is. I make assumptions about people based on their apparent race. And their apparent gender, and their apparent age. People like you push the definition of racism back into a corner where right-thinking people can say, well, you know, I don’t care anymore. you go do you. ---
**Author:** ![k9bfriender](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/k9bfriender/32/3283_2.png) [@k9bfriender](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/k9bfriender)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2021, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703/173 "2021-11-04T13:25:38Z")
> [@Jasmine](#): > > ME: Sereiously?! I think he is an asshole who is looking for a reason to be offended and is using PC as the weapon to do it. You apologized. Now I suggest you avoid future contact with him if possible. If it isn’t, be brief and “PC Impeccable”. Sounds like you would be offended by the response, and would need to get over yourself. ---
**Author:** ![Cardigan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cardigan/32/187_2.png) [@Cardigan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cardigan)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2021, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703/174 "2021-11-04T13:27:30Z")
Whether the co-worker is technically correct in his charge or not is immaterial. Your intent behind your words to him is also irrelevant. The bottom line is he took offense to your question, therefore, you’ve _already_ been branded a racist. ---
**Author:** ![k9bfriender](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/k9bfriender/32/3283_2.png) [@k9bfriender](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/k9bfriender)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2021, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703/175 "2021-11-04T13:28:45Z")
No, it’s about whether he should make assumptions based on a person’s appearance. ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2021, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703/176 "2021-11-04T13:31:21Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > But, yes, it was racist. It was making assumptions about a person based on his race–worse, based on _assumptions_ about his race. That’s racism. And the guy he did it to thought it was racist and said so. That’s more important than what you think the definition of “racist” is. Here is what I want to know about your position. In your perfect world are people prohibited from making assumptions that are based on their prior experiences? (that is basic learning). Or are they just not allowed to talk about it? I’m not clear on that aspect. ---
**Author:** ![Novelty\_Bobble](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Novelty\_Bobble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Novelty_Bobble)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2021, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703/177 "2021-11-04T13:42:21Z")
> [@Cardigan](#): > > Whether the co-worker is technically correct in his charge or not is immaterial. Your intent behind your words to him is also irrelevant. I disagree that any of those are irrelevant. I think those are by far the most relevant factors and at the core of every single social interaction we have. To ignore their relevancy is counterproductive and ultimately poisonous to society. Offence is in the eye of the beholder and should not automatically be assumed to be valid or important nor inherently worthy of using that offence to label others with pretty strong pejoratives. ---
**Author:** ![Novelty\_Bobble](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Novelty\_Bobble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Novelty_Bobble)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2021, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703/178 "2021-11-04T13:43:14Z")
> [@k9bfriender](#): > > No, it’s about whether he should make assumptions based on a person’s appearance. There was more than just _appearance_ in the OP was there not? ---
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2021, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703/179 "2021-11-04T13:45:15Z")
> [@Isamu](#): > > Here is what I want to know about your position. In your perfect world are people prohibited from making assumptions that are based on their prior experiences? (that is basic learning). Or are they just not allowed to talk about it? I’m not clear on that aspect. In choosing how to act, a person ought to put some thought into how other people might feel/react if those assumptions turn out to be wrong. Especially when those assumptions are based on such coarse indicators as wearing certain religious headgear (no expertise in Indian culture necessary) and having a stereotypically “very Indian name” (no expertise in Indian culture necessary here either). > [@Mighty\_Mouse](#): > > Haha! This Thursday is Diwali! Someone in our group Teams chat just asked a guy if he would speak about Diwali at our staff meeting tomorrow. > > His complete response reproduced here word for word: > > “Sorry I don’t celebrate Diwali. I believe its a Hindu festival” > > There’s been a breakout chat where he’s being excoriated for his “rude” response. An example of why this DEI bullshit is so hard. If that’s considered a rude response, I wonder what sort of response your coworkers might have considered to be adequately polite. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2021, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703/180 "2021-11-04T13:47:35Z")
> [@Isamu](#): > > Here is what I want to know about your position. In your perfect world are people prohibited from making assumptions that are based on their prior experiences? (that is basic learning). Or are they just not allowed to talk about it? I’m not clear on that aspect. When you are interacting with an individual, you treat that individual as an individual, not merely as a manifestation of your assumptions. Remember the totality of the circumstances here. This is an American company and he is dealing with an American colleague. _In America_, you treat everyone as an American, not as “forever foreign.” And in this case, he didn’t just _have_ assumptions. He used those assumptions to declare a colleague “our resident expert on India.” That constitutes a fuckton more than just “learning from experience.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703.md?page=8) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-accused-me-of-being-racist-was-he-right/953703.md?page=10)