# Co-worker who throws "nigger" around when drinking now has his son using it in casual conversation **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 16, 2010, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-who-throws-nigger-around-when-drinking-now-has-his-son-using-it-in-casual-conversation/557383 "2010-10-16T22:23:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Markxxx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5daacb/32.png) [@Markxxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Markxxx)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2010, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-who-throws-nigger-around-when-drinking-now-has-his-son-using-it-in-casual-conversation/557383/21 "2010-10-17T19:27:15Z")
It probably wouldn’t get you fired. It would be “creating a hostile working environment.” The first thing would be a write up and the progressive disiplinary action. Usually only “Quid Pro Quo Sexual Harassment” results in an immediate dismissal. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2010, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-who-throws-nigger-around-when-drinking-now-has-his-son-using-it-in-casual-conversation/557383/22 "2010-10-17T19:31:53Z")
Ask him to use another word to get his points across, since his speech bothers you because you’re black. Or you could take out that last bit about being black, and just tell him that it bothers you. ---
**Author:** ![Skara\_Brae](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f0a364/32.png) [@Skara\_Brae](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skara_Brae)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2010, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-who-throws-nigger-around-when-drinking-now-has-his-son-using-it-in-casual-conversation/557383/23 "2010-10-17T19:37:22Z")
Yeah, why hasn’t anyone said (or shouted), “Dude! Not appropriate!!”? ---
**Author:** ![Crafter\_Man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crafter_man/32/458_2.png) [@Crafter\_Man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crafter_Man)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2010, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-who-throws-nigger-around-when-drinking-now-has-his-son-using-it-in-casual-conversation/557383/24 "2010-10-17T20:23:34Z")
If he utters it during off time, I would just ignore it. ---
**Author:** ![lisacurl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/41988e/32.png) [@lisacurl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lisacurl)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2010, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-who-throws-nigger-around-when-drinking-now-has-his-son-using-it-in-casual-conversation/557383/25 "2010-10-17T20:35:49Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > This sounds like the sort of thing where the word is offensive in and of itself, rather than just because of the meaning, and I hate that. I don’t see how this is an example of the word in and of itself being offensive. In the first example, the man is equating the slur with a meaning of servant or, one could say, slave. It is certainly derogatory and insulting to blacks. I’m reminded of a David Sedaris story where he recounts going to buy pot with his brother in a rural area of Virginia, and having the dealer’s wife refer to the television remote control using that slur. Since, ya know, it’s black and changes the tv station for you. On the other hand, I have no idea what was meant by the second example. I’m not sure if it’s a insult to black people or A. A. Milne. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2010, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-who-throws-nigger-around-when-drinking-now-has-his-son-using-it-in-casual-conversation/557383/26 "2010-10-17T21:17:10Z")
> [@lisacurl](#): > > > [@BigT](#): > > > > This sounds like the sort of thing where the word is offensive in and of itself, rather than just because of the meaning, and I hate that. > > I don’t see how this is an example of the word in and of itself being offensive. In the first example, the man is equating the slur with a meaning of servant or, one could say, slave. It is certainly derogatory and insulting to blacks. I’m reminded of a David Sedaris story where he recounts going to buy pot with his brother in a rural area of Virginia, and having the dealer’s wife refer to the television remote control using that slur. Since, ya know, it’s black and changes the tv station for you. > > On the other hand, I have no idea what was meant by the second example. I’m not sure if it’s a insult to black people or A. A. Milne. He’s trying to be clever and not actually say the “n”, and I’m 100% sure he got it from the Winnie The Pooh TV specials not reading the original books. He’s self admittedly not a book reader. ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2010, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-who-throws-nigger-around-when-drinking-now-has-his-son-using-it-in-casual-conversation/557383/27 "2010-10-17T21:25:41Z")
“Nigger” is so toxic as to never be used, even in casual conversation. It goes beyond insult and is a landmine waiting to be stepped on. When someone says something like this I repeat the words by themselves to make a point. In this case I’d say " beer nigger"? Do I look like your personal sensitivity coach? ---
**Author:** ![Markxxx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5daacb/32.png) [@Markxxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Markxxx)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2010, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-who-throws-nigger-around-when-drinking-now-has-his-son-using-it-in-casual-conversation/557383/28 "2010-10-17T21:32:42Z")
> [@Magiver](#): > > “Nigger” is so toxic as to never be used, even in casual conversation. Unless you’re black then you can use it. It’s like calling your mother a jerk. YOU can say bad things about your mother, wife or kids, but no one else can ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2010, 6:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-who-throws-nigger-around-when-drinking-now-has-his-son-using-it-in-casual-conversation/557383/29 "2010-10-18T06:04:33Z")
> [@astro](#): > > A co-worker who is college educated, successful and quite respected professionally is inclined to start throwing the word “nigger” around when he’s had a few beers at company get togethers, and feels he’s in “safe” company. He’s a church going conservative and is usually fairly circumspect about his language, so it’s unusual to hear him say this. He doesn’t say it so much in the context of attacking black people directly (at least in public) but more as a negative modifier in conversational horseplay. Such as “I’m not your beer nigger” when too often asked to get some brews, or "stop being an “igger in the 100 acre wood” when someone is teasing him. How he uses it at home no one knows. > > It’s irksome to some people like myself and a few others (we’ve discussed it), but no one has said anything so far. Starting what is likely to be a bitter fight in an environment where we have to work very closely together to get things done is not something we typically want to do. > > As a side note we are commissioned sales people and independent contractors, not salaried employees, so the 'boss" in this case (who is present when he does this) does not have a big whip hand, and he’s not inclined to start trouble if it can be avoided with a productive employee. > > This co-worker’s teenage son (who is in Jr College) was visiting the office after working hours the other day, and his father greeted him jovially with “'sup”, the son immediately got irritated and said “Don’t say that you sound like a nigger!”. So now the torch has been passed. > > I was not present for the son’s visit, but I’m wondering if I was would I have said anything. I thinking that I would but after the fact musings are easy. > > Would you say something in this context? What would you say? I think it would be best not to say anything about how another person raises their child. Best wishes, hh ---
**Author:** ![SanVito](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sanvito/32/2805_2.png) [@SanVito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanVito)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2010, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-who-throws-nigger-around-when-drinking-now-has-his-son-using-it-in-casual-conversation/557383/30 "2010-10-19T13:03:22Z")
> [@handsomeharry](#): > > I think it would be best not to say anything about how another person raises their child. > > Best wishes, > hh If that child is throwing around deeply offensive language in a place of work, then I think it’s everyone’s right - even duty - to point out to that child/teenager that such behaviour is unnacceptable. ---
**Author:** ![WOOKINPANUB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wookinpanub/32/132_2.png) [@WOOKINPANUB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WOOKINPANUB)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2010, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-who-throws-nigger-around-when-drinking-now-has-his-son-using-it-in-casual-conversation/557383/31 "2010-10-19T13:36:31Z")
> [@SanVito](#): > > If that child is throwing around deeply offensive language in a place of work, then I think it’s everyone’s right - even duty - to point out to that child/teenager that such behaviour is unnacceptable. Everyone’s “_right_”? “_Duty_”? They \*are \*a father and son tag team in the World Federation of Douchebags but let’s not get over dramatic. Also, the “child” is in junior college so I’m guessing he’s at least 18. I would imagine any teachable moments that are to result from his poor behavior are likely to come in the form of the beat down he’ll receive when he spews his nonsense around the wrong person. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2010, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-who-throws-nigger-around-when-drinking-now-has-his-son-using-it-in-casual-conversation/557383/32 "2010-10-19T13:54:20Z")
> [@astro](#): > > Would you say something in this context? What would you say? Nope, I wouldn’t say a word to him. Ever again. I can’t see how it is worth trying to point out to him what a dick he is. He is an adult, not worth an attempt to fix. I wouldn’t waste a second of my time on him. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2010, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-who-throws-nigger-around-when-drinking-now-has-his-son-using-it-in-casual-conversation/557383/33 "2010-10-19T14:11:10Z")
I assume by “company get togethers” you mean unofficial happy hours, or something like that, rather than actual work events. If that’s the case, I’d quietly have a word with him about it and leave it at that. Forget the son - not your job to parent his little shit. If it’s an actual work event, time for an anonymous note to HR. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2010, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-who-throws-nigger-around-when-drinking-now-has-his-son-using-it-in-casual-conversation/557383/34 "2010-10-19T16:52:27Z")
> [@Kyla](#): > > This is just me - and no one has ever accused me of being a shrinking violet - but absolutely I would say something. I would probably say something like “I find your choice of words appalling and I would prefer you not use racist language around me.” If he protested or continued doing it, it’s possible I would get a little less polite about it. Yep. I have called out coworkers for saying similar things, and I would call out this guy. If he used the terms in public, I would call him out in public. If he used them in private conversation with me, I would call him out in private. ---
**Author:** ![SanVito](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sanvito/32/2805_2.png) [@SanVito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanVito)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2010, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-who-throws-nigger-around-when-drinking-now-has-his-son-using-it-in-casual-conversation/557383/35 "2010-10-19T17:19:54Z")
> [@WOOKINPANUB](#): > > Everyone’s “_right_”? “_Duty_”? They \*are \*a father and son tag team in the World Federation of Douchebags but let’s not get over dramatic. Also, the “child” is in junior college so I’m guessing he’s at least 18. I would imagine any teachable moments that are to result from his poor behavior are likely to come in the form of the beat down he’ll receive when he spews his nonsense around the wrong person. Yeah, it’s totally my _right_ to call some stupid kid out on using offensive language in a public place, whether his parent is there or not. And _duty_, because it’s clearly long overdue that this kid gets a wake up call from someone other than his revolting father that you can’t go around mouthing off like that and expect to get away with it. Perhaps this might prevent the ‘beat down’ you seem to suggest as a preferable option. ---
**Author:** ![WOOKINPANUB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wookinpanub/32/132_2.png) [@WOOKINPANUB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WOOKINPANUB)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2010, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-who-throws-nigger-around-when-drinking-now-has-his-son-using-it-in-casual-conversation/557383/36 "2010-10-19T17:44:31Z")
> [@SanVito](#): > > . . .Perhaps this might prevent the ‘beat down’ you seem to suggest as a preferable option. For this or any other option to be “preferable” to me, I would have to care about the crap that some dumbass is spewing in the first place; I do not. Clearly you do (as is your _right_!) and I fear it’s not going to have the effect you’re hoping for. ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2010, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-who-throws-nigger-around-when-drinking-now-has-his-son-using-it-in-casual-conversation/557383/37 "2010-10-19T17:50:36Z")
> [@astro](#): > > Starting what is likely to be a bitter fight in an environment where we have to work very closely together to get things done is not something we typically want to do. I don’t understand this reasoning. He’s the one starting the fight. ---
**Author:** ![SanVito](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sanvito/32/2805_2.png) [@SanVito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanVito)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2010, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-who-throws-nigger-around-when-drinking-now-has-his-son-using-it-in-casual-conversation/557383/38 "2010-10-19T18:15:46Z")
> [@WOOKINPANUB](#): > > For this or any other option to be “preferable” to me, I would have to care about the crap that some dumbass is spewing in the first place; I do not. Clearly you do (as is your _right_!) and I fear it’s not going to have the effect you’re hoping for. Well, it’s a pity you don’t care, because it’s that kind of attitude - head down on the bus, ignore the racist - that allows these idiots to carry on like this. This kid might not even realise his language is so unacceptable if no one ever calls him on it, particularly if he’s learned it at home. Weren’t you ever a dumb 18 year old, who thought you were really cool spouting crap until someone turned round and said, ‘ugh, what the hell was _THAT_?’. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2010, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-who-throws-nigger-around-when-drinking-now-has-his-son-using-it-in-casual-conversation/557383/39 "2010-10-19T18:53:02Z")
If someone strolled up into my place of business and started casually slinging around “fuck face” and “cunt” and “cum bucket”, I’m not seeing why it would be all that unreasonable to ask this person to use more polite language. Why is “nigger” any different? And who cares if he’s another employee’s son? If a prospective client happens to be in the office the next time Junior wants to liken his dad to a black person, they’re not going to know or care that the speech they’re hearing is coming from a non-employee. Think about the image they’ll be left with. How many contracts could be lost? How much commission could someone else lose because of this loudmouth? I could understand being worried about approaching a more senior person, but this guy is your coworker. He’s probably lived his whole life without being challenged. Be the first and see what happens. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2010, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-who-throws-nigger-around-when-drinking-now-has-his-son-using-it-in-casual-conversation/557383/40 "2010-10-20T00:15:33Z")
> [@Magiver](#): > > “Nigger” is so toxic as to never be used, even in casual conversation. It goes beyond insult and is a landmine waiting to be stepped on. > > When someone says something like this I repeat the words by themselves to make a point. In this case I’d say " beer nigger"? Do I look like your personal sensitivity coach? I’m inclined to agree. Even a really skeptical look, eye roll and quick exit can have the same effect (though sassy secretaries usually do this best). If the OP is afraid of making waves, she or he could make it easier by pretending they’re watching th guy’s back, in case someone else complains about it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-who-throws-nigger-around-when-drinking-now-has-his-son-using-it-in-casual-conversation/557383.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/co-worker-who-throws-nigger-around-when-drinking-now-has-his-son-using-it-in-casual-conversation/557383.md?page=3)