# Coffee shop etiquette **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 7, 2015, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coffee-shop-etiquette/739666 "2015-12-07T01:38:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2015, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coffee-shop-etiquette/739666/21 "2015-12-07T19:35:17Z")
So, you are the kind that thinks all you can eat buffet is some sort of culinary challenge? Note I said suggest, not TELL. If Mr Noodles students are cheap ass bastards, then he CAN pay for it. But IMO him suggesting that they pay for it and why is classy teachable moment that should not be passed. Young people are clueless about this sort of stuff. ---
**Author:** ![Pantastic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3bc359/32.png) [@Pantastic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pantastic)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2015, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coffee-shop-etiquette/739666/22 "2015-12-07T19:41:15Z")
If a coffee shop or restaurant thinks they’re losing money on people who come in and only order a little bit of stuff at non-peak hours, they’ll put a stop to it quickly enough. But being known as a place where you can hang out with a friend who wants a drink when you yourself don’t want one tends to draw more people in and leads to more business down the line. Its the job of the restaurant owner to sort that sort of thing out, you don’t need to act as an unpaid employee for the business. Plus it’s generally shady business practice to sneak hidden required fees into your service. I mean, what do you charge for tutoring? If it’s $40 for an hour, then $5 for a coffee drink, you’re sneaking more than a 10% upcharge on the kids. That’s not really a minor thing, and it comes off as really underhanded in my book to put pressure on the kid to spend the money instead of asking for it from the parent up front. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2015, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coffee-shop-etiquette/739666/23 "2015-12-07T19:45:08Z")
As a MATURE (well mostly) adult, I can’t imagine meeting someone for business at a coffee shot and NOT ordering coffee or sumptin and that the coffee would be on my dime. Yeah, it might be a surcharge, but I actually GOT something I liked for “surcharge”. I suspect the autism/socially clueless SDMB brigade will be out in force shortly. ---
**Author:** ![Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eyebrows_0f_doom/32/3119_2.png) [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eyebrows_0f_Doom)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2015, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coffee-shop-etiquette/739666/24 "2015-12-07T19:46:30Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > So, you are the kind that thinks all you can eat buffet is some sort of culinary challenge? > > Note I said suggest, not TELL. > > If Mr Noodles students are cheap ass bastards, then he CAN pay for it. But IMO him suggesting that they pay for it and why is classy teachable moment that should not be passed. Young people are clueless about this sort of stuff. I guess the teachable moment is, “Businesses will try and sneak extra charges into your fees after you have already paid for their services.” ETA: “Meeting someone for business” at a coffeeshop is not the same as “teacher is holding a tutoring class at coffeeshop.” ---
**Author:** ![Pantastic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3bc359/32.png) [@Pantastic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pantastic)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2015, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coffee-shop-etiquette/739666/25 "2015-12-07T20:03:38Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > As a MATURE (well mostly) adult, I can’t imagine meeting someone for business at a coffee shot and NOT ordering coffee or sumptin and that the coffee would be on my dime. As a mature adult, I decide when and how to buy refreshments based on whether I want them, not based on whether some shouty guy on the internet classy enough to use the name of a mental disorder as an insult objects. I’ve gone to places before and not bought anything. If the coffee shop or bar or restaurant objects, I will happily leave, and remember them as the place not to go when I do want drink/food/etc. sometime later, because I’d rather give my business to the plethora of places that have absolutely no problem with me doing so. ---
**Author:** ![Macca26](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/13edae/32.png) [@Macca26](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Macca26)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2015, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coffee-shop-etiquette/739666/26 "2015-12-07T20:06:53Z")
Yeah, I would be disgruntled to pay your cost and then end up at a coffee shop where I would be expected to pay more. If I were you and I continued using the coffee shop, I would build the cost of paying the coffee shop into your quote and then keep the coffee shop happy on your own dime. Nobody likes additional “fees” on top of an agreed-upon service. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2015, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coffee-shop-etiquette/739666/27 "2015-12-07T20:07:39Z")
> [@Pantastic](#): > > As a mature adult, I decide when and how to buy refreshments based on whether I want them, not based on whether some shouty guy on the internet classy enough to use the name of a mental disorder as an insult objects. . Well, you sorta got me there. But to clarify things I meant to say Asperger’s, not Autism. Which a fair number of people like to self diagnose here so as to have some sort of “socially clueless asshole” license. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2015, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coffee-shop-etiquette/739666/28 "2015-12-07T21:12:58Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > So why do I think you should suggest THEY order something? > > Its another teachable moment. That they should consider the impact their behavior has on others. That businesses are actually in the business of making money (or at least not loosing it). > > This is the kind of thing that isn’t explicitly taught in schools. Or even by parents. Exactly. Be prepared to shoulder the cost, because this is \*your \*business. But it’s worth telling the kid why you’re doing it, so they’re not posting the same question in 10 years when they’re doing the tutoring. Tablespace isn’t free, but people need to be taught that, because it’s not intuitively obvious. ---
**Author:** ![Kropotkin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kropotkin/32/18045_2.png) [@Kropotkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kropotkin)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2015, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coffee-shop-etiquette/739666/29 "2015-12-07T21:26:28Z")
Or you could give the manager an explanation and $5 for the hour, especially if it’s not part of a chain. That way they’ll look forward to seeing you. ---
**Author:** ![lisiate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f05b48/32.png) [@lisiate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lisiate)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2015, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coffee-shop-etiquette/739666/30 "2015-12-07T21:31:12Z")
> [@glee](#): > > I teach chess and bridge. > I either hire a venue for this (multiple students in a church hall for example) or speak to the venue first (a local pub said they were delighted if I bought just one round of drinks as chess was a classy thing to see.) > > I don’t think you should run a business and expect to get a free venue. I agree completely. ---
**Author:** ![rbroome](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/838e76/32.png) [@rbroome](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rbroome)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2015, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coffee-shop-etiquette/739666/31 "2015-12-08T13:52:06Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > One of the many hats I wear is tutoring. Often, this means meeting students at a coffee shop. Now, I know that a coffee shop is a business, and that they make their money from selling things, not by people just sitting in them, and so I always make sure to order something… but some of my students don’t seem to realize this. They’ll come in, meet me at a table, and stay for an hour or so without ordering anything. Do I have a responsibility to mention this to them, or is that the place of the employees? Assuming you are only using one table, the fact that you are buying a drink covers the cost of the visit. No shop expects strangers to share tables, so once you have purchased a drink and found a table, what happens to the empty chairs around said table doesn’t cost the shop anything. Now if you have to put several tables together for a big group, that would be different. ---
**Author:** ![Peremensoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ce7236/32.png) [@Peremensoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peremensoe)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2015, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coffee-shop-etiquette/739666/32 "2015-12-08T14:02:44Z")
> [@rbroome](#): > > Assuming you are only using one table, the fact that you are buying a drink covers the cost of the visit. No shop expects strangers to share tables, so once you have purchased a drink and found a table, what happens to the empty chairs around said table doesn’t cost the shop anything. I’d agree with this, for a two-person table which yields one empty chair. And for the actual duration of that one drink. If you’re occupying a table for four, for a whole hour, on the basis of having ordered one cup of coffee, that’s well outside appropriate tolerances. ---
**Author:** ![Pantastic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3bc359/32.png) [@Pantastic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pantastic)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2015, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coffee-shop-etiquette/739666/33 "2015-12-08T14:44:58Z")
> [@Peremensoe](#): > > If you’re occupying a table for four, for a whole hour, on the basis of having ordered one cup of coffee, that’s well outside appropriate tolerances. That’s pretty normal in coffee shops I’ve been to. If I couldn’t expect to hang out at a table reading, talking to a friend, or messing around on my phone for an hour after buying a drink, I would mark that place off of my list. ---
**Author:** ![Peremensoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ce7236/32.png) [@Peremensoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peremensoe)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2015, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coffee-shop-etiquette/739666/34 "2015-12-08T15:04:31Z")
> [@Pantastic](#): > > That’s pretty normal in coffee shops I’ve been to. If I couldn’t expect to hang out at a table reading, talking to a friend, or messing around on my phone for an hour after buying a drink, I would mark that place off of my list. Unless they’re doing a poor trade already, they and their potential paying customers would appreciate that. I’ve marked at least one place off my list because there were no tables available, with people messing around on their tablets or laptops and the wifi. ---
**Author:** ![amarinth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3be4f8/32.png) [@amarinth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amarinth)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2015, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coffee-shop-etiquette/739666/35 "2015-12-08T15:33:06Z")
Make sure you give them time/space to order something. When I’m alone at a coffee shop, of course I’ll order something. When I’m meeting someone, I worry about whether it’s more rude to take up space at the coffee place without ordering or to abandon the person I’m meeting for 10 minutes while I wait in a long line to order the coffee and then for my drink to get made. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2015, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coffee-shop-etiquette/739666/36 "2015-12-08T15:49:53Z")
Good point. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2015, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coffee-shop-etiquette/739666/37 "2015-12-08T16:18:06Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > “Hi! Great to see you. What can I get you?” > “Oh, nothing. I’m good.” > “Well, y’know, we \*are \*using their table, so we should probably support them. Coffee? Tea?” > [@billfish678](#): > > You should mention to them that if you are both taking up a table for that long that the student SHOULD order something. That wouldn’t work for me. First off, for someone like me, I don’t drink coffee or tea and if I was in high school, I probably wouldn’t be carrying around money to spend on not social things (if that makes sense). Second, in my mind it would be ‘you picked out the location, you support them’. I’d be happy to meet in the library or the school or a park etc. Finally, if the tutor continued to nag me about it, I’d probably just be done with it. If I was in high school, I’d probably let my mom know that he/she is really weird about ‘trying to get me to buy stuff…maybe his friend owns the place, I don’t know’. Either way, I’d probably find a new tutor. Like others said, if this is really bothering you, I’d go with the idea of raising your rate by the cost of 2 or 3 cups of coffee, buying one for yourself when you walk in and asking if you can buy the student one. Then, instead of being a nag, you’re the tutor that buys coffee. I mean, don’t get 8 dollar drinks, but coffee/tea/hot chocolate etc. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2015, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coffee-shop-etiquette/739666/38 "2015-12-08T16:22:46Z")
Who the hell said to “nag”? And that suggestion is kinda funny. Chronos raises his rate 5 dollars and buys the student a “free” 5 dollar cup of coffee. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2015, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coffee-shop-etiquette/739666/39 "2015-12-08T16:29:42Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > Who the hell said to “nag”? > > And that suggestion is kinda funny. Chronos raises his rate 5 dollars and buys the student a “free” 5 dollar cup of coffee. No one did, I said ‘IF’. I was working on the assumption that if someone suggested it to me one time, they may bring it up again either directly or indirectly. Speaking of who said what, who said a ‘free cup of coffee’? That’s just business. Do you think the ‘free’ continental breakfast at the hotel is really free? ---
**Author:** ![Macca26](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/13edae/32.png) [@Macca26](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Macca26)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2015, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coffee-shop-etiquette/739666/40 "2015-12-08T16:31:00Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > Who the hell said to “nag”? > > And that suggestion is kinda funny. Chronos raises his rate 5 dollars and buys the student a “free” 5 dollar cup of coffee. Plenty of people like to have a cost built in so they know what they’re paying without further thought, and consequently many people don’t like to feel nickel and dimed after they’ve already agreed to a service’s price. “You said this was $75 per session. Why do I need to pay another $5 every time just because you can’t find a good place to work in?” vs “Free coffee? Sure, thanks. Here’s the $80 check for today’s session”. It’s all about the presentation - everyone knows it’s not “free” but it comes across a lot nicer this way. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coffee-shop-etiquette/739666.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coffee-shop-etiquette/739666.md?page=3)