# Coldfire enters the cyber age: corny homepage alert!

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coldfire-enters-the-cyber-age-corny-homepage-alert/118704>\
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\
**Created:** [July 12, 2002, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coldfire-enters-the-cyber-age-corny-homepage-alert/118704 "2002-07-12T22:25:10Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 20\
**Page:** 3

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**Author:** ![The\_Mermaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@The\_Mermaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mermaid)\
**Post date:** [July 14, 2002, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coldfire-enters-the-cyber-age-corny-homepage-alert/118704/41 "2002-07-14T16:12:55Z")

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Something is very wrong here.

You don’t look threatening at all. You do look gorgeous, smiling, happy even. I blame that woman.

Heloise is right, that bitch has got to go. She is turning you into A Nice Guy®. 😃

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**Author:** ![Exgineer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a88e4f/32.png) [@Exgineer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exgineer)\
**Post date:** [July 14, 2002, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coldfire-enters-the-cyber-age-corny-homepage-alert/118704/42 "2002-07-14T16:47:05Z")

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Yup. The Moderator Mystique[sup]TM[/sup] is just about shot.

Fear the Righteous Wrath of the Baby-faced Dutchman.

Gonna be tough.

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**Author:** ![Duckster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duckster/32/1244_2.png) [@Duckster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duckster)\
**Post date:** [July 14, 2002, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coldfire-enters-the-cyber-age-corny-homepage-alert/118704/43 "2002-07-14T16:48:52Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Coldfire \*  
> Yes, that’s right, kids. I made a homepage.
> 
> [http://coldfire.50megs.com/](http://coldfire.50megs.com/)
> 
> Critique it. Be brutal. Honestly, I can take it.

Don’t give up your day job. 😃

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**Author:** ![kittenblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ba8739/32.png) [@kittenblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kittenblue)\
**Post date:** [July 14, 2002, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coldfire-enters-the-cyber-age-corny-homepage-alert/118704/44 "2002-07-14T17:07:14Z")

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When do you find time to moderate? I’ve always pictured the mods as chained to their computers 24/7 with no opportunities to score with hot babes or ride bikes or even work, by golly, let alone jet across the globe just to get some. There goes another illusion…only got 4 left now…

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**Author:** ![capybara](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/capybara/32/202_2.png) [@capybara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capybara)\
**Post date:** [July 14, 2002, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coldfire-enters-the-cyber-age-corny-homepage-alert/118704/45 "2002-07-14T17:12:48Z")

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You know, I’ve been studying Dutch, and I think I even have “Scheveningen” almost under control, but I don’t think I could pronounce “Goirle” without choking.  
Nice page.

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**Author:** ![CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crankyasanoldman/32/11670_2.png) [@CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrankyAsAnOldMan)\
**Post date:** [July 14, 2002, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coldfire-enters-the-cyber-age-corny-homepage-alert/118704/46 "2002-07-14T17:25:03Z")

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Remember, most of us are narrow-minded, parochial Americans. Thus, I think your site should have more Dutch stuff on it like we’d expect.

For example, a photo of you among tulips? A photo with you with your finger in a dyke? (insert Beavis and Butthead laugh here). A photo of you in wooden shoes? Perhaps sweeping the streets?

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**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\
**Post date:** [July 14, 2002, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coldfire-enters-the-cyber-age-corny-homepage-alert/118704/47 "2002-07-14T17:27:23Z")

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Maybe replace your pic with that of the Dutch Boy in the M.A.B. Paints logo…

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**Author:** ![Encinitas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@Encinitas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Encinitas)\
**Post date:** [July 14, 2002, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coldfire-enters-the-cyber-age-corny-homepage-alert/118704/48 "2002-07-14T17:35:20Z")

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Hey, wait a minute! You told me you were born in Ft. Worth. What’s all this Goirle crap?

Love the pics by the way.

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**Author:** ![Francesca](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9fc348/32.png) [@Francesca](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Francesca)\
**Post date:** [July 14, 2002, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coldfire-enters-the-cyber-age-corny-homepage-alert/118704/49 "2002-07-14T17:55:50Z")

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For all the swooning ladies and gentlemen, I would like to make you jealous by gloating that that handsome man is coming to stay at my house in three short weeks’ time ( **Heloise** , I promise to look after him. In the innocent way.)

**Coldie** - like the site very much. If you put

\<title\>Coldfire’s Homepage\</title\>

in between the \<html\> and \<body\> tags, then “Coldfire’s Homepage” will appear at the top of the browser and in the window tab things at the bottom instead of “Untitled” (You can tell I’m an expert too can’t you?).

Also, you could make the “read the current entires” text on the Guestbook page a link to the current entries rather than an unparsed URL.

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**Author:** ![Anahita](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9a28c/32.png) [@Anahita](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anahita)\
**Post date:** [July 15, 2002, 9:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coldfire-enters-the-cyber-age-corny-homepage-alert/118704/50 "2002-07-15T09:48:11Z")

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How come I didn’t know that **Coldy** had a woman? I’m the last to find out everything. I mean, you read the threads, you try to figure out the little connections, but you just miss some of them.  
You should put a warning on this to **jarbabyj** , because she’s stated before that she wishes you to remain a mystery. If she clicks on this, her Dutch mystery man will be exposed thus ruining her mind-fantasy. Alternatively, you could dress up in black leather (or PVC if you’re on a budget) and make a photo just for her. Just a suggestion. Lord knows it’s not for my own enjoyment that I suggest this.

Oh, and I suggest you change the thread title to “Nazi-Mod in a Skirt.”

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**Author:** ![Wikkit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c0e974/32.png) [@Wikkit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wikkit)\
**Post date:** [July 15, 2002, 10:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coldfire-enters-the-cyber-age-corny-homepage-alert/118704/51 "2002-07-15T10:27:02Z")

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For brutal, the rounding images are a slightly different color than the bits they round, but if it’s a template as you said, there’s not a whole hell of a lot you can do about that. The template makers should have known enough to make them in one of the 256 colors. There’s also the previously mentioned fact that it’s an URL to look at the guestbook rather than a hyperlink, but you could be trying to cleverly get around BT patents or something. The popups are nasty, but you get what you pay for.

Otherwise, it’s nice. Simple, sleek, and kilty. Tamalene’s got nothing on your white white legs, he says while trying to stifle a laugh.

I too am dissapointed that you look like, or have stolen the body of, an otherwise normal human.

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**Author:** ![JavaMaven1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/cab0a1/32.png) [@JavaMaven1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JavaMaven1)\
**Post date:** [July 15, 2002, 10:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coldfire-enters-the-cyber-age-corny-homepage-alert/118704/52 "2002-07-15T10:40:48Z")

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If I’m not mistaken, doesn’t that picture of you in the kilt have John Knox’s home in the background?

And, of course, **Heloise** is looking lovely as always.  
When’s the next time you’re heading over here? We promise to have a gathering in a less obnoxious location.

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**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\
**Post date:** [July 15, 2002, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coldfire-enters-the-cyber-age-corny-homepage-alert/118704/53 "2002-07-15T16:45:42Z")

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Late September, early October. Possible dates could be Sunday September 29 through Thursday October 3. 🙂

Would people believe me if I said that **Heloise** looks even more stunning IRL than in that -admittedly cute- picture?

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**Author:** ![Edward\_The\_Head](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ce73a5/32.png) [@Edward\_The\_Head](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Edward_The_Head)\
**Post date:** [July 15, 2002, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coldfire-enters-the-cyber-age-corny-homepage-alert/118704/54 "2002-07-15T18:02:37Z")

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You work for a bank? no wonder you bought a motorcycle.

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**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\
**Post date:** [July 15, 2002, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coldfire-enters-the-cyber-age-corny-homepage-alert/118704/55 "2002-07-15T19:18:48Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> Wow, Coldie looks like a movie star. _swoons_

Save your swoons. That picture ain’t Coldfire. It’s Milossarian. Really. Check it out [here](http://www.geocities.com/sdpeoplepages/milossarian.html) and [here](http://profiles.yahoo.com/milossarian).

Uncanny. At least to my eye.

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**Author:** ![JavaMaven1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/cab0a1/32.png) [@JavaMaven1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JavaMaven1)\
**Post date:** [July 16, 2002, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coldfire-enters-the-cyber-age-corny-homepage-alert/118704/56 "2002-07-16T00:04:24Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Coldfire \*  
> \*\*Late September, early October. Possible dates could be Sunday September 29 through Thursday October 3. 🙂
> 
> Would people believe me if I said that **Heloise** looks even more stunning IRL than in that -admittedly cute- picture? \*\*

I most certainly believe that **Heloise** is more stunning IRL. 🙂  
Well, even if you kids don’t have enough time for a _full-blown_ dopefest, I hope you’ll have time to stop by for dinner at my restaurant.

What? You’re not planning to come to the big Vegas Dopefest?

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**Author:** ![Poto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ab992/32.png) [@Poto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Poto)\
**Post date:** [July 16, 2002, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coldfire-enters-the-cyber-age-corny-homepage-alert/118704/57 "2002-07-16T02:51:19Z")

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Is it OK to be a banker and have a home page? Without a suit?

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**Author:** ![kase](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/a5b964/32.png) [@kase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kase)\
**Post date:** [July 16, 2002, 8:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coldfire-enters-the-cyber-age-corny-homepage-alert/118704/58 "2002-07-16T08:21:27Z")

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where’s the gouda? or edam?

lovely girlfriend. nice kilt. 🙂

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**Author:** ![Honey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honey/32/5074_2.png) [@Honey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Honey)\
**Post date:** [July 16, 2002, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coldfire-enters-the-cyber-age-corny-homepage-alert/118704/59 "2002-07-16T15:50:57Z")

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Psst…I think it should read **An** historic moment.

My, my, you are quite a cutie aren’t you? I am a sucker for a man in a kilt. 😉

Nice page **Coldfire** , keep adding more pictures.

Honey

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**Author:** ![Tomcat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Tomcat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tomcat)\
**Post date:** [July 16, 2002, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coldfire-enters-the-cyber-age-corny-homepage-alert/118704/60 "2002-07-16T16:34:43Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by kittenblue \*  
> \*\*When do you find time to moderate? I’ve always pictured the mods as chained to their computers 24/7 with no opportunities to score with hot babes or ride bikes or even work, by golly, let alone jet across the globe just to get some. There goes another illusion…only got 4 left now… \*\*

I agree! I work in finances and find Sunday’s to be an integral part of the work week…Where the heck you be banking?

And let me add to the line of people who say you have got a hottie on your hands. I’m assuming she is cool, cuz we have high standards for our mods…Swing by for a good beer next time she hops the sea. Romance is known to be a speciality of this town…

Nice site overall, if plain and to the point…but then again, if the wooden shoe fits… 😛

-Tcat

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