# Columnist Andrea Peyser claims Rihanna is "a disgrace to women" - Is she? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 17, 2013, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/columnist-andrea-peyser-claims-rihanna-is-a-disgrace-to-women-is-she/650579 "2013-02-17T04:46:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Yorikke](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yorikke/32/4335_2.png) [@Yorikke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yorikke)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2013, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/columnist-andrea-peyser-claims-rihanna-is-a-disgrace-to-women-is-she/650579/61 "2013-02-18T01:43:06Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > He’s such a douche; his music is _terrible_ and I don’t see any sort of sex appeal in him. Why is he even a star?? Is it ONLY for being the ass-beating boyfriend of Rihanna? I dunno, but I never heard his name before he beat her. ---
**Author:** ![Beastly\_Rotter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/45deac/32.png) [@Beastly\_Rotter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beastly_Rotter)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2013, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/columnist-andrea-peyser-claims-rihanna-is-a-disgrace-to-women-is-she/650579/62 "2013-02-18T01:56:49Z")
> [@colander](#): > > Personly, I only take relationship advice from Rob Halford. Living after midnight, rocking to the dawn, loving 'til the morning, then you’re gone? ---
**Author:** ![carnut](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnut/32/3531_2.png) [@carnut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnut)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2013, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/columnist-andrea-peyser-claims-rihanna-is-a-disgrace-to-women-is-she/650579/63 "2013-02-18T01:59:41Z")
> [@diggerwam](#): > > Did Hillary Clinton humiliate herself and all women by staying with Bill? In both cases how they deal with the supposedly private relationship is there business and we do not have all the facts and therefore are not qualified to judge. Many differences, the main one being physical harm. Bill did not physically harm Hilary. Chris physically harmed Rihanna. Yes, I do agree that Rihanna is stupid, or at least stupid about this. She is an idiot. But her actions are not a disgrace to all women. The disgrace is hers and hers alone. ---
**Author:** ![colander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e8c25b/32.png) [@colander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colander)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2013, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/columnist-andrea-peyser-claims-rihanna-is-a-disgrace-to-women-is-she/650579/64 "2013-02-18T02:02:05Z")
> [@Beastly\_Rotter](#): > > Living after midnight, rocking to the dawn, loving 'til the morning, then you’re gone? You don’t know what it’s liiiiiiike! ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2013, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/columnist-andrea-peyser-claims-rihanna-is-a-disgrace-to-women-is-she/650579/65 "2013-02-18T02:19:41Z")
> [@hrhomer](#): > > It’s not a matter of _ **deserving** _ anything. It’s a matter of, “Well, that’s too bad, but what did she expect? He beat her at least once, and she _ **defended** _ him. I have no more energy to feel sad about that.” This, entirely. I mean, if I knew her I might get all Minnesotan on her and say something like, “A lot of girls would think twice about that,” with “a lot of girls” being the passive-aggressive way of saying “anybody with half a brain” and “would think twice about that” substituting for a half hour of haranguing her for her naivete and stupidity. We can be a soft- and short-spoken people. But here we are, expending more energy on the situation than it deserves. She’s a moron who doesn’t read this board and will never read our golden words of wisdom. Fuck her. ---
**Author:** ![Beastly\_Rotter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/45deac/32.png) [@Beastly\_Rotter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beastly_Rotter)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2013, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/columnist-andrea-peyser-claims-rihanna-is-a-disgrace-to-women-is-she/650579/66 "2013-02-18T02:23:53Z")
> [@colander](#): > > You don’t know what it’s liiiiiiike! Completely wasting? Out of work and down? Frustrating inside? Drifting from town to town? Nobody cares if you live or die? Put some action in _your_ life by BREAKING THE LAW! ---
**Author:** ![colander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e8c25b/32.png) [@colander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colander)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2013, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/columnist-andrea-peyser-claims-rihanna-is-a-disgrace-to-women-is-she/650579/67 "2013-02-18T02:35:01Z")
> [@Beastly\_Rotter](#): > > Completely wasting? Out of work and down? Frustrating inside? Drifting from town to town? Nobody cares if you live or die? Put some action in _your_ life by BREAKING THE LAW! Getting back on topic: If I was a fan of Rihanna’s I’d be screaming for vengeance on Chris Brown right about now! If he thinks he can treat her that way, well, he’s got another thing coming. That man is lower than a nightcrawler’s belly. I bet if that sinner sullies her with his touch of evil one more time, Rihanna’s acolytes will come at him rapid fire with all guns blazing and believe me some heads are gonna roll! If you ask me, Rihanna should just head out to the highway. She’s got nothing to lose at all! ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2013, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/columnist-andrea-peyser-claims-rihanna-is-a-disgrace-to-women-is-she/650579/68 "2013-02-18T02:50:03Z")
Note to self: Listen to more Judas Priest so you get people’s jokes. Another note to self: You haven’t for the past 40 years. Why start now? ---
**Author:** ![MacG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc348/32.png) [@MacG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacG)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2013, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/columnist-andrea-peyser-claims-rihanna-is-a-disgrace-to-women-is-she/650579/69 "2013-02-18T02:51:29Z")
I don’t think she’s all that an important figure that she could be a disgrace to all women. But I do think she will probably become a sad little footnote in music history when she gets murdered by her creepy criminal boyfriend with the bad temper. I hope I’m wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Yorikke](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yorikke/32/4335_2.png) [@Yorikke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yorikke)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2013, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/columnist-andrea-peyser-claims-rihanna-is-a-disgrace-to-women-is-she/650579/70 "2013-02-18T03:04:58Z")
> [@dropzone](#): > > Note to self: Listen to more Judas Priest so you get people’s jokes. > > Another note to self: You haven’t for the past 40 years. Why start now? Because they are awesome. ---
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2013, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/columnist-andrea-peyser-claims-rihanna-is-a-disgrace-to-women-is-she/650579/71 "2013-02-18T04:25:20Z")
So if a woman was beaten by her husband for her entire marriage, and her daughter witnessed it, and the woman told the daughter that she (the woman) deserved it and it is a husband’s role to physically discipline his wife if he has to, and the daughter later grows up to marry an abuser, and is beaten etc, and has a daughter herself who witnesses the beatings, then I guess you could _say_ the original woman’s daughter “should be a better role model” for her own daughter, but the fact is, it is entirely possible she _can’t_ be one because her own upbringing has completely ruined her ability to think rationally about this kind of situation. Encouragement and compassion are called for in a case like this, not condemnation. I don’t know shit about Rihanna (and neither do you) but _for all any of us knows_ she’s literally incapable of being a good role model for reasons that call for compassion rather than condemnation. (Or not. Who knows? It’s foolish to draw a conclusion either way.) ---
**Author:** ![blindboyard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blindboyard/32/2833_2.png) [@blindboyard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blindboyard)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2013, 9:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/columnist-andrea-peyser-claims-rihanna-is-a-disgrace-to-women-is-she/650579/72 "2013-02-18T09:48:54Z")
I think you all need to stop criticising Chris Brown. You’re effectively aiding and abetting abusers. Mary J Blige, for example, recently publicly punched her husband in the face, then shouted “what you gonna do, Chris Brown me?” at him. She knows that he, even acting in self defence, will be the one to take the blame and the Chris Brown treatment from all you internet heroes who want to see the Brown man punched, beaten or “iced”. In a very real sense it was all of you who punched Mr Blige in the face, not just his abusive wife. As for Rihanna, maybe she was just an innocent waif brutally abused by the Brown man, but maybe not. We know she brags about beating her brother with a bottle, a potentially fatal assault with a deadly weapon. Frankly, if you’re with a woman like that, you’re probably going to end up having to hit her at some stage. We know that most violent relationships have violence by both partners, after all. So let’s not be too quick to paint this violent women as the victim here. ---
**Author:** ![Steophan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steophan/32/9595_2.png) [@Steophan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steophan)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2013, 10:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/columnist-andrea-peyser-claims-rihanna-is-a-disgrace-to-women-is-she/650579/73 "2013-02-18T10:19:01Z")
> [@blindboyard](#): > > As for Rihanna, maybe she was just an innocent waif brutally abused by the Brown man, but maybe not. We know she brags about beating her brother with a bottle, a potentially fatal assault with a deadly weapon. Frankly, if you’re with a woman like that, you’re probably going to end up having to hit her at some stage. We know that most violent relationships have violence by both partners, after all. So let’s not be too quick to paint this violent women as the victim here. When you show me pictures of Chris Brown with his face looking like Rihanna’s did after he beat her, you’ll have a point. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2013, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/columnist-andrea-peyser-claims-rihanna-is-a-disgrace-to-women-is-she/650579/74 "2013-02-18T13:34:31Z")
> [@](#): > > Frankly, if you’re with a woman like that, you’re probably going to end up having to hit her at some stage Seriously, “having to hit her”? What century were you born in exactly? How does one remain so unevolved in this day and age? _::::shiver::::_ ---
**Author:** ![DigitalC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ebca7d/32.png) [@DigitalC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DigitalC)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2013, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/columnist-andrea-peyser-claims-rihanna-is-a-disgrace-to-women-is-she/650579/75 "2013-02-18T14:47:29Z")
> [@Zjestika](#): > > Well, if there’s anything that helps victims of abuse it’s a good old fashioned public shaming. I know a public campaign about what an idiot I was would certainly benefit my self-esteem. It has absolutely nothing to do with helping her, it’s about setting her up as a bad example rather than a role model. Teaching your daughters to not be like Rihanna by pointing out what an idiot she is being is a worthy goal. ---
**Author:** ![Peremensoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ce7236/32.png) [@Peremensoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peremensoe)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2013, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/columnist-andrea-peyser-claims-rihanna-is-a-disgrace-to-women-is-she/650579/76 "2013-02-18T14:52:33Z")
> [@dropzone](#): > > This, entirely. I mean, if I knew her I might get all Minnesotan on her and say something like, “A lot of girls would think twice about that,” with “a lot of girls” being the passive-aggressive way of saying “anybody with half a brain” and “would think twice about that” substituting for a half hour of haranguing her for her naivete and stupidity. We can be a soft- and short-spoken people. > > But here we are, expending more energy on the situation than it deserves. She’s a moron who doesn’t read this board and will never read our golden words of wisdom. Fuck her. FTR, I wasn’t talking about Rihanna; I thought the convo had moved on. The comment I addressed was about all battered women. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2013, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/columnist-andrea-peyser-claims-rihanna-is-a-disgrace-to-women-is-she/650579/77 "2013-02-18T14:56:00Z")
> [@ioioio](#): > > Are we also debating whether or not Brown is a disgrace to men? Not much of a debate, is it? ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2013, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/columnist-andrea-peyser-claims-rihanna-is-a-disgrace-to-women-is-she/650579/78 "2013-02-18T14:59:07Z")
We aren’t talking to her, just about her, after all. It’s a discussion not a witch hunting mob. And I didn’t see where anyone posted, their opinion was carved in stone! If you want people to have more evolved views, I’m thinking denying discussion, due to it conflicting with your view, is somewhat less than productive! ---
**Author:** ![blindboyard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blindboyard/32/2833_2.png) [@blindboyard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blindboyard)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2013, 8:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/columnist-andrea-peyser-claims-rihanna-is-a-disgrace-to-women-is-she/650579/79 "2013-02-19T08:09:50Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > Seriously, “having to hit her”? What century were you born in exactly? How does one remain so unevolved in this day and age? > > _::::shiver::::_ She has a history of extreme violence. If you’re with her very long, there’s good odds that’ll turn on you. Okay, you don’t have to hit her, you could just sit there like a muppet and take beating, maye get killed. But you _should_ hit her instead. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2013, 10:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/columnist-andrea-peyser-claims-rihanna-is-a-disgrace-to-women-is-she/650579/80 "2013-02-19T10:31:45Z")
> [@blindboyard](#): > > She has a history of extreme violence. If you’re with her very long, there’s good odds that’ll turn on you. Okay, you don’t have to hit her, you could just sit there like a muppet and take beating, maye get killed. But you _should_ hit her instead. And you still don’t see the problem, do you? You do not have an obligation to respond to violence with violence. Doing so results in more violence, as the other person is just going to escalate. The only thing you have an obligation to do is get out of the situation. And, yes, sometimes, fighting back is the only way to get clear of the situation. But that doesn’t mean you should fight back if there’s another way out. If you’re the type of person who gets the idea in your head that you have to get someone back, then I have a lot less sympathy for you when you get injured. As for Rhianna: I do have sympathy for battered women who can’t get away. I don’t have sympathy for people who were clear of their abusers for years but then go back. That’s what makes this different, and not the role model aspect. Sure, she can forgive the man. She should do so for her own well-being. But that doesn’t mean she should put herself in danger. I guess I might allow for the idea that the guy might have changed, in other circumstances. But here is where being famous does play a role: we know that Brown has never expressed remorse and actually actively gets mad at people who act like it’s a big deal. That’s not the attitude of a reformed person. That’s the attitude of an abuser. I do think she’s a poor role model, but I’m not really sure it will really affect anyone who wouldn’t have already made excuses anyway. The bigger problem are all those deranged Chris Brown fans that argue that he didn’t really do anything wrong in the first place. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/columnist-andrea-peyser-claims-rihanna-is-a-disgrace-to-women-is-she/650579.md?page=3)