# Come one, come all. Tell me if I'm full of it (on US/UK relations) **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [April 19, 2004, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/come-one-come-all-tell-me-if-im-full-of-it-on-us-uk-relations/240783 "2004-04-19T05:15:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Gomez](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d78d45/32.png) [@Gomez](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gomez)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2004, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/come-one-come-all-tell-me-if-im-full-of-it-on-us-uk-relations/240783/1 "2004-04-19T05:15:01Z")
I present for your edification an article I’ve just finished writing for a student magazine. The brief I was given was, essentially, “Do 800-1000 words on US/UK relations. Keep it light, and to the left.” Since I hold the opinions of GD’ers in very high regard I am posting the article here and would be very grateful for any comments and criticisms you may have on it. Is it reasonably soundly argued? Is it funny? Is it well written? Please keep in mind that I was under orders to keep it unacademic and had to sacrifice passages that strengthened my argument to keep the jokes. I apologise in advance if anyone is offended by the article. I have quite a brutal sense of humour 🙂 > [@](#): > > On Tuesday April 13 Tony Blair flew to Washington for deep negotiations with George W. Bush prompted by the latters decision to abandon the ‘Road Map to Peace’ and allow Israel to draw its borders unilaterally. This recent policy change was a welcome surprise to the Prime Minister who secretly hates the lazy dossers in the Foreign Office and needs all the help he can get making sure the little ingrates stay on their toes. Just kidding. It scared the bejeezus out of him. The President hadn’t deigned to give Downing Street any advanced warning of his planned middle-east policy U-turn. Hence Mr Blair’s decision to jet to Washington post haste to discuss its ramifications. > > ``` > Given that (if his stumbling, nonplussed and evasive performance at his recent press conference is anything to go by) President Bush would have trouble negotiating the purchase of a bag of ice from a penniless Eskimo, let alone a viable solution to the Israel-Palestine conflict, some quarters expressed hope that Mr Blair could use his eloquence and diplomatic influence to persuade Mr Bush to submit to international opinion and readopt the ‘Road Map’. > > ``` > > Other quarters, however, glumly predicted that Blair would swallow the Republican party line like a double shot of absinthe (quickly and with an ill concealed grimace) before endorsing it with more enthusiasm than Britney Spears hawking Pepsi Max. > > Unsurprisingly the naysayers were proved right (well, let’s face it, they usually are) when, on April 17th The Prime Minister threw his weight behind President Bush’s new proposals, prompting fresh comparisons between him and an eminently kickable poodle with a penchant for gratuitous public leg humping. > > ``` > In spite of all the evidence to the contrary I do not believe that such canine characterisations of Tony Blair are accurate (then again, I also believe that Elvis is alive and well and living on an island somewhere in South Pacific. Make of that what you will). > > ``` > > Although the UK is the weaker partner in the US/UK alliance (both economically and in terms of geopolitical influence) the relationship is not as one sided as certain political pundits and satirists are making it out to be and such mischaracterisations have dangerous connotations. > > They are dangerous because the logical implication of tarring Blair with the “poodle” monkier is that he is less accountable for his actions than he is in reality. Calling Blair ‘Bush’s Poodle’ makes him out to be some kind of panglossian Global Village idiot led astray by the machiavellian influence of George W. Bush. Now, needless to say, the idea that Bush (the originator of such priceless quotes as _“I know how hard it is to put food on your family”, “If we don’t succeed, we run the risk of failure”, “I know the human and the fish can coexist peacefully” “More and more_ [Get on with it! -Ed.]) is some kind of crafty Svengali tricking Blair into doing his evil bidding requires an almost stratospheric suspension of disbelief. Tony Blair is an extremely eloquent and intelligent man with no small amount of diplomatic deftness and political insight. His Stateside counterpart is, by contrast, regarded by many on the international stage as someone who would struggle to beat a trained chicken at noughts and crosses. It is inconceivable that President Bush could lead Tony Blair astray on any issue without his being fully cognizant of the risks involved. > > The lapdog label, however, is one I doubt Mr Blair would expend much effort shaking off for it has the effect of foisting the majority of the blame for the fallout of any controversial joint ventures with the United States onto the Bush Administration. The idea that Mr Blair can avoid accepting the appropriate amount of culpability for his actions by playing up to his detractors mischaracterisations of him is one I find creepy in the extreme, and not creepy like _“Wow, I was just thinking of you and then you phoned me”_ creepy but _“It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again”_ creepy. It’s so cynical that it gives me goosebumps (then again, I also get freaked out by David Dickenson’s thermonuclear tan - you can probably get skin cancer just hanging around him - and don’t even get me started on the ghoulish disembodied babies head in the sun on Teletubbies. > > It also ignores the very real influence Mr Blair has in Washington. It was Mr Blair who pressed for a second UN resolution in the run up to the Iraq war and although he did not get it, the fact that the invasion was delayed several months before finally commencing should not lead one to believe that his efforts were in vain. Rather, they should be looked upon as a limited success. It is difficult to imagine any other foreign leader being able to exert that kind of influence over the famously resolute President Bush. > > The Prime Ministers recent success in persuading President Bush to allow the UN a wider role in the reconstruction of Iraq, a concession which seemed unthinkable a year ago, is more evidence that his influence in Washington extends deeper than is commonly noted in the press. > > This is why it is dangerous to label him a lapdog of the Bush Administration. He is fully aware of the implications of allying himself with President Bush and relegating him to the status of a blind hanger on only allows him to shirk responsibility when things go wrong and claim it when things go according to plan. His culpability in such misadventures as the Iraq War is equivalent to President Bush’s and this must be remembered when election day rolls around. > > _[Readers note: True appreciation of the authors world-view is best attained by making the incision through the temporal lobe, or just above the eye socket - Ed.]_ I know this isn’t strictly a debate as such but I figured that since it was political GD was the best place. Besides, there’s plenty in the article to take issue with so a debate will probably arise in due course anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Brutus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Brutus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brutus)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2004, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/come-one-come-all-tell-me-if-im-full-of-it-on-us-uk-relations/240783/2 "2004-04-19T05:36:57Z")
'Keep it short and to the _left_? Gee, what a wonderful student paper are you writing for. Oh well. You don’t actually explain _why_ Blair is doing what he is doing. You claim that he is not Bush’s lapdog, and I agree. But then you offer no explaination for why he supports the war in Iraq, etc. Is he too a Necon-Imperialst, hell-bent on global domination? Is he manipulated by Karl Rove? Does he have ties to Halliburton? Is he Hitler 2.0? You see, we get many reasons from those who quaff the leftist kool-aid on why GW went to war. Why not give us Blair’s reason? ---
**Author:** ![Gomez](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d78d45/32.png) [@Gomez](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gomez)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2004, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/come-one-come-all-tell-me-if-im-full-of-it-on-us-uk-relations/240783/3 "2004-04-19T05:51:54Z")
If its any consolation, we have quite a lot of student papers on campus and between them they cover most of the political spectrum. Thanks for your comments. You’re absolutely right. The article would definately improve if I talk about Blair’s possible motivations for his attitude to Bush. P.S. - I’m totally indebted to you for the _“It keeps the lotion on its skin…”_ joke. I swiped that from one of the threads discussing the debacle surrounding **clayton\_e’s** now infamous postcard. I owe you one. ---
**Author:** ![Gomez](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d78d45/32.png) [@Gomez](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gomez)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2004, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/come-one-come-all-tell-me-if-im-full-of-it-on-us-uk-relations/240783/4 "2004-04-19T05:53:20Z")
> [@](#): > > P.S. - I’m totally indebted to you for the “It **keeps** the lotion on its skin…” joke. I swiped that from one of the threads discussing the debacle surrounding clayton\_e’s now infamous postcard. I owe you one. Keeps = Puts. I really am very tired. ---
**Author:** ![iamme99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/57b2e6/32.png) [@iamme99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iamme99)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2004, 5:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/come-one-come-all-tell-me-if-im-full-of-it-on-us-uk-relations/240783/5 "2004-04-19T05:56:04Z")
IMO, a more humorous take on the same subject: [Link](http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/allnews/page.cfm?objectid=14154586&method=full&siteid=50143) ---
**Author:** ![Brutus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Brutus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brutus)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2004, 6:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/come-one-come-all-tell-me-if-im-full-of-it-on-us-uk-relations/240783/6 "2004-04-19T06:02:45Z")
> [@Gomez](#): > > …P.S. - I’m totally indebted to you for the _“It keeps the lotion on its skin…”_ joke. I swiped that from one of the threads discussing the debacle surrounding **clayton\_e’s** now infamous postcard. I owe you one. No sir, we are _all_ indebted to **Buffalo Bill** , one of the creepiest, and among my favoritest, bit-actors of our day. He has another good line in the movie, but it isn’t really fit for repeating in a family forum. 😉 Say, if you work _that_ into your article… > [@](#): > > …And Tony Blair was held in a pit under the Naval Observatory as Cheney pranced around the top, shouting, "It sends its troops to Iraq or it gets another kick in the… Well, you get the idea! ---
**Author:** ![jimdigritz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/91b2a8/32.png) [@jimdigritz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jimdigritz)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2004, 8:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/come-one-come-all-tell-me-if-im-full-of-it-on-us-uk-relations/240783/7 "2004-04-19T08:19:11Z")
Interesting, made me chuckle a few times. One small point, I really don’t like the [Ed. xxx] interruptions, especially since you have obviously inserted them yourself. It cheapens the article, and drags it from ‘light’ toward ‘frivolous’. Anyway, good luck. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2004, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/come-one-come-all-tell-me-if-im-full-of-it-on-us-uk-relations/240783/8 "2004-04-19T20:00:31Z")
The article is drivel. You’re pandering to your editor. There’s cliché - ‘stumbling performance’ - after cliché - ‘lapdog’. I expect the editor will like it, but you’re not being paid for it, are you? The editor may be left-wing, but are the readers? If they are left-wing, do they want a decrepit piece of stroking or do they want a solid piece of meat? Write what you want to write. You may get grief in the short term, but intellectual honesty will always win through. ---
**Author:** ![Gomez](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d78d45/32.png) [@Gomez](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gomez)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2004, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/come-one-come-all-tell-me-if-im-full-of-it-on-us-uk-relations/240783/9 "2004-04-20T17:07:46Z")
Well, in my defence, Bush’s performance at his press conference _was_ stumbling IMO in so far as he continually hesitated and tripped over his words. In retrospect the word ‘befuddled’ is better though. Also my repeated use of the term lapdog was meant to accentuate the frequency at which that label is thoughtlessly hurled at Tony Blair. You’re right about my writing what I think my audience would want to read, however. I’ve never written anything for a magazine before and my main priority with this piece was to get it published. Thanks for taking the time to comment.