# Come up to my room. I want you ( to fuck me/ get fucked by me) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 25, 2011, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/come-up-to-my-room-i-want-you-to-fuck-me-get-fucked-by-me/572536 "2011-02-25T02:51:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Superhal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Superhal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superhal)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2011, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/come-up-to-my-room-i-want-you-to-fuck-me-get-fucked-by-me/572536/61 "2011-02-26T19:21:48Z")
I missed the “former coworker” part. In that case, I would say “no” because they were all ugly, whales, or bitches. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2011, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/come-up-to-my-room-i-want-you-to-fuck-me-get-fucked-by-me/572536/62 "2011-02-26T19:35:19Z")
Looks like you’re fightin’ the hypothetical, **Superhal** … ---
**Author:** ![carlotta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/898d66/32.png) [@carlotta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carlotta)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2011, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/come-up-to-my-room-i-want-you-to-fuck-me-get-fucked-by-me/572536/63 "2011-02-26T19:57:09Z")
I didn’t answer the poll because I didn’t like any of the answers, and I’m not 100% certain. I think I would just say sweetly, “oh, no thank you”, which isn’t “reticent” nor is it running away. I’m guessing he would probably end the conversation shortly afterwards, but I’m fine with continuing to chat. I’m uncertain because I haven’t been single in 24 years. Barring a few business trips, I’ve never had to wait more than a few hours for sex if I wanted it. I suspect that even after a long stretch of celibacy I would only be interested in sex within a committed relationship, but maybe I’m wrong. Even my celebrity fantasies contain a long getting-to-know-you first act. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2011, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/come-up-to-my-room-i-want-you-to-fuck-me-get-fucked-by-me/572536/64 "2011-02-27T01:16:46Z")
Call me crazy, but I’d probably be turned off by the directness. Unless our conversation was already on a sexual plane and the subject of fucking was a natural next step in the dialogue, I’d find the “let’s fuck” request too premature for my liking. For optimal chemistry, I believe in following a stepwise progression: flirting, touching, kissing, undressing, fondling, _then_ fucking. If he simply said “you wanna go to my place” I’d probably sign up for that. Any guy who’s looking to get laid should never completely abandon mystery. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2011, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/come-up-to-my-room-i-want-you-to-fuck-me-get-fucked-by-me/572536/65 "2011-02-27T01:33:52Z")
> [@you\_with\_the\_face](#): > > For optimal chemistry, I believe in following a stepwise progression: flirting, touching, kissing, undressing, fondling, _then_ fucking. I’m more of a flirting, touching, kissing, fondling, undressing and then fucking kind of guy. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2011, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/come-up-to-my-room-i-want-you-to-fuck-me-get-fucked-by-me/572536/66 "2011-02-27T03:26:17Z")
Splitter! ---
**Author:** ![Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/f04885/32.png) [@Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qin_Shi_Huangdi)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2011, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/come-up-to-my-room-i-want-you-to-fuck-me-get-fucked-by-me/572536/67 "2011-02-27T03:45:16Z")
**no!!! Hell no!!!** ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2011, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/come-up-to-my-room-i-want-you-to-fuck-me-get-fucked-by-me/572536/68 "2011-02-27T04:07:12Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > I, too, object to the wording of the poll. Why couldn’t it have been a simple “Yes/Maybe, or I’d be hesitant/No”? What’s all this other crap about? > > No. It would be creepy if you did it. It doesn’t work if you’re creepy. I didn’t think so. Beavis and Butthead tried that approach a lot and I don’t think it ever worked for them. Damn, I always wanted to be a player as they say on the street but it just isn’t to be. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2011, 12:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/come-up-to-my-room-i-want-you-to-fuck-me-get-fucked-by-me/572536/69 "2011-02-27T12:37:41Z")
Well, I’m glad a super religious 8th grader has put us in our place on the matter. Anyhow, for this to work, the man has to already be certain the woman wants to sleep with him. If he’s unsure, assume she doesn’t, and don’t ask. Otherwise… creeepy… ---
**Author:** ![rhubarbarin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eb9ed0/32.png) [@rhubarbarin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rhubarbarin)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2011, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/come-up-to-my-room-i-want-you-to-fuck-me-get-fucked-by-me/572536/70 "2011-02-27T14:33:37Z")
I’m a woman, and I would be offended if an acquaintance was this direct with me, and would never have sex with someone I didn’t know well. How sexy they are has little to do with it, most people I have found very physically attractive I have disliked and would never want to have sex with. I suppose there is some sort of backstory I’ve applied to this hypothetical based on my own life, personality, history. I’m imagining this ‘acquaintance’ as someone I’ve evaluated as acceptably cute, but have zero desire to have sex with (I know many people ATM who this applies to). When all of a sudden he has the nerve to assume I’m going to be fine with him proposing casual sex. My knee-jerk reaction would be ‘fuck you, asshole’. For some reason I get really angry when people assume that I’m sexually receptive to them… ---
**Author:** ![MichaelEmouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/michaelemouse/32/101_2.png) [@MichaelEmouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MichaelEmouse)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2011, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/come-up-to-my-room-i-want-you-to-fuck-me-get-fucked-by-me/572536/71 "2011-02-27T15:08:47Z")
> [@rhubarbarin](#): > > I’m a woman, and I would be offended if an acquaintance was this direct with me, and would never have sex with someone I didn’t know well. How sexy they are has little to do with it, most people I have found very physically attractive I have disliked and would never want to have sex with. > > I suppose there is some sort of backstory I’ve applied to this hypothetical based on my own life, personality, history. I’m imagining this ‘acquaintance’ as someone I’ve evaluated as acceptably cute, but have zero desire to have sex with (I know many people ATM who this applies to). When all of a sudden he has the nerve to assume I’m going to be fine with him proposing casual sex. My knee-jerk reaction would be ‘fuck you, asshole’. For some reason I get really angry when people assume that I’m sexually receptive to them… I can understand being offended if someone assumes they can touch you sexually without having reasonable evidence that you are receptive. Proposing, though, even if crude such as in this example, is a form of asking\*. If it is offensive to presume one can propose casual sex, then one would have to ask if it’s ok to propose casual sex. Since a proposal is a way of asking, then this means that one has to ask if it’s ok to ask. Did you see that painting where the painter paints himself painting himself painting himself into infinity? \*When someone says “let’s fuck” what they mean is “I would like to fuck, would you like that as well?” which means that “let’s fuck” is also a way of asking you if you are sexually receptive. If the person presumed you were sexually receptive, they would feel no need to ask if you are. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2011, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/come-up-to-my-room-i-want-you-to-fuck-me-get-fucked-by-me/572536/72 "2011-02-27T16:49:40Z")
> [@MichaelEmouse](#): > > Proposing, though, even if crude such as in this example, is a form of asking\*. If it is offensive to presume one can propose casual sex, then one would have to ask if it’s ok to propose casual sex. Since a proposal is a way of asking, then this means that one has to ask if it’s ok to ask. See my post above. If you’re in the middle of a conversation about favorite TV shows, the protests in Wisconsin, or stupid things your co-workers do, it’s going to be jarring to have someone segue into a request to go home and fuck. If I was the recipient of this offer, my first thought would be that all the conversation leading to that moment was just pretense, kind of like the small talk a salesperson puts you through before they hit you with their timeshare spiel. Actually, it would be as if an acquaintance you hadn’t seen for years sidled up next to you at the bar, flirted with you for an hour, and then asked, out of the blue, if you could spot them $100. It’s presumptuous to move that fast and be so direct with someone you don’t know very well, and it carries with it a horndoggedness that isn’t really attractive IMO. There’s nothing wrong with asking, in and itself, and some people probably wouldn’t mind it if they were horny or attracted enough. But I think they are in the minority. If the person is willing to have sex, a “let’s go back to my place” would get the job done just as effectively as “let’s go back to my place and fuck”. So you gain nothing by being _that_ direct. ---
**Author:** ![MichaelEmouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/michaelemouse/32/101_2.png) [@MichaelEmouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MichaelEmouse)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2011, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/come-up-to-my-room-i-want-you-to-fuck-me-get-fucked-by-me/572536/73 "2011-02-27T17:02:24Z")
> [@you\_with\_the\_face](#): > > See my post above. > > If you’re in the middle of a conversation about favorite TV shows, the protests in Wisconsin, or stupid things your co-workers do, it’s going to be jarring to have someone segue into a request to go home and fuck. > > If I was the recipient of this offer, my first thought would be that all the conversation leading to that moment was just pretense, kind of like the small talk a salesperson puts you through before they hit you with their timeshare spiel. Actually, it would be as if an acquaintance you hadn’t seen for years sidled up next to you at the bar, flirted with you for an hour, and then asked, out of the blue, if you could spot them $100. It’s presumptuous to move that fast and be so direct with someone you don’t know very well, and it carries with it a horndoggedness that isn’t really attractive IMO. > > There’s nothing wrong with asking, in and itself, and some people probably wouldn’t mind it if they were horny or attracted enough. But I think they are in the minority. If the person is willing to have sex, a “let’s go back to my place” would get the job done just as effectively as “let’s go back to my place and fuck”. So you gain nothing by being _that_ direct. I was adressing the offensiveness of such a request. I don’t think it’s offensive or worth being upset about. If it happened to me, I would think that the communication style is too blunt for me, it’s likely uncouth and perhaps crude. I’d get over it though. ---
**Author:** ![rhubarbarin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eb9ed0/32.png) [@rhubarbarin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rhubarbarin)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2011, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/come-up-to-my-room-i-want-you-to-fuck-me-get-fucked-by-me/572536/74 "2011-03-01T16:04:16Z")
I do have some weird issues with men and with my own sexual attractiveness. But I think a lot of people would agree that it’s a bit rude/out there to just come out with ‘wanna fuck?’ The socially normal usually ‘ask’ this question much less directly, taking more time to slowly feel out the situation and the other person’s feelings with flirtation, slow progression of touching, etc. I like the slow progression because it’s much more comfortable for me to shut down all flirtation at the first hint. Going from ‘hey, nice to see you again’ to casual conversation to ‘come back to my room and have sex’ doesn’t give me much control over the situation. Control is what most of my issues here are all about, I hate being subjected\* to a man’s sexual desire for me just because I’m an attractive woman who happens to be near them. \*this is what it feels like to me… I admit I’m a little crazy. ETA: This hypothetical has pretty much happened to me before, I’m not still stewing over it but I get very irritated when it happens! ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2011, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/come-up-to-my-room-i-want-you-to-fuck-me-get-fucked-by-me/572536/75 "2011-03-01T17:26:51Z")
> [@Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](#): > > **no!!! Hell no!!!** So all you women back off! ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2011, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/come-up-to-my-room-i-want-you-to-fuck-me-get-fucked-by-me/572536/76 "2011-03-01T18:35:07Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > So all you women back off! I think Curtis’s answer is exactly right, for him. He’s too young and too confused for a sexual relationship with anyone. He needs to wait until he’s a sophomore in college. It will take him a year in college to get his head straight, then he’ll be ready. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/come-up-to-my-room-i-want-you-to-fuck-me-get-fucked-by-me/572536.md?page=3)