# Comeback lines **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 25, 2001, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/comeback-lines/83628 "2001-09-25T03:49:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![dukie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@dukie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dukie)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2001, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/comeback-lines/83628/1 "2001-09-25T03:49:13Z")
Dont know any myself but I was wondering if anyone else here could shoot some out for me. Just some quality comeback lines you could use or have used on messege boards or just in daily life. Well anyway…thanks in return. ---
**Author:** ![nra\_babe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ecd19e/32.png) [@nra\_babe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nra_babe)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2001, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/comeback-lines/83628/2 "2001-09-25T04:10:07Z")
one of the things i hate is when i get the line “comeon baby dont you like chocolate??” to which i reply… “yeah, Alpine white with nuts” Please dont get me wrong but that kind of behavior is completely out of line for any race, creed or color… ---
**Author:** ![DPWhite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d26b3c/32.png) [@DPWhite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DPWhite)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2001, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/comeback-lines/83628/3 "2001-09-25T04:12:47Z")
whatever ---
**Author:** ![Arden\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@Arden\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arden_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2001, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/comeback-lines/83628/4 "2001-09-25T04:13:17Z")
“Save your breath. You’ll need it to blow up your date” ---
**Author:** ![tomndebb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@tomndebb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tomndebb)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2001, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/comeback-lines/83628/5 "2001-09-25T04:35:19Z")
Upon hearing the mild interjection, “Oh, shoot!” _“Bang!”_ In response to the (thankfully rare) jibe from a mad Creationist: “I suppose you think you are descended from monkeys?” _“And I wish your descendents the same good fortune.”_ In response to someone sticking out their tongue: _“No, thanks. I use toilet paper.”_ ---
**Author:** ![LifeOnWry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/96bed5/32.png) [@LifeOnWry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LifeOnWry)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2001, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/comeback-lines/83628/6 "2001-09-25T04:38:43Z")
To my well-endowed sister: “Oh, yeah? Well, I don’t NEED tits. _I_ have a PERSONALITY.” Who me, bitter? ---
**Author:** ![frock75](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ad7895/32.png) [@frock75](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/frock75)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2001, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/comeback-lines/83628/7 "2001-09-25T04:40:03Z")
“I know you are but what am I?” ---
**Author:** ![atypicalcarl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@atypicalcarl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/atypicalcarl)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2001, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/comeback-lines/83628/8 "2001-09-25T04:48:58Z")
“You ever notice shit on your Q-Tips?” ---
**Author:** ![Eternal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ecb155/32.png) [@Eternal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eternal)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2001, 5:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/comeback-lines/83628/9 "2001-09-25T05:02:30Z")
I don’t like to waste my wit on comeback lines. I borrow comedy from UCB. “Oh yeah, will you’ve handled my ass pennies!” Ass Pennies = Instant Confidence ---
**Author:** ![gypsy\_gurl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a183cd/32.png) [@gypsy\_gurl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gypsy_gurl)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2001, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/comeback-lines/83628/10 "2001-09-25T05:04:10Z")
You’re one load your mom should have swallowed… ---
**Author:** ![Kvallulf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/898d66/32.png) [@Kvallulf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kvallulf)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2001, 6:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/comeback-lines/83628/11 "2001-09-25T06:47:36Z")
Dummy! Of course its better when you can say it like Fred Sanford. ---
**Author:** ![bender](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b9bd4f/32.png) [@bender](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bender)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2001, 8:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/comeback-lines/83628/12 "2001-09-25T08:26:00Z")
“How’d ya get so fat ?” “'cause every time I f’cked your mother, she baked me a cake !” ---
**Author:** ![Oicu812](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/f475e1/32.png) [@Oicu812](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oicu812)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2001, 11:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/comeback-lines/83628/13 "2001-09-25T11:07:53Z")
“Did your mother and father just HAPPEN to be brother and sister, by any chance?” ---
**Author:** ![Enright3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/enright3/32/2897_2.png) [@Enright3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enright3)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2001, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/comeback-lines/83628/14 "2001-09-25T13:37:58Z")
How you doin? I’m so happy I gotta sit on my hands to keep from clapping! How you doin? If I were any better, I’d need a twin! (or “I’d need to clone myself”) How you doin? Well, my wife left me, my back’s been hurting, my job’s a pain, I don’t get paid enough… but you know me, I can’t complain! (Waitress) You ready to order dessert? Just looking at you is dessert enough for me! (girlfriend) Do I look good in this outfit? Baby, you get better looking everytime I see you, and today you look like tomorrow. ---
**Author:** ![Kwyjibo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/59ef9b/32.png) [@Kwyjibo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kwyjibo)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2001, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/comeback-lines/83628/15 "2001-09-25T14:37:32Z")
“I can’t believe, that out of millions of sperm, you were the quickest.” “No, your ass makes your ass look fat.” ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2001, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/comeback-lines/83628/16 "2001-09-25T14:41:21Z")
Spread it on thin…it’s a big farm ---
**Author:** ![caircair](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/91b2a8/32.png) [@caircair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/caircair)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2001, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/comeback-lines/83628/17 "2001-09-25T15:11:43Z")
“I hope your mother runs out from under the porch and bites you!” Or, on being acosted in a bar: (Look the acoster up and down a few times, then shake head and say, regretfully): “I’m sorry, but you just won’t do.” ---
**Author:** ![Syzygy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Syzygy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syzygy)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2001, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/comeback-lines/83628/18 "2001-09-25T15:20:26Z")
On approaching a potential date, and being rejected with, “In your dreams!” “Uh, no. In my dreams, you’d be thinner.” Harsh, but effective. ---
**Author:** ![Why\_A\_Duck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/13edae/32.png) [@Why\_A\_Duck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Why_A_Duck)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2001, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/comeback-lines/83628/19 "2001-09-25T15:34:19Z")
**[Costanza]** Oh yeah, well the jerk store called and they’re out of YOU!\*\* [/Costanza]\*\* [sub](I slept with your wife)[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![dukie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@dukie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dukie)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2001, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/comeback-lines/83628/20 "2001-09-26T02:33:11Z")
Those were great guys…got anymore? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/comeback-lines/83628.md?page=2)