# Comforting someone with, "There, there"? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 1, 2023, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/comforting-someone-with-there-there/992424 "2023-11-01T16:04:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![mixdenny](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mixdenny/32/2962_2.png) [@mixdenny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mixdenny)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2023, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/comforting-someone-with-there-there/992424/1 "2023-11-01T16:04:19Z")
What does “There, there” mean in this context? Just soft iterative words? Can I say, “Here, here” instead? ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2023, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/comforting-someone-with-there-there/992424/2 "2023-11-01T16:06:28Z")
You can say, “Now, now,” but tone matters. ---
**Author:** ![racer72](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/racer72/32/3075_2.png) [@racer72](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racer72)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2023, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/comforting-someone-with-there-there/992424/3 "2023-11-01T16:14:22Z")
I think the Sheldon Cooper method of using “there, there” was perfect, a way of showing concern when not really giving a damn. ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2023, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/comforting-someone-with-there-there/992424/4 "2023-11-01T16:17:31Z")
I thought it was a component in traditional British upper class minimalist parenting: Consolation: “there there” Praise: “here here” Rebuke: “now now” Stern rebuke: “tut tut” ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2023, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/comforting-someone-with-there-there/992424/5 "2023-11-01T16:18:05Z")
What’s really needed is a line of canned cocktails/edibles/liquor/beer with the brand name of “There, There”. ---
**Author:** ![Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/q.q.switcheroo/32/5713_2.png) [@Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.Q.Switcheroo)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2023, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/comforting-someone-with-there-there/992424/6 "2023-11-01T16:39:35Z")
And when it was sold out, you could say “There is no ‘There, There.’” ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2023, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/comforting-someone-with-there-there/992424/7 "2023-11-01T16:41:02Z")
> [@Q.Q.Switcheroo](#): > > And when it was sold out, you could say “There is no ‘There, There.’ -” \< brandishes wet trout \> ---
**Author:** ![Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/son_of_a_rich/32/5439_2.png) [@Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Son_of_a_Rich)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2023, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/comforting-someone-with-there-there/992424/8 "2023-11-01T16:41:13Z")
That’s how Rev. Lovejoy comforted Bart when he was going to the chair. ---
**Author:** ![Exapno\_Mapcase](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/exapno_mapcase/32/1051_2.png) [@Exapno\_Mapcase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exapno_Mapcase)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2023, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/comforting-someone-with-there-there/992424/9 "2023-11-01T17:07:35Z")
[It goes back to Victorian Britain](https://www.grammarphobia.com/blog/2022/09/there-there.html). > The earliest example we’ve found for the adverb used to comfort someone is from the early 19th century: “There, there, my dear fellow—nay, don’t cry—it will be all well with you yet” (“Incident at Navarino,” The London Saturday Journal, Oct. 19, 1839). > > \*Oxford’\*s first citation for the comforting usage appeared several decades later: “ ‘There, there,’ my poor father answered, ‘it is not that’ ” (from _Routledge’s Every Boy’s Annual_ of 1872). … > > It’s possible that the comforting sense of “there, there” may have originated in its use with children, though we haven’t found any evidence to support this. Hear, hear! Which got us a callout on [WhatIs.com](https://www.techtarget.com/whatis/feature/Here-here-or-hear-hear) > Which is correct? > > There were cries of \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ from board members when the CFO announced that the [green computing](https://searchdatacenter.techtarget.com/definition/green-computing) incentives would also lead to more revenue. > a. “hear, hear” > b. “here, here” > > Answer: a. … > > [The Straight Dope answers this question](http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/1489/why-do-people-say-hear-hear): > > Dear Straight Dope: > > When you agree with someone, do you say “Here Here!” or “Hear Hear” ? And what does it mean? What is the origin of “Here Here” or “Hear Hear”? > > — Tymoma195 > > The correct term is, “hear, hear!” It is an abbreviation for “hear, all ye good people, hear what this brilliant and eloquent speaker has to say!” ---
**Author:** ![WildaBeast](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wildabeast/32/6_2.png) [@WildaBeast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WildaBeast)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2023, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/comforting-someone-with-there-there/992424/10 "2023-11-01T17:15:39Z")
> ‘I’m cold,’ Snowden said again in a frail, childlike voice. ‘I’m cold.’ > ‘There, there,’ Yossarian said, because he did not know what else to say. ‘There, there.’ ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2023, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/comforting-someone-with-there-there/992424/11 "2023-11-01T17:34:42Z")
Thank you for correcting that Chin chin ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2023, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/comforting-someone-with-there-there/992424/12 "2023-11-01T18:51:20Z")
I like the Liz Lemon version. _Awkward_ “There… There. Don’t be cry.” ---
**Author:** ![PatrickLondon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/patricklondon/32/4422_2.png) [@PatrickLondon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PatrickLondon)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2023, 11:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/comforting-someone-with-there-there/992424/13 "2023-11-02T11:07:40Z")
Was it Gertrude Stein who said that it wouldn’t apply in Canada :)? ---
**Author:** ![Jasmine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jasmine/32/2964_2.png) [@Jasmine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jasmine)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2023, 11:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/comforting-someone-with-there-there/992424/14 "2023-11-02T11:21:12Z")
Nope, because the latter is celebrating, which may be what you actually want to do but certainly are not going to reveal in front of the bereaved. LOL Seriously, though, I try to avoid hackneyed or trite phrases. I think a hug and words of encouragement are far more helpful and appreciated. ---
**Author:** ![JKellyMap](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jkellymap/32/15880_2.png) [@JKellyMap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JKellyMap)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2023, 12:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/comforting-someone-with-there-there/992424/15 "2023-11-02T12:19:58Z")
Since Radiohead’s video twenty years ago, the phrase has taken on a sinister tone for me. [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/7AQSLozK7aA/maxresdefault.jpg "Radiohead - There, There") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7AQSLozK7aA) ---
**Author:** ![hogarth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hogarth/32/1773_2.png) [@hogarth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hogarth)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2023, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/comforting-someone-with-there-there/992424/16 "2023-11-02T14:44:17Z")
[![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/3TfCgIRPZXI/hqdefault.jpg ""There... there..." scene from The Simpsons (TV Episode 1991)") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3TfCgIRPZXI) ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2023, 11:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/comforting-someone-with-there-there/992424/17 "2023-11-03T11:26:45Z")
[There, there…shut up boy.](https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/32c80106-3c09-48bc-8bdc-1d909599e5bf) ---
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2023, 11:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/comforting-someone-with-there-there/992424/18 "2023-11-03T11:53:58Z")
And, of course, if you are comforting a grammar nazi, it is “Their, they’re, there”. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2023, 11:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/comforting-someone-with-there-there/992424/19 "2023-11-03T11:55:05Z")
> [@running\_coach](#): > > What’s really needed is a line of canned cocktails/edibles/liquor/beer with the brand name of “There, There”. I’d buy the shit out of edibles under the brand name “Their/There/They’re.” ---
**Author:** ![mixdenny](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mixdenny/32/2962_2.png) [@mixdenny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mixdenny)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2023, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/comforting-someone-with-there-there/992424/20 "2023-11-03T16:58:25Z")
American, “There, there.” British, “Hear, hear.” Canadian, “Hey, hey.” Australian, “Goober-Polly.” Scottish (grabs his pipes…) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/comforting-someone-with-there-there/992424.md?page=2)