# Comic Sans went into a bar...
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/comic-sans-went-into-a-bar/494157
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [April 23, 2009, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/comic-sans-went-into-a-bar/494157 "2009-04-23T21:41:12Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@wigwag](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wigwag)
#### Post date: [April 23, 2009, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/comic-sans-went-into-a-bar/494157/1 "2009-04-23T21:41:12Z")
and ordered a drink. The bartender looked him up and down and said, “We don’t serve your type.”
A fried-egg sandwich went into a bar and ordered a drink. The bartender looked him up and down and said, “We don’t serve food here.”
Read these two this week and feel the need for more. Lay on your best “X went into a bar” joke, please.
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### Author:  [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)
#### Post date: [April 23, 2009, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/comic-sans-went-into-a-bar/494157/2 "2009-04-23T21:45:20Z")
A grasshopper walks into a bar. The barkeep says, "You know, we have a drink named after you. Stunned, “You have a drink named Herschel?”
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### Author:  [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)
#### Post date: [April 23, 2009, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/comic-sans-went-into-a-bar/494157/3 "2009-04-23T21:56:43Z")
A string walks into a bar. The bartender says, “We don’t serve strings.” The string leaves and ties himself into a sheepshank, wearing away some of the thread in the process.
The string re-enters the drinking establishment and orders a drink.
Bartender asks, “Aren’t you the same string I just refused to serve?”
String replies, “No, I’m a frayed knot!”
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### Author:  [@Defensive\_Indifference](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Defensive_Indifference)
#### Post date: [April 23, 2009, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/comic-sans-went-into-a-bar/494157/4 "2009-04-23T22:00:18Z")
A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar. Bartender says, “What is this, some kinda joke?”
A neutron walks into a bar. Asks the barman, “How much for a beer?” Barman replies, “For you? No charge!”
I never get tired of either of those.
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### Author:  [@USCDiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/USCDiver)
#### Post date: [April 23, 2009, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/comic-sans-went-into-a-bar/494157/5 "2009-04-23T22:09:52Z")
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Why the long face?”
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### Author:  [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)
#### Post date: [April 23, 2009, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/comic-sans-went-into-a-bar/494157/6 "2009-04-23T22:59:53Z")
A termite walks into a bar and asks, “Is the bartender?”
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### Author:  [@Snarky\_Kong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snarky_Kong)
#### Post date: [April 23, 2009, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/comic-sans-went-into-a-bar/494157/7 "2009-04-23T23:05:10Z")
> [@Zsofia](#):
>
> A termite walks into a bar and asks, “Is the bartender?”
Where’s the bar tender?
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### Author:  [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)
#### Post date: [April 23, 2009, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/comic-sans-went-into-a-bar/494157/8 "2009-04-23T23:12:35Z")
Our own dear **Eve** once posted one that still makes me giggle.
Celine Dion walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Why the long face.”
Cracks me up!
Two men walk into a bar. You’d think at least _one_ of them would have seen it!
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### Author:  [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)
#### Post date: [April 23, 2009, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/comic-sans-went-into-a-bar/494157/9 "2009-04-23T23:14:30Z")
> [@Zsofia](#):
>
> A termite walks into a bar and asks, “Is the bartender?”
I heard it as “Is the bartender here?”
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### Author:  [@Catamount](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catamount)
#### Post date: [April 23, 2009, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/comic-sans-went-into-a-bar/494157/10 "2009-04-23T23:17:50Z")
> [@swampbear](#):
>
> Two men walk into a bar. You’d think at least _one_ of them would have seen it!
My favorite version of that joke: A guy walks into a bar and says “ouch!”
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### Author:  [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)
#### Post date: [April 23, 2009, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/comic-sans-went-into-a-bar/494157/11 "2009-04-23T23:22:37Z")
Close But Not Quite Dept:
A zen master goes up to a hot dog vendor and says, “Make me one with everything!”
The vendor gives him the dog and the master gives him a fiver, which is promptly pocketed. The master asks, 'Where’s my change?" and the vendor replies, “Change comes from within.”
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### Author:  [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)
#### Post date: [April 23, 2009, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/comic-sans-went-into-a-bar/494157/12 "2009-04-23T23:27:59Z")
Two pieces of tarmac go into a bar.
They’re having a nice pint when a piece of red cement walks in the door.
One of the pieces of tarmac sees the cement, immediately grabs the other one, drags him to the floor, and pushes him under the table.
“What the hell are you doing?” asks the second piece of tarmac.
“Shh!” replies the first. “I know we’re hard, but that guy’s a fucking cycle path!”
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### Author:  [@Just\_Some\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Some_Guy)
#### Post date: [April 23, 2009, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/comic-sans-went-into-a-bar/494157/13 "2009-04-23T23:32:34Z")
> [@SpazCat](#):
>
> My favorite version of that joke: A guy walks into a bar and says “ouch!”
Alternatively: a priest and a rabbi walk into a bar. The minister ducked.
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### Author:  [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)
#### Post date: [April 23, 2009, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/comic-sans-went-into-a-bar/494157/14 "2009-04-23T23:33:45Z")
Guys runs into a bar and says to the bartender, “I need six shots of tequila! Quick!”
The bartender quickly sets up six shot glasses and starts pouring tequila, and the man starts slamming them back as fast as the bartender can pour them. “Whoa! Why are you drinking so fast?” asks the bartender.
“You’d drink fast too, if you had what I have!” explains the man.
The bartender arches an eyebrow and backs up a bit. “Um, what do you have?”
“Seventy-five cents.”
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### Author:  [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)
#### Post date: [April 23, 2009, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/comic-sans-went-into-a-bar/494157/15 "2009-04-23T23:44:23Z")
Three blokes walk into a pub. One of them is a little stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with tedious inevitability. (courtesy of Bill Bailey)
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### Author:  [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)
#### Post date: [April 23, 2009, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/comic-sans-went-into-a-bar/494157/16 "2009-04-23T23:47:29Z")
> [@Bayard](#):
>
> A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar. Bartender says, “What is this, some kinda joke?”
I encountered pretty much that setup in an elevator at work (I work in a hospital, they all had employee badges tagged “Chaplain”) and I _reaaaally_ had to restrain myself from saying that punchline.
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### Author:  [@happiness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/happiness)
#### Post date: [April 23, 2009, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/comic-sans-went-into-a-bar/494157/17 "2009-04-23T23:55:52Z")
A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head.
He orders a shot of rum. So the bartender says, “Sure. What’s with the paper towel?”
The pirate says, “Arrggh, I have a bounty on me head!”
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### Author:  [@Dragwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragwyr)
#### Post date: [April 24, 2009, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/comic-sans-went-into-a-bar/494157/18 "2009-04-24T00:10:19Z")
The Lone Ranger walks into a bar with his trusty sidekick, Tonto. He turns to Tonto and tells him to go outside and cool down the horses. Tonto goes to do that, but doesn’t have a fan or cool water for the horses, so he starts running around the horses to create a nice cooling breeze. A short time later, someone else walks into the bar and says, “Hey, someone left their Injun’ running.”
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### Author:  [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)
#### Post date: [April 24, 2009, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/comic-sans-went-into-a-bar/494157/19 "2009-04-24T00:18:16Z")
A pirate walks into a bar, with a steering wheel down his pants.
The bartender asks him, “Gee what’s that down your pants, a streering wheel?”
The pirate replies, “Arr! And it’s driving me nuts!”
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### Author:  [@Defensive\_Indifference](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Defensive_Indifference)
#### Post date: [April 24, 2009, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/comic-sans-went-into-a-bar/494157/20 "2009-04-24T00:20:12Z")
A dog limps into a bar. He’s wearing a black shirt, black hat, black boots, little black bandage around one of the boot. He drawls to the barman, “I’m lookin’ for the guy who shot my paw.”
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