# Coming of age films for people in their 30s **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 19, 2014, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coming-of-age-films-for-people-in-their-30s/701865 "2014-10-19T23:30:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2014, 12:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coming-of-age-films-for-people-in-their-30s/701865/21 "2014-10-20T12:28:40Z")
> [@Wesley\_Clark](#): > > hahaha burn > > Some people don’t finish school until their late 20s, people start having kids in their 30s, it takes years to find an actual career (instead of a job) now so aging is being delayed. Milestones people used to hit in their 20s are more coming in the 30s now. I was making an observation not seeking to insult anyone. I realize everyone lives their life on their own schedule. But if you’re “coming of age” in your thirties, you need to realize you’re doing it later than most other people. ---
**Author:** ![mcgato](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac8455/32.png) [@mcgato](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mcgato)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2014, 12:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coming-of-age-films-for-people-in-their-30s/701865/22 "2014-10-20T12:31:18Z")
Can always look at the movie that “The Big Chill” ripped off, “The Return of the Secaucus Seven.” ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2014, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coming-of-age-films-for-people-in-their-30s/701865/23 "2014-10-20T13:50:45Z")
> [@jz78817](#): > > the entire concept of “coming of age” is horseshit. we don’t all go through life experiencing the same things, so the notion of there being some “script” to one’s life is garbage. Yeah. That’s the reason the OP is looking for stuff about this happening while in one’s _thirties_. 'Cause, you know, it typically happens during your teens / early twenties, right? To answer the question though, how about “Independence Day” from 1983? It has Kathleen Quinlan and David Keith. I liked it. ---
**Author:** ![SaharaTea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SaharaTea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SaharaTea)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2014, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coming-of-age-films-for-people-in-their-30s/701865/24 "2014-10-20T14:36:35Z")
**13 Going on 30** was the most obvious film that came to mind. Jennifer Garner plays a 13-year-old who time travels into her 30-year-old self and doesn’t like who she’s become. In **The Last Kiss** , Zach Braff plays a guy who is turning 30 and has trouble dealing with “adult” responsibilities. **Romy & Michelle’s High School Reunion** and **Grosse Pointe Blank** both deal with the inevitable fallout from attending one’s 10-year high school reunion. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2014, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coming-of-age-films-for-people-in-their-30s/701865/25 "2014-10-20T14:51:43Z")
I think many suggestions have wandered out of the “coming of age” genre. They’re more like “recognition of age” stories. When a character is married, has two kids, owns a house, and has their own business, they’re not coming of age. They’re not passing a milestone to come of age - they’re realizing they’ve passed the milestones and have come of age. You can make an interesting story out of this but it’s not a coming of age story. The exceptions - _Failure to Launch, Clerks II, Young Adult, The Last Kiss, Big Daddy, Laggies_ - where you have a character in their thirties having a genuine coming of age experience all have that element I mentioned above of it being a delayed experience. ---
**Author:** ![Reno\_Nevada](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Reno\_Nevada](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reno_Nevada)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2014, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coming-of-age-films-for-people-in-their-30s/701865/26 "2014-10-20T15:10:25Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > I think many suggestions have wandered out of the “coming of age” genre. They’re more like “recognition of age” stories. When a character is married, has two kids, owns a house, and has their own business, they’re not coming of age. They’re not passing a milestone to come of age - they’re realizing they’ve passed the milestones and have come of age. You can make an interesting story out of this but it’s not a coming of age story. > > The exceptions - _Failure to Launch, Clerks II, Young Adult, The Last Kiss, Big Daddy, Laggies_ - where you have a character in their thirties having a genuine coming of age experience all have that element I mentioned above of it being a delayed experience. I disagree, because I think that there are “coming of age” experiences appropriate for each age we enter, and I think some of these movies are about coming to realizations about what it means to be in your 30’s. How is a “coming of age” not a “recognition of age”, whatever that age might be? I was going to recommend **Grosse Pointe Blank**. I think it fits pretty well. ---
**Author:** ![EllisDee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellisdee/32/4531_2.png) [@EllisDee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EllisDee)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2014, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coming-of-age-films-for-people-in-their-30s/701865/27 "2014-10-20T15:58:34Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > I think many suggestions have wandered out of the “coming of age” genre. They’re more like “recognition of age” stories. When a character is married, has two kids, owns a house, and has their own business, they’re not coming of age. They’re not passing a milestone to come of age - they’re realizing they’ve passed the milestones and have come of age. You can make an interesting story out of this but it’s not a coming of age story. In that case, I don’t think this thread is about coming of age. From the OP: > [@Wesley\_Clark](#): > > I’m watching the Big Chill right now, it isn’t bad. I am curious as to what other art is out there that documents the process of going from your 20s into your 30s. > > For me the transition was pretty big. In my 20s I could take my health for granted, I can’t do that in my 30s. I’m much more aware of my fragility and mortality. Plus the idealism of my 20s has been worn down by adult life. Plus even though I don’t have kids directly, there are kids I feel somewhat responsible for and it has changed my life in some ways (how I approach finances for example). > > Most coming of age films seem to only focus on childhood. I’m more interested in the transition from 20s to 30s and how it affects relationships, health, idealism, values, goals in life, etc. Are there any good pieces of art on this? ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2014, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coming-of-age-films-for-people-in-their-30s/701865/28 "2014-10-20T16:26:46Z")
_About a Boy_, which makes sense when you realize the film’s title actually refers to Hugh Grant’s character, not Toni Collette’s bratty kid. ---
**Author:** ![cormac262](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f14d63/32.png) [@cormac262](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cormac262)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2014, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coming-of-age-films-for-people-in-their-30s/701865/29 "2014-10-20T17:22:24Z")
“Beautiful Girls” (the Timothy Hutton storyline) was the first thing that came to mind. But it seems these are more “late 20’s” than 30 year olds. I think “Juno”, the Jennifer Garner / Jason Batemen story is about their “moving forward” in their lives. ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Bailey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justin_bailey/32/8792_2.png) [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2014, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coming-of-age-films-for-people-in-their-30s/701865/30 "2014-10-20T18:06:23Z")
> [@SaharaTea](#): > > In **The Last Kiss** , Zach Braff plays a guy who is turning 30 and has trouble dealing with “adult” responsibilities. Unless you’re really looking forward to smashing your TV in disgust, I would recommend not watching The Last Kiss. Braff’s smug jackassery is turned up to 11 and the way he acts during the movie will make your skin crawl. ---
**Author:** ![EllisDee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellisdee/32/4531_2.png) [@EllisDee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EllisDee)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2014, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coming-of-age-films-for-people-in-their-30s/701865/31 "2014-10-20T18:12:33Z")
Yeah, agreed, but…Rachel Bilson boobies! ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Bailey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justin_bailey/32/8792_2.png) [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2014, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coming-of-age-films-for-people-in-their-30s/701865/32 "2014-10-20T18:36:32Z")
> [@EllisDee](#): > > Yeah, agreed, but…Rachel Bilson boobies! Wasn’t she wearing a very obvious flesh-colored bra? ---
**Author:** ![GargoyleWB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gargoylewb/32/199_2.png) [@GargoyleWB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GargoyleWB)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2014, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coming-of-age-films-for-people-in-their-30s/701865/33 "2014-10-20T19:04:35Z")
Hal Hartley’s **Unbelievable Truth** and **Trust** hit me at just the right time in my life to resonate with the 20/30-something characters. The handwavey theme of “you want the simplicity of youth, but look at all of this adult shit that needs sorting out” fits the thread purpose I think. ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2014, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coming-of-age-films-for-people-in-their-30s/701865/34 "2014-10-20T21:49:34Z")
FWIW I really don’t care if people think transitions should occur in your teens, or 20s or 30s or if they don’t think they should occur at all. My goal was to find media that discusses these transitions that occur in many people, not to present them as a formula everyone has to follow. I’ve been reading some threads on another board (yes I visit another board, but she means nothing to me) and I saw some threads about the hardest or most interesting part about transitioning to becoming an adult. The replies are usually along the lines of what I wrote in my OP. Themes come up like: 1. Your body no longer works well by default. You have to put more and more effort into your health to feel ok. You can’t take your health for granted or feel invulnerable anymore. 2. You tend to become more cautious and risk adverse in many ways 3. The idealism of youth gets tempered and you become more concerned with what is directly in front of you and less with the world at large 4. You realize you are not special or influential, you are a replaceable cog in a machine far bigger than yourself 5. You have kids, and your life stops being totally about you About Schmidt was a good movie that touched on some of these themes and the main character was in his 60s. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2014, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coming-of-age-films-for-people-in-their-30s/701865/35 "2014-10-20T22:39:25Z")
If you want to see a guy in a dead-end job looking at the wrong side of thirty as he awkwardly starts dating – and then marries, and then excitedly buys a house with, and then struggles to make car payments alongside – someone his own age, who (a) tells him to put aside his dreams in favor of steady work, especially with the baby on the way; but then she (b) realizes, yeah, okay, he should give it one last shot… …I’m just saying you could do a lot worse than ROCKY and ROCKY II, is all. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2014, 12:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coming-of-age-films-for-people-in-their-30s/701865/36 "2014-10-21T12:13:25Z")
To stretch the OP’s request, let me add that MAGNUM PI would draw attention to how our hero acted like an overgrown frat boy – living rent-free out of one room at some guy’s beach house, borrowing the car to get cold beers for his college-style fridge if Detroit is playing Boston, picking up chicks like a young single guy in shorty-shorts and a mismatched tank top and a baseball cap – doing stuff that makes sense for someone in his early twenties, but doesn’t quite fit a decorated military officer in his thirties using long experience and valuable contacts as a private investigator. Point being, he woke up one morning and realized he hadn’t _had_ a “twenties”: ten years ago, he was deciding whether to _leave a man behind in Vietnam._ And so he’s _deliberately_ making up for lost time: he’ll get to where he’s ready to settle down and start a family – and get back into uniform, to pick up where he left off – but for now, he’s a wisecracking eyebrow-waggler adding to his unpaid tab at the nightclub his more downbeat buddy runs like, y’know, a grown man in his thirties. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coming-of-age-films-for-people-in-their-30s/701865.md?page=1)