Coming Out at 32 (very long)

Yay Homebrew! Welcome to the family. We’re so glad you could make it.

Congratulations on finding that lost part of yourself, Homebrew. It takes courage to be that honest with yourself.

Welcome to a whole new life.

I consider myself lucky when it comes to the whole sexuality ordeal.

I knew that I was “different” ever since I was little, but at that young age, I had no idea. All I knew was that I liked Luke on the Dukes of Hazzard (At the time, more of a wanting to be like him) and that Charlton Heston’s voice was cool, very rarely did I like female characters in shows. :slight_smile:

Once I hit the ordeal that is known as puberty, I was basically like any other kid. Sneaking the dad’s Playboy’s, and all of that other “horny 12 year old” stuff. Once I got into middle school, around 7th grade or so, I did notice a bit of curiousity about the other boys, especailly in the locker rooms. Nothing really perverted or sexual I thought at the time, but a definite curiousity about other guys’ bodies. It was nothing I thought of as “gay” at the time.

I never really had a particular interest in girls, although I had many as friends. As for my other male friends, I would treat them as close friends. Every now and then I would feel a strong attraction to them, but not sexual at the time, I just liked to be around them. They were my friends, and that was it. In retrospect, I can definitely say that many of those were crushes, but at the time my interpretation of gay was “that interior decorator on the discovery channel” and surely that wasn’t me.

I’ve always been pretty mature for my age, and pretty level headed, so when I started realizing that I was attracted to guys on a more sexual level in high school (I was a more “late bloomer”) I felt disgusted with myself and dirty when those thoughts did enter my mind. As time went by, and around my junior and senior years, I realized that I was in fact gay, but I tried to convince myself otherwise. As you know, something like that on such a deep and fundamental level, cannot be changed, and it caused me a decent amount of stress. Nothing really bad at the time, but stress nonetheless. Luckily for me, I got over that reasonably quickly, and just accepted it. I know why I had those feelings, and that I cannot change it. I still have some guilt over it, mainly if I am with another guy, but I am getting better, I’m accepting it. I have told a few close friends about my sexuality, but it takes time to come to grips with it. I feel lucky that I am 19, and for the most part I am understanding of why I feel the way I do, and that I have to just accept it.

I still have a few rough spots to work out, but I know in my heart that this is what feels right to me, and that I am not going to let any social stigma change me, or force me to repress any feelings that I have.

I’m here, I’m gay, and I am not ashamed of it.

But I still haven’t told my parents. I don’t exactly have a very open minded family, and as a whole my family doesn’t really show emotion well. I can’t really see them accepting something like that.

I grew up with really reserved parents, and stuff like that wasn’t really talked about at all. My parents weren’t the type that you could just open up and talk to, and that still poses problems today for me.

Thank you, everyone, for the warm welcome and good wishes. I really like the fact that you’ve all termed it as a “family”.

Last night, one of the guys I met at the bar invited me to the weekly Bible Study for Gays he attends. It is hosted at the home of a gay couple who own what is, incidently, my long-time favorite local hamburger joint. I met several new people there, many who never go to the bar.

It’s funny that we left Dallas last spring and moved back to my hometown to be closer to family. What I’m finding is a whole new family.

A plot twist, yes, but it sounds like it still has a happy ending. You have a wonderful and understanding friend in your (ex) wife, you have a beautiful child, and you are young and free to begin on a whole new adventure. You are getting a chance to let a part of you bloom that has been hidden for so long. I think this is where the birds come out, land on your shoulder and chirp while you burst into song!

(Of course I still understand that the break up of your marriage will be painful.)

Checking in as someone who came out to my wife as bi at the advanced age of 33, although I have known forever (Here is the thread I wrote about my struggles with my secret… it’s a good read). AND I live in Dallas. Too bad you’re gone, we’re always looking to welcome Dallas Dopers into the group - not to mention I seem to be the only one IN that group who isn’t straight.

Oh, and I LOOOOOOVE Hunky’s Hamburgers. They make the best fried mushrooms in the universe - tempura-style, battered and fried to order. They’re not slimy like fried mushrooms usually are, the tempura is light and crunchy and greaseless… sigh. I need to get back down there and grab an order RIGHT AWAY.

Good luck Homebrew, and thank you for sharing your very personal story. I have always wondered about these types of situation; when a person goes from a hetero marriage to homosexuality. It’s a tought thing for someone who isn’t going through it to understand, and you’ve given me some insight.

Don’t forget those onion-rings. Big onions, not cut until you order them, hand dipped in the tempura batter and fried to golden perfection. I shouldn’t torture myself by thinking of them.

Wow! What a story. I think it’s great that you and your wife have such a great relationship and will continue that relationship in the future.

Good luck with everything!


“Family” has been kind of a code for “gay folk” for a long time. That’s one of the reasons the whole “family values” thing amused some of us so much back in the early 90s. We’ve got “family values”, too. :smiley:


As you get to know more of the community, you’ll hear references made such as “he’s family”, “she’s family”, etc. Nice, subtle way to point out to other gay friends/relations in public that someone is well…family :).

Anyway, what a wonderful story Homebrew, and again, welcome to the family! It’s great that both you and your wife have found that part of yourselves you didnt even know you had.

I also recently came out of the closet to both friends, and family, and mine was very untraumatic. My parents never raised my brothers or I with the idea that being gay was wrong (in fact, mom has scolded my twin before for making comments that were tinged with ignorance (this was before i came out). So i have a great family. It was pretty mellow and not really anything at all.

I also recently met a great guy, and am quite happy :). Good luck on the dating scene…it took me 22 years to finally start, myself.