# Commandment Tablets **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 24, 2009, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/commandment-tablets/507546 "2009-08-24T20:41:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Deflagration](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3ab097/32.png) [@Deflagration](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Deflagration)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2009, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/commandment-tablets/507546/1 "2009-08-24T20:41:07Z")
I’ve just read the news article regarding the recovery of Moses’ 3rd stone tablet from Mount Sinai. This obviously means scholars from around the world have been decoding “Commandments 11-15” and I guess they’ve hit a bottle-neck. Primary analysis says: ``` 11. Don't eat yellow snow. 12. Do Not run with scissors. ``` Can any of my fellow Dopers give me an insight as to what the remaining 3 may be? ---
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2009, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/commandment-tablets/507546/2 "2009-08-24T20:49:31Z")
Consultation with the pseudepigraphic Book of Croce reveals: Thou shalt not tug on Superman’s cape. Thou shalt not spit into the wind. Thou shalt not pull the mask off the old Lone Ranger. Thou shalt not mess around with Jim. Amen. Verily, amen. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2009, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/commandment-tablets/507546/3 "2009-08-24T22:10:29Z")
I thought 13 was “Don’t mess with the zit till it’s ready to pop.” At least it is for me. ---
**Author:** ![Llama\_Llogophile](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@Llama\_Llogophile](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Llama_Llogophile)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2009, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/commandment-tablets/507546/4 "2009-08-24T22:32:24Z")
There shall be no crying in baseball. ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2009, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/commandment-tablets/507546/5 "2009-08-24T23:56:14Z")
XIII. Thou shalt not be a jerk. XIV. Thou shalt link to pictures of thy kittehs whenever thou starts a thread about them. XV. Every third item shalt be “Hi Opal”. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2009, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/commandment-tablets/507546/6 "2009-08-25T00:02:28Z")
XVI. The first rule about the smiting of the Canaanites is that nobody talks about the smiting of the Canaanites. ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2009, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/commandment-tablets/507546/7 "2009-08-25T00:17:37Z")
Number 13: “Thou shalt not speak ill of thy fellow Republicans” – St. Ronald of Reagan ---
**Author:** ![Rhythmdvl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/85f322/32.png) [@Rhythmdvl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhythmdvl)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2009, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/commandment-tablets/507546/8 "2009-08-25T00:18:38Z")
> [@Deflagration](#): > > I’ve just read the news article regarding the recovery of Moses’ 3rd stone tablet from Mount Sinai. > > This obviously means scholars from around the world have been decoding “Commandments 11-15” and I guess they’ve hit a bottle-neck. > > Primary analysis says: > > ``` > 11. Don't eat yellow snow. > 12. Do Not run with scissors. > > ``` > > Can any of my fellow Dopers give me an insight as to what the remaining 3 may be? Update. Those two were actually numbers 12 and 13. Number 11 was “Watch out where the huskies go.” ---
**Author:** ![KlondikeGeoff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3e96dc/32.png) [@KlondikeGeoff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KlondikeGeoff)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2009, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/commandment-tablets/507546/9 "2009-08-25T01:17:52Z")
Slight aside: Moses came down from the mountain, and told the crowd, "I have good news and bad news. "The good news is that I’ve finaly been able to talk Him down to only ten commandments. “The bad news is that adultry is still in there.” ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2009, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/commandment-tablets/507546/10 "2009-08-25T01:27:03Z")
“Whistle while you work” “It’s okay to eat chicken with your fingers” ---
**Author:** ![StaudtCJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/90ced4/32.png) [@StaudtCJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StaudtCJ)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2009, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/commandment-tablets/507546/11 "2009-08-25T01:32:49Z")
rule 14: Don’t touch that ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2009, 7:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/commandment-tablets/507546/12 "2009-08-25T07:14:45Z")
> [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](#): > > XV. Every third item shalt be “Hi Opal”. Thou shalt not partake of eyes of the buck. ---
**Author:** ![MEBuckner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mebuckner/32/2896_2.png) [@MEBuckner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MEBuckner)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2009, 7:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/commandment-tablets/507546/13 "2009-08-25T07:35:05Z")
Commandment XI: I am the LORD thy God. Thou shalt learn all my commandments before thou keepest any of them. Commandment XII: Chisel thy name upon the top of thine tablet. Commandment XIII: Puttest thou thine right hand into the circle, remove it therefrom, then puttest it back thereunto, and shake it all about. Commandment XIV: Puttest thou thine left hand into the circle, remove it therefrom, then puttest it back thereunto, and shake it all about. Commandment XV: Puttest thou thine right foot into the circle, remove it therefrom, then puttest it back thereunto, and shake it all about. Commandment XVI: Puttest thou thine left foot into the circle, remove it therefrom, then puttest it back thereunto, and shake it all about. Commandment XVII: Puttest thou thine head into the circle, remove it therefrom, then puttest it back thereunto, and shake it all about. Commandment XVIII: Puttest thou thine hindquarters into the circle, remove it therefrom, then puttest it back thereunto, and shake it all about. Commandment XIX: Puttest thou thyself into the circle, remove thyself therefrom, then puttest thyself back thereunto, and shake thyself all about. Commandment XX: Disregardest thou each of the commandments besides the chiselling of thine name upon thine tablet, and give unto Moses and the elders thine tablet with thy name carved thereunto. And then all who have danced the hokey-pokey must die by stones; thou shalt not spare them, nor shalt thine eye pity them, for they have broken the commandments of the LORD their God. ---
**Author:** ![E-Sabbath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e19adc/32.png) [@E-Sabbath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-Sabbath)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2009, 11:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/commandment-tablets/507546/14 "2009-08-25T11:00:54Z")
Commandment #0: Don’t Get Caught. ---
**Author:** ![Telperion](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telperion/32/509_2.png) [@Telperion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperion)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2009, 11:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/commandment-tablets/507546/15 "2009-08-25T11:20:19Z")
1. Thou shalt not copy that floppy. ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2009, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/commandment-tablets/507546/16 "2009-08-25T12:38:13Z")
16 Put not thy trust in any woman for their perfidity knows no limit. 17 Do unto others before they doest unto you; concealest thou all thine evidence 18 Retreat not from thine position; ever must thou lie, conceal, and take no prisoners 19 Determine thou upon thy story and stick with it until the bitter end. 20 Diest thou while young from the excesses of youth and leavest behind the a lovely corpse ---
**Author:** ![Triskadecamus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b19c9b/32.png) [@Triskadecamus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Triskadecamus)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2009, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/commandment-tablets/507546/17 "2009-08-25T13:11:14Z")
The last four of the five recently recovered are hopelessly illegible, due to great weathering. The eleventh commandment was deciphered, though. First, thou shalt make a backup copy, and store it in a different location. Tris ---
**Author:** ![John\_DiFool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_difool/32/19543_2.png) [@John\_DiFool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_DiFool)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2009, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/commandment-tablets/507546/18 "2009-08-25T14:22:16Z")
I thought Mel Brooks dropped 11-15 by mistake and they shattered into a million pieces. ---
**Author:** ![Daithi\_Lacha](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daithi_lacha/32/5430_2.png) [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2009, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/commandment-tablets/507546/19 "2009-08-25T14:22:36Z")
Thou shalt take no nickels graven from wood. ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2009, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/commandment-tablets/507546/20 "2009-08-25T14:48:16Z")
13 Never draw to an inside straight 14 A half bottle in front of me beats a full frontal lobotomy 15 You’re still reading Leviticus? What part of “it was all a joke” didn’t you get? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/commandment-tablets/507546.md?page=2)