# Commandments... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 3, 2001, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/commandments/74773 "2001-08-03T14:10:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![tavalla](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tavalla/32/89_2.png) [@tavalla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tavalla)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/commandments/74773/1 "2001-08-03T14:10:42Z")
Okay, so I’m trying to come up with the Commandments for Newbies (I’m also thinking of writing a self-help book for us). Any more experienced dopers - hell, even other newbies - got anything to add to the list? 1. Thou shalt not be a jerk. 2. Thou shalt learn how tO use the caps Key properly. 3. Thou shalt not be intimidated because thou art a newbie. People around here are actually pretty welcoming (look, **ender** even wrote a [song](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=66044) about us. They care). 4. Thou shalt create no sock puppets. In fact, thou shalt throw out all thy socks, lest thy succumb to the temptation to glue/sew little plastic googly eyes to them and hold amusing conversations with them. 5. Thou shalt provide cites for thine arguments, especially in General Questions and Great Debates. 6. If someone calls thee a [deleted][deleted]horse’s [deleted], thou shalt not respond, "Oh yeah? Well, you’re a pile of [deleted][deleted]pickled [deleted]. Instead, thou shalt respond with wit and style, as **deepbluesea** did over [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=78525&pagenumber=3). Scroll down and thou shalt find it. 7. If thine aim is to become known as a raving loony on this board, then remember thou art competing with some masters of the art. Thou wilt have to be _very_ good at it, and that means either an incredible monomania or a considerable sense of style. Better to leave it for now. 8. Thou shalt not argue with the mods. It’s a losing game, bubba, because (as we all know) they are superhumanly smart, possessed of unearthly powers and good looks, and all have free, special mods-only SDMB coffee mugs. 9. Thou shalt read the boards at least a little before posting. Thou shalt read the faq and do a little testing in ATMB to get the hang of vB code. Incidentally, thou shalt **preview** before posting. Over to you guys. What did I miss? What can you add? ---
**Author:** ![Ross](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e274bd/32.png) [@Ross](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ross)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2001, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/commandments/74773/2 "2001-08-04T01:38:16Z")
I was actually thinking about this earlier, and while I appreciate the cooperative smell of “Don’t be a jerk”, I always thought the boards’ first commandment to us should be: **Thou Shalt Not Piss Us Off.** Has a nicely Governmental feel to it, no? ---
**Author:** ![Shogun\_Haircut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c77e96/32.png) [@Shogun\_Haircut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shogun_Haircut)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2001, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/commandments/74773/3 "2001-08-04T02:40:39Z")
Has any one considered looking to the original ten for tips, not that i do on a regular basis, but it might help in this case. and i never preveiw ---
**Author:** ![ITR\_champion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c67d28/32.png) [@ITR\_champion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ITR_champion)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2001, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/commandments/74773/4 "2001-08-04T02:56:19Z")
Well, that sounds good, although I probably broke almost all of those in my first few posts. How about: Thou shall not write a pit rant about the more experienced members until you, oops I mean thou, understand what constitutes a good pit rant. ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2001, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/commandments/74773/5 "2001-08-04T02:59:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Shogun Haircut \* > **Has any one considered looking to the original ten for tips, not that i do on a regular basis, but it might help in this case.** These are taken from [http://www.tencommandments.org](http://www.tencommandments.org), a site that I’m looking forward to reading. [list=1][li] You shall have no other gods before me.[/li][li] You shall not make for yourself an idol.[/li][li] You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain.[/li][li] Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy.[/li][li] Honor your father and your mother.[/li][li] You shall not murder.[/li][li] You shall not commit adultery.[/li][li] You shall not steal.[/li][li] You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.[/li][li] You shall not covet…anything that belongs to your neighbor.[/list=1][/li] The religous commandments don’t really apply here. #1 is inapplicable to those of us who don’t believe in any gods (a large portion of dopers). #2 is pointless; even if my making idols did bother the administration, _how are they going to find out_? #3 is irrelevant, seeing as some of the stuff that gets tossed around in the pit makes the name of the Lord your God taken in vain seem like a pleasant greeting. #4 is right out; there’s no way I can go a whole day without the SDMB. The moral ones don’t work any better. The admins don’t care what I think of my parents, so #5 is right out. #6 is a very nice commandment, but it’s meaningless here, because you can’t murder anyone in cyberspace. #7 would be impossible to enforce without a significant increase in moderator presence in MPSIMS; all those flirt threads do add up. #8 is also very nice sounding, but ultimately irrelevant; just as one cannot murder in cyberspace, one cannot steal things in cyberspace. #9 is unnecessary because everything that’s said is documented electronically, so bear false witness as you might, you can be easily disproven by anyone who reads the thread in question. #10 is a total non sequitur; what one covets does not affects one’s cyberspace presence. All told, I think I’d have to say that the original 10 are probably not the best guides for newbies. At best, they wouldn’t be relevant, and at worst they might be confusing. ---
**Author:** ![Genseric](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Genseric](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Genseric)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2001, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/commandments/74773/6 "2001-08-04T03:10:06Z")
[QUOTE] \*Originally posted by ultrafilter \* \*\* > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Shogun Haircut \*\*\* > #8 is also very nice sounding, but ultimately irrelevant; just as one cannot murder in cyberspace, one cannot steal things in cyberspace. The IDSA, RIAA, and MPAA might argue with you about that. ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2001, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/commandments/74773/7 "2001-08-04T03:12:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Genseric \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by ultrafilter \* > > \*\*#8 is also very nice sounding, but ultimately irrelevant; just as one cannot murder in cyberspace, one cannot steal things in cyberspace. > > The IDSA, RIAA, and MPAA might argue with you about that. \*\* Damn, you’re right. I had never even thought about that. Well then–out of the ten commandments, one is relevant to this board. Still not the best place to start. ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2001, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/commandments/74773/8 "2001-08-04T03:14:47Z")
Oops, missed one… ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2001, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/commandments/74773/9 "2001-08-04T03:24:14Z")
Cecil Adams is thy Lord and thy Master. There shalt be no other authority-not Marilyn Vos Savant (sp?) and especially not Ann or Abby-thou art thy devil and thou shalt be cast into the Pit of BBQ. ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2001, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/commandments/74773/10 "2001-08-04T03:27:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Guinastasia \* > **…thou art thy devil…** You are your devil? Either this is a great typo, or you’re just incredibly poetic tonight. ---
**Author:** ![Ross](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e274bd/32.png) [@Ross](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ross)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2001, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/commandments/74773/11 "2001-08-04T18:15:48Z")
> [@](#): > > _#3 is irrelevant, seeing as some of the stuff that gets tossed around in the pit makes the name of the Lord your God taken in vain seem like a pleasant greeting. #4 is right out; there’s no way I can go a whole day without the SDMB._ Yeah, but. You’re talking about taking these as a basis for SDMB Commandments, not about replacing them verbatim [sub](although obviously I think that would be a great idea!)[/sub]. Therefore the Lord would be replaced by the mods, or ultimately by _ **Cecil** _ himself. So No. 3 would become “Thou shalt not diss the mods”, and No.4 would be “Thou shalt post constructively as often as possible.” It probably applies to a lot of the others as well. ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2001, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/commandments/74773/12 "2001-08-04T18:33:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ross \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > _#3 is irrelevant, seeing as some of the stuff that gets tossed around in the pit makes the name of the Lord your God taken in vain seem like a pleasant greeting. #4 is right out; there’s no way I can go a whole day without the SDMB._ > > Yeah, but. You’re talking about taking these as a basis for SDMB Commandments, not about replacing them verbatim [sub](although obviously I think that would be a great idea!)[/sub]. Therefore the Lord would be replaced by the mods, or ultimately by _ **Cecil** _ himself. So No. 3 would become “Thou shalt not diss the mods”, and No.4 would be “Thou shalt post constructively as often as possible.” > > It probably applies to a lot of the others as well. \*\* My post was meant as a tongue-in-cheek shootdown of the oft-touted suggestion that everything would be all peaches and cream if we all only followed the Ten Commandments. And I imagine that anyone who follows the spirit of the Ten Commandments (which I think follows from the two greatest commandments that Jesus laid down) probably won’t be a jerk anyway. Now that I’ve got all the seriousness out of my system, here are my suggestions for the Ten Commandments of the SDMB:[list=1][li] Thou shalt not hold Marilyn vos Savant, Dear Abby, or Ann Landers above the Great Cecil.[/li][li] Thou shalt not be a jerk.[/li][li] Thou shalt not dis the mods or admins.[/li][li] Thou shalt post constructively whenever possible.[/li][li] When flaming an authority figure, thou shalt give them the respect they do deserve (but see #3).[/li][li] Thou shalt not character assassinate.[/li][li] Thou shalt not flirt too much (but who’s to say what’s too much? ;)).[/li][li] Thou shalt not post copyrighted material.[/li][li] Thou shalt not quote other posters out of context for the purpose of character assassination.[/li][li] Thou shalt attribute clever quotes to the proper source.[/list=1][/li] Well, it’s not all that great, now is it? Anyone who thinks they can do better is more than welcome to try. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2001, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/commandments/74773/13 "2001-08-04T20:22:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ultrafilter \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by Guinastasia \* > > **…thou art thy devil…** > > You are your devil? Either this is a great typo, or you’re just incredibly poetic tonight. \*\* Poetic. I mean, THEY are the devil, but I didn’t know the the thou and thee and thy for THEY. Hmmmm…try saying THAT five times fast. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2001, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/commandments/74773/14 "2001-08-04T20:35:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by tavalla \* > \*\* > 4) Thou shalt create no sock puppets. In fact, thou shalt throw out all thy socks, lest thy succumb to the temptation to glue/sew little plastic googly eyes to them and hold amusing conversations with them. > \*\* I have nothing to add, but I had to say that this cracked me up - especially the part about the googly eyes… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![sewalk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@sewalk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sewalk)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2001, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/commandments/74773/15 "2001-08-05T03:47:40Z")
Not bad, **ultrafilter** , but how about we replace number seven with the following line: **7. Thou shalt not feed the trolls.** ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2001, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/commandments/74773/16 "2001-08-05T03:52:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by sewalk \* > \*\*Not bad, **ultrafilter** , but how about we replace number seven with the following line: > > **7. Thou shalt not feed the trolls.** \*\* That is much better. I was trying to make each of my commandments correspond with the same-numbered one in the original list. ---
**Author:** ![Sultan\_Kinkari](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7bcc69/32.png) [@Sultan\_Kinkari](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sultan_Kinkari)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2001, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/commandments/74773/17 "2001-08-05T04:30:13Z")
Since your making Commantments, I wanna be the Straight Dope Pope. ---
**Author:** ![detop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@detop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/detop)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2001, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/commandments/74773/18 "2001-08-05T04:48:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by wishbone \* > \*\*Since your making Commantments, I wanna be the Straight Dope Pope. \*\* I didn’t know you’ve been promoted to Admin. ---
**Author:** ![Sultan\_Kinkari](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7bcc69/32.png) [@Sultan\_Kinkari](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sultan_Kinkari)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2001, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/commandments/74773/19 "2001-08-05T04:53:37Z")
I find the title of _ **"Honorary Straight Dope Pope"** _ equally rewarding in it’s own right, even if it it self-proclaimed. ---
**Author:** ![Saint\_Zero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c4cdca/32.png) [@Saint\_Zero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Zero)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2001, 4:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/commandments/74773/20 "2001-08-05T04:56:50Z")
Brevity is the soul of wit, and the essence of a good post. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/commandments/74773.md?page=2)