# Commentators Who Say Stupid Things **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 23, 2001, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/commentators-who-say-stupid-things/77790 "2001-08-23T21:09:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Vinnie\_Virginslayer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/53a042/32.png) [@Vinnie\_Virginslayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vinnie_Virginslayer)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2001, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/commentators-who-say-stupid-things/77790/41 "2001-09-04T14:15:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Anal Scurvy \* > \*\*At one of the UFC’s Tank Abbot was commentating (a bar brawler who can bench 600 pounds and works himself into exhaustion if the fight lasts more than a minute - gets hit in the head a lot, now in wrestling) on a couple of matches. > > The first one I remember, the other commentators clearly didn’t like him there. The tone they used and a few things they slipped in, but at one point Tank was just describing the current match. It was some lightweights and he said he wanted to see a heavyweight fight, because this was like watching chihuahuas fight. He wanted to see some “bulldogs” fight. The commentator laughed condescendingly and said that a bulldog is a small dog itself. Tank gave a “what the fuck?” look and pointed out that it was bigger than a chihuahua. > > In another one, they introduced him as a commentator and were clearly trying to outclass him by haphazardly using polysyllabic words. Tank just rolled his eyes, “I don’t know any of those words, I went to a _state_ college.” \*\* Tank Abbott is the MAN!! I remember his very first UFC fight when he almost knocked John Matua, this 400 pound fat fuck who was a practicioner of the “Hawaiian Art of Bonmebreaking” into a near coma in 15 seconds. He gets out of the octagon and the commentator asks him how does he feel? Tank replies that beating the other guy unconcious was “Better than sex.” ---
**Author:** ![Vinnie\_Virginslayer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/53a042/32.png) [@Vinnie\_Virginslayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vinnie_Virginslayer)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2001, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/commentators-who-say-stupid-things/77790/42 "2001-09-04T14:17:25Z")
[QUOTE] \*Originally posted by pepperlandgirl \* \*\* > [@](#): > > Chris Collingsworth . . .and there’s his big fat stupid head! \*\* That line made me laugh for some reason. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Nukeman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce7236/32.png) [@Nukeman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nukeman)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2001, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/commentators-who-say-stupid-things/77790/43 "2001-09-04T19:56:31Z")
Murray Walker, the English F1 commentator always came up with amusing slips like ‘Im stopping my startwatch!’. The funniest one I ever heard of was made by a cricket commentator: ‘The batsman’s Holding, the fielder’s Willy.’ ---
**Author:** ![ruadh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d2c977/32.png) [@ruadh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ruadh)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2001, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/commentators-who-say-stupid-things/77790/44 "2001-09-04T22:08:39Z")
Oh, another thing that gets me is the British and Irish commentators for the Champions League games who insist on pronouncing Valencia as “Valenthia” (because the Castilian “c” is pronounced “th”). This is irritating for two reasons: 1. They don’t bother pronouncing any other names the way the teams themselves would pronounce them. They always say “Mestalla” (Valencia’s ground) and “Cañizares” (Valencia’s keeper) as an English speaker would. They never say “Madree” instead of “Madrid”, or “Bayern Munchen” instead of “Munich”. 2. **It isn’t correct anyway** , since the Spanish “v” is pronounced “b” ! I have an enormous soft spot for Valencia (dating back from before they were ever in the Champions League), but I’m half relieved they didn’t make it this year so I don’t have to suffer through this again. ---
**Author:** ![SteverinoAlaReno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eb8c5e/32.png) [@SteverinoAlaReno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SteverinoAlaReno)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2001, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/commentators-who-say-stupid-things/77790/45 "2001-09-04T22:19:59Z")
I think I heard Chick Hearn once say “The Lakers have won their last five games in a row.” (Um, Chick, how else would they have won their last five games?) One that always gets to me is the reporting of some natural disaster, like an earthquake or major flood. A newscaster will say, “The death toll stands at 410, and it’s only expected to go up.” (It’s certainly not going to go down, numbskull.) ---
**Author:** ![1kBR\_Kid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/1/dc4da7/32.png) [@1kBR\_Kid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/1kBR_Kid)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2001, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/commentators-who-say-stupid-things/77790/46 "2001-09-04T23:21:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ruadh \* > **Oh, another thing that gets me is the British and Irish commentators for the …** Hey! Yeah! And what’s with the British announcers who cover Rally Car races? It’s not “LAN-see-UH”, it’s “LAHN-cha” (Lancia) Kid ---
**Author:** ![Chanteuse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de053/32.png) [@Chanteuse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chanteuse)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2001, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/commentators-who-say-stupid-things/77790/47 "2001-09-05T00:53:12Z")
Oh–THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU ALL!!! It is absolutely wonderful to find out that I and my family are not the only ones on this planet who loathe John Madden. Every other commentary I’ve seen does everything but sacrifice an animal to that dork. And I have to add that I can’t stand Pat Summerall either. I would very much like to cram that damn computer pen up John’s rear because he WON’T LEAVE IT ALONE!!! EVERY play has to be analyzed with that stupid thing. I love football, but I wish those two guys would retire–and take their idiot “language” of “booms” and “doinks” with them. And may we never see another ass-sweat contest again. I like a man’s rear as much as the next gal, but that is disgusting! And while we are talking about dumb comments, may I please get away with a tiny hijack? I just HATE it when the official in the game calls a false start and says, “Prior to the snap.” What else would constitute a false start??? Thank you for your indulgence. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2001, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/commentators-who-say-stupid-things/77790/48 "2001-09-05T01:42:34Z")
Let’s not forget St. Louis’s Dizzy Dean, who notoriously mangled the English language. I can’t find too many quotes from his announcing days, but he’s said: “He slud into third.” “I can’t tell you why there’s a delay, but stick your head out of the window and you’ll know why.” “The players returned to their respectable bases.” ---
**Author:** ![Fenris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fenris/32/498_2.png) [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2001, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/commentators-who-say-stupid-things/77790/49 "2001-09-05T01:53:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by PlanMan \* > \*\*A pronunciation thing. Jacksonville has had the NFL Jaguars since 1995(?). Local newsreaders STILL mispronounce the name. It is NOT - JagWIRES, it is JagWars. If I were news director at one of the local stations, I’d fine every on-air idiot that said Jagwires … $100 the first time, $200 the second, $400 the third, and so on. Depending upon my mood, I might restart the count each newcast, or I might just let it run cumulatively. \*\* And might I add another penalty on top of yours? Unless you’re speaking with a British accent, it’s not Jag-yew-ahr. It’s jag-whar. Two syllables. Two. And for every NPR-type or leftie-radio type. It’s not even remotely cute for you to misprounounce the name of some countries with a bad, faked accent. You’re reading everything else with a midwestern “neutral” American accent, why in the world would you suddenly turn into Ricardo Monteblan to say “Nee-haa-raaaaa-wah” instead of using the standard American “Nick-a-rawg-wah”. Or pronouncing it Kee-bek (or the even more annoying “k’uh-bek” with a sort of hiccough sound where the k’uh part goes) instead of Kwa-bek? You don’t say Frawn-say for France. You don’t say Et-in-burrrrrrrrrrrrrr-ah. Hell, you call it Germ-an-ee instead of Doytch-land. Why use phoney accents for just some countries names? It’s annoying. Stop it. And yes. John Madden is a loud-mouthed buffon who, if he was a third as talented as he was irritating, would be one of the most talented men alive. Fenris ---
**Author:** ![Chanteuse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de053/32.png) [@Chanteuse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chanteuse)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2001, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/commentators-who-say-stupid-things/77790/50 "2001-09-05T05:43:20Z")
Fenris, I applaud you. I just HATE the way commentators feel the need to pronounce Latin countries names “properly.” And that goes double for the aforementioned mispronunciations of “Jaguar.” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2001, 5:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/commentators-who-say-stupid-things/77790/51 "2001-09-05T05:58:07Z")
Anything Jesse Ventura says about anything. Robin [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/commentators-who-say-stupid-things/77790.md?page=2)