# Common courtesies that apparently aren't so common **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 9, 2013, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735 "2013-10-09T00:55:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![saje](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saje/32/3631_2.png) [@saje](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saje)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2013, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735/41 "2013-10-09T18:01:11Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > Hell, I don’t care if a 7 foot tall lumberjack is waltzing up behind me, I still hold the door open. It’s just the polite thing to do. Me too. ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2013, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735/42 "2013-10-09T18:01:24Z")
Yeah, I’m an equal opportunity door holder. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2013, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735/43 "2013-10-09T18:03:09Z")
My powers of emasculation are pretty impressive. ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2013, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735/44 "2013-10-09T18:06:20Z")
I’m wearing flannel, I haven’t shaved in 4 days and I skipped the shower this morning. I defy anyone to approach me and accuse me of emasculation or washing of any sort. I did comb my hair though. ---
**Author:** ![Colophon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@Colophon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colophon)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2013, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735/45 "2013-10-09T18:12:21Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > Letting visibly pregnant women cut in line at the bathroom. This is a bit of a minefield, though. I can’t remember which comedian said it, but it’s sound advice for a man: “Never assume a woman is pregnant unless you can actually see a baby emerging from her body.” 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Gagundathar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a183cd/32.png) [@Gagundathar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gagundathar)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2013, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735/46 "2013-10-09T18:33:48Z")
OK, when I started the sentence it was just ‘women’ because that is what I was taught. I have extended this courtesy to anybody, but once I started the sentence I was forced by momentum and laziness to modify the statement repeatedly thereby making my original intent difficult to ken. So, in retrospect, and upon further review, I am now fairly certain that I open the door for everyone when given the opportunity. And, for the record, my late wife would glare at me if I stood every time she walked into the room when we are at home. And my fiancee now would probably swat me if I did it on a regular basis. However, if she is returning from the bathroom and we are entertaining or out to eat, I will definitely stand and help her with her seat. That is too well ingrained for me to change now. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2013, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735/47 "2013-10-09T18:46:06Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > Really? I don’t keep my garbage under the sink, but if the plumber is coming for the garbage disposal, I empty out the entire cupboard before he arrives. . . . Not only is that common courtesy, it will keep you from paying for the plumber’s time clearing the space. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2013, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735/48 "2013-10-09T18:57:49Z")
I don’t really like men standing up when I enter a room. I hold the door open for everyone, and I think it makes far more sense to hold open a door for an elderly gentleman or someone holding packages than me just because I am a woman. My SO feels the same. So **jsgoddess** , there is another man you have gone and emasculated. Nice. ETA: I don’t really want you to help me with my chair, either. I can handle it. Sit your butt down. ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2013, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735/49 "2013-10-09T19:06:55Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > I stand up when a woman enters the room. Lately, I’ve gotten strange looks for doing that, but it’s how I was raised. I also hold the door open and let people in before me. This is a legitimate question- I’m not trying to wind you up (I only say that because upon reading it, it looks to me as if I’m challenging you). Is there a limit to this? If a female coworker steps into your office to ask you a question, do you stand? And if that happens several times in succession, do you stand each time? I’m just curious because I was under the impression that the traditionally proper thing to do was to stand when a woman approached or left a dining table; I didn’t realize it extended to each entry and exit of any room you may be in. ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2013, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735/50 "2013-10-09T19:21:22Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > My powers of emasculation are pretty impressive. Yeah, baby. I’m crossing my \*own \*legs. > [@Anaamika](#): > > I don’t really like men standing up when I enter a room. I hold the door open for everyone, and I think it makes far more sense to hold open a door for an elderly gentleman or someone holding packages than me just because I am a woman. > > My SO feels the same. So **jsgoddess** , there is another man you have gone and emasculated. Nice. > > ETA: I don’t really want you to help me with my chair, either. I can handle it. Sit your butt down. Thank you for interpreting courtesy as insulting. I rest my case. Don’t anyone get up as I leave the room. :rolleyes: It’a a generational thing. ---
**Author:** ![MegaBee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f0a364/32.png) [@MegaBee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MegaBee)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2013, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735/51 "2013-10-09T19:26:43Z")
> [@ThelmaLou](#): > > Thank you for interpreting courtesy as insulting. I rest my case. Don’t anyone get up as I leave the room. :rolleyes: > > It’a a generational thing. That is one of the worst reasons for doing something that I’ve ever heard. ---
**Author:** ![woodstockbirdybird](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/woodstockbirdybird/32/7905_2.png) [@woodstockbirdybird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/woodstockbirdybird)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2013, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735/52 "2013-10-09T19:34:02Z")
> [@ThelmaLou](#): > > Yeah, baby. I’m crossing my \*own \*legs. > Thank you for interpreting courtesy as insulting. I rest my case. Don’t anyone get up as I leave the room. :rolleyes: > > It’a a generational thing. My girlfriend sees that stuff as insulting, too. Performing some ritual for a woman that you wouldn’t for a man seems condescending and sexist to her. I tend to agree. ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2013, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735/53 "2013-10-09T19:36:57Z")
Standing for a woman = creepy as fuck. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2013, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735/54 "2013-10-09T19:38:20Z")
> [@ThelmaLou](#): > > Thank you for interpreting courtesy as insulting. I rest my case. Don’t anyone get up as I leave the room. :rolleyes: > > It’a a generational thing. Please point to the exact spot in my post where I said it was insulting. I’d like to see it. I merely said I didn’t like it. I will say this. I don’t like _anything_ done merely for the sake of tradition, which is what “it’s a generational thing” comes down to. Every tradition should be examined, every generation, to see if it makes sense or if it needs to be updated or modernized. Cause it’s also a generational thing that women are expected to do the housework and the babywork, and that women are second-class citizens, and that women are delicate flowers in need of protection. Traditions often hold us back from seeing what is clear. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2013, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735/55 "2013-10-09T19:49:21Z")
> [@ZipperJJ](#): > > Standing for a woman = creepy as fuck. It’s certainly anachronistic. I’ve never done it, and I’ve never been taught to do it. (I’m 51.) ---
**Author:** ![gracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8e7dd6/32.png) [@gracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gracer)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2013, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735/56 "2013-10-09T20:03:40Z")
> [@ZipperJJ](#): > > Standing for a woman = creepy as fuck. I agree, BUT… … NOT when it’s **Prof. Pepperwinkle**. I’m sure of that. ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2013, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735/57 "2013-10-09T20:04:25Z")
> [@ThelmaLou](#): > > What women?? Not me. I absolutely LOVE it. IMHO if you want a man with really good manners, you have to find a guy over 70. Younger men have been brainwashed and emasculated by a couple of generations of women to a point where common courtesy/respect has come to be defensively labeled as patronizing. > > I had a very young friend (guy age 23) who used to do this only a few short years ago-- stood up when a woman came back to the table, even in the student cafeteria at the community college. I was dazzled, not only by the old-fashioned manners, but that he had the [del]balls[/del] confidence to do it in front of his peers, male and female, who probably laughed. > > I don’t know what _schwing!_ means and possibly don’t want to. I disagree that the lack of common courtesy/respect has anything to do with emasculation. My observation has been that these men are the ones that would like to do considerable more insulting things to women, but because of the rise of feminism are prevented from doing those things, so discourtesy has become the only way they can insult women without fear of punishment or reprisal. ---
**Author:** ![woodstockbirdybird](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/woodstockbirdybird/32/7905_2.png) [@woodstockbirdybird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/woodstockbirdybird)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2013, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735/58 "2013-10-09T20:11:12Z")
Well, of course that’s been _your_ observation. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2013, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735/59 "2013-10-09T20:15:16Z")
> [@gracer](#): > > I agree, BUT… > > … NOT when it’s **Prof. Pepperwinkle**. I’m sure of that. Well! Thank you very much. ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2013, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735/60 "2013-10-09T20:20:21Z")
FWIW, I like the helping me with the chair thing, but I recognize that it would never occur to me to do this for my date, a la equality. So I’ll stop enjoying it. Not that it happens very often. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735.md?page=4)