# Common courtesies that apparently aren't so common **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 9, 2013, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735 "2013-10-09T00:55:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2013, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735/61 "2013-10-09T20:26:33Z")
> [@Dogzilla](#): > > FWIW, I like the helping me with the chair thing, but I recognize that it would never occur to me to do this for my date, a la equality. > > So I’ll stop enjoying it. Not that it happens very often. No, but see, this is where people begin to think we’re raging mysogynistic bitches. Do I care if your date pulls the chair out for you? Stands up when you enter the room? Orders your food? Consults with your dad before asking your hand in marriage? NO. I might look askance for a moment, but it’s really none of my business. It’s only when you start extrapolating it to general behavior that it drives me crazy. What happens between you and the man you love is between you two, and if that makes you both happy, more power to you! Enjoy it! I’m not trying to stop everyone from doing it…just from doing it to everyone. ---
**Author:** ![gumpy3885](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d9b06d/32.png) [@gumpy3885](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gumpy3885)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2013, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735/62 "2013-10-09T20:54:04Z")
I grew up in the South so this is more a regional thing. In a formal setting, I will say “Yes, Maam” or “No, Sir” to everyone and anyone if I don’t know them and I’m being polite. Even when at a restaurant and I’m ordering, I’ll say Maam or Sir. It’s a habit I can’t break. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2013, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735/63 "2013-10-09T21:09:01Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > I live about a ten minute walk from the grocery store. Really close. Anyway, there is a cart from it, on my street, just abandoned on the corner. Really? Not only did you steal the cart - and it is stealing! - you just left it for someone else to clean up. I take stolen carts back to the stores in my neighbourhood all the time. I figure that the stores increase prices because of all the stealing, and I don’t want to pay more, so I bring the carts back when I encounter them. > [@blondebear](#): > > Hmmm…conmon courtesies, you mean like putting stuff back where you got it? Or maybe not leaving a mess in the lunchroom sink overnight? How about pulling out a new log sheet when you’ve filled in the last line of the old log sheet? Nobody does that around here, so I guess the concept isn’t all that “common”. I got into an argument with the boss about this kind of stuff and her response was that I shouldn’t be forcing my expectations on my co-workers. Ah, common kitchens - I’ve worked at many companies where I was the only one who was actually able to see the spilled sugar and cream spills on the counters. Another uncommon common courtesy - don’t leave your crapped up dishes in the communal kitchen sink. If you wash your dish out and leave a bunch of crap in the sink, clean that out, too. > [@Leaffan](#): > > Hell, I don’t care if a 7 foot tall lumberjack is waltzing up behind me, I still hold the door open. It’s just the polite thing to do. Earlier today I was walking up to a door with my little grocery cart with me when a couple went through the door right before me, and just let it close in my face. Thanks, jerks. > [@Colophon](#): > > This is a bit of a minefield, though. I can’t remember which comedian said it, but it’s sound advice for a man: “Never assume a woman is pregnant unless you can actually see a baby emerging from her body.” 😛 I think that was Dave Barry. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2013, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735/64 "2013-10-09T21:33:01Z")
> [@ZipperJJ](#): > > Standing for a woman = creepy as fuck. Hmm. I don’t think I’d go so far. But it is something that draws attention to my sex in a way that is odd if we’re equals. My being a woman shouldn’t be something remarkable. Interacting with me shouldn’t be an _event_. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2013, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735/65 "2013-10-09T21:42:14Z")
Years ago, I was in a NYC eatery, and a VERY pregnant young lady rushed in and asked where the bathroom was. The middle-aged idiot behind the counter said it was only for customers, that she’d have to buy something first. All the patrons were up in arms, and were getting our torches and pitch forks ready. The guy finally relented. But what was he thinking in the first place? I guess there are people who were never taught that pregnant women need to pee a lot. But this guy was no innocent youngster, and should have known better. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2013, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735/66 "2013-10-09T21:51:36Z")
> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > I disagree that the lack of common courtesy/respect has anything to do with emasculation. My observation has been that these men are the ones that would like to do considerable more insulting things to women, but because of the rise of feminism are prevented from doing those things, so discourtesy has become the only way they can insult women without fear of punishment or reprisal. You’re just trying to deny me my emasculation points. Okay, you’re just trying to make an irrational point in an inflammatory manner, but the side effect is to deny me my emasculation points. ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2013, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735/67 "2013-10-09T21:52:25Z")
> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > I disagree that the lack of common courtesy/respect has anything to do with emasculation. My observation has been that these men are the ones that would like to do considerable more insulting things to women, but because of the rise of feminism are prevented from doing those things, so discourtesy has become the only way they can insult women without fear of punishment or reprisal. I’d like to hear more about these observations. What have you seen that demonstrates to you that these men want to do worse things than not stand for women when they enter a room? ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2013, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735/68 "2013-10-09T21:57:43Z")
> [@gumpy3885](#): > > I grew up in the South so this is more a regional thing. In a formal setting, I will say “Yes, Maam” or “No, Sir” to everyone and anyone if I don’t know them and I’m being polite. Even when at a restaurant and I’m ordering, I’ll say Maam or Sir. It’s a habit I can’t break. Yeah. When I moved back to the South last year, I was hanging out with my uncle a lot. He’d always open a door and I’d be confused as to whether I should go first or what, and he finally said, “Look, I will ALWAYS let you go first.” And I’ve noticed other men here doing it, too. I mentioned to one of them how it was different in other parts of the country and he asked me then who holds the door? I told him everybody just holds their own door. One thing I have noticed that seems like it would be common courtesy but isn’t practiced much is cars that are stopped waiting, like in a parking lot or at a curb, and the driver is in it- turn the headlights off! It’s very annoying to be eating or something, facing a big plate-glass window, or walking down the street, and have headlights glaring right in your eyes. You’re not using them, turn them off! ---
**Author:** ![alphaboi867](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alphaboi867/32/3898_2.png) [@alphaboi867](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alphaboi867)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2013, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735/69 "2013-10-09T22:36:53Z")
> [@SanVito](#): > > My Mum does that, must a be a generational thing. The cleaning lady seems to spend most of the morning drinking tea. Whenever we stayed in a hotel my mother would make the beds in the morning, and do some do some cleaning “so the maids don’t think we’re slobs”. However she had no problems calling housekeeping if something wasn’t up to her standards when we first checked in. Her side of the family is mostly German. > [@Yllaria](#): > > Not only is that common courtesy, it will keep you from paying for the plumber’s time clearing the space. Good point. > [@corkboard](#): > > …I’m just curious because I was under the impression that the traditionally proper thing to do was to stand when a woman approached or left a dining table; I didn’t realize it extended to each entry and exit of any room you may be in. It was never proper _business_ etiquette to stand when a woman enters the room (unless of course she’s a client or management, which is also true for men); social etiquette is a different story. > [@panache45](#): > > …But what was he thinking in the first place? I guess there are people who were never taught that pregnant women need to pee a lot. But this guy was no innocent youngster, and should have known better. Was he the owner? Because if not then I’m guessing his boss gave him specific instructions not to let non-customers use the facilities and like most retail jobs blindly following company policy is a safer option then bending the rules no matter how stupid it seems to the customer. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2013, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735/70 "2013-10-09T22:51:16Z")
> [@Dogzilla](#): > > FWIW, I like the helping me with the chair thing, but I recognize that it would never occur to me to do this for my date, a la equality. > > So I’ll stop enjoying it. Not that it happens very often. It’s also physically impossible for you to each help the other with their chair as you each sit down. I wonder what the origin of men standing when a woman comes in? Like they’re at her service and are ready to spring and get/do something for her? Or she’s delicate and they shouldn’t be sitting when this weak creature has to stand? ---
**Author:** ![Becky2844](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Becky2844](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Becky2844)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2013, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735/71 "2013-10-10T00:16:47Z")
If a man stood up when I returned to the table I’d be annoyed that he was making a big deal out of/pointing out the fact that I’d just gone to pee. Sometimes shopping carts are left around the handicap spots because we use them as rolling walkers to get to and from our cars. If we pushed them all the way down to the collecting place, that would kind of defeat the purpose wouldn’t it. I hold the door open for everybody. And don’t mind when it’s done especially for me. This is probably politically incorrect but a recent Facebook post stated “A gentleman always opens the door for his woman—then smacks her ass as she goes through.” I “Liked” it. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2013, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735/72 "2013-10-10T00:50:02Z")
> [@gigi](#): > > It’s also physically impossible for you to each help the other with their chair as you each sit down. > > I wonder what the origin of men standing when a woman comes in? Like they’re at her service and are ready to spring and get/do something for her? Or she’s delicate and they shouldn’t be sitting when this weak creature has to stand? It’s so they can stare done the lady’s decolletage. ---
**Author:** ![garygnu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garygnu/32/2924_2.png) [@garygnu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/garygnu)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2013, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735/73 "2013-10-10T01:20:19Z")
To me a “common courtesy” is a little something you do to make someone else’s day just a little easier, or at least less worse, and usually doesn’t take much effort. Things like letting another car with a blinker on into your lane, or returning shopping carts. Saying thank you qualifies under communication of appreciation\*, but this standing when a woman enters thing is is just exceedingly polite sexism. Is serves no purpose. I also doubt many men who would hold a door for a woman would really let one slam in the face of another man. \*: communication is lacking these days, but then I see Twitter and YouTube comments and realize perhaps it’s for the best. ---
**Author:** ![aceplace57](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aceplace57/32/3500_2.png) [@aceplace57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aceplace57)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2013, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735/74 "2013-10-10T01:42:20Z")
I help my wife and female friends put on their winter coats. A simple courtesy that saves them the wiggling and struggle to get it on. They may have spent a lot of time picking out their clothes for a nice evening out, and why wrinkle them unnecessarily? I don’t offer that help for strangers or coworkers. It’s a little bit too intimate a gesture for someone I don’t know well. I take a paper towel and dry off the faucet handle and the top of sink before leaving the restroom. Takes 20 seconds and leaves it more tidy for the next person. ---
**Author:** ![j666](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de0a6/32.png) [@j666](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j666)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2013, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735/75 "2013-10-10T02:13:17Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > I stand up when a woman enters the room. Lately, I’ve gotten strange looks for doing that, but it’s how I was raised. I also hold the door open and let people in before me. Inviting people to take a seat, in your cubicle, office, or living room. Knowing the difference between social and professional manners. ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2013, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735/76 "2013-10-10T02:28:41Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > Hmm. I don’t think I’d go so far. But it is something that draws attention to my sex in a way that is odd if we’re equals. My being a woman shouldn’t be something remarkable. Interacting with me shouldn’t be an _event_. I’m a bit on the shy side so anything that draws attention to me makes me extremely uncomfortable. Drawing attention to me because I’m a woman would make me want to die. ---
**Author:** ![Werekoala](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/7993a0/32.png) [@Werekoala](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Werekoala)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2013, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735/77 "2013-10-10T02:30:12Z")
> [@SanVito](#): > > My Mum does that, must a be a generational thing. The cleaning lady seems to spend most of the morning drinking tea. We always called that “Cleaning up so the cleaner can clean.” ---
**Author:** ![epbrown01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ba0ec/32.png) [@epbrown01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/epbrown01)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2013, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735/78 "2013-10-10T04:03:45Z")
> [@Becky2844](#): > > Letting people with only two or three items get in front of us at the check out line. I used to be big on this one myself, but typically I’m in the self-checkout express lane and I’ve discovered that about 90% of the time the people with the fewest items have the least idea how to use the self-checkout machines, and if they’ve got produce it’s a total disaster - I’ve given a cut to someone that slows the line down horribly. > [@saje](#): > > Apologize when you’re in the wrong. And mean it. At work I was called in about a small error I’d made. I told my boss that yes, I’d screwed up, was sorry I’d let her down, and I’d make sure it wouldn’t happen again. She looked like she’d been hit with a 2x4, and I realized she’d probably _never_ had someone accept responsibility for a mistake. ---
**Author:** ![Ulfreida](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ulfreida/32/8014_2.png) [@Ulfreida](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulfreida)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2013, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735/79 "2013-10-10T04:08:55Z")
I just asked my husband whether he stood up when women come into the room and he said yes (I never noticed this). He was raised in the South. Then he amended,“in formal social situations”. Which is probably why I never noticed it, because we don’t have those here. When I used to visit his parents though, they were chockablock with formal social situations. His mother was a debutante. Etc. A lost world. As for helping with coats and seating etc, in Formal Social Situations women are virtually always dressed for incompetent movement. They often actually need a little help. ---
**Author:** ![JBDivmstr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b4bc9f/32.png) [@JBDivmstr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JBDivmstr)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2013, 8:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735/80 "2013-10-10T08:38:45Z")
Open doors (any and all) for women, hold (self closing) doors open if someone is following close behind me, give up my seat for someone older than me or handicapped in some way, pull out chairs for women in restaraunts, etc. I’ll also routinely grab a shopping cart in the parking lot and wheel it to the door (or to a cart collection point, whichever is more convenient) expecially if said cart is blocking a parking spot. Something I despise, inconsiderate bastards that deliberately leave their empty cart in the middle of an open parking spot! SOBs could just have easily wheeled it to a collection point. To sum it up, I try to behave like I want others to. 🆒 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735.md?page=5)