# Common courtesies that apparently aren't so common **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 9, 2013, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735 "2013-10-09T00:55:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2013, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735/101 "2013-10-10T15:51:55Z")
> [@Casey1505](#): > > Nope, around 100’ is not excessive, IMO. I have the five seconds to wait, but expect the person I’m waiting on to step lively. Seems a fair trade-off. Courtesy begets courtesy. > > You let the elevator door close on me when I’m 15 feet from it, you’ll be close enough to hear me call you a dick. 😉 You expect someone to cover 100 ft in 5 seconds? 20 ft/sec is a hell of a lot more than stepping lively - it’s a pretty fast run - you can run 100 yds in 15 seconds at that speed. And you know what? Maybe I don’t feel like, or can’t, “step lively”, and resent your expectation. Maybe I’ve got an ankle injury, or a sore knee, and would **far** rather open the door myself than speed up. So I find your expectation to be discourteous in the extreme. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2013, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735/102 "2013-10-10T15:53:20Z")
> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > It’s the observation that the men who complain the loudest that they don’t perform common courtesies for women because they have been emasculated by feminists (like that was ever our agenda) are the ones that wouldn’t have been courteous to women anyway and become utter jerks when the restraints of western law and culture are removed. Where do men say in any serious way that they have been emasculated by feminists? ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2013, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735/103 "2013-10-10T16:02:16Z")
> [@muldoonthief](#): > > You expect someone to cover 100 ft in 5 seconds? I’m betting that he really doesn’t, he just has no concept of what 100 ft really is. ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2013, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735/104 "2013-10-10T16:03:28Z")
> [@Inner\_Stickler](#): > > I’m betting that he really doesn’t, he just has no concept of what 100 ft really is. I agree, but I’m more annoyed at his “I expect people to step lively while I’m holding the door for them” attitude. ---
**Author:** ![Casey1505](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dc4da7/32.png) [@Casey1505](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Casey1505)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2013, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735/105 "2013-10-10T16:03:52Z")
> [@muldoonthief](#): > > You expect someone to cover 100 ft in 5 seconds? 20 ft/sec is a hell of a lot more than stepping lively - it’s a pretty fast run - you can run 100 yds in 15 seconds at that speed. And you know what? Maybe I don’t feel like, or can’t, “step lively”, and resent your expectation. Maybe I’ve got an ankle injury, or a sore knee, and would **far** rather open the door myself than speed up. So I find your expectation to be discourteous in the extreme. I’m not holding a stop watch to you, I’m holding the door. You don’t want me to hold it for you and wait? Fine, wave me off with a thanks and get on with your crotchety life. And my expectation is that while I certainly don’t expect you to break into a sprint, if you see me holding a door for you, your courteous response would not be to continue lollygagging slowly. ---
**Author:** ![Casey1505](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dc4da7/32.png) [@Casey1505](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Casey1505)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2013, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735/106 "2013-10-10T16:09:31Z")
> [@Inner\_Stickler](#): > > I’m betting that he really doesn’t, he just has no concept of what 100 ft really is. Thanks, but I’m familiar with estimating distances. 100 feet really does not seem to me like it requires a bus transfer and a light snack to cover that it apparenly does to some. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2013, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735/107 "2013-10-10T16:19:53Z")
> [@Casey1505](#): > > Thanks, but I’m familiar with estimating distances. 100 feet really does not seem to me like it requires a bus transfer and a light snack to cover that it apparenly does to some. I could see holding it for 10-15 feet. Beyond that is nuts. ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2013, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735/108 "2013-10-10T16:21:47Z")
> [@Casey1505](#): > > Thanks, but I’m familiar with estimating distances. 100 feet really does not seem to me like it requires a bus transfer and a light snack to cover that it apparenly does to some. Either way, it’s far too long a distance to cover while someone is holding a door for you. In my office 100’ is halfway down the hall and there are almost always 1 or 2 people in that distance. I’d never get through any doors. ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2013, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735/109 "2013-10-10T16:25:35Z")
According to wikipedia, the average human walking speed is 3.1 mph, with large variations. It takes 22 seconds to walk 100 ft at that speed. You are free to spend 22 seconds of your life any way you please, but you’re nuts if you find it discourteous in others to be unwilling to waste 22 seconds just to save someone else from the simple task of opening a door by themselves. ---
**Author:** ![Idle\_Thoughts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@Idle\_Thoughts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idle_Thoughts)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2013, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735/110 "2013-10-10T16:26:36Z")
**TWEEEETTT** Let’s take any/all of the following hijack to a new topic, please…the OP of that future topic can choose to put in in IMHO, GD, even the Pit…but stop the hijack/argument about it in this thread now. > [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > It’s the observation that the men who complain the loudest that they don’t perform common courtesies for women because they have been emasculated by feminists (like that was ever our agenda) are the ones that wouldn’t have been courteous to women anyway and become utter jerks when the restraints of western law and culture are removed. > [@MegaBee](#): > > Okay. Why would one do that today? > [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > Because there are still plenty of women employed as servants and prostitutes today. In some business circles, prostitutes as entertainment aren’t uncommon. At a business meeting standing when a woman arrives it makes a powerful statement that the women is there for professional reasons other than the world’s oldest profession. And she’s not the maid there to clear the table and refill glasses either. > [@MegaBee](#): > > Bullshit. I guaran-goddamn-tee you that the posters here aren’t standing when women enter the room to show that they aren’t prostitutes. > [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > Bullshit, the posters here aren’t everyman in the world, I guaran-goddamn-tee you that. And I can guaran-goddamn-tee you that there are many places and cultures in the world that if the men don’t stand when you walk into a business conference, it’s because they consider you a secretary (or less) and not worthy of their time or respect. It may be even be a tactic to insult you or keep you off balance. Furthermore, not a single male poster here indicates he stands when a women enters the room for any reason other than common courtesy. > [@MegaBee](#): > > I forgot for a moment how very skewed your view of society is. Won’t make that mistake again. > [@BigT](#): > > Ah, so close, yet so far. Yes, they do it because of the rise of feminism. But that’s because they don’t want to offend those who would be offended by it. They were doing it as a courtesy, after all, and it’s not very courteous to do something people don’t like you to do. > > There may be, but assuming that you might possibly mistake the businesswoman for a prostitute is itself an insult. > > You do really need to get over automatically interpreting all practices you don’t like as having nefarious intent behind them. ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2013, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735/111 "2013-10-10T16:26:54Z")
I’ll hold a door if I think that it will shut right on them if I don’t. I’d say about 20-25 feet max. ---
**Author:** ![Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spectre_of_pithecanthropus/32/12343_2.png) [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2013, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735/112 "2013-10-10T16:31:50Z")
> [@Northern\_Piper](#): > > So, at Chez Pipers we needed a plumber today to come unclog a drain under the sink. (I put too many potato skins down the **garbeurator**. Mea culpa.) (Bolding mine.) Is this Canadian for garbage disposer? Or is it a neologism of your own? Either way I like it! ---
**Author:** ![Casey1505](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dc4da7/32.png) [@Casey1505](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Casey1505)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2013, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735/113 "2013-10-10T16:42:06Z")
> [@muldoonthief](#): > > According to wikipedia, the average human walking speed is 3.1 mph, with large variations. It takes 22 seconds to walk 100 ft at that speed. You are free to spend 22 seconds of your life any way you please, but you’re nuts if you find it discourteous in others to be unwilling to waste 22 seconds just to save someone else from the simple task of opening a door by themselves. I guess my building is more laid back than yours. We’ll agree to disagree on appropriate distances. I’ll use my judgement as a guide, you use painted lines. ---
**Author:** ![teela\_brown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d9b06d/32.png) [@teela\_brown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teela_brown)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2013, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735/114 "2013-10-10T16:49:05Z")
This is one of those “be aware of your surroundings” courtesy issues. When walking in a parking lot or a parking garage, please don’t walk a long, slow diagonal while crossing the driving lane. Walk to one side or the other so that car traffic can use the lane, too. Cross when traffic permits and cross quickly so that you don’t hold up all the drivers. This is what I do, but I’m aware that I’m not the only person on earth. ---
**Author:** ![Tethered\_Kite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a5b964/32.png) [@Tethered\_Kite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tethered_Kite)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2013, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735/115 "2013-10-10T17:10:53Z")
An aside - When I met with my classmates for lunch the other day I noticed every man at the table stood up when I arrived. Did that ever feel awesome! These were the guys I grew up with, called names, rassled with, kicked in the shins. I’m still glowing from the offer of respect. And pretty classy of them too as I remember them being a bunch of skinny, snot-nosed, callow youth. Here’s one that ticks me off: Not acknowledging a courtesy. Because I remember how stressful life was in the day I have a habit of opening the door for moms with more than one child along. I’d say at least eighty percent of these self-absorbed divas sweep right past with no “Thanks” or smile as though this retired woman lived only to serve them. I also open the door for people older than I. Unfailingly they thank. It feels good when you do something nice for another person and they let you know they notice. And, back to the OP. No one enters my home without being offered a beverage, be it only a glass of water. And if a mealtime passes they will be offered food. The last workers here were given homemade rhubarb pie with ice cream and they were stunned. Told me no one ever offers them anything. This is not only proper hospitality but is also good business practice, Folks. The way to good plumbing is through the plumber’s stomach. (This kinda backfired on me a few years ago when we had our garage shingled. It was brutal hot out and so around three o’clock I made a large thermos of fresh lemonade and took it out to the roofers. This continued all week and the number of roofers seemed to increase every day until I realized that I must have every crew the contractor had working in my backyard at three every afternoon. Heh. Sneaky guys, those roofers. . . ---
**Author:** ![Steophan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steophan/32/9595_2.png) [@Steophan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steophan)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2013, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735/116 "2013-10-10T17:19:58Z")
> [@Casey1505](#): > > I guess my building is more laid back than yours. We’ll agree to disagree on appropriate distances. I’ll use my judgement as a guide, you use painted lines. Are you on about room doors or elevator doors? 100 feet doesn’t seem out of order for an elevator, but possibly a bit far for a normal one. I’d hope people would hold the elevator open for anyone they could see coming - and that whoever was coming would hurry up a bit. ---
**Author:** ![Debaser](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3da27b/32.png) [@Debaser](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Debaser)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2013, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735/117 "2013-10-10T17:40:19Z")
In my experience when people talk about distances in terms of feet they are usually not very accurate. It’s as if they mean yards. 100 feet sounds like it’s really far, but it’s only 33 yards. That’s about 33 steps for someone who’s six feet tall. The other night on Law and Order SVU they did the Paula Dean kills Trayvon Martin episode. One of the points in contention in the episode was that she insisted he was very close to her and she had to shoot in self defense. Then halfway through the episode it was revealed by the medical examiner that in fact she was a whole five feet away from him! Therefore it couldn’t be self defense since he was so far away. What? Five feet away is right on top of someone! It’s certainly close enough to justify being afraid if you think they are a rapist. It’s almost as if the script was supposed to say five yards, or even 15 yards. That would have made sense. Five feet didn’t. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2013, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735/118 "2013-10-10T18:15:59Z")
Paying some attention and showing some courtesy to drivers behind you when you’re on the road. Certainly more of your attention should be focused forward, but you can spare some for the mirrors. It’s what they’re there for. Don’t cut people off; don’t squat on the lane they’re trying to merge into; pull out of the fast lane if they’re coming up behing you even faster, or at least don’t be the bottleneck; sometimes even inverse-pass them if they’re for some reason timid about venturing out around you but obviously want to go faster than you are. Signal your own intentions, not just with the blinkers but by moving in such a way that your trajectory is apparent and predictable. Don’t make the folks behind you correct for you any more than is unavoidable and necessary. ---
**Author:** ![Dendarii\_Dame](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bbce88/32.png) [@Dendarii\_Dame](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dendarii_Dame)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2013, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735/119 "2013-10-10T18:48:18Z")
I write thank you notes. I make my son write them, too. Judging by the reaction of some people, you’d think that we’d come up with a cure for the common cold. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2013, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735/120 "2013-10-10T19:53:29Z")
First of all, you guys went and did exactly what I said not to, didn’t you? You let her views hijack the thread! :mad: Bad Dopers! No cake for you! > [@Clothahump](#): > > And yes, I have been chewed out by some younger women who have been raised to think it is demeaning. Very sad. But what is even sadder is when a young woman holds a door for me. Now _that_ makes me feel old. 😃 Secondly, any woman who decides at that moment to chew you out is guilty of far worse rudeness than you displayed by opening the door/doing whatever you think constitutes “gentlemanliness”. There is no reason to respond such. I also have been holding doors open for older gentlemen, and giving up my seat on the train/asking them if they need help. Sometimes I get rudeness too. Once I saw this old, old man doddering across a street. He looked like he was having a really hard time and I bit my lip, unsure. Finally I asked him, “Sir, may I help you?” He shot me the nastiest look and muttered something about he didn’t need no younguns helping him. Fine. Then, the other day, this elderly gentleman was in one of those motorized carts at the grocery store with his elderly wife, who was walking. I was getting cases of water, and they stopped by a six pack. I saw the man start to slowly painfully get up and I hurried over, saying, “Please, allow me!” I put the water in the cart, and they left, smiling and saying how nice young people were nowadays. So I guess rudeness transcends all ages, and if you’re an asshole when you’re young, you pretty much stay an asshole. 🙂 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/common-courtesies-that-apparently-arent-so-common/670735.md?page=7)