Common Wedding "rules"?

In My Humble Opinion
21

Thanks for the heads up irishgirl. We’ve only finalized plans to have a wedding before we could live together. So now that that’s settled (had to speak to her mom, who was in Bulgaria at the time) we’re starting to put things together.
For venues, I didn’t realize there might be a huge waiting list. I’ll start making enquiries immediately. We’re pretty set on a weekend wedding (Saturday) and it doesn’t have to be large. As I said before, all I need is a big enough venue for both the wedding ceremony and reception.
So what are the typical functions you mention Doctor Jackson? Couple’s shower? What’s that?

I’m thinking photo’s can be done right after the ceremony. I’m thinking the rehearsal will probably take place an hour before the wedding itself if we even bother. :smiley:

BTW, in a “proper” wedding, how do gifts get given? At the receiption? The shower? Or later, after the wedding?

I shall take rule #4 to heart :smiley:

22

When I get married it’ll be me, the boy, his mom and dad, my mom and dad and a judge.

Then, a big party, no fancy clothes allowed.

There are no rules!!!

Take your photos before the ceremony unless you or the bride have a superstition about seeing each other in your finery pre-wedding. I’ve never seen a smoother wedding than when the pics are taken before the ceremony and afterwards, everyone can just relax.

Some people will tell you that you should NEVER bring gifts to the wedding and others will chime in saying you should NEVER forget your gift when going to the wedding. It’s all crap. Have your wedding the way you want to. If one of your parents (either side) is adamant about something being done a certain way, and it’s not too odious to either of you, by all means, accomdate them. If your sister’s boyfriend’s roommate’s mom’s hairdresser is disgusted by the idea of the bride and groom seeing each other before the ceremony… guess what… she’s not the one getting married so screw what she thinks.

23

I really like this idea. Although I’m sure a lot of my friends want to see the ceremony. All I want to be able to do is go tie-less. I frickin’ hate ties! All ties should be outlawed!
Although I personally don’t care if I see her before the wedding, I think she does have some old school superstition about it. I’ll have to check. I agree, it’s far better to just have a dozen people taking pictures earlier that day then do it between the ceremony and receiption.
I just looked at the pricing for photographs and videographs. WOW. Some of those packages are more than the entire planned wedding! I hate the fact that I can do the pictures myself but I can’t for obvious reasons. Even my best man is a good shutterbug but, of course, he can’t do that and everything else.

I’m torn by either hiring someone expensive, or doing half the pictures myself with a remote digital camera. I can also do all the video/picture editing on my PC but can’t do the recording myself. I wonder if I can lure a poor college kid to take several hours of video so that I can fix it up later…

24

If you’re having a non-church wedding with 35 guests, I would avoid some of the traditional wedding things.

Don’t have a big wedding party, 2-3 attendants on each side, otherwise half the guests will be IN the wedding.

Don’t go to some scenic location a 20min drive away to take pictures for an hour. That’s OK if your guests have to travel from church to reception, but you’re looking at a single location, so leaving would be weird. You can always try to take pics before the event.

Gifts are generally sent to the couple before the wedding, or after the wedding. You will get people bringing gifts to the wedding, though, so save space. Also think about arranging a place to keep gift cards. They might not be popular in your circle, but they sure were with my family!

We did our speeches, Best Man, Maid of Honor, and Myself just before the cake cutting. Ours were kept short, more toasts than speeches, if you get my drift.

My wedding (just under a month ago) was also a non-denominational, single site wedding, though we had about 80 guests. We had a good friend get ordained through the Spiritual Humanism church and he officiated our wedding. Check your state and local laws closely if you are interested in this option, it can be complicated. You can also hire wedding officiants look under wedding or marriage officiant.

I would suggest getting the wedding over and done with first thing, before serving food or drink to your guests. Once that’s done, start the party!

There are a lot of good reference books out there to help you with planning ideas, vows, that sort of thing, check them out.

25

2 of my sister’s weddings were very small (wedding couble, best man/maid of honor, officiant, immediate family).

But most weddings I have been to lately have had 3 groomsman and 3 maids of honor.

I recent one I went to had a “theatre” theme. It was at a historic opera house. The wedding programs were theatre themed. After the ceremony, there was meet & greet in the balcony (meanwhile, the floor was re-arranged for eating) The coiple left for pictures nearby. Then we sat down, then we ate, speeches and then cake. Then dancing.

One thing that I have seen at weddings that instead of glass clinking someone has to sing a song with the word “love” in it to make the couple kiss. (yes, Barney’s them song counts)

Brian

26

On the day, this should all be dealt with by the Best Man. Of course, planning things out for him beforehand won’t hurt. But the bridal couple shouldn’t need to worry about any of this at the time.

27

I have been to 6 weddings this year, and let me tell you, the ones that were the most enjoyable to go to were a bid different and creative than the traditional protocol. My favorite one had a mostly traditional theme, with some fun and creative stuff thrown in.

Either way, the rules are to do what you want. If you only want a best man and no groomsmen, go for it. If you want to walk down the isle with Metallica blasting, it’s your day.

One thing I will recommend is to get your wife-to-be a secret gift (jewelry, a necklace, etc.) and just before you are to start with the wedding, when you are waiting with the men in a room and she is with the ladies, have one of the bridesmaids deliver the gift to her, maybe 10 minutes before the wedding starts. My wife love it, and my dad did the same thing (he is the one that said it would be nice).

Beltbuckle

28

Glass tapping: if your guests start doing it, go with the flow.

I went to a wedding where the bride was Russian. Her father told us of a tradition where everyone shouts a word (I don’t remember what word) and they kiss. It was fun.

29

One rule to keep the wedding party happy, don’t keep changing plans on them every two weeks. My aunt, who got married when I was 16, kept changing what she wanted to bridesmades to wear. My dress went from being nifty and purple to being hunter green. I wanted my brother to have to wear a hunter green tux by the time we actually got to the ceremony. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen. So yeah, that’s my advice. Do what you want. The more fun weddings I’ve been to have been off the wall.

Oh, and congrats on getting married.

Someone had to say it.

30

It’s like a bridal shower, but both of you attend. I was looking forward to that function like a whole head toothache. It’s actually pretty cool, though, because that’s where you get the good gifts - grill, tools, stuff like that. Guys could give a flip less what china we eat off of, and as long as the silverware works it can have Mickey Mouse engraved on the handle for all we care. Get to the good stuff - power tools!

Any thinking on the part of the groom automatically invokes job 4 - don’t do it!

These are all covered under both rule 1 and job 4. The groom shall have no say in expeditures or attire, even if he’s paying himself. Repeat to yourself 1000 times “It’s the bride’s day and no one who values their life should interfere with that. This includes the groom”. I don’t make the rules, man, I just live by 'em and do my job.

Every chance you get! Don’t limit yourself on this one, milk it for all it’s worth!

Geez, maybe I could be a wedding consultant for grooms. Kind of like a buyer’s agent in real estate. I could save some poor schmucks a lot of grief AND make a boatload of cash! Or would that be considered profiting at another’s folly?

31

I’d hire you in a heart beat :smiley:
Oh man, you bet your ass I’m milking the gift thing.
I don’t see our plans changing all that much when things get into gear. I’m negotiating for a venue right now at the local Japanes Cultural Centre. If I can get that, half my problems are gone. We were worried how to mix our two backgrounds but if I get a Japanese hall, she can make the ceremony as Bulgarian as she likes. I’m hoping I can maybe pay for ninjas to come and raid our party :smiley: I asked my mom last night whom she might know to help me out and I totally forgot that my dad’s a chef and has friends in the resturant business.
The secret gift is an great idea. Actually, my mom apparently has some family jewelry that I’m getting appraised this weekend that she’s giving to my wife-to-be. Maybe I can use that :smiley: Of course I’ll have to make sure it matches whatever she’s wearing. My mom showed me her great grand mother’s pearl necklace that’s probably 100+ years old. Damn, and to think she kept it in a box in the drawer for the past 30 years!
Thanks for all the help guys! I’m still trying to learn all of the little “wedding tricks” out there. We’ve also been banned from having the wedding on Saturday, apparently it’s a bad wedding day!

Oh yeah, and no photos before the ceremony. My GF was told in Bulgaria it’s bad luck!

32

Err, the bad luck thing is that I can’t see her before the wedding. Rather, I can’t see her dress before the wedding. At least she’s already got the dress! Now all we need is clothing for everyone else.

33

screw templates.

i’ve decided that i’m having a cocktail party on the top of the four seasons or the bonaventure, stop, get married, then bring in the DJ for dancing, snacking and drinking.

also, no bridesmaids, and i’ll be the one in the black dress, not the white. :slight_smile:

34

Main things to remember

You need a bride (1, female)
You need a groom (1, male)
You need to declare that there is no reason why they can’t be married (make sure they’re not already married, not related (unless you’re in Louisiana :cool: ) and that they’re not pretending to be someone else)
Apart from that which is legally required, then it’s pretty much up to you what you do or do not have. But let the guests know. If you want a nudist wedding, it’s rather more gracious to specify on the invitation than de-frocking them at the door.

I take it that giving the details of your wedding dates is an open invite to all Dopers to join you :slight_smile: