# Complete cretins in Dutch safari park almost become cheetah lunch **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 15, 2018, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/complete-cretins-in-dutch-safari-park-almost-become-cheetah-lunch/814217 "2018-05-15T14:29:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2018, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/complete-cretins-in-dutch-safari-park-almost-become-cheetah-lunch/814217/21 "2018-05-15T16:42:28Z")
Not to downplay the moronitude of the people featured in the OP, but some interesting reading on Cheetahs: - 2 fatal maulings in over 10 years, [cheetahs are not like lions & tigers](https://owlcation.com/stem/cheetah-attacks-killing) but more like really big housecats; the fatalities were in zoo settings. - Adam Sandler failed to get [mauled by a cheetah](http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2360372/Adam-Sandler-attacked-cheetah-African-safari-I-thought-I-going-die.html) - Another [couple cases](https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/africaandindianocean/southafrica/9250110/Cheetahs-behind-mauling-of-British-woman-in-South-Africa-had-history-of-tourist-attacks.html) where a “mauling” was more likely just playtime. Basically, a wild one might get curious about you but it’s probably not willingly going to get within stroking/striking distance. A wild one has a limited amount of energy and it needs to use that for hunting dinner and self-defense, not mauling non-prey just for S&Gs. Zoo cheetahs are about as predictable as housecats, but their size introduces some real consequences when they freak out, decide to defend some turf, or play rough. What they don’t do is just roll up to the hairless monkey and start biting it they way we do a pizza. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2018, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/complete-cretins-in-dutch-safari-park-almost-become-cheetah-lunch/814217/22 "2018-05-15T16:45:18Z")
Had something similar happen when we were on safari in Africa. It was one of those game parks with a paved road and tons of tourists riding in open-top Land Rovers. We came upon a lion pride lying in the grass and eyeballing a heard of cape buffalo, who were in the classic herd defense formation and keeping a wary eye on the lions. In any game park, you are admonished that whenever there are big cats around, SIT STILL. The British moron in front of me, dressed in - I swear this is true - a plastic safari hat and the requisite khaki shirt and shorts, suddenly leaps to his feet to take a photo. The lioness who was lying peacefully in the shade of the Land Rover also leaps to her feet and locks on with those yellow “Ima eat your ass” eyes. In a harsh whisper, I told the guy “Don’t fucking move, you idiot.” He stood there, quaking, and the lion finally lost interest and wandered away. The guy turns to me and says, in his best Brit accent “Terribly sorry, entirely my fault.” No shit? So is the load in my shorts. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Stainless\_Steel\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_stainless_steel_rat/32/5727_2.png) [@The\_Stainless\_Steel\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Stainless_Steel_Rat)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2018, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/complete-cretins-in-dutch-safari-park-almost-become-cheetah-lunch/814217/23 "2018-05-15T16:47:02Z")
I’ve taken safaris in Africa where the animals _are_ wild and I would never-ever get out of a vehicle around any wild animal. The rangers in those cars are guides and they carry weapons. These people are idiots and should not be allowed out in public. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Stainless\_Steel\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_stainless_steel_rat/32/5727_2.png) [@The\_Stainless\_Steel\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Stainless_Steel_Rat)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2018, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/complete-cretins-in-dutch-safari-park-almost-become-cheetah-lunch/814217/24 "2018-05-15T16:51:23Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > Had something similar happen when we were on safari in Africa. It was one of those game parks with a paved road and tons of tourists riding in open-top Land Rovers. We came upon a lion pride lying in the grass and eyeballing a heard of cape buffalo, who were in the classic herd defense formation and keeping a wary eye on the lions. In any game park, you are admonished that whenever there are big cats around, SIT STILL. > > The British moron in front of me, dressed in - I swear this is true - a plastic safari hat and the requisite khaki shirt and shorts, suddenly leaps to his feet to take a photo. The lioness who was lying peacefully in the shade of the Land Rover also leaps to her feet and locks on with those yellow “Ima eat your ass” eyes. In a harsh whisper, I told the guy “Don’t fucking move, you idiot.” He stood there, quaking, and the lion finally lost interest and wandered away. The guy turns to me and says, in his best Brit accent “Terribly sorry, entirely my fault.” No shit? So is the load in my shorts. Never had a moron of that level, I’m surprised the guides didn’t tear him a new one. And just for the record, one of my guides in S. Africa sat on the front bumper less than 20 feet from a lion, but climbed in the back with the rest of us when we neared a herd of Cape Buffalo…he knew what was dangerous. ---
**Author:** ![Steve\_MB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steve_mb/32/5339_2.png) [@Steve\_MB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_MB)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2018, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/complete-cretins-in-dutch-safari-park-almost-become-cheetah-lunch/814217/25 "2018-05-15T16:53:33Z")
> [@Inigo\_Montoya](#): > > Zoo cheetahs are about as predictable as housecats, but their size introduces some real consequences when they freak out, decide to defend some turf, or play rough. Really, “as predictable as housecats” isn’t saying all that much. This morning, one of our housecats put on a cute display of rolling over on her back to invite the human to scritch her belly, and then responded to the belly scritching by getting all pointy on five of the six extremities. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2018, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/complete-cretins-in-dutch-safari-park-almost-become-cheetah-lunch/814217/26 "2018-05-15T17:07:10Z")
> [@Steve\_MB](#): > > Really, “as predictable as housecats” isn’t saying all that much. This morning, one of our housecats put on a cute display of rolling over on her back to invite the human to scritch her belly, and then responded to the belly scritching by getting all pointy on five of the six extremities. Like Hobbes. 🙂 Next time my kitty grabs my arm I’m totally going to pipe up with, “Terribly sorry, entirely my fault.” I will be giggling alone, but furiously. ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2018, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/complete-cretins-in-dutch-safari-park-almost-become-cheetah-lunch/814217/27 "2018-05-15T17:21:45Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > The lioness who was lying peacefully in the shade of the Land Rover also leaps to her feet and locks on with those yellow “Ima eat your ass” eyes. This is an excellent description of lion eyes. There’s something distinctly terrifying about locking gazes with one. > [@Steve\_MB](#): > > Really, “as predictable as housecats” isn’t saying all that much. This morning, one of our housecats put on a cute display of rolling over on her back to invite the human to scritch her belly, and then responded to the belly scritching by getting all pointy on five of the six extremities. Cats be crazy, man. ---
**Author:** ![peedin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peedin/32/14095_2.png) [@peedin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/peedin)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2018, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/complete-cretins-in-dutch-safari-park-almost-become-cheetah-lunch/814217/28 "2018-05-15T17:49:24Z")
The mother waves her hand at the cheetah like “scat, get away.” Morons. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2018, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/complete-cretins-in-dutch-safari-park-almost-become-cheetah-lunch/814217/29 "2018-05-15T18:00:54Z")
Cheetahs [investigate](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_uwB6K5XvQg) the [rolling lunch wagons.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h0aIU8QA548) ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2018, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/complete-cretins-in-dutch-safari-park-almost-become-cheetah-lunch/814217/30 "2018-05-15T18:07:57Z")
> [@The\_Stainless\_Steel\_Rat](#): > > Never had a moron of that level, I’m surprised the guides didn’t tear him a new one. And just for the record, one of my guides in S. Africa sat on the front bumper less than 20 feet from a lion, but climbed in the back with the rest of us when we neared a herd of Cape Buffalo…he knew what was dangerous. “Guide” was a generous term for these guys, as all they did was drive the trucks around in a large circle and radio the other trucks when something interesting came up (like lions). It was Chobe, near Victoria falls and was by far the least interesting of all the game parks we visited (except for the large herds of elephants). The others were privately owned, and the trucks could take you off-trail to look for animals; also, the guides were top-notch, and would never have allowed someone to be on foot near a big cat. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2018, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/complete-cretins-in-dutch-safari-park-almost-become-cheetah-lunch/814217/31 "2018-05-15T20:44:36Z")
> [@Sunny\_Daze](#): > > This is an excellent description of lion eyes. There’s something distinctly terrifying about locking gazes with one. As those animal kingdom experts, the Eagles, said - “You can’t hide your lion eyes”. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2018, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/complete-cretins-in-dutch-safari-park-almost-become-cheetah-lunch/814217/32 "2018-05-15T21:06:58Z")
The problem with the baby is that it has inherited the genes of idiots. ---
**Author:** ![Snowboarder\_Bo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowboarder_bo/32/229_2.png) [@Snowboarder\_Bo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snowboarder_Bo)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2018, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/complete-cretins-in-dutch-safari-park-almost-become-cheetah-lunch/814217/33 "2018-05-15T21:16:02Z")
> [@Steve\_MB](#): > > Really, “as predictable as housecats” isn’t saying all that much. This morning, one of our housecats put on a cute display of rolling over on her back to invite the human to scritch her belly, and then responded to the belly scritching by getting all pointy on five of the six extremities. Ah, the old [quad mitten defense](https://lucylou.livejournal.com/566600.html), eh? Or maybe my favorite, the hug ‘n’ bite? ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2018, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/complete-cretins-in-dutch-safari-park-almost-become-cheetah-lunch/814217/34 "2018-05-15T21:32:54Z")
They missed the Darwin Awards by \>\< this much. Shame. Spectacular effort. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2018, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/complete-cretins-in-dutch-safari-park-almost-become-cheetah-lunch/814217/35 "2018-05-15T23:39:55Z")
> [@running\_coach](#): > > Cheetahs [investigate](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_uwB6K5XvQg) the [rolling lunch wagons.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h0aIU8QA548) They’re actually just using the trucks as a vantage point to watch for game and enemies. The people in the second film must have shit bricks when that young one jumped into the cab with them, though! ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2018, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/complete-cretins-in-dutch-safari-park-almost-become-cheetah-lunch/814217/36 "2018-05-16T04:09:22Z")
> [@muldoonthief](#): > > I was amused how the rest of the family left the mother & smallest child behind as they dashed back to the car. That’d be a divorce for me right there. In a heartbeat. What. a. cad. I’ll bet she had no idea she’d married George Costanza. But seriously, what is wrong with people? You hear about this crap all the time? They go to these big game parks and just hop right out. It reminds me of the snake-handling Baptists in my Mother’s home town. They’ve lost two preachers to rattler bites. They didn’t change a thing, just kept right on with it. :smack: :smack: :smack: ---
**Author:** ![hogarth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hogarth/32/1773_2.png) [@hogarth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hogarth)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2018, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/complete-cretins-in-dutch-safari-park-almost-become-cheetah-lunch/814217/37 "2018-05-16T04:43:50Z")
> [@DCnDC](#): > > White people. 😃 Or [Chinese people](http://www.dailymail.co.uk/video/news/video-1312656/Tiger-attacks-kills-woman-safari-park-China.html). (warning: video of death by tiger) ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2018, 6:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/complete-cretins-in-dutch-safari-park-almost-become-cheetah-lunch/814217/38 "2018-05-16T06:24:15Z")
This is a good place to share something interesting I learned recently: Cheetahs are incapable of roaring. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2018, 7:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/complete-cretins-in-dutch-safari-park-almost-become-cheetah-lunch/814217/39 "2018-05-16T07:01:13Z")
> [@Sunspace](#): > > :: nods :: > > And even the “harmless and friendly” ones aren’t, under the right circumstances. The _often and plentiful_ right circumstances… > :: looks at dog nearby :: People tend to think that cows are just milk cartons on legs, but the rods carried by the cowherds during Sanfermines-style bullruns aren’t to use on the Horned Ones of any sex. They’re for the idiots with passports, IDs and bank accounts. ---
**Author:** ![Tamerlane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tamerlane/32/7602_2.png) [@Tamerlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tamerlane)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2018, 7:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/complete-cretins-in-dutch-safari-park-almost-become-cheetah-lunch/814217/40 "2018-05-16T07:05:16Z")
> [@cochrane](#): > > This is a good place to share something interesting I learned recently: Cheetahs are incapable of roaring. They make up for it with the [purring](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=drq_ww7Ytzw). Almost makes you want to get out of your car and risk being horribly mauled, doesn’t it ;)? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/complete-cretins-in-dutch-safari-park-almost-become-cheetah-lunch/814217.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/complete-cretins-in-dutch-safari-park-almost-become-cheetah-lunch/814217.md?page=3)