# Completely worthless infomercial products **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 23, 2001, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/completely-worthless-infomercial-products/77674 "2001-08-23T05:15:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Baraqiyal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecccb3/32.png) [@Baraqiyal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baraqiyal)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2001, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/completely-worthless-infomercial-products/77674/1 "2001-08-23T05:15:47Z")
I’m looking for a list of TV advertised products that are completely worthless. I’m not talking about products that don’t work quite as well as advertised; I’m talking about the complete scams. Here are some examples: Cell phone boosters Herbal Viagra substitutes Psychic hotlines “Fat burning” soap Miracle engine oil additives Breast enlargement pills Any others? Does anyone disagree with mine? ---
**Author:** ![Sultan\_Kinkari](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7bcc69/32.png) [@Sultan\_Kinkari](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sultan_Kinkari)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2001, 5:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/completely-worthless-infomercial-products/77674/2 "2001-08-23T05:19:21Z")
I don’t see the big deal. Most of them have a NQA 100% money-back guarantee. They are just maximizing on the fact that a large percentage of consumers are too damn lazy to return the product for their $19.99. ---
**Author:** ![Xixox](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/13edae/32.png) [@Xixox](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Xixox)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2001, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/completely-worthless-infomercial-products/77674/3 "2001-08-23T05:41:21Z")
I’d hafta disagree with the breast enlargement pills. They actually have the slightest chance of working. Most of them use progesterone or other hormone replacement type chemicals that do, in fact, make better boobies. The one that gets me no end though is **Nads Gel**. Has nobody informed the creator of this product what _Nads_ means to those across the big pond from Oz? I actually hit the floor laughing when I first heard their tagline urging consumers to **“Get better results with Nads!”** Not to say the product doesn’t work… it’s the marketing that doesn’t in this case. Oh, and Mistress Cleo can feel free to die any day, far as I’m concerned. Her pathetic attempt at that accent comes off more Irish than Jamaican. Just picture her saying “Call me now for yar free readan, and I’ll tell yah where tha keeds rahn off wit yar Lucky Charms!” blaghm ---
**Author:** ![Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc29f/32.png) [@Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2001, 5:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/completely-worthless-infomercial-products/77674/4 "2001-08-23T05:49:39Z")
I’ve always had a soft spot for infomercials that play on people’s fear and paranoia. Earthquake, Fire, and Auto safety kits are the biggest ones. The kinds with lines like: “You never know when disaster will strike! How much food and water have you packed? Is your water clean? Is your food safe? Will your kids survive? Why, you could be well on your way to a horrible, agonizing death right now!” “For only $50 more you can buy our 80-piece PocketDoc first aid and survival kit! Complete with gauze wrap, syringes, antibiotic spray, water, leeches, specimen bottles, Military C-Rations, a moss-covered three-handled family credunza, and our step-by-step manual: ‘How to keep a severed head alive.’” "Do you know the proper steps to take in case of an Earthquake? -Duck and cover -Shut off gas and electricity -Grab shotgun and defend your house from the mutant nazi space zombie robots crawling out of the clefts in the ground. -Get the power-up and win the game!" -Ashley ---
**Author:** ![Philosophocles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b38774/32.png) [@Philosophocles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philosophocles)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2001, 5:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/completely-worthless-infomercial-products/77674/5 "2001-08-23T05:56:17Z")
Any get rich quick scheme Any diet Any exercise machine Any psychic hotline Any baldness cure Any product where the spokesperson was the star of a big TV show a long time ago, but who had more or less vanished from the face of the Earth for at least a decade ---
**Author:** ![Daowajan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3bc359/32.png) [@Daowajan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daowajan)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2001, 5:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/completely-worthless-infomercial-products/77674/6 "2001-08-23T05:57:39Z")
How about just any product on an infomercial? ---
**Author:** ![Leaper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/4bbf92/32.png) [@Leaper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaper)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2001, 6:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/completely-worthless-infomercial-products/77674/7 "2001-08-23T06:19:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Daowajan \* > \*\*How about just any product on an infomercial? \*\* Now, now, there are actually a few products I’ve actually halfway considered buying when I saw them on infomercials. I had some minor desire for that Red Devil grill and whatever that major vacuum-packer they’re selling these days is. I pondered buying the Wearever Allegro collection of cookware (built in strainer in the lid? Big? Prevents boilovers? That’s not bad!). I had to restrain myself from further considering buying the “Remembering the Eighties” CD collection. Other than that, I pretty much agree. ---
**Author:** ![mblackwell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5fc32e/32.png) [@mblackwell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mblackwell)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2001, 6:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/completely-worthless-infomercial-products/77674/8 "2001-08-23T06:48:26Z")
Not an infomercial, just a 30 second ad. Computer Fresh. An air freshenrer you put on the exhaust fan on your PC. Im sure restricting the airflow is a great idea. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![The\_Bitterdrunk\_Kid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/278dde/32.png) [@The\_Bitterdrunk\_Kid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Bitterdrunk_Kid)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2001, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/completely-worthless-infomercial-products/77674/9 "2001-08-23T17:48:58Z")
That stupid guy with all the question marks on his suit. He’s telling people how to rip off the governent! As if we didn’t have enough wasted tax money, this guy is telling you how to get money for anything, whether you’re strapped for cash or not. Are we supposed to take anybody seriously who’s dressed like the Riddler, and screams at you like that? ---
**Author:** ![katie1341](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/91b2a8/32.png) [@katie1341](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/katie1341)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2001, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/completely-worthless-infomercial-products/77674/10 "2001-08-23T17:53:13Z")
I haven’t seen this one for a few years, but does anyone remember the Flowbee? It was some sort of haircutting device that used a vacuum hose to suck up the victim’s hair, and apparently there were blades in it that cut the hair while it was being sucked. Weird. I always wondered if anyone ever really bought one. ---
**Author:** ![Fiddle\_Peghead](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fiddle_peghead/32/3506_2.png) [@Fiddle\_Peghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fiddle_Peghead)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2001, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/completely-worthless-infomercial-products/77674/11 "2001-08-23T18:04:46Z")
I’m not sure if it is worthless or not because I’ve never used one, so I’m wondering, has anyone ever reeled in anything bigger than a goldfish on the Pocket Fisherman? It looks like it would snap like a twig with a big fat bass on the line. ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2001, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/completely-worthless-infomercial-products/77674/12 "2001-08-23T22:54:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ashtar \* > \*\*I’ve always had a soft spot for infomercials that play on people’s fear and paranoia. \*\* I like those, too. I really like the ones for some product to help make your life easier, and show the poor clumsy idiots **not** using their product. They always give the camera that exasperated “What can I do?” look. There’s one for a microwave egg cooker, and they show a woman frying an egg in a pan and splattering grease all over and dropping the egg on the floor. There’s another one for a little towel to wrap your wet hair in, and they show the woman trying to wrap her hair in a regular towel and it keeps falling out. The one for the cell phone booster thing that shows the people trying to make calls without the booster thing and not getting through. It’s just so funny! I can’t think of any more know… ---
**Author:** ![Gunslinger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/4491bb/32.png) [@Gunslinger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gunslinger)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2001, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/completely-worthless-infomercial-products/77674/13 "2001-08-24T01:17:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by The Bitterdrunk Kid \* > \*\*That stupid guy with all the question marks on his suit. He’s telling people how to rip off the governent! \*\* He’s not telling you how to rip off anybody (except the people dumb enough to buy the book…). His book is just a list of addresses you can write to for grants and scholarships and such, all of which are available free to anyone at your local public library. All the information in the book is publicly available for free elsewhere. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Bitterdrunk\_Kid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/278dde/32.png) [@The\_Bitterdrunk\_Kid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Bitterdrunk_Kid)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2001, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/completely-worthless-infomercial-products/77674/14 "2001-08-24T01:48:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Gunslinger \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by The Bitterdrunk Kid \* > > \*\*That stupid guy with all the question marks on his suit. He’s telling people how to rip off the governent! \*\* > > He’s not telling you how to rip off anybody (except the people dumb enough to buy the book…). His book is just a list of addresses you can write to for grants and scholarships and such, all of which are available free to anyone at your local public library. All the information in the book is publicly available for free elsewhere. \*\* Then why does he make it seem so much like it? It’s like you’re an idiot if you don’t get the government to pay for almost everything! ---
**Author:** ![Catamount](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/catamount/32/2840_2.png) [@Catamount](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catamount)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2001, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/completely-worthless-infomercial-products/77674/15 "2001-08-24T02:09:47Z")
Anybody remember that ponytail twister thing they were advertising, oh, about ten years ago? Topsy Tail, I think it was called. What you did was put your hair in a ponytail, then thread it through this loop and pull it through the hair directly above the ponytail. A friend of mine made one from a coathanger and $aved! ---
**Author:** ![okielady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/fbc32d/32.png) [@okielady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/okielady)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2001, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/completely-worthless-infomercial-products/77674/16 "2001-08-24T02:13:03Z")
> [@](#): > > **I haven’t seen this one for a few years, but does anyone remember the Flowbee? It was some sort of haircutting device that used a vacuum hose to suck up the victim’s hair, and apparently there were blades in it that cut the hair while it was being sucked. Weird. I always wondered if anyone ever really bought one.** My bro-in-law has one of those, or something similar anyway. He’s got 5 kids, 4 of them boys, and he gives all 4 of them haircuts with it, so apparently it works. Every time I think about it though, I think of **Wayne’s World.** “It’s sucking my will to live!” > [@](#): > > **The one that gets me no end though is Nads Gel. Has nobody informed the creator of this product what Nads means to those across the big pond from Oz? I actually hit the floor laughing when I first heard their tagline urging consumers to “Get better results with Nads!” Not to say the product doesn’t work… it’s the marketing that doesn’t in this case.** You beat me to this one. Put **NADS** on your legs and remove the hair! I can envision men by the thousands telling their SOs "I think you’re growing a little mustache, there honey. Here, let’s put some **NADS** on your face! I don’t remember the name of the product, but it was some sort of all-powerful finish for your car that would give it a “showroom shine.” You could scratch, paint, even light your car on FIRE after using this product and it would still be unscathed. :rolleyes: This was one of the first infomercials I remember seeing, and I saw it probably 50 times. An true indicator of the quality programming that was available to us in Nowhere, Oklahoma. ---
**Author:** ![Gilligan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Gilligan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gilligan)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2001, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/completely-worthless-infomercial-products/77674/17 "2001-08-24T02:22:36Z")
My in-laws bought the food dehydrator a few years ago when that one first came on. Number of times used - 0. ---
**Author:** ![AMM9132](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ba9def/32.png) [@AMM9132](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AMM9132)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2001, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/completely-worthless-infomercial-products/77674/18 "2001-08-24T03:04:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SpazCat \* > \*\*Anybody remember that ponytail twister thing they were advertising, oh, about ten years ago? Topsy Tail, I think it was called. What you did was put your hair in a ponytail, then thread it through this loop and pull it through the hair directly above the ponytail. A friend of mine made one from a coathanger and $aved! \*\* That, my friend, would be the infamous Hairagami. Letterman thought it was pretty funny and cheesy too, so the Late Show guys made fun of it for a few months during their whole “Campaign 2000” coverage. I also have to put in a vote for that “Epil Stop” stuff. You supposedly spray it on your hair, then take a cloth and WIPE it clean off…WTF??! They have this male model who looks like a damn warewolf spray the stuff on his back, take a washcloth, and wipe this huge strip of hair off down his back. It was revolting. Also any product from that “Ronco” guy, Ron Popeil. They make those cheap rotisserie oven things. :: Crowd chants in unison :: “Just set it and forget it!!” ---
**Author:** ![Philosophocles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b38774/32.png) [@Philosophocles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philosophocles)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2001, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/completely-worthless-infomercial-products/77674/19 "2001-08-24T03:35:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by katie1341 \* > \*\* I haven’t seen this one for a few years, but does anyone remember the Flowbee? It was some sort of haircutting device that used a vacuum hose to suck up the victim’s hair, and apparently there were blades in it that cut the hair while it was being sucked. Weird. I always wondered if anyone ever really bought one. \*\* A balding man can use the Flowbee to trim the hair he has, and GLH spray-on hair to cover his bald spot. ---
**Author:** ![Chas.E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e99b99/32.png) [@Chas.E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chas.E)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2001, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/completely-worthless-infomercial-products/77674/20 "2001-08-24T13:31:22Z")
By far the worst infomercials I’ve seen have been the “start your own internet business” shows. They’re all pitching books on how to spam. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/completely-worthless-infomercial-products/77674.md?page=2)