# Concerned over Boyfriend's Comments **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 12, 2016, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/concerned-over-boyfriends-comments/771595 "2016-11-12T05:45:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![ScrubJay81](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/76d3ee/32.png) [@ScrubJay81](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ScrubJay81)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2016, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/concerned-over-boyfriends-comments/771595/1 "2016-11-12T05:45:35Z")
My boy is white. I am half white and half Mexican, but most people think I’m Italian or Greek. I was raised by my non Mexican grandparents from my mother’s side and never had much contact with my father’s family since he was not around much when I was growing up. Anyway, my boyfriend has been making comments lately stating that he feels Mexicans are taking over our state and buying up all the houses in our town, getting scholarships to pay for college that no one else can get, and taking away resources for white students. He is very serous about me and wants to stay with me and has discussed having children. He has made comments that because of “my blood” I am at the top of the food chain now and he would make his kids put down that they are Mexican on applications for schools so they can get extra resources white kids can’t. These comments are really getting to me. I tried talking to him about how much it was bothering me however he just says that the comments are not directed at me and that he looks at me as white only. Worst of all since Trump is now going to be the next president he seems to have become even more vocal. Today he even joked about joining some white supremacist group because he felt he is being so suppressed. This terrifies me. He said he was just joking, but why would you joke about something like that? I believe that this is the beginning of the end for us. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2016, 5:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/concerned-over-boyfriends-comments/771595/2 "2016-11-12T05:49:12Z")
How long have you been with this guy? Run. ---
**Author:** ![ScrubJay81](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/76d3ee/32.png) [@ScrubJay81](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ScrubJay81)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2016, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/concerned-over-boyfriends-comments/771595/3 "2016-11-12T05:54:24Z")
I have known him for years, but we have been dating for six months. ---
**Author:** ![Snowboarder\_Bo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowboarder_bo/32/229_2.png) [@Snowboarder\_Bo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snowboarder_Bo)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2016, 5:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/concerned-over-boyfriends-comments/771595/4 "2016-11-12T05:56:39Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > Run. “Danger, Will Robinson! Danger!” ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2016, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/concerned-over-boyfriends-comments/771595/5 "2016-11-12T05:59:41Z")
> [@ScrubJay81](#): > > Today he even joked about joining some white supremacist group because he felt he is being so suppressed. Alright. Tasteless joke out of the way- everybody needs to calm down for a few days and everything will return to normal. It’s been what? Three days? Relax. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2016, 6:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/concerned-over-boyfriends-comments/771595/6 "2016-11-12T06:09:46Z")
How old are you and your boyfriend? ---
**Author:** ![Jeff\_Lichtman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jeff_lichtman/32/1531_2.png) [@Jeff\_Lichtman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jeff_Lichtman)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2016, 7:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/concerned-over-boyfriends-comments/771595/7 "2016-11-12T07:16:00Z")
Dump him. He doesn’t respect you. He’s a bigot who envies and despises people like you, and can only justify his relationship with you by lying to himself about you. Be thankful that you’ve been in a relationship with him for only six months. It would be harder if you’d been with him for six years. As it is, it took this long for him to reveal his true self. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2016, 11:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/concerned-over-boyfriends-comments/771595/8 "2016-11-12T11:15:32Z")
He’s already told you what kind of horrible racist person he is. What more do you want us to tell you? ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2016, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/concerned-over-boyfriends-comments/771595/9 "2016-11-12T13:21:31Z")
I think you guessed what the answer would be before you asked. Dump him ASAP. ---
**Author:** ![Omega\_Glory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/7c8e57/32.png) [@Omega\_Glory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omega_Glory)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2016, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/concerned-over-boyfriends-comments/771595/10 "2016-11-12T13:27:34Z")
> [@ScrubJay81](#): > > I believe that this is the beginning of the end for us. ☹ It should be if you care about yourself and your possible future kids, at all. ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2016, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/concerned-over-boyfriends-comments/771595/11 "2016-11-12T13:30:19Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > He’s already told you what kind of horrible racist person he is. What more do you want us to tell you? And that he is making an exception for you, a distinction that will last only as long as his desire for you does. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2016, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/concerned-over-boyfriends-comments/771595/12 "2016-11-12T15:18:23Z")
> [@RealityChuck](#): > > I think you guessed what the answer would be before you asked. Dump him ASAP. I think this is the correct answer, but I also think that this will just fuel his racist persecution complex. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2016, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/concerned-over-boyfriends-comments/771595/13 "2016-11-12T15:20:15Z")
If you have kids with this guy, you will be partly responsible for how fucked-up they turn out. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2016, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/concerned-over-boyfriends-comments/771595/14 "2016-11-12T15:20:42Z")
> [@ScrubJay81](#): > > he looks at me as white only. And if he had not looked at you as “white only,” then what? ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2016, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/concerned-over-boyfriends-comments/771595/15 "2016-11-12T15:23:29Z")
> [@Gatopescado](#): > > Alright. Tasteless joke out of the way- everybody needs to calm down for a few days and everything will return to normal. > > It’s been what? Three days? Relax. People don’t change into some other kind of person just because they are sad or stressed. It amplifies who they are. He’s not being a little extra short tempered or sensitive- that you could chalk up to heightened emotion. He’s being a racist and disrespectful person. That person will always be there, even if he masks it better a few weeks from now. ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2016, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/concerned-over-boyfriends-comments/771595/16 "2016-11-12T15:39:16Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > I think this is the correct answer, but I also think that this will just fuel his racist persecution complex. It certainly isn’t her job to stay with a racist just so he doesn’t become racist-er. (Not saying YOU believe that, just that it shouldn’t even be a consideration) I’m a white guy married to a Hispanic woman and, while we certainly don’t agree 100% on all race-related topics, we still respect one another and I wouldn’t dream of making comments like in the OP. Both because of the effect on her and because, well, they’re just stupid-ass comments in their own right even if I was talking to a bunch of other white guys. ---
**Author:** ![ataraxy22](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ataraxy22/32/307_2.png) [@ataraxy22](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ataraxy22)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2016, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/concerned-over-boyfriends-comments/771595/17 "2016-11-12T15:49:00Z")
Leave now, before it is too late! Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk ---
**Author:** ![mind\_the\_gap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ea666f/32.png) [@mind\_the\_gap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mind_the_gap)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2016, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/concerned-over-boyfriends-comments/771595/18 "2016-11-12T16:14:24Z")
This kind of stuff is how racism hides in plain sight. He probably doesn’t think of himself as racist. But when the going gets rough, all them skeletons in the closet start banging their bones around and everyone can hear the noise. I might be best for you to move on. I’m not sure much can be gained by confrontation, so the old “it’s not you, it’s me” routine may help. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2016, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/concerned-over-boyfriends-comments/771595/19 "2016-11-12T16:29:17Z")
> [@ScrubJay81](#): > > he looks at me as white only. This crystalizes it nicely. How long are you willing to be “white only?” How many nasty jokes and snide comments about Mexicans are you willing to tolerate because you’re “white only?” How will you react when you’re with his friends and they all start making anti-Mexican comments, even if they qualify them with, “That’s okay **ScrubJay81**. We know you’re really white.” How does his family feel about immigration? What will his reaction be if your kids turn out to strongly favor your father? Like it or not, this is the kind of stuff that absolutely has to be worked through before marriage or kids. ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2016, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/concerned-over-boyfriends-comments/771595/20 "2016-11-12T16:41:04Z")
This is a good example to show to anyone who says “How could I be racist? My wife/adopted sibling/adopted child/best friend is black/brown/etc?” Racism and bigotry don’t require hatred – most racists and bigots probably don’t hate (and they don’t know that they are racists or bigots). I would recommend the OP be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t have bigoted feelings for a group they are a part of. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/concerned-over-boyfriends-comments/771595.md?page=2)