# Concerned over Boyfriend's Comments **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 12, 2016, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/concerned-over-boyfriends-comments/771595 "2016-11-12T05:45:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2016, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/concerned-over-boyfriends-comments/771595/21 "2016-11-12T16:55:48Z")
> [@ScrubJay81](#): > > I believe that this is the beginning of the end for us. ☹ I know that it sucks to lose someone but think of it as saving a divorce. This is why having a healthy length of time for dating before committing to a permanent relationship can be very good; you get to find out about the person’s character. Your boy friend sounds like my brother-in-law. It would have been much more pleasant for everyone has my sister found out about these things _before_ they got married and had children. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2016, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/concerned-over-boyfriends-comments/771595/22 "2016-11-12T17:06:55Z")
> [@ScrubJay81](#): > > He has made comments that because of “my blood” I am at the top of the food chain now and he would make his kids put down that they are Mexican on applications for schools so they can get extra resources white kids can’t… [H]e looks at me as white only. To which you should reply, ‘I don’t think we can be friends anymore.’ If I were mixed-race, I would be offended if someone looked at me as ‘White only’ or ‘[Whatever]-only’. My cousin. Is she Black, or is she White? To me, she’s beautiful union of a pair of really great people. (Of course when I was in my early-20s I worked with a woman for two years before it registered that she was Asian. I never noticed that sort of thing until she pointed it out.) Anyway, I agree with what everyone else is saying. ---
**Author:** ![jtur88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e9c0ed/32.png) [@jtur88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jtur88)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2016, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/concerned-over-boyfriends-comments/771595/23 "2016-11-12T17:09:41Z")
Boyfriends say things badly. Trust me – I’ve been one. Sounds to me like he is thinking about practical lifestyle decisions, based on the realities of the political climate. Don’t fault him for that. ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2016, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/concerned-over-boyfriends-comments/771595/24 "2016-11-12T17:14:11Z")
> [@ScrubJay81](#): > > Today he even joked about joining some white supremacist group because he felt he is being so suppressed. This terrifies me. He said he was just joking, but why would you joke about something like that? I believe that this is the beginning of the end for us. ☹ I hope for your sake that it is the beginning of the end. He sounds like a petulant child who is mistaking equality for oppression. He’s used to his white male privilege and doesn’t like it when others start to share the same rights. Out of curiosity, how does he feel about LGBTQA rights? Anyhow, DTMFA. Why would you entertain the notion of staying with him? Respect yourself and your heritage and basic human decency and ditch his bigoted ass. ---
**Author:** ![Fretful\_Porpentine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fretful_porpentine/32/2873_2.png) [@Fretful\_Porpentine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fretful_Porpentine)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2016, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/concerned-over-boyfriends-comments/771595/25 "2016-11-12T18:11:01Z")
> [@](#): > > Worst of all since Trump is now going to be the next president he seems to have become even more vocal. Today he even joked about joining some white supremacist group because he felt he is being so suppressed. How does that even make sense? Shouldn’t a Trump victory be a sign that white people are not, in fact, being suppressed? And yeah, dump him, and tell him exactly why (unless you feel that there is a risk that he may become violent, in which case, get away NOW). ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2016, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/concerned-over-boyfriends-comments/771595/26 "2016-11-12T19:04:43Z")
> [@Jophiel](#): > > I’m a white guy married to a Hispanic woman and, while we certainly don’t agree 100% on all race-related topics, we still respect one another and I wouldn’t dream of making comments like in the OP. Both because of the effect on her and because, well, they’re just stupid-ass comments in their own right even if I was talking to a bunch of other white guys. Similar perspective here, except my husband is largely hispanic, with some black, chinese and a few other things thrown in. It has never even occurred to me to even joke about this. I’ve never even thought these things. I get angry when other people say these things. Break up now and save yourself the weeks/months it will take you to work up to it. Not worth the pain for you, and the message to your son to keep him around. ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2016, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/concerned-over-boyfriends-comments/771595/27 "2016-11-12T19:52:44Z")
> [@jtur88](#): > > Boyfriends say things badly. Trust me – I’ve been one. > > Sounds to me like he is thinking about practical lifestyle decisions, based on the realities of the political climate. Don’t fault him for that. When said “practical lifestyle decisions” include the cognitive dissonance to “[look] at me as white only”, it is pretty clear he has no actual respect for the o.p., and an infantile whiner who pisses and moans about how the darkies are taking all the “taking over our state and buying up all the houses in our town, getting scholarships to pay for college that no one else can get, and taking away resources for white students,” instead of standing up and helping himself they way he presumably believes that minorities should isn’t capable of having an adult relationship. The o.p. shouldn’t run; she should fly away and never look back. Stranger ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2016, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/concerned-over-boyfriends-comments/771595/28 "2016-11-12T20:09:47Z")
Another vote for telling him to get the fuck outta Dodge. ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2016, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/concerned-over-boyfriends-comments/771595/29 "2016-11-12T20:19:22Z")
What’s up with people who write a story to ask for advice, but write the story in such a way that the advice is obvious? If there really were some reasons to stay with the motherfucker in question, why not add the details explaining some of those reasons? Or alternatively, write the story “I’ve broken up with my racist boyfriend, because he’s a racist asshole, and I’m sad that I have to do this. Comfort me.” It’s the exact same story, only it’s not ridiculous. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2016, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/concerned-over-boyfriends-comments/771595/30 "2016-11-12T20:41:06Z")
Because there are people in this thread saying it’s no big deal. There are probably people in her life saying the same thing. Sometimes you need validation from other people that you are not a “cry baby” or oversensitive. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2016, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/concerned-over-boyfriends-comments/771595/31 "2016-11-12T20:48:30Z")
The objective of the story is to bring attention to the _fact_ that mexican children get all the advantages in America. Wake up white people!! :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2016, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/concerned-over-boyfriends-comments/771595/32 "2016-11-12T20:53:54Z")
> [@Fretful\_Porpentine](#): > > … > > And yeah, dump him, and tell him exactly why (unless you feel that there is a risk that he may become violent, in which case, get away NOW). This. Giant red flag. Leave asap. ---
**Author:** ![jtur88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e9c0ed/32.png) [@jtur88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jtur88)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2016, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/concerned-over-boyfriends-comments/771595/33 "2016-11-12T21:03:16Z")
> [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](#): > > When said “practical lifestyle decisions” include the cognitive dissonance to “[look] at me as white only”, it is pretty clear he has no actual respect for the o.p., and an infantile whiner who pisses and moans about how the darkies are taking all the “taking over our state and buying up all the houses in our town, getting scholarships to pay for college that no one else can get, and taking away resources for white students,” instead of standing up and helping himself they way he presumably believes that minorities should isn’t capable of having an adult relationship. > > The o.p. shouldn’t run; she should fly away and never look back. > > Stranger Do you want to be the one to tell the guy’s daughter that she can get a free ride all they way through college, but her parents have denied her entitlement to it, , so as a matter of some misplaced pride, she’ll just have to take a job in the stock room at the dollar store, instead. While somebody else’s kid takes her scholarship. Even if you disagree, you still have to concede that the guy is thinking first about the well-being of his family in the current competitive political paradigm. Which is not something he has the power to repair and rewrite the rules. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2016, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/concerned-over-boyfriends-comments/771595/34 "2016-11-12T21:24:33Z")
> [@](#): > > he would make his kids put down that they are Mexican on applications for schools so they can get extra resources white kids can’t. I agree with what everyone else is saying. This guy doesn’t exactly sound like cream of the crop to put it nicely. But isn’t the quote above a smart thing to do? I remember my mother telling me when I was really young, she would put down on my school application that I was Indian (Native American) so I could get free stuff from the state of Oklahoma. She did this, even though I’m only 1/8th Cherokee Indian. And in my teen years, she suggested I do the same with job applications. And this is coming from a woman who worked in HR. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2016, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/concerned-over-boyfriends-comments/771595/35 "2016-11-12T21:26:01Z")
> [@jtur88](#): > > Do you want to be the one to tell the guy’s daughter that she can get a free ride all they way through college, but her parents have denied her entitlement to it, , so as a matter of some misplaced pride, she’ll just have to take a job in the stock room at the dollar store, instead. While somebody else’s kid takes her scholarship. > > Even if you disagree, you still have to concede that the guy is thinking first about the well-being of his family in the current competitive political paradigm. Which is not something he has the power to repair and rewrite the rules. Stupid SJW’s; always mistaking pragmatism for racism. ---
**Author:** ![Jeff\_Lichtman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jeff_lichtman/32/1531_2.png) [@Jeff\_Lichtman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jeff_Lichtman)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2016, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/concerned-over-boyfriends-comments/771595/36 "2016-11-12T21:35:59Z")
> [@jtur88](#): > > Even if you disagree, you still have to concede that the guy is thinking first about the well-being of his family in the current competitive political paradigm. Which is not something he has the power to repair and rewrite the rules. He wants his kids to lie about their ethnicity to get something they’re not legally entitled to, and he’s passing along his racist fantasy that white people are the true disadvantaged group in this country. What a great way of looking out for the welfare of his family! ---
**Author:** ![Trancephalic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trancephalic/32/380_2.png) [@Trancephalic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trancephalic)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2016, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/concerned-over-boyfriends-comments/771595/37 "2016-11-12T22:10:28Z")
> [@iiandyiiii](#): > > I would recommend the OP be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t have bigoted feelings for a group they are a part of. Or any group whatsoever. You don’t even have to bring up the possibility that their hypothetical progeny becomes amorous with someone different than pop pop. ---
**Author:** ![jtur88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e9c0ed/32.png) [@jtur88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jtur88)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2016, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/concerned-over-boyfriends-comments/771595/38 "2016-11-13T00:53:16Z")
I guess there are a couple of things I missed. I thought the OP’s children would be 1/4 Hispanic, which may or may not qualify them for benefits as a protected class. If they qualify, they qualify, without lying about it. Depends on the guidelines of what they are trying to quality for. A quarter is enough for Native American status, in many cases. Second, it is a bit curious to try to have a discussion about race with someone who does not know that Mexicans are white, or does not consider them to be. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2016, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/concerned-over-boyfriends-comments/771595/39 "2016-11-13T01:09:51Z")
> [@jtur88](#): > > Do you want to be the one to tell the guy’s daughter that she can get a free ride all they way through college, but her parents have denied her entitlement to it, , so as a matter of some misplaced pride, she’ll just have to take a job in the stock room at the dollar store, instead. While somebody else’s kid takes her scholarship. This is all such uninformed bullshit. Hispanic people do not get a “free ride” through college and they do not all get scholarships. At my university, the University of Utah, they had free tutoring. Period. Fighting ignorance indeed. Even if you disagree, you still have to concede that the guy is thinking first about the well-being of his family in the current competitive political paradigm. Which is not something he has the power to repair and rewrite the rules. [/QUOTE] You may want to actually read the OP where it talks about all the racist comments about Mexicans taking over everything, buying all the houses, etc. He doesn’t like Mexicans. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2016, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/concerned-over-boyfriends-comments/771595/40 "2016-11-13T01:13:45Z")
> [@jtur88](#): > > I guess there are a couple of things I missed. > > I thought the OP’s children would be 1/4 Hispanic, which may or may not qualify them for benefits as a protected class. If they qualify, they qualify, without lying about it. Depends on the guidelines of what they are trying to quality for. A quarter is enough for Native American status, in many cases. > > Second, it is a bit curious to try to have a discussion about race with someone who does not know that Mexicans are white, or does not consider them to be. You’re generalizing. Only about 5% of Mexicans consider themselves to be of fully European descent. 65% are mixed race. 30% are fully or nearly fully Amerind. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/concerned-over-boyfriends-comments/771595.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/concerned-over-boyfriends-comments/771595.md?page=3)