# Concerned over Boyfriend's Comments **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 12, 2016, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/concerned-over-boyfriends-comments/771595 "2016-11-12T05:45:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2016, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/concerned-over-boyfriends-comments/771595/41 "2016-11-13T01:21:34Z")
Trump will be in office for the next 4 years at a minimum. If you stay with him, you will not have a sympathetic ear whenever Trump throws another one of his winks and nods to his racist misogynistic fanboys. You will be gaslighted, belittled, or ignored…at best. At worse, you will watch him go to amazing lengths to defend Trump, and you will feel all the love you have for him disappear with each stupid word he utters. And you will mourn the time you’ve lost being with him. He doesn’t see you as “only white”, by the way. More correctly he sees you as “white enough”. As in, white enough to sleep with and _possibly_ white enough to marry. You’ve been watching him try to sell himself on the idea of having a family with you. That’s why he’s saying the stuff about your future kids calling themselves Mexican to get ahead. All he’s trying to do is find the silver lining. You wouldn’t have started this thread if you knew this guy meant well. So heed your instincts. ---
**Author:** ![HeXen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@HeXen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HeXen)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2016, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/concerned-over-boyfriends-comments/771595/42 "2016-11-13T01:22:10Z")
Meh, if my wife made white racist comments, I wouldn’t’ care, not that sensitive. ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2016, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/concerned-over-boyfriends-comments/771595/43 "2016-11-13T01:29:37Z")
> [@jtur88](#): > > Do you want to be the one to tell the guy’s daughter that she can get a free ride all they way through college, but her parents have denied her entitlement to it, , so as a matter of some misplaced pride, she’ll just have to take a job in the stock room at the dollar store, instead. While somebody else’s kid takes her scholarship. > > Even if you disagree, you still have to concede that the guy is thinking first about the well-being of his family in the current competitive political paradigm. Which is not something he has the power to repair and rewrite the rules. So Mexicans get a free ride all the way through college? Wow, that’s fucking awesome! Except why on God’s Green Earth would you believe it to be true? Because it’s kind of ridiculously false. ---
**Author:** ![CerebrAl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/5f8ce5/32.png) [@CerebrAl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CerebrAl)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2016, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/concerned-over-boyfriends-comments/771595/44 "2016-11-13T02:15:43Z")
Find another boyfriend… ---
**Author:** ![Rushgeekgirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rushgeekgirl/32/3715_2.png) [@Rushgeekgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rushgeekgirl)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2016, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/concerned-over-boyfriends-comments/771595/45 "2016-11-13T02:18:46Z")
Oh boy where do I sign my kid up for this free ride? Seriously, the guy is a hypocrite if nothing else. He gripes about other people getting bennies and then says when you have kids he’ll take advantage of those bennies too. Bennies that don’t really exist. He’s gonna be disappointed when he can’t get that free minority money or any of those huge Mexican-only grants and scholarships. ---
**Author:** ![bienville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4bbf92/32.png) [@bienville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bienville)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2016, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/concerned-over-boyfriends-comments/771595/46 "2016-11-13T13:57:59Z")
It will be easier to leave now than it will be after he builds a wall. ---
**Author:** ![Me\_Billy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e480ec/32.png) [@Me\_Billy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Me_Billy)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2016, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/concerned-over-boyfriends-comments/771595/47 "2016-11-13T16:11:52Z")
Dump the boyfriend. And take TV with a grain of salt. They will “exaggerate” things like racism, violence, mass murderers, etc… Have you thinking it is not safe to walk out your door or to touch a shopping cart handle! The REALITY is there are a LOT of nice, mentally healthy, non-racist people living in this country and in your area. Every area has mostly good people living there. I’m sure you know plenty of people in your area who are friendly toward you? As for myself, I did not vote for Trump and he does not represent my views. Mexicans are no different than anyone else (except they can make some awesome food!) Anyway most people I know have no problem with Mexicans living here… Or Italians, or Muslims, or Germans, or whatever! I apologize for these idiots in our country who have offended so many people from other cultures! ---
**Author:** ![Patx2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/73ab20/32.png) [@Patx2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patx2)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2016, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/concerned-over-boyfriends-comments/771595/48 "2016-11-13T20:45:10Z")
> [@ScrubJay81](#): > > My boy is white. I am half white and half Mexican, but most people think I’m Italian or Greek. I was raised by my non Mexican grandparents from my mother’s side and never had much contact with my father’s family since he was not around much when I was growing up. Anyway, my boyfriend has been making comments lately stating that he feels Mexicans are taking over our state and buying up all the houses in our town, getting scholarships to pay for college that no one else can get, and taking away resources for white students. He is very serous about me and wants to stay with me and has discussed having children. He has made comments that because of “my blood” I am at the top of the food chain now and he would make his kids put down that they are Mexican on applications for schools so they can get extra resources white kids can’t. These comments are really getting to me. I tried talking to him about how much it was bothering me however he just says that the comments are not directed at me and that he looks at me as white only. Worst of all since Trump is now going to be the next president he seems to have become even more vocal. Today he even joked about joining some white supremacist group because he felt he is being so suppressed. This terrifies me. He said he was just joking, but why would you joke about something like that? I believe that this is the beginning of the end for us. ☹ Whether he’s serious or joking (not funny) with his comments, he should’ve put a lid on them when you expressed how they make you feel. Very insensitive, you shouldn’t have to deal with that. ---
**Author:** ![Lee\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/aeb1de/32.png) [@Lee\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lee_Q)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2016, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/concerned-over-boyfriends-comments/771595/49 "2016-11-13T23:21:09Z")
I think it’s Maya Angelou who said, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them.” The most telling part to me is that he told you not to take it personally because he views you as “white only.” The implication is that if he did **not** view you as white only, he’d have a problem with **you** , too. There are too many genuinely decent potential partners out there for anyone to settle for someone who has to add a _ **caveat** _ to exclude you from their prejudice toward others. It seems a pretty sad relationship to contemplate. What if, as ethnic diversity increases, at some point he changes his mind about you being “only white”? What if that happens AFTER you have a kid or two with him? This country is very unlikely to ever again be majority white, a development I and lots of others consider positive. Your boyfriend will probably grow more and more dissatisfied and possibly angry as demographics continue changing. I mean it’s your life, do what you want, but I don’t really see why this is even a serious question. I see no “pro” to staying with such a person. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2016, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/concerned-over-boyfriends-comments/771595/50 "2016-11-14T01:32:33Z")
I’m looking forward to the OP’s next relationship thread, which I expect to see in two year’s time or so. ---
**Author:** ![octopus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/octopus/32/3716_2.png) [@octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/octopus)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2016, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/concerned-over-boyfriends-comments/771595/51 "2016-11-14T01:37:26Z")
If he’s serious, you can find better. If he’s not serious tell him you find that sort of conversation offensive. A significant other should be respectful about reasonable requests. ---
**Author:** ![Corry\_El](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecae2f/32.png) [@Corry\_El](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Corry_El)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2016, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/concerned-over-boyfriends-comments/771595/52 "2016-11-14T02:08:48Z")
> [@Jeff\_Lichtman](#): > > 1. He wants his kids to lie about their ethnicity to get something they’re not legally entitled to, > > 2. and he’s passing along his racist fantasy that white people are the true disadvantaged group in this country. What a great way of looking out for the welfare of his family! 1. I know of no general law saying what % of your ancestry has to be of groups granted ‘racial’ preferences in school admission or hiring in order to claim those preferences. In some cases native tribes have specified a % of heritage necessary for example to claim payments related to casino earnings due to members, but in general there’s no such requirement. And the ambiguity of ‘Hispanic’ to begin with is why IMO ‘race’ preferences for Hispanics are an even worse idea than they are for African Americans, and perhaps Native Americans. I think they’ve become counterproductive in general, but in the case of blacks there’s at least a long social history of identifying anyone partly black as black, subject to a bright line of discrimination which was very socially debilitating for a long time. There’s been plenty of discrimination against Hispanics, but also against Asians who don’t get preferences, and Italians and Irish for that matter at one time. And even when discrimination against Hispanics was more accepted it didn’t necessarily apply to people of Caucasian appearance. So why is a person of Mexican origin and almost purely Caucasian heritage and appearance not cheating to accept a Hispanic race preference when a person with 1/4 pure ‘indio’ Hispanic background and 3/4 non Hispanic Caucasian heritage cheating to accept it? So besides there being no law, I don’t even see a reasonable basis to judge who should ‘self-regulate’ to refuse such preferences. Again I’d say the preferences’ existence is the problem. 1. This is a different issue. This might be an unhealthy attitude or simply one where the guy would be better off with a ‘white’ partner where they could quietly share this view rather than it causing tension in the relationship. It depends how serious the guy is. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2016, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/concerned-over-boyfriends-comments/771595/53 "2016-11-14T03:58:41Z")
This person does not fundamentally respect you, or your cultural identity. Love, chemistry, passion, desire and timing can overcome a lot, but I don’t believe it can overcome a basic lack of respect for who and what you are as a person. Staying with this person will only diminish your sense of self worth, and damage your dignity as a human being. In my humble opinion you should flee like your hair is on fire. Good Luck! ---
**Author:** ![scootergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e99b99/32.png) [@scootergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scootergirl)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2016, 6:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/concerned-over-boyfriends-comments/771595/54 "2016-11-15T06:08:51Z")
Run, run like the wind. And don’t look back. ---
**Author:** ![carlb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carlb/32/5930_2.png) [@carlb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carlb)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2016, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/concerned-over-boyfriends-comments/771595/55 "2016-11-15T14:27:17Z")
Dtmfa ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2016, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/concerned-over-boyfriends-comments/771595/56 "2016-11-15T15:01:06Z")
Consider what your life will be like in 2,5,10 years if you stay with him. Do you want to listen to this shit every day for the rest of your life? Do you want to fight this battle over and over, think that maybe, just maybe, you finally have it won only to have it resurface at a bar or restaurant because of some friend of his being there and the two of them going full racist in front of you? Stop. Think about it. This is your life, your future and potentially, your children. Do you want them to be fathered by a man who will obviously think less of them because they are part Mexican? Who will very clearly, at some point, let them know this? Do you want your kids to hear from their own father’s mouth that he thinks less of them because they’re part Mexican, or not completely white? Hopefully, if you have any dignity and self-respect, the answer is no. In which case you should dump the fucker and move on. It may be hard, you may feel remorse. Just keep thinking about the above, because THAT is where the road with him travels. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2016, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/concerned-over-boyfriends-comments/771595/57 "2016-11-15T15:54:51Z")
The racism as such isn’t the main issue here for you. Plenty of men and women are racist to some degree, but they keep it under wraps for social and professional reasons. The main issue you have is that you have a guy who will tell you this stuff _to your face_ even after you have told him it bothers you. This is a guy who may “love” you and care about you, hell I’d bet he’d be willing to fight and die for you, but does not (really) respect you or your opinion intellectually. People make relationship bargains on those terms all day long in the real world and lots of women are perfectly OK with mildly sexist and racist men if they don’t cheat, provide economically and behave themselves otherwise. If you stick with him because he’s hardworking, great in bed etc. that’s your decision, but his thinking your opinions on the issue has merit and needs to be intellectually respected to is not going to be part of that deal. Make your bargain. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/concerned-over-boyfriends-comments/771595.md?page=2)