# Confess your micro-crimes here **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 12, 2016, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess-your-micro-crimes-here/745934 "2016-02-12T14:48:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2016, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess-your-micro-crimes-here/745934/181 "2016-02-25T17:58:03Z")
> [@Jack\_Batty](#): > > Other than that, I’m curious … how many hookers buried beneath one’s floor boards would disqualify one from a _micro_crime? > [@GrizzRich](#): > > I’m guessing that ANY number greater than zero would qualify! … aaand I’m guessing that any fraction BETWEEN zero and one would be extra-disturbing. What would Poe do…? “Can’t you hear it? That non-stop squishng? Dear Og, its Maddening! Tear up the floor boards and Behold the Fapping of the Tell-Tale Tart…!” ---
**Author:** ![xizor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xizor/32/102_2.png) [@xizor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xizor)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2016, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess-your-micro-crimes-here/745934/182 "2016-02-25T18:01:37Z")
Back when I as a poor starving undergrad, on one occasion I ran out of TP at home and had no money until the end of the week. So instead I went into the library bathroom and shoved a roll in my book bag. Shortly after that, the entire campus switched to the wagon wheel sized rolls and put an end to my criminal activity. ---
**Author:** ![thelurkinghorror](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7c8e57/32.png) [@thelurkinghorror](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thelurkinghorror)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2016, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess-your-micro-crimes-here/745934/183 "2016-02-25T19:10:33Z")
> [@xizor](#): > > Back when I as a poor starving undergrad, on one occasion I ran out of TP at home and had no money until the end of the week. So instead I went into the library bathroom and shoved a roll in my book bag. > Shortly after that, the entire campus switched to the wagon wheel sized rolls and put an end to my criminal activity. University TP? You can still steal sandpaper from job sites for the same effect. ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2016, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess-your-micro-crimes-here/745934/184 "2016-02-25T19:45:24Z")
> [@HoneyBadgerDC](#): > > Stealing the mail from the IRS is a felonly. > [@carnut](#): > > No, but stealing his IRS notifications is. I was not addressing the IRS thefts. > [@BigT](#): > > It’s nice that we can’t have a thread about admitting things you know were wrong without some people lecturing everyone else about how they did something wrong. It’s nice that you came in here to lecture us on what we are allowed to say that meets your approval. ---
**Author:** ![Wallaby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/dc4da7/32.png) [@Wallaby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wallaby)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2016, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess-your-micro-crimes-here/745934/185 "2016-02-25T21:55:26Z")
> [@Soylent\_Juicy](#): > > Oh man I hear ya. First time I learned how to drive if I went even 1km over the city speed limit the instructor would yell "YOU’RE GOING TOO FAST! _YOU’RE BREAKING THE LAWWW!!!"_ My daughter recently failed her driving test - midway through, the tester announced ‘You are going 61Kms/hr in a 60 zone - that is an automatic fail’. (She has since passed). I know several friends who have had their children fail for similar breaches - in one case, a tester even got out of the car to measure how close the learner had parked to a pedestrian crossing (18 metres is the law). Our driving instructors have been told traffic laws must be applied _ **to the letter** _. ---
**Author:** ![robby](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robby/32/11048_2.png) [@robby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robby)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2016, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess-your-micro-crimes-here/745934/186 "2016-02-25T23:15:28Z")
Not sure if it was a crime or not, but here goes: I participated in a two-day charity bicycle ride in college (nearly 30 years ago): the [MS 150](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/National_Multiple_Sclerosis_Society#BPMS150) from Houston to Austin. You had to get pledges from people totaling at least $250 at that time. Unfortunately, the ride in question took place right before final exams, and all of the people who gave me pledges were fellow college students who were nowhere to be found after finals. So I never was able to collect the pledges, and therefore never turned in any money. ☹ This has haunted me ever since. As penance, I’ve given to the National MS Society on numerous occasions since (usually via [CFC](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Combined_Federal_Campaign) or United Way campaigns). ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2016, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess-your-micro-crimes-here/745934/187 "2016-02-26T00:54:41Z")
> [@Randolph](#): > > I once ordered a $7 LED light from Amazon - they sent me a box of 40 of them. I returned the entire box, and they never even refunded my money - the order’s still in a broken half-returned state, years later. So when I ordered a $16 drive bit set and they sent me a box of 20 of’em, well, I had many happy friends and cow-orkers that day, I tell you. I ordered 2 packs of DDR3 RAM from amazon (2x4GB sticks per pack). They sent me two boxes (12 packs of said RAM in each box). I didn’t point it out… ok maybe not so micro… ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2016, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess-your-micro-crimes-here/745934/188 "2016-02-26T00:59:52Z")
> [@Jennshark](#): > > My mini-crustacean crime: Years ago I stole a plastic lobster decoration from Red Lobster and used it to decorate a catering table at a workplace event. As penance, I leave a generous tip whenever I eat at RL. > > Of more recent vintage, I forged a receipt for a conference I attended so I could get reimbursed by the college (it was for exactly the conference fee, no padding). The conference peeps were so disorganized they didn’t send a receipt, despite my numerous requests; after four months I gave up and committed my micro-crime. I have often wondered how much of a market there might be for “missing receipt” replacement services. I know they have a not so micro name for that… ---
**Author:** ![carnut](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnut/32/3531_2.png) [@carnut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnut)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2016, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess-your-micro-crimes-here/745934/189 "2016-02-27T04:51:45Z")
> [@xizor](#): > > Back when I as a poor starving undergrad, on one occasion I ran out of TP at home and had no money until the end of the week. So instead I went into the library bathroom and shoved a roll in my book bag. > Shortly after that, the entire campus switched to the wagon wheel sized rolls and put an end to my criminal activity. I lived in a rooming house near campus one year. One of the residents worked in one of the cafeterias and would smuggle TP to the house. I tried to add my share but she actually removed my roll and replaced it with the stolen stuff. ---
**Author:** ![fachverwirrt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/94ad74/32.png) [@fachverwirrt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fachverwirrt)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2016, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess-your-micro-crimes-here/745934/190 "2016-02-27T05:12:52Z")
> [@Wallaby](#): > > Our driving instructors have been told traffic laws must be applied _ **to the letter** _. Which is, frankly, really stupid. Paying attention to your speedometer to make sure you’re not going 1km/h over the speed limit means you’re not actually paying attention to the road, which is what drivers should be paying attention to. Slavish devotion to the rules instead of actual intelligent responsive adaptation to changing conditions is one of the reasons that no one can drive nowadays. ---
**Author:** ![funky\_little\_lee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e95f7d/32.png) [@funky\_little\_lee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/funky_little_lee)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2016, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess-your-micro-crimes-here/745934/191 "2016-02-27T05:37:46Z")
When our local ballpark was renovated several years ago, they apparently changed concessions suppliers and the food was inedible. Also, for some inexplicable reason, they stopped carrying Crackerjack. So I called their office and asked them if they would have a problem if I brought in a kosher lunch for my mom and me. They said it would be fine. I did not mention that we aren’t Jewish. I did make sure I packed an actual kosher lunch (tuna sandwiches, chips, and Crackerjack; we bought our drinks at the park), so I don’t feel too bad about it. ---
**Author:** ![Melbourne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5e925/32.png) [@Melbourne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melbourne)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2016, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess-your-micro-crimes-here/745934/192 "2016-02-28T01:06:52Z")
> [@HoneyBadgerDC](#): > > It was a hardware chain, The channel lock side cutters I took had a value of about $16.00 40 years ago. The defective paint they sold me was closer to $35.00 if I remember right. All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). Several of the micro-crimes listed here have a cash value greater than that. You walked into the fight because your first post was ambiguous (and near the top of the thread)… (John 8:11) Go forth and sin no more. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2016, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess-your-micro-crimes-here/745934/193 "2016-02-28T01:57:41Z")
At the last “Fair” that I attended with friends, there was a booth that would give you a free water bottle if you added your name and address to their mailing list. I listed my address as 1060 West Addison. Now, I know what you’re thinking: “1060 West Addison? That’s Wrigley Field…” ---
**Author:** ![carnut](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnut/32/3531_2.png) [@carnut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnut)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2016, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess-your-micro-crimes-here/745934/194 "2016-02-28T04:15:57Z")
In high school, I hung out with a friend who would steal earrings and lipstick from the corner drugstore, and return old items to the large department store chain to get cash for whatever she felt she needed at the moment. I really wanted to report to someone what she was doing but I held my breath. And felt guilty for doing so. Now I realize I could have been labeled an accomplice for being in the store with her. ---
**Author:** ![Mona\_Lott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee7513/32.png) [@Mona\_Lott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mona_Lott)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2016, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess-your-micro-crimes-here/745934/195 "2016-02-28T05:18:58Z")
The Post Office in my town is two blocks from my house, on the opposite side of the street. It is my custom to jaywalk diagonally through the intersection of 4th Street and Chestnut Avenue. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2016, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess-your-micro-crimes-here/745934/196 "2016-02-28T13:18:38Z")
> [@CoastalMaineiac](#): > > On my way home tonight, for a brief moment, I was doing 26 miles per hour in a 25 mile per hour zone. I promptly realized the error of my ways, and as penance, went no faster than 24 miles per hour until I got home.🙂 I always go 4 mph over the speed limit. Everywhere. I even set the cruise control to make sure I have the right margin. ---
**Author:** ![CoastalMaineiac](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e8c25b/32.png) [@CoastalMaineiac](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CoastalMaineiac)\ **Post date:** [February 29, 2016, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess-your-micro-crimes-here/745934/197 "2016-02-29T15:26:31Z")
> [@Mona\_Lott](#): > > The Post Office in my town is two blocks from my house, on the opposite side of the street. It is my custom to jaywalk diagonally through the intersection of 4th Street and Chestnut Avenue. Jaywalking? That’s probably my biggest micro crime. I am absolutely an unrepentant jaywalker. I do make sure I can be out of the way of any traffic before crossing, of course, as I value my life and don’t like pain, but the shortest distance between two points is a straight line, and I’m not waiting at the street corner for non-existent traffic just because the “don’t walk” signal is illuminated. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2016, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess-your-micro-crimes-here/745934/198 "2016-03-01T00:22:28Z")
I committed one this weekend. I preferred a different color envelope than the ones behind the greeting card I was buying, so I grabbed one from behind a different card. The guilt may prevent me from truly enjoying Easter. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess-your-micro-crimes-here/745934.md?page=9)