# Confess your micro-crimes here **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 12, 2016, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess-your-micro-crimes-here/745934 "2016-02-12T14:48:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2016, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess-your-micro-crimes-here/745934/141 "2016-02-17T18:03:50Z")
I’m using some United States Post Office’s “if it fits it ships” boxes to store shit. They were free and I didn’t ship shit in them… ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2016, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess-your-micro-crimes-here/745934/142 "2016-02-17T18:42:49Z")
My apartment when I was an intern came with free cable. I guess they forgot to turn it off after the previous tenant left. I was a real slob when staying with a certain roommate. To the point that he kicked me out. I got even by intercepting all the mail he was getting from the IRS filled with dire warnings of impending consequences over his questionable financial behavior. Made sure he saw none of it, which was doubly bad since his failures to respond were making things worse, apparently. I doubt that counts as a Micro-crime, I but I did it. And I stole his TV remote. This was as much for humor as malice since he had a bad habit of leaving the remote in, well, remote places. Like in his car or on top of the mail box. He just took it with him everywhere he went and would leave it laying around at some random point. So I just knew he spent a LONG time looking for it. ---
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2016, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess-your-micro-crimes-here/745934/143 "2016-02-17T20:28:40Z")
> [@robardin](#): > > Since childhood (I’m in my 40s), I often have an impulse at a supermarket snack aisle to just pummel the bags of chips, to feel and hear them crumbling inside a sealed bag. Not to be mean to whoever ends up buying a bag of crumbs, in fact that’s why I don’t do it, … I just feel like I want the crunchy satisfaction. > > Well one day not long ago, I let myself go on a bag we’d already bought but hadn’t opened for a party that had ended. I hoped it would discharge the urge. Oh no. Now I know it was exactly what I imagined it would be like. This sounds like a vignette from the movie [Tampopo,](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tampopo) in which an old woman is obsessed with squeezing grocery store food to the point of destruction. [Ah, here it is.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=38m-wnbHPLA) My microcrimes (the ones I’ll willingly confess): -I deliberately take too many napkins at a restaurant, and bring the extras back to my office. -I once bought a phone, along with a bunch of other stuff. Except the cashier somehow neglected to scan the phone, so I got it for free. I didn’t go back to pay for it. -My employer paid me interest on backpay once, except they calculated the interest incorrectly and overpaid me. I didn’t try to correct them. ---
**Author:** ![Randolph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Randolph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Randolph)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2016, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess-your-micro-crimes-here/745934/144 "2016-02-17T20:50:17Z")
> [@Machine\_Elf](#): > > > [@robardin](#): > > > > Since childhood (I’m in my 40s), I often have an impulse at a supermarket snack aisle to just pummel the bags of chips, to feel and hear them crumbling inside a sealed bag. Not to be mean to whoever ends up buying a bag of crumbs, in fact that’s why I don’t do it, … I just feel like I want the crunchy satisfaction. > > This sounds like a vignette from the movie [Tampopo,](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tampopo) in which an old woman is obsessed with squeezing grocery store food to the point of destruction. [Ah, here it is.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=38m-wnbHPLA) This has happened [in real life](http://articles.philly.com/2000-01-28/news/25597822_1_cookie-firm-bread-baked-goods). ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2016, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess-your-micro-crimes-here/745934/145 "2016-02-17T20:58:29Z")
> [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](#): > > That could be a cool perk or really creepy, depending on where you work. Bakery? 😃 Medical waste processor? :eek: ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2016, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess-your-micro-crimes-here/745934/146 "2016-02-17T21:14:27Z")
> [@Hypno-Toad](#): > > My apartment when I was an intern came with free cable. I guess they forgot to turn it off after the previous tenant left. > > I was a real slob when staying with a certain roommate. To the point that he kicked me out. I got even by intercepting all the mail he was getting from the IRS filled with dire warnings of impending consequences over his questionable financial behavior. Made sure he saw none of it, which was doubly bad since his failures to respond were making things worse, apparently. I doubt that counts as a Micro-crime, I but I did it. > > And I stole his TV remote. This was as much for humor as malice since he had a bad habit of leaving the remote in, well, remote places. Like in his car or on top of the mail box. He just took it with him everywhere he went and would leave it laying around at some random point. So I just knew he spent a LONG time looking for it. ``` You actually committed a very serious felony by doing this. ``` ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2016, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess-your-micro-crimes-here/745934/147 "2016-02-17T21:17:49Z")
> [@IvoryTowerDenizen](#): > > Bakery? 😃 > > Medical waste processor? :eek: That’s pretty much exactly what I was thinking. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2016, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess-your-micro-crimes-here/745934/148 "2016-02-17T21:18:50Z")
> [@Hypno-Toad](#): > > My apartment when I was an intern came with free cable. I guess they forgot to turn it off after the previous tenant left. > > I was a real slob when staying with a certain roommate. To the point that he kicked me out. I got even by intercepting all the mail he was getting from the IRS filled with dire warnings of impending consequences over his questionable financial behavior. Made sure he saw none of it, which was doubly bad since his failures to respond were making things worse, apparently. I doubt that counts as a Micro-crime, I but I did it. > > And I stole his TV remote. This was as much for humor as malice since he had a bad habit of leaving the remote in, well, remote places. Like in his car or on top of the mail box. He just took it with him everywhere he went and would leave it laying around at some random point. So I just knew he spent a LONG time looking for it. You sound like a horrible roommate. ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2016, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess-your-micro-crimes-here/745934/149 "2016-02-17T22:24:05Z")
> [@HoneyBadgerDC](#): > > You actually committed a very serious felony by doing this. Stealing a tv remote is not a very serious felony. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2016, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess-your-micro-crimes-here/745934/150 "2016-02-17T22:30:39Z")
> [@Drunky\_Smurf](#): > > Stealing a tv remote is not a very serious felony. True, but being a “real slob” is. ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2016, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess-your-micro-crimes-here/745934/151 "2016-02-17T23:19:04Z")
> [@Drunky\_Smurf](#): > > Stealing a tv remote is not a very serious felony. Stealing the mail from the IRS is a felonly. ---
**Author:** ![Soylent\_Juicy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@Soylent\_Juicy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soylent_Juicy)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2016, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess-your-micro-crimes-here/745934/152 "2016-02-18T15:25:55Z")
When we were in Italy my husband and I took a train to a different city. There was no ticket booth at the train station and nobody else on the platform, so we figured you paid the conductor on the train. So we get on the train and we’re trying to figure out how to pay. Then some English tourists told us we were supposed to pay at a machine on the platform and get a ticket. (We don’t remember seeing a machine on the platform.) The conductor came along, didn’t bother with us, and when we reached our destination we got off the train, walked briskly through the station and ran our asses into the walled city before anybody noticed that we just scored a free train ride. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2016, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess-your-micro-crimes-here/745934/153 "2016-02-18T19:19:20Z")
> [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](#): > > You sound like a horrible roommate. I actually _was_ a pretty good roommate. Quiet and easy-going. kept to myself. Never had anyone over. We worked different shifts so there was no conflict over showers, watching TV, or any of that. But back then, I _was_ a real slob. Not to an unhealthy degree, but definitely not neat and tidy. This experience went a long way towards fixing that. And the very first time he even mentioned me being a slob was when he kicked me out. Not, “Hey, you’re a real slob. could you try to be neater?” So yeah, he was no angel, either. Plus, I found out later from a third party that the real reason he kicked me out was so that he could get a new lover to move in. My being straight was cramping his love life apparently. And yeah, I know NOW that the mail thing was a big deal. But not then. Anyhow, I don’t kid around when I’ve been unfairly crossed. ---
**Author:** ![chela](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chela/32/21582_2.png) [@chela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chela)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2016, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess-your-micro-crimes-here/745934/154 "2016-02-18T19:59:33Z")
on the micro level - i willfully disregarded the local custom of grinding to halt when in sight of a funeral procession. My recent inadvertent shoplifting experience, this last time , i discovered the item while still in the parking lot. I considered my options, really should have gone back inside, no biggie. BUT, was in a rush so oops. Got in the car, checked phone messages and BOOM instant bad news waiting. Okay so actually glad i didn’t waste time trotting back into store to wait in customer service line ( i actually wouldn’t wait, i would CUT IN LINE!) BWAHAHAH ---
**Author:** ![May\_20](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ce7236/32.png) [@May\_20](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/May_20)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2016, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess-your-micro-crimes-here/745934/155 "2016-02-18T20:00:45Z")
My daughter and I chose some Fuji apples at the store the other day. At the register, the clerk rang up another, more expensive variety. I corrected him, and he changed it. We unpacked the apples at home, and sure enough, one of the apples was the more expensive variety. I didn’t turn around and drive back to the store to fix it. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2016, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess-your-micro-crimes-here/745934/156 "2016-02-18T21:07:19Z")
> [@Soylent\_Juicy](#): > > When we were in Italy my husband and I took a train to a different city. There was no ticket booth at the train station and nobody else on the platform, so we figured you paid the conductor on the train. So we get on the train and we’re trying to figure out how to pay. Then some English tourists told us we were supposed to pay at a machine on the platform and get a ticket. (We don’t remember seeing a machine on the platform.) The conductor came along, didn’t bother with us, and when we reached our destination we got off the train, walked briskly through the station and ran our asses into the walled city before anybody noticed that we just scored a free train ride. We turned up at a station in Italy very late at night (or early hours of the morning?) and there was no where to buy a ticket. We asked the locals what we should do. They said just catch the train. We said we had no ticket. They looked at us like complete morons and saps for even contemplating the idea that one might worry about not having a ticket. ---
**Author:** ![SmellMyWort](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea5d25/32.png) [@SmellMyWort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmellMyWort)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2016, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess-your-micro-crimes-here/745934/157 "2016-02-18T22:02:31Z")
> [@Soylent\_Juicy](#): > > When we were in Italy my husband and I took a train to a different city. There was no ticket booth at the train station and nobody else on the platform, so we figured you paid the conductor on the train. So we get on the train and we’re trying to figure out how to pay. Then some English tourists told us we were supposed to pay at a machine on the platform and get a ticket. (We don’t remember seeing a machine on the platform.) The conductor came along, didn’t bother with us, and when we reached our destination we got off the train, walked briskly through the station and ran our asses into the walled city before anybody noticed that we just scored a free train ride. Similarly, we needed to catch an early flight from Paris to Barcelona, which required taking the train from the city center to CDG, which is situated a good ways away. No ticket booth at our station and the ticket machine was broken and would not accept cash or any of our credit cards (which had worked at other stations). Desperate, and early enough that no one was around, we finally hopped the turnstile (along with luggage) and got the train. Then had to worry about what to do at once we reached CDG since the exits require you to insert your ticket and there would definitely be other people and security around. Figured we’d just talk to an official and have to pay there, but knowing little French we were worried about it taking a long time and cause us to miss our flight. Luckily, when we got to the bank of exit turnstiles someone else with luggage (and a ticket) used the swinging gate style handicap exit and we followed her through unnoticed. ---
**Author:** ![carnut](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnut/32/3531_2.png) [@carnut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnut)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2016, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess-your-micro-crimes-here/745934/158 "2016-02-20T22:28:23Z")
> [@Drunky\_Smurf](#): > > Stealing a tv remote is not a very serious felony. No, but stealing his IRS notifications is. I had a renter in my house who was a bit like you. Not the slob part, but the nasty, get-even part. She elected to go away (about 15 minutes before I asked her to). When she left, I found she had taken one of a matched set of drinking glasses, silverware, messed with the boxes I had in the storeroom by mixing up the contents, and to this day she signs up for junk mail to be sent to my address. This was 10 years ago. I thought she would have moved on by now but I just started getting calls for her from a bill collector. :dubious: At least you got over that retaliation thing. ---
**Author:** ![edwardcoast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cab0a1/32.png) [@edwardcoast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/edwardcoast)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2016, 12:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess-your-micro-crimes-here/745934/159 "2016-02-22T12:04:45Z")
> [@HoneyBadgerDC](#): > > Years ago I bought some paint at a now defunct hardware chain. 4 coats would not cover my living room walls. I brought the remaining paint back to the store and asked for a refund which was refused because the paint was gone. I was so angry I decided to **shop lift my refund**. No guilt here. What could you have shop lifted from a paint store that would have been worth the same as a refund without getting any attention? I mean, you can’t easily walk out with another gallon of latex paint without them noticing. Or can you? ---
**Author:** ![edwardcoast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cab0a1/32.png) [@edwardcoast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/edwardcoast)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2016, 12:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess-your-micro-crimes-here/745934/160 "2016-02-22T12:10:11Z")
> [@Smapti](#): > > I once visited Oregon, where they have no sales tax, and on my way home bought a Taco Bell burrito at the last exit before the state line. I then drove across the bridge into Washington and consumed the burrito within the state of Washington, and did not thereafter file the appropriate paperwork with the Department of Revenue to pay the sales tax on untaxed goods purchased out of state. Damn! You are one bad mother…🆒 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess-your-micro-crimes-here/745934.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess-your-micro-crimes-here/745934.md?page=9)