# Confess!!
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess/293886
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [March 10, 2005, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess/293886 "2005-03-10T19:44:27Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)
#### Post date: [March 10, 2005, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess/293886/1 "2005-03-10T19:44:27Z")
C’mon, it’ll do you good. You know you want to, now get in here and bare your soul! Just lay it all out in here, and all will be forgiven.
Not 15 minutes ago, I took my work-neighbor’s last girl scout cookie. Didn’t even have the courtesy to throw the box away, either.
Whew! I feel _much_ better now!
---
### Author:  [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)
#### Post date: [March 10, 2005, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess/293886/2 "2005-03-10T19:45:59Z")
Ok, I can’t keep it hidden any longer. I have to confess…
It was me.
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### Author:  [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)
#### Post date: [March 10, 2005, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess/293886/3 "2005-03-10T19:49:57Z")
_SOB_ Alright! I confess! _SOB_
**Lobsang** thinks it was him but it was really me. I just made it look like he did it. Happy now?
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### Author:  [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)
#### Post date: [March 10, 2005, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess/293886/4 "2005-03-10T19:53:12Z")
I…I…I’m…
I’m masticating in my classroom _right now_! The students aren’t in the room, but they will be shortly, and I don’t think I can finish by then!
Oh, the humanity!
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### Author:  [@taxi78cab](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/taxi78cab)
#### Post date: [March 10, 2005, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess/293886/5 "2005-03-10T19:57:55Z")
That unpleasant odor wafting around the office? Yeah, that was me.
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### Author:  [@Draelin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Draelin)
#### Post date: [March 10, 2005, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess/293886/6 "2005-03-10T20:00:45Z")
Masticating? For _shame!_ If you don’t stop that, you could go blind. 😉
And on a completely unrelated note, the word _masticating_ always gives me a flashback to that nerdy kid in the encyclopedia commercial talking about his _mandibula_.
My confession:
Eight years ago, I was living out of my car in New Orleans, and temping at an office. Someone bought a king cake and explained to me the whole “find the baby, buy another cake” idea. I hadn’t eaten anything substantial in over a week, and I kept stealing slices of cake whenever no one was looking.
I got the baby, and didn’t tell anyone, because I couldn’t afford shampoo, let alone a cake.
Wow. I feel better. I’ve never told anyone that. Whew.
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### Author:  [@MagicEyes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MagicEyes)
#### Post date: [March 10, 2005, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess/293886/7 "2005-03-10T20:08:06Z")
> [@Hal Briston](#):
>
> Not 15 minutes ago, I took my work-neighbor’s last girl scout cookie. Didn’t even have the courtesy to throw the box away, either.
>
> Whew! I feel _much_ better now!
You are an evil, _evil_ man, and you should feel very guilty. I hope it wasn’t a Thin Mint. If you took the last Thin Mint, you deserve punishment too horrible to even imagine.
I’m glad my Thin Mints are safe at home–I’m not sharing! I need them to make mini grasshopper cheesecakes.
I have nothing to confess. I’m so boring.
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### Author:  [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)
#### Post date: [March 10, 2005, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess/293886/8 "2005-03-10T20:11:02Z")
OK! OK! I confess! I did it! It was me! I did everything! I can’t live with the shame and guilt any longer! I’ve been tortured by my conscience! I confess!
What? You think I’d tell you _what_ I did? 😃
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### Author:  [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)
#### Post date: [March 10, 2005, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess/293886/9 "2005-03-10T20:15:00Z")
Ok, on a little more serious (but not too serious) note, I confess to paying £3:75 to watch ‘Mean Girls’ on Box Office the other night.
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### Author:  [@milquetoast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/milquetoast)
#### Post date: [March 10, 2005, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess/293886/10 "2005-03-10T20:21:19Z")
> [@Lobsang](#):
>
> I confess to paying £3:75 to watch ‘Mean Girls’ on Box Office the other night.
Did you masticate?
Or had Hal Briston stolen the last of your biscuits without throwing away the tin?
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### Author:  [@The\_Weird\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Weird_One)
#### Post date: [March 10, 2005, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess/293886/11 "2005-03-10T20:34:25Z")
[Ximinez: Right! If that’s the way you want it – Cardinal! Poke her with the soft cushions!Confess! Confess! Confess!
Biggles: It doesn’t seem to be hurting her, lord.
Ximinez: Have you got all the stuffing up one end?
Biggles: Yes, lord.
Ximinez: Hm! She is made of harder stuff! Cardinal Fang! Fetch…THE COMFY CHAIR!](http://people.csail.mit.edu/people/paulfitz/spanish/script.html)
I confess, I have nothing of substance to add to this thread.
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### Author:  [@Casey1505](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Casey1505)
#### Post date: [March 10, 2005, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess/293886/12 "2005-03-10T20:37:20Z")
I’m innocent! Innocent, I tells ya! Geraldine made me do it.
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### Author:  [@Desperate\_Welfie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Desperate_Welfie)
#### Post date: [March 10, 2005, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess/293886/13 "2005-03-10T20:40:42Z")
I’ve been messing around with a married man that I used to work with.
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### Author:  [@Tikki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tikki)
#### Post date: [March 10, 2005, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess/293886/14 "2005-03-10T20:47:01Z")
Um, Hal. You know that cookie you ate? I’m sorry, man. I thought that _other_ co-worker was going to eat it. You know which one. Yeah, _that_ one. So I coughed all over it.
Uh, sorry about that.
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### Author:  [@Terrorcotta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terrorcotta)
#### Post date: [March 10, 2005, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess/293886/15 "2005-03-10T20:48:08Z")
Oh, alright… my boss was just dictating text to me and I am not gonna correct his, “…mailing to complementative zones.” line. Not gonna do it! I confess!! I am leaving his grammar unchecked!!! Try and stop me! Ha ha hah ha ha ha ha!!! Suffer all you small business owners that get this stinking pile of tripe!!!
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### Author:  [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)
#### Post date: [March 10, 2005, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess/293886/16 "2005-03-10T20:54:02Z")
> [@Tikki](#):
>
> Um, Hal. You know that cookie you ate? I’m sorry, man. I thought that _other_ co-worker was going to eat it. You know which one. Yeah, _that_ one. So I coughed all over it.
That’s ok…it ain’t like you’re going to [get me sick](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=306226). 😛
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### Author:  [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)
#### Post date: [March 10, 2005, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess/293886/17 "2005-03-10T21:05:53Z")
Sometimes… I… ummm… takethegymtowelshomeandusethemtowashtheCAR! :eek:
\ I feel so relieved now. Like a weight’s been lifted. \
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### Author:  [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)
#### Post date: [March 10, 2005, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess/293886/18 "2005-03-10T21:08:45Z")
> [@Desperate Welfie](#):
>
> I’ve been messing around with a married man that I used to work with.
REPENT SINNER!!!
😃
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### Author:  [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)
#### Post date: [March 10, 2005, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess/293886/19 "2005-03-10T21:17:19Z")
I, uh, well…
Y’know that mess a few weeks ago with the African drums, and the banna-creme pie filling?
Yeah… That was me.
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### Author:  [@nocturnal\_tick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nocturnal_tick)
#### Post date: [March 10, 2005, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess/293886/20 "2005-03-10T21:17:42Z")
I’ve smoked about 4 cigarettes today. And I’m going for my fifth right now…
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