# Confess!! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 10, 2005, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess/293886 "2005-03-10T19:44:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2005, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess/293886/81 "2005-03-12T16:46:46Z")
> [@Tenar](#): > > Ha! You won’t feel so good once [Terry Tate, Office Linebacker](http://isobe.typepad.com/whats_up/2005/01/terry_tate_offi.html) comes down on your butt! “That’s not your cake! That’s Simone’s cake!” “Da pain train is comin’!! WOOO WOOO!!!” Heh, yeah, I love 'em too. And to keep on topic, I once stole a dollar out the collection basket when I was an altar boy. ---
**Author:** ![Iceland\_Blue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/4bbf92/32.png) [@Iceland\_Blue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Iceland_Blue)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2005, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess/293886/82 "2005-03-12T17:00:56Z")
Er…does the rule about Dopers revealing they have committed crimes apply here? If some of us suddenly disappear off the boards,you’ll know where we’ve gone.Send someone round with the bail money 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Gutgore\_Blooddrink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Captain\_Gutgore\_Blooddrink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Gutgore_Blooddrink)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2005, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess/293886/83 "2005-03-12T17:36:02Z")
Well, one time I was in the middle of a thick forest, licking on a salt lick. One of my friends came up to me and said she “Cap’n Gutgore Blooddrink! Why the hell are you licking on that salt lick?” to which I responded “because I’m a majestic 13-point buck resting in the cool shade of yonder pine after a long and healthy romp amongst the pine needles.” Then she said “No you’re not. And this isn’t a forest, it’s the crappy kitchen of your one bedroom apartment that you pay too much for and never clean.” Then I realized that I wasn’t a deer, and there wasn’t a salt lick, and I don’t have any friends. I was sitting at my dining table reading a copy of EGM. So I went and made myself a sandwich of peppercorn beef and relish. -Cap’n GG BD ---
**Author:** ![ouryL](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ouryl/32/6067_2.png) [@ouryL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ouryL)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2005, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess/293886/84 "2005-03-12T18:04:54Z")
…and I picked up the broken statue and said, “Hey, who broke the cute horsie?” :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![The\_Weird\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@The\_Weird\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Weird_One)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2005, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess/293886/85 "2005-03-12T18:31:04Z")
> [@Tenar](#): > > Ha! You won’t feel so good once [Terry Tate, Office Linebacker](http://isobe.typepad.com/whats_up/2005/01/terry_tate_offi.html) comes down on your butt! “That’s not your cake! That’s Simone’s cake!” > > I must confess, I LOVE those ads. > > Plus, I’ve got Judge Crater out in my rose garden. Right under a lovely patch of floribundas. I confess, I’m watching the Terry Tate ads right now, instead of doing my taxes. ---
**Author:** ![DWToml815](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DWToml815](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DWToml815)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2005, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess/293886/86 "2005-03-12T19:12:44Z")
OK, I confess I have visited the deepest part of the worlds oceans, Challenger Deep in the Mariana’s Trench, just once. In 1960. For 20 minutes. Sorry, I just couldn’t help myself… ---
**Author:** ![Iceland\_Blue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/4bbf92/32.png) [@Iceland\_Blue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Iceland_Blue)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2005, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess/293886/87 "2005-03-12T19:17:35Z")
I have to confess I’ve got a lovely bunch of coconuts 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Typically\_Sunday](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7ba0ec/32.png) [@Typically\_Sunday](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typically_Sunday)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2005, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess/293886/88 "2005-03-12T19:41:25Z")
I’m the one who’s been stealing socks from your dryer. ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2005, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess/293886/89 "2005-03-12T20:13:35Z")
> [@Desperate Welfie](#): > > I’m trying to. It wouldn’t be so hard if he weren’t so much fun. And, of course, it wouldn’t be so much fun if he weren’t so hard… As if I still need to, I’ll confess that I often can’t resist the opportunity to make a cheap joke. ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2005, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess/293886/90 "2005-03-12T20:19:46Z")
I stole your pickle and I’m eating it right now! ---
**Author:** ![inkleberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f17d59/32.png) [@inkleberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/inkleberry)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2005, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess/293886/91 "2005-03-12T20:35:25Z")
I’m **Mr. Ruda Duda.** ---
**Author:** ![Governor\_Quinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d26b3c/32.png) [@Governor\_Quinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Governor_Quinn)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2005, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess/293886/92 "2005-03-12T20:51:55Z")
You’ve heard of “lost films”, correct? Films which have no surviving copy? Well, I’m the one who made all those films lost. ---
**Author:** ![Iceland\_Blue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/4bbf92/32.png) [@Iceland\_Blue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Iceland_Blue)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2005, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess/293886/93 "2005-03-12T21:23:59Z")
> [@Sancho Panzer](#): > > When I was in college, I once got a girl drunk while remaining sober just so I could have sex with her. In my defense, she probably wouldn’t have slept with me had she not been intoxicated. _hmmm_…isn’t that illegal? ---
**Author:** ![Sancho\_Panzer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/958977/32.png) [@Sancho\_Panzer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sancho_Panzer)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2005, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess/293886/94 "2005-03-12T21:46:38Z")
> [@Iceland\_Blue](#): > > _hmmm_…isn’t that illegal? I don’t really know. At no point did she tell me “no”, and though drunk, she remained conscious the entire time. But I’ll tell you what, I’ll ask her if she wants to press charges. She’s now my wife, and she may see that as a good way to get me out of her hair for a while. By the way, she was \well\ above the age of 14 when it happened. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confess/293886.md?page=4)