# Confronting racism in oneself **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [May 19, 2026, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confronting-racism-in-oneself/1030215 "2026-05-19T17:58:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 12
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2026, 12:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confronting-racism-in-oneself/1030215/221 "2026-06-02T12:58:27Z")
Y’all are young and strong. I often sit next to the big black guy, or the really fat person, because those seats are available. (Okay, i perch on the seat next to the really fat person. It’s open because there isn’t really room to sit in it.) (As an old lady, i doubt anyone finds me terribly threatening. At least, not sitting on a subway.) Here’s another example of a microaggression I’ve caught myself before committing more than once (and probably missed other times): Shopping in a mostly white neighborhood, i see the black guy in a polo shirt and assume he’s an employee, not a customer. I try to check the logo on his shirt before asking him where the widgets are. But my implicit bias is that he’s out-of-place as a customer. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2026, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confronting-racism-in-oneself/1030215/222 "2026-06-02T12:59:46Z")
> [@DSeid](#): > > Getting my full nerd on, I wonder if there are cross cultural studies about it? Is it exclusively a male bonding behavior, a play fighting, a status display? I think so. I think it’s something high-status (in their domain) males do. ---
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2026, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confronting-racism-in-oneself/1030215/223 "2026-06-02T13:00:59Z")
> [@Alessan](#): > > Not so much. Those of us at the bottom of the social totem pole - the nerds, the geeks, the outcasts - tended to hang out with the few people who _didn’t_ give us a hard time. Yes. Probably another thread, but this kind of joking, even in a ‘good natured’ way, is inherently an exercise of power/dominance. The idea that ‘ball busting’ is inherently benign is… incomplete. ---
**Author:** ![Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/q.q.switcheroo/32/5713_2.png) [@Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.Q.Switcheroo)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2026, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confronting-racism-in-oneself/1030215/224 "2026-06-02T16:11:21Z")
> [@Alessan](#): > > Those of us at the bottom of the social totem pole - the nerds, the geeks, the outcasts - tended to hang out with the few people who _didn’t_ give us a hard time. And more than a few of us must have cringe-inducing memories of trying to join in on the fun and inadvertently crossing the line into “dude, not funny!” territory. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2026, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confronting-racism-in-oneself/1030215/225 "2026-06-02T22:03:26Z")
> [@Eonwe](#): > > The idea that ‘ball busting’ is inherently benign is… incomplete. I know you meant it rhetorically, but “incomplete” is properly spelled “utter nonsense”. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2026, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confronting-racism-in-oneself/1030215/226 "2026-06-02T22:08:50Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > I’ve never heard any variation of “ball busting” used to refer to anything other than actual physical assault before. Really? That’s very strange. My experience is the complete opposite: I don’t think I’ve ever heard it to describe physical violence. It’s 100% used as a euphemism for “giving someone a hard time,” as far as I’m aware. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2026, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confronting-racism-in-oneself/1030215/227 "2026-06-02T22:49:50Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > Really? That’s very strange. My experience is the complete opposite: I don’t think I’ve ever heard it to describe physical violence. It’s 100% used as a euphemism for “giving someone a hard time,” as far as I’m aware. Googling, the top results are for pornography (“cock and balls torture” is another term for it in a sexual context) and genital piercings. I’ve also seen it used to refer to a castration fetish. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2026, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confronting-racism-in-oneself/1030215/228 "2026-06-02T22:53:48Z")
The slang term for teasing is very US northeast centric. If you’re not from there & don’t deal with people or online sources from there you’ll literally, not figuratively, _never_ hear it. But it’s universally known where it’s commonplace. ---
**Author:** ![Babale](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/babale/32/15666_2.png) [@Babale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Babale)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2026, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confronting-racism-in-oneself/1030215/229 "2026-06-02T23:28:18Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > The slang term for teasing is very US northeast centric. If you’re not from there & don’t deal with people or online sources from there you’ll literally, not figuratively, _never_ hear it. IDK about that, I’ve heard it in California, and only ever in the figurative sense. (Well, I read about the pornographic meaning on Urban Dictionary or the like at some point, but I’ve never encountered that meaning “in the wild”). ---
**Author:** ![Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/q.q.switcheroo/32/5713_2.png) [@Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.Q.Switcheroo)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2026, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confronting-racism-in-oneself/1030215/230 "2026-06-02T23:46:52Z")
For the record, it has nothing to do with being a _balabusta_. > **[Balabusta](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Balabusta)** > > Balabusta (Yiddish: בעל־הביתטע, romanized: bal-habiste) is a Yiddish expression describing a good homemaker. The transliteration according to YIVO Standard orthography is baleboste. The expression derives from the Hebrew term for "home owner" or "master of the house" – the Hebrew compound noun בַּעַל הַבַּיִת bá'al habáyit (lit: "master of the house") was borrowed in its masculine from and was pronounced according to the conventions of Ashkenazi Hebrew as balebos; in its feminine form, it is ren... …though… > Due in part to the coincidental similarity of the word to the English colloquialism “ballbuster”, defined as “a person who is relentlessly aggressive, intimidating, or domineering”,[[2]](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Balabusta#cite_note-2)_baleboste_ as used by English-speakers has taken on the connotation of assertiveness or bossiness.[[3]](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Balabusta#cite_note-3) ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2026, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confronting-racism-in-oneself/1030215/231 "2026-06-02T23:53:26Z")
I dunno. It’s play. Yeah when I’d play fight with my big brother as kids sometimes one of us got hurt, but it wasn’t the intent, and it wasn’t reason to not do it. Usually he was the one who got hurt trying hard to make sure I didn’t, FWIW. Is it a form of aggression? Sure. But ritualized with rules to reduce risk of harm. Less aggressive than trash talking even. Given immature male posturing behaviors in young men better verbal sparring with attempts at humor than many other options? ---
**Author:** ![asterion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/4da419/32.png) [@asterion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/asterion)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2026, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confronting-racism-in-oneself/1030215/232 "2026-06-03T00:08:24Z")
The country has enough East Coast bias that most will have probably heard the term. But I also agree that giving your buddies shit can be bonding and sometimes a gentler way of trying to criticize someone’s behavior or words. Sometimes it’s even a way of trying to help a guy out where direct comments (say about a bad girlfriend) may not work and get a defensive response. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2026, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confronting-racism-in-oneself/1030215/233 "2026-06-03T00:52:00Z")
> [@Alessan](#): > > Not so much. Those of us at the bottom of the social totem pole - the nerds, the geeks, the outcasts - tended to hang out with the few people who _didn’t_ give us a hard time. I suppose my question is as self-described “bottoms of the social totem pole”, how would you advise people (race-based or not) to climb the totem pole? A big factor of racism or any social hierarchy for that matter is excluding people from climbing the social ladder. Or providing them limited ladders for climbing the social ladder, which then become associated with those groups. For example the “black athlete” or “Asian math wiz”. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2026, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confronting-racism-in-oneself/1030215/234 "2026-06-03T00:55:03Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > I suppose my question is as self-described “bottoms of the social totem pole”, how would you advise people (race-based or not) to climb the totem pole? In our society? Make lots of money. That’s about all that consistently works. ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2026, 12:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confronting-racism-in-oneself/1030215/235 "2026-06-03T12:19:02Z")
> [@Eonwe](#): > > Probably another thread, but this kind of joking, even in a ‘good natured’ way, is inherently an exercise of power/dominance. In terms of power/dominance, there’s a piece of it that is true, but it’s more about belonging. It’s about maintaining your own status in the group. Good natured ribbing is how some groups of immature males bond. It isn’t about establishing dominance over others, it’s about elevating your status so that you’re not excluded as unworthy. If you want to be in the group, you need to be cool, and tough, and funny, you play rough and tumble games, make fun of each other, and as long as you’re all good in the end, you’re worthy. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2026, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confronting-racism-in-oneself/1030215/236 "2026-06-03T13:25:47Z")
While i think ball busting is a form of … Let’s call it status-seeking-behavior, i think that jostling for status is a normal part of the behavior of all herd animals. And humans are herd animals. Are there downsides? Sure. But it’s not evil, it’s just something humans do. And (here I’m speculating) because we evolved in small groups where most “social mobility” happened between childhood and adulthood, we are programmed to do a lot of it in our teens. That’s why teenage girls are horrible to each other. That’s why teenage boys wrestle and insult each other, too. (Oh, add me to the list who has never heard the phrase “ball busting” in the wild used for anything other verbal teasing. I may have read about a more literal meaning in a Dan Savage column or something, i wouldn’t swear to it either way. I don’t think I’ve ever heard it used to describe nonconsensual violence.) ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2026, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confronting-racism-in-oneself/1030215/237 "2026-06-03T15:58:16Z")
Brought this to the Male Inequality thread. Other than if we respond to these behaviors differently if they are Black kids doing the Dozens or white kids busting each other’s balls … And not sure about that since neither bother me at all. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2026, 10:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confronting-racism-in-oneself/1030215/238 "2026-06-04T10:12:08Z")
I’ve known a few people who were Racists with a capital R. My ex-BIL was smart enough to not actually say he despised blacks and other minorities but it was obvious. I’m aware of subconscious bias I have concerning race and try to challenge these thoughts, but I see a fundamental difference between Racists and people like me. ---
**Author:** ![Eric1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/3bc359/32.png) [@Eric1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eric1)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2026, 7:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confronting-racism-in-oneself/1030215/239 "2026-08-23T07:20:29Z")
This evening I was reminded how outrageous racism is. I’ve occasionally in my life had momentary racist thoughts and had my conscience immediately respond, “why am I hateful right now? What’s the problem with me?” Anyway, tonight I heard about six anonymous sixteen-year-olds slinging the n-word on a street corner next to me. When I cast on them for this racism, two of them said it’s easy to get caught up in hate because the US government seems to consistently espouse hatred under our administration. You might detect my outrage at this line of reasoning. They seemed to understand they were wrong. I sent emails to all the government officials I know and am mentioning it in a direct way with everyone I personally know. Of course I actively support some national orgs that confront racism. There’s probably not many significant steps I can take beyond this but am certainly open to suggestions from anyone here. ---
**Author:** ![Johanna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johanna/32/8318_2.png) [@Johanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johanna)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2026, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confronting-racism-in-oneself/1030215/240 "2026-08-23T20:14:32Z")
Good thoughts. Upon reflection, confronting racism in yourself is a good exercise because it fortifies you to speak out against racism happening right in front of you, to make it socially unacceptable. As you demonstrated. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confronting-racism-in-oneself/1030215.md?page=11) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confronting-racism-in-oneself/1030215.md?page=13)