# Confucius say... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 22, 2010, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confucius-say/544074 "2010-06-22T01:08:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Claude\_Remains](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/898d66/32.png) [@Claude\_Remains](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Claude_Remains)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confucius-say/544074/1 "2010-06-22T01:08:15Z")
I looking for funny one liners in this vein. I’ve heard quite a few good ones along the way and would love to find out what fellow Dopers have to share. I’ll start by offering the following. Confucius say - Panties not best thing in world, panties _next_ to best thing in world. ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confucius-say/544074/2 "2010-06-22T01:11:04Z")
Man who goes to bed with itchy butt wakes up with stinky finger. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confucius-say/544074/3 "2010-06-22T01:11:52Z")
Confucius say-Man who lift heavy load alone is truss-worthy. ---
**Author:** ![Electric\_Warrior](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@Electric\_Warrior](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Electric_Warrior)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confucius-say/544074/4 "2010-06-22T01:23:37Z")
Confucius say man standing on toilet is high on pot. Confucius say baseball is wrong - man with four balls cannot walk Confucius say man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day. I feel like at one point I knew another one about airport security but I have forgotten it. ---
**Author:** ![Claude\_Remains](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/898d66/32.png) [@Claude\_Remains](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Claude_Remains)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confucius-say/544074/5 "2010-06-22T01:28:39Z")
Man standing in turnstyle going to Bangkok? ---
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confucius-say/544074/6 "2010-06-22T01:54:02Z")
Not a general-interest knee-slapper, but it applies to us and all of our weekend-do-it-yourselfer friends: Confucius say, man who finish house . . . die. ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confucius-say/544074/7 "2010-06-22T02:03:35Z")
Confucius say, wise man do not play reapflog with unicorn. ---
**Author:** ![Ignatz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/3be4f8/32.png) [@Ignatz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ignatz)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confucius-say/544074/8 "2010-06-22T02:04:56Z")
Ling Po say “Confucius talk too much.” ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confucius-say/544074/9 "2010-06-22T02:12:33Z")
Confucius say when big green man says “Leave Hulk alone”, leave him alone. ---
**Author:** ![Electric\_Warrior](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@Electric\_Warrior](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Electric_Warrior)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confucius-say/544074/10 "2010-06-22T02:19:18Z")
> [@Claude\_Remains](#): > > Man standing in turnstyle going to Bangkok? That was the one 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confucius-say/544074/11 "2010-06-22T02:20:42Z")
Woman who fly upside-down have hairy crack-up. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Mondegreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/91b2a8/32.png) [@Lord\_Mondegreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Mondegreen)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confucius-say/544074/12 "2010-06-22T03:05:36Z")
> [@Claude\_Remains](#): > > Man standing in turnstyle going to Bangkok? The version I’ve heard is “Man who walk through airport turnstyle sideways, going to Bangkok.” ---
**Author:** ![Sigmundex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e19adc/32.png) [@Sigmundex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sigmundex)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confucius-say/544074/13 "2010-06-22T18:37:08Z")
Wow, you guys are slackers, I thought sure these would be here… …man chased by car go to bed tired …man who chase car go to bed exhausted ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confucius-say/544074/14 "2010-06-22T19:11:48Z")
Man who eat many prunes sit on toilet many moons. ---
**Author:** ![KRC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/45deac/32.png) [@KRC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KRC)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confucius-say/544074/15 "2010-06-22T19:15:38Z")
Confucius say: Man who fart in church sit in own pew. ---
**Author:** ![Crackrat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/919ad9/32.png) [@Crackrat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crackrat)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confucius-say/544074/16 "2010-06-22T19:44:27Z")
Confucius say, “He who stick face in punch bowl get punch in nose.” ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confucius-say/544074/17 "2010-06-22T20:32:54Z")
Confucius say virginity is like a bubble – one prick and it’s gone forever! ---
**Author:** ![PlainJain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/5daacb/32.png) [@PlainJain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PlainJain)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confucius-say/544074/18 "2010-06-22T22:34:13Z")
Man on crowded dance floor dance cheek to cheek… with woman behind him. ---
**Author:** ![InterestedObserver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@InterestedObserver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/InterestedObserver)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2010, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confucius-say/544074/19 "2010-06-23T02:42:03Z")
Confucius say, build a man a fire, he will be warm for a few hours. SET a man on fire, he will be warm the rest of his life. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2010, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confucius-say/544074/20 "2010-06-23T02:44:02Z")
Confucius say, ‘You make fun of my pidgin English? You try speaking Chinese, round-eye!’ [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confucius-say/544074.md?page=2)