# Confused and chastened by Tubadiva **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 31, 2002, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confused-and-chastened-by-tubadiva/121736 "2002-07-31T18:32:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2002, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confused-and-chastened-by-tubadiva/121736/161 "2002-08-02T19:10:40Z")
[stating the obvious] I certainly hope that **TubaDiva** doesn’t feel personally attacked by the honest criticism here-- it’s important to remember that, while we don’t start threads to _compliment_ her quotidian mod-actions, that doesn’t mean we don’t appreciate the hell out of them. While we may think “Yes! _Thank you,_ **Tuba** ,” we generally just go onto the next thread without saying anything “out loud” about it. Because the hamster would die if we did. The reason that we have four pages of _“What the hell was that about?”_ is that this action was so contrary to what we have come to expect from the **Tuba** that we love so well. [/stating the obvious] That being said, I’m wondering how the volume of complaints originally received about the thread compares with the expression of shock and confusion at its closure, and what, if anything, that says about the [community standards](http://www.lectlaw.com/def2/o002.htm) of the SDMB community, by definition some of the “smartest, hippest people on the planet, plus a few total dipsticks.” ---
**Author:** ![DeadlyAccurate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ac91a4/32.png) [@DeadlyAccurate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeadlyAccurate)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2002, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confused-and-chastened-by-tubadiva/121736/162 "2002-08-02T19:38:35Z")
> [@](#): > > I’m wondering with some frustration if the other moderators/administrators are reading this thread, and if so, if all they’re going to do is read it. Some sort of action–whether a more exlicitly worded thread explaining the new rules, or one saying that perhaps TD uncharacteristically stepped over the line–is really needed here. Same here. I keep checking this thread hoping to see a mod or admin posting with some clarification. It’s like we’re all upset, but no one will listen. I have a simple rule for threads that I don’t find interesting or that might be too graphic: I don’t read them. I haven’t read the thread about noses and cunnilingus and I probably wouldn’t have read **Scylla’s** thread either. But I like the fact that threads like that can exist alongside threads about family tragedies, poor customer service, what bark is made of, and talks about new puppies, kittens and babies. **TubaDiva’s** parting shot in that thread was cold, and her reason for closing it because of fear of what a prospective employer might think of her is self-centered. I appreciate the often thankless work the admins and mods do, but because the job is volunteer, I don’t expect them to do it forever. If the work here is presenting a hardship, everyone understands if you need to quit. That being said, I’m not suggesting that **TubaDiva** _should_ quit. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2002, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confused-and-chastened-by-tubadiva/121736/163 "2002-08-02T19:50:20Z")
> [@](#): > > It’s like we’re all upset, but no one will listen. I doubt, that **thr** –, err, **DeadyAccurate** – I think that policy is being hashed out _in camera_, and no-one is speaking up until there’s a consensus, which is pretty sensible. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2002, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confused-and-chastened-by-tubadiva/121736/164 "2002-08-02T19:51:40Z")
Just mentally shift that first comma over a little to the right. :o ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2002, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confused-and-chastened-by-tubadiva/121736/165 "2002-08-02T20:44:03Z")
Would the swarming masses who’re always telling dazed and bewildered newcomers that if they don’t like it here they should go somewhere else please go somewhere else? If you’re a web developer, do you just have people write letters and then ask prospective employers not to look at the sites? Why shouldn’t Tuba want to showcase her work to prospective employers? A pile on calling for Tuba’s resignation is ample evidence that she’s right. You’ve got it backwards, people. Tuba shouldn’t quit. You should quit. Go open your own message board. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2002, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confused-and-chastened-by-tubadiva/121736/166 "2002-08-02T21:01:55Z")
Libertarian. Please provide cut and paste quotes where we suggested Tuba should quit. Perhaps I honestly missed them. A poster two before you in fact suggested that She SHOULDN’T quit. Go tell everyone the sky is falling in some other thread. ---
**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2002, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confused-and-chastened-by-tubadiva/121736/167 "2002-08-02T21:04:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Libertarian \*A pile on calling for Tuba’s resignation is ample evidence that she’s right. You’ve got it backwards, people. Tuba shouldn’t quit. You should quit. Go open your own message board. \*\* Again – equine excrement. I see no one saying “Quit, **Tuba** , quit!” I _do_ see people saying that if she’s administering the board based on the potential perception of a potential employer that she rethink her priorities. And since you’re the only person who seems to hold that point of view, perhaps it would be easier for you to “go open your own message board.” ---
**Author:** ![Shayna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shayna/32/17976_2.png) [@Shayna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shayna)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2002, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confused-and-chastened-by-tubadiva/121736/168 "2002-08-02T21:19:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Why shouldn’t Tuba want to showcase her work to prospective employers? The _content_ of the threads on this message board aren’t examples of _her work_. OTOH, the tone and tenor of _her_ postings as she’s performing her duties as Administrator, which is what she wants to showcase, _do_ reflect on her – and not so favorably in this case. Her parting insult of **Scylla’s** intelligence – blatantly against the rules she’s supposed to be upholding in the performance of her “job” – would be just the kind of thing some mysterious prospective employer just might find a not-so-great trait in a potential employee. But instead of taking responsibility for her own behaviour and actions, she blames _us_ for her failure to land a job to date. We’re crass, so we’ve prevented her from earning a living. It’s utterly outrageous, insulting and offensive. And I like **Jenny** (which I believe she knows very well), so none of that is said with any malice. It’s just an observation of fact and an expression of how this whole thing makes me feel. You don’t like it? _You_ go away. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2002, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confused-and-chastened-by-tubadiva/121736/169 "2002-08-02T21:21:42Z")
**Lib** , NO ONE called for her resignation. I think it was more like, **Tuba** , if it’s getting too much, why don’t you take a break, or quit? We don’t want to see you make yourself miserable! I love **Tuba** -I think she kicks ass. But if this is stressing her out that bad, or endangering her employment opportunities, I think she should maybe consider stepping down-perhaps only temporarily? ---
**Author:** ![Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troy_mcclure_sf/32/4150_2.png) [@Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troy_McClure_SF)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2002, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confused-and-chastened-by-tubadiva/121736/170 "2002-08-02T21:22:35Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Libertarian \* > **Why shouldn’t Tuba want to showcase her work to prospective employers?** No reason at all. Despite my relatively low poost count, I consider SD and the SDMB to be important to me. I have a badge on my humble web site and I mention it quite often IRL. I’m happy to show off my MB to people. But wouldn’t it be a bit ridiculous if I have a thread in MPSIMS- “Hey, while I consider this place important enough to share with my future Mother-in-law/ prospective employer/ whatever, I’m kinda worried about how they might look upon me after reading certain threads. Could y’all keep it tame for a bit? Thanks.” Methinks I shoulda not invited the MIL in the first place, mmm? Having said all that, I too, would also like to voice my appreciation for the mods and admins. Too easy we forget that they do exponentially more good than bad around here, and those good deeds go unrewarded. But I think Tuba has touched a collective nerve here, and we’re all fearing for the sanctity and openness of what is likely the only place many of us can discuss certain, worthy topics. ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2002, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confused-and-chastened-by-tubadiva/121736/171 "2002-08-02T21:25:49Z")
Guin > [@](#): > > Lib, NO ONE called for her resignation. Zat right? * * * Jarbaby > [@](#): > > Perhaps I honestly missed them. Yeah, perhaps. * * * Sauron > [@](#): > > I see no one saying “Quit, Tuba, quit!” Did someone log in under your username and post this on 08-02-2002 at 09:13 AM?: > [@](#): > > TubaDiva, you do a wonderful job here. I could not do it myself. But if you’re now making decisions based not on the board, but on how potential employers might view the board, then you need to quit. Seriously. I don’t see any “stress” qualifier there. ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2002, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confused-and-chastened-by-tubadiva/121736/172 "2002-08-02T21:30:52Z")
> [@](#): > > But instead of taking responsibility for her own behaviour and actions, she blames us for her failure to land a job to date. We’re crass, so we’ve prevented her from earning a living. It’s utterly outrageous, insulting and offensive. Yeah, I agree. The kids won’t behave when company comes over. They’re as outrageous, insulting, and offensive as all get out. What the heck about HER behavior is a problem? Because she was snippy with someone? If you’ve escaped mod snippiness then you’re a lucky person. Just look how snippy all of you are being with me. Are y’all setting the example for her? ---
**Author:** ![Maeglin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2002, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confused-and-chastened-by-tubadiva/121736/173 "2002-08-02T21:32:02Z")
> [@](#): > > A pile on calling for Tuba’s resignation is ample evidence that she’s right All right, where exactly is this pile on then? One call for resignation a pile on does not make. ---
**Author:** ![Maeglin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2002, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confused-and-chastened-by-tubadiva/121736/174 "2002-08-02T21:34:41Z")
> [@](#): > > If you’ve escaped mod snippiness then you’re a lucky person. Just look how snippy all of you are being with me. Are y’all setting the example for her? Shouldn’t it be the other way around? ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2002, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confused-and-chastened-by-tubadiva/121736/175 "2002-08-02T21:35:55Z")
That was not a call for resignation, that was suggesting that perhaps if her concerns for her job affected her performance as an admin, then she should quit. It did not say, “I demand she resign!” There’s a difference, **Lib**. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2002, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confused-and-chastened-by-tubadiva/121736/176 "2002-08-02T21:35:57Z")
Yes Maeglin, I was wondering myself. One comment that was a call for resignation WITH an “if” qualifier seems like the tiniest pile on in the world. a…a…molehill almost, would you say Lib? ---
**Author:** ![Scotticher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Scotticher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scotticher)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2002, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confused-and-chastened-by-tubadiva/121736/177 "2002-08-02T21:36:13Z")
Okay, I have read this thread and please correct me if I am wrong, but here is the gist of it, as far as I see it. Many people think **TubaDiva** made an incorrect decision in closing **Scylla** ’s thread. Many people thought she made a snotty comment. Many people called for an \*\* _honest_\*\* explanation from **TubaDiva**. **TubaDiva** gave an honest explanation of her action. she was HONEST, nowhere did she say that it was going to be a policy of the board to disallow future threads that she personally thinks are not in good taste, just that THAT one, at THAT time, struck her as too tasteless to exist. Perhaps she had just read 20 others she thought were tasteless too, and on the 21st she had had it and closed it. She explained that the fact that she is looking for a job influenced her decision. Perhaps it would influence YOUR decision too, if you were running the place and had just read 21 posts that you felt were tasteless. Many people jumped all over her for her honest explanation. I conclude from all of this that: A) A Moderator is not allowed to make a mistake. B) An Administrator is not only not allowed to make a MISTAKE, she/he is not even allowed to be **HUMAN**!!! Is that a fair assessment of this thread? Oh, and **Tristan**? > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tristan \* > \*\*Personal Opinion of Tristan- > **TubaDiva** and the others do a hard job, that I don’t think I could do. > > However, they, like most other mods that I’ve run across, tend to get rather personally wrapped up in things on their boards. > > I think, in the past, **TubaDiva** has shown poor judgement, and I know I’ve been attacked by her on closed threads. No biggie, I can let it go. > > But this response is a cop out. It makes this whole board seem like it’s her personal domain, and it’s not. This board is the realm of ALL OF US. Yes, I know it’s the Readers in fact, and the Mods/Admins _de jure_ but it would be nice if realistic responses and guidelines were set up. > \*\* I truly don’t think this message board would survive if not for **TubaDiva**. That is my belief, based on conversations I have had with various mods involved with this site. Since she didn’t ask me to keep what she said in confidence, **Lynn Bodoni** was one of them. So if you think she “makes this whole board _ **seem** _ like it’s her personal domain, and it’s not”, then perhaps you should think again. Just a thought. I think that the fact that the threads you have mentioned are alive and well speaks for the probablility that the staff is not going to close every thread they find in questionable taste. It is unfortunate that **Scylla** was the unfortunate author of that proverbial “straw that broke the camel’s back,” it could easily have been any of us. But the fact that **Tuba** felt the need to close that thread is an indication that we all need to think a bit harder before we start a thread. Or POST to a thread, for that matter. No, this is not a children’s message board. But it is open and available to be read by children. I don’t know exactly what the answer is, but I think we should all be trying to think of solutions, not raking **Tuba** over the coals. ---
**Author:** ![bluecanary](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bluecanary/32/3614_2.png) [@bluecanary](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bluecanary)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2002, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confused-and-chastened-by-tubadiva/121736/178 "2002-08-02T21:36:54Z")
I see just as **jarbabyj** and **Sauron** are doing their best to convince **Lib** that no-one _really_ wants **TubaDiva** to quit the SDMB, **Shayna** comes and requests exactly that: > [@](#): > > You don’t like it? You go away. :rolleyes: However, I do think **Shayna** and the others before her have a point. I think it utterly ridiculous that censorship of the board should be stepped up to such an extent as to close **Scylla** ’s thread, which as it has been pointed out was no worse in terms of explicitness than others that are currently open at the present moment, ([this IMHO one](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=128427) comes to mind), in one woman’s own, somewhat misguided as I see it, self-interest. As for arguments along the lines of **ultress** ’s ‘think of the children’, I’m pretty sure a teenager seeking titillation wouldn’t seek out a wordy message board with a few unsupervised hours on the net! BTW Sorry **L&C** if I’ve caused your thread to be closed. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2002, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confused-and-chastened-by-tubadiva/121736/179 "2002-08-02T21:42:29Z")
IJGreive, it’s really more my goal here to convince Libertarian that he’s coming across as a hysterical Gibson girl with a case of the vapors…and the more he wails for everyone to hug and get along, the more I want to throw my friggin monitor out the window. THE MAJORITY of posters in this thread have said they appreciate Tuba’s hard work. A great deal of us have expressed a concern at rules that we didn’t know existed. A HANDFUL may have requested that if Tuba can’t be more clear about her criteria for closing threads she should consider resigning. Libertarian says this is a pile on. ---
**Author:** ![Tiburon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e36b37/32.png) [@Tiburon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tiburon)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2002, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confused-and-chastened-by-tubadiva/121736/180 "2002-08-02T21:43:25Z")
**BottledBlondJeanie** , I started the eek face in the labia thread and never thought it would blossom into a ‘post a smiley’ thread. I admit, it made me smile and giggle a little, but truly, as the first poster, I certainly didn’t mean to start a trend in the thread. My apologies if I cut the thread off. I have never posted about the **mods** before but there is a first for everything. I was shocked when I read TubaDiva’s reasoning. I kept thinking, “She’s saying that?? Her attorney should have told her to cop the 5th.” God forbid a potential employer pick up a StraightDope BOOK where s/he finds a discussion of the calorie content of ejaculate. I am just truly shocked that Tuba used a standard (“what wouldn’t I be ashamed for a potential employer to see”) as a standard for this message board. I never would have expected it. If I were to form an opinion of TubaDiva as a potential employee, I am sorry to say that the cut down of Scylla would have resonated far more with me than TMI threads, etc. I really do wish you the best in your job search, TubaDiva. If you weren’t searching for a job, I can’t help wondering if Scylla’s post would have been okay with you. There is no way that your employment status should determine what is posted on this board. The beauty of this board it the open honesty. And I think an employer is just as likely to open the very threads that so many of us are compelled to open - hearing about the loss of one’s brother, about a 6 year old who makes medical history, - and read all the great comfort, support, and encouragement that the board provides its members. Enough from me for now. I wish you the best in your job hunt; it is never a fun process but you will find that job you love. Tibs. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confused-and-chastened-by-tubadiva/121736.md?page=8) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/confused-and-chastened-by-tubadiva/121736.md?page=10)