# Congratulations you fucking bitch.. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 29, 2003, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-you-fucking-bitch/165029 "2003-03-29T15:27:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Duke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e8c25b/32.png) [@Duke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2003, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-you-fucking-bitch/165029/81 "2003-04-01T05:11:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Q.E.D. \* > \*\*Any questions? \*\* Yes! Why do we drive on the parkway and park on the driveway?!?!?!? ---
**Author:** ![Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troy_mcclure_sf/32/4150_2.png) [@Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troy_McClure_SF)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2003, 7:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-you-fucking-bitch/165029/82 "2003-04-01T07:00:54Z")
Um… Can I go masturbate now? ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2003, 7:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-you-fucking-bitch/165029/83 "2003-04-01T07:09:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Troy McClure SF \* > \*\*Um… > > Can I go masturbate now? \*\* Go ask your mom. ---
**Author:** ![Flamsterette\_X](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/41988e/32.png) [@Flamsterette\_X](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flamsterette_X)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2003, 8:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-you-fucking-bitch/165029/84 "2003-04-01T08:18:55Z")
Blah blah blah… what else is there to be said? F\_X ---
**Author:** ![Catamount](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/catamount/32/2840_2.png) [@Catamount](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catamount)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2003, 12:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-you-fucking-bitch/165029/85 "2003-04-01T12:04:39Z")
More monkey! ---
**Author:** ![Sunglasses](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5fc32e/32.png) [@Sunglasses](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunglasses)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2003, 12:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-you-fucking-bitch/165029/86 "2003-04-01T12:21:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Troy McClure SF \* > \*\*Um… > > Can I go masturbate now? \*\* Yeah, but you can only masterbate for peace. ---
**Author:** ![Sunglasses](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5fc32e/32.png) [@Sunglasses](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunglasses)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2003, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-you-fucking-bitch/165029/87 "2003-04-01T12:23:36Z")
Ack! Masturbate, MASTURBATE! ---
**Author:** ![FranticMad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c68b51/32.png) [@FranticMad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FranticMad)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2003, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-you-fucking-bitch/165029/88 "2003-04-01T13:41:00Z")
University of Rochester scientists have slowed light to a mere 127 miles per hour by passing it through a ruby. Must open a new can of Sparrow and Mouse Giblet Delight for the cat. ---
**Author:** ![Pixiesnix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/898d66/32.png) [@Pixiesnix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pixiesnix)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2003, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-you-fucking-bitch/165029/89 "2003-04-02T01:20:04Z")
When come back, bring monkey. I don’t even know what that means! > [@](#): > > this thread looks like a bunch of monkeys fucking a football. You say that like it’s a bad thing. ---
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2003, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-you-fucking-bitch/165029/90 "2003-04-02T02:28:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sauron \* > \*\*I’ve been waiting patiently for one of the “you guys are always so _mean_ to the newbies” folks to stop by and decry the level of outright antagonism in this thread. They’re waaaay overdue. Did they not get the memo, or what? \*\* I try to save my outrage for those who are actually intelligent. > [@](#): > > Ack! Masturbate, MASTURBATE! OK! OK! I’m going! Sheeeeeesh! ---
**Author:** ![Q.E.D](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/51bf81/32.png) [@Q.E.D](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.E.D)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2003, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-you-fucking-bitch/165029/91 "2003-04-02T02:32:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Duke \* > \*\*Yes! Why do we drive on the parkway and park on the driveway?!?!?!? \*\* Have you _been_ on the Garden State Parkway at rush hour?? If that’s not parking, I don’t know what is! ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2003, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-you-fucking-bitch/165029/92 "2003-04-02T02:36:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SpazCat \* > \*\*More monkey! \*\* No… more cowbell, _much_ more cowbell. ---
**Author:** ![Wabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ba9def/32.png) [@Wabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wabbit)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2003, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-you-fucking-bitch/165029/93 "2003-04-02T02:36:48Z")
Hope everything comes out alright. ---
**Author:** ![E-Sabbath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e19adc/32.png) [@E-Sabbath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-Sabbath)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2003, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-you-fucking-bitch/165029/94 "2003-04-02T03:54:45Z")
There is only one thing that can save this thread. And that is… More Cowbell! ---
**Author:** ![Thunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a8b319/32.png) [@Thunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thunder)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2003, 5:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-you-fucking-bitch/165029/95 "2003-04-02T05:27:38Z")
Hswwsh. ---
**Author:** ![Atreyu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@Atreyu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atreyu)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2003, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-you-fucking-bitch/165029/96 "2003-04-02T05:31:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by featherlou \* > \*\*Spoon! \*\* There is no spoon. ---
**Author:** ![Ice\_Wolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/dfb087/32.png) [@Ice\_Wolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ice_Wolf)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2003, 6:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-you-fucking-bitch/165029/97 "2003-04-02T06:22:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by moc.liamtoh@rorrim \* > \*\*What in the hell is this world coming to when I can express my views on this message board? \*\* Hey, soon as you actually _do_ that bit, we’ll get back t’ ya with the scores, m’kay? Oh, and I don’t think hitting the “preview” button counts as “editing”. Did it need to be mentioned? ---
**Author:** ![if\_you\_don\_t\_know\_i\_won\_t\_tell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/fbc32d/32.png) [@if\_you\_don\_t\_know\_i\_won\_t\_tell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/if_you_don_t_know_i_won_t_tell)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2003, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-you-fucking-bitch/165029/98 "2003-04-02T14:58:42Z")
Hey now, be nice, we all make silly mistakes. ---
**Author:** ![Olentzero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/90ced4/32.png) [@Olentzero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Olentzero)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2003, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-you-fucking-bitch/165029/99 "2003-04-02T19:55:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Thunder \* > \*\*Hswwsh. \*\* Yar! ---
**Author:** ![lightingtool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/57b2e6/32.png) [@lightingtool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lightingtool)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2003, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-you-fucking-bitch/165029/100 "2003-04-02T20:08:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by KCSuze \* > > ## quote: > > ## this thread looks like a bunch of monkeys fucking a football. > > You say that like it’s a bad thing. I did not. Have you ever **seen** monkeys fucking a football? Brings a tear to my eye just thinking about it. The raw, animal beauty of the event is breathtaking. Should I have put another comma after “animal?” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-you-fucking-bitch/165029.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-you-fucking-bitch/165029.md?page=6)