# Congratulations! You're no longer a Jew! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 16, 2010, 11:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youre-no-longer-a-jew/546893 "2010-07-16T11:12:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ccd318/32.png) [@Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paul_in_Qatar)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2010, 11:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youre-no-longer-a-jew/546893/1 "2010-07-16T11:12:05Z")
I do not understand the fine details of all this, but it seems the Israeli parliament is about to toss most American Jews out of the club. [Not quite Jewish enough](http://www.nytimes.com/2010/07/16/opinion/16newhouse.html?_r=1&scp=1&sq=Alana%20Newhouse&st=cse) enough it seems. Also your rabbi will soon no longer be kosher. To quote; American Jews will soon find _that their rabbis weren’t rabbis and their religious practices were a sham, the conversions of their parents and spouses were invalid, their marriages weren’t legal under Jewish law, and their progeny were a tribe of bastards unfit to marry other Jews._ Wonderful, nothing like mixing religion and politics to mess both of them up. Idiots. ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2010, 11:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youre-no-longer-a-jew/546893/2 "2010-07-16T11:28:40Z")
So, think that the US Jews will stop supporting Israel financially and politically? Think that we will no longer do any form of military support? How long do you think they would last if we removed all US civilian and military support from Israel …?:dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2010, 11:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youre-no-longer-a-jew/546893/3 "2010-07-16T11:38:46Z")
I’m no Jew, but from that story it looks to me like they are well on the way to destroying whatever authority they have. Instead of the majority of Jews shrugging their shoulders and agreeing they aren’t Jews, I expect that they’ll just decide that these people don’t have authority over them. I mean, what would happen if the Pope suddenly declared that 85% of all “Catholics” suddenly no longer qualified as Catholic? ---
**Author:** ![kidneyfailure](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9f8e36/32.png) [@kidneyfailure](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kidneyfailure)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2010, 11:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youre-no-longer-a-jew/546893/4 "2010-07-16T11:48:22Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > I’m no Jew, but from that story it looks to me like they are well on the way to destroying whatever authority they have. Instead of the majority of Jews shrugging their shoulders and agreeing they aren’t Jews, I expect that they’ll just decide that these people don’t have authority over them. I mean, what would happen if the Pope suddenly declared that 85% of all “Catholics” suddenly no longer qualified as Catholic? I would think this should be the case, especially as seeing how most native-born Israeli Jews (AFAIK-IMBW) aren’t even really observant, let alone Orthodox in the slightest. I hope this is the beginning of the end of the ultra-Orthodox’s special treatment in Israel. ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2010, 11:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youre-no-longer-a-jew/546893/5 "2010-07-16T11:57:19Z")
About time. Secretly running the world can’t be for everyone, you know. ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2010, 11:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youre-no-longer-a-jew/546893/6 "2010-07-16T11:57:58Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > I mean, what would happen if the Pope suddenly declared that 85% of all “Catholics” suddenly no longer qualified as Catholic? Actually that kind of did happen, except the Pope just had to threaten to excommunicate one very powerful man. He wouldn’t grant Henry VIII an annulment and voila! the Church of England was born! ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2010, 12:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youre-no-longer-a-jew/546893/7 "2010-07-16T12:11:12Z")
I guess it’s true that there aren’t any Jews in America, just a lot of Jew_ish_ people. ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2010, 12:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youre-no-longer-a-jew/546893/8 "2010-07-16T12:12:12Z")
> [@PunditLisa](#): > > Actually that kind of did happen, except the Pope just had to threaten to excommunicate one very powerful man. He wouldn’t grant Henry VIII an annulment and voila! the Church of England was born! Also known as the “Screw you guys, I’m taking my ball and going home” school of religious schisms :p. ---
**Author:** ![yojimbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yojimbo/32/232_2.png) [@yojimbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yojimbo)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2010, 12:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youre-no-longer-a-jew/546893/9 "2010-07-16T12:13:32Z")
Will a rabbi be soon nailing a letter to a door? ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2010, 12:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youre-no-longer-a-jew/546893/10 "2010-07-16T12:15:48Z")
> [@PunditLisa](#): > > Actually that kind of did happen, except the Pope just had to threaten to excommunicate one very powerful man. He wouldn’t grant Henry VIII an annulment and voila! the Church of England was born! Ah phooey~ Now 1054, on the other hand- THAT was a Schism! ---
**Author:** ![Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ccd318/32.png) [@Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paul_in_Qatar)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2010, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youre-no-longer-a-jew/546893/11 "2010-07-16T12:33:24Z")
Unusual sects lead to schisms all over the place. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2010, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youre-no-longer-a-jew/546893/12 "2010-07-16T14:37:48Z")
I seem to recall something similar happening back in the 80’s while Menachem Begin was prime minister ---
**Author:** ![Bill\_Door](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@Bill\_Door](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bill_Door)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2010, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youre-no-longer-a-jew/546893/13 "2010-07-16T16:17:15Z")
But it’s okay if I still eat like I am, right? Cause that crap the goyim eat would bore me stupid. ---
**Author:** ![Eva\_Luna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e495f1/32.png) [@Eva\_Luna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eva_Luna)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2010, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youre-no-longer-a-jew/546893/14 "2010-07-16T16:57:10Z")
I gotta say, this is really bonkers, especially if it means what I think it might mean for the Law of Return. Which is that one of the fundamental pieces of Israeli legislation, one which allows Israel to serve one of the primary functions for which it was ostensibly created as an independent nation, allowing all those who were persecuted because of teir ethnoreligious identity to have somewhere to live freely as equals, is now in shreds. Someone please tell me I’m wrong, with cites. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2010, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youre-no-longer-a-jew/546893/15 "2010-07-16T17:00:49Z")
> [@Bill\_Door](#): > > But it’s okay if I still eat like I am, right? Cause that crap the goyim eat would bore me stupid. Admit it, you _really_ want to know how good bacon is, don’t you? ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2010, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youre-no-longer-a-jew/546893/16 "2010-07-16T17:06:09Z")
Bacon cheeseburgers all around! One for everyone! No pushing, please. There’s enough shrimp cocktail appetizers for everbody. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2010, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youre-no-longer-a-jew/546893/17 "2010-07-16T17:06:14Z")
> [@kidneyfailure](#): > > I would think this should be the case, especially as seeing how most native-born Israeli Jews (AFAIK-IMBW) aren’t even really observant, let alone Orthodox in the slightest. I hope this is the beginning of the end of the ultra-Orthodox’s special treatment in Israel. I don’t recall who it was, but in one Israeli election, on the subject of Orthodox vs. Conservative Judaism, a candidate declared ‘The synangogue I don’t go to is an Orthodox one!’ ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2010, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youre-no-longer-a-jew/546893/18 "2010-07-16T17:12:06Z")
No _true_ Jew would find anything objectionable in this. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2010, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youre-no-longer-a-jew/546893/19 "2010-07-16T17:31:11Z")
> [@Paul\_in\_Qatar](#): > > Unusual sects lead to schisms all over the place. I see what you did there. Nice. ---
**Author:** ![orcenio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/orcenio/32/1036_2.png) [@orcenio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/orcenio)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2010, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youre-no-longer-a-jew/546893/20 "2010-07-16T17:55:01Z")
> [@Paul\_in\_Qatar](#): > > Unusual sects lead to schisms all over the place. I knew there was a jizz joke to-be-made in here, but…alas you were too quick for me. Congrats. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youre-no-longer-a-jew/546893.md?page=2)