# Congratulations! You're no longer a Jew! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 16, 2010, 11:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youre-no-longer-a-jew/546893 "2010-07-16T11:12:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2010, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youre-no-longer-a-jew/546893/41 "2010-07-16T23:22:10Z")
> [@Kobal2](#): > > Correction : that’s the worst he’s been \*caught \*for. No one’s found the videos of the gefilte furries party yet. You know I used to like gefilte fish? :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2010, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youre-no-longer-a-jew/546893/42 "2010-07-16T23:23:18Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > The committee just called. You’re still in. Hey, I learned my guilt from an expert. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2010, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youre-no-longer-a-jew/546893/43 "2010-07-16T23:26:37Z")
> [@Voyager](#): > > You know I used to like gefilte fish? :eek: _Urk!_ ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2010, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youre-no-longer-a-jew/546893/44 "2010-07-16T23:39:05Z")
> [@Paul\_in\_Qatar](#): > > Also your rabbi will soon no longer be kosher. Well, that problem at least is easily solved. You really shouldn’t be eating your rabbis in the first place. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2010, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youre-no-longer-a-jew/546893/45 "2010-07-16T23:41:26Z")
The Lubavitch Rabbi assured Mrs. Plant my Conservative conversion was Kosher, but it was at the Purim party. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Eva\_Luna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e495f1/32.png) [@Eva\_Luna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eva_Luna)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2010, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youre-no-longer-a-jew/546893/46 "2010-07-16T23:41:44Z")
> [@Captain\_Amazing](#): > > I think the editorial is pretty badly incorrect, here. > > This isn’t really a new thing. The thing is, Orthodox Jews don’t believe that non-Orthodox conversions are legitimate. So, if you’re a convert to Conservative or Reform Judaism, Orthodox Jews don’t believe you really converted. > > Right now, Reform and Conservative converts are eligible to come to Israel under the Law of Return. Critics are concerned that if this law passes, that won’t happen anymore. > > But that’s not really what the bill says (the bill used to say that, but he amended it). The purpose of the bill is to change the conversion process inside Israel, to make it easier for non-Jews in Israel to convert to Orthodox Judaism, and to not recognize non-Orthodox conversions that happen within Israel. From this article from [The Jewish Week](http://www.thejewishweek.com/news/israel/israel%27s_conversion_bill_may_change) Pardon my skepticism about the ultimate aims of the sector of Israeli society that passes laws like this, but I get spooked when I read stories like [this one,](http://www.nytimes.com/2008/03/02/magazine/02jewishness-t.html?_r=1&scp=1&sq=Orthodox+Judaism+Israel+American&st=nyt) in which some Jews are apparently more equal than others. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2010, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youre-no-longer-a-jew/546893/47 "2010-07-16T23:43:28Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > _Urk!_ Oh, c’mon. If a plant won’t eat it, who will? ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2010, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youre-no-longer-a-jew/546893/48 "2010-07-16T23:48:47Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > Oh, c’mon. If a plant won’t eat it, who will? It literally means, “cheapest at the market” which is bad enough, but you dice it and mix it with other nasty things, and wad it up into balls, and serve it in a nauseating fashion with other wise good food, or worse buy it floating in jars like removed cancerous tissue, and my Stepdaughter used to eat it with chocolate milk. _ **URK!!** _ ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2010, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youre-no-longer-a-jew/546893/49 "2010-07-17T00:05:35Z")
> [@Voyager](#): > > You know I used to like gefilte fish? :eek: Well, there’s no accounting for taste. Sicko. ---
**Author:** ![Superfluous\_Parentheses](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8edcca/32.png) [@Superfluous\_Parentheses](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superfluous_Parentheses)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2010, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youre-no-longer-a-jew/546893/50 "2010-07-17T01:11:50Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > \I mean, what would happen if the Pope suddenly declared that 85% of all “Catholics” suddenly no longer qualified as Catholic? I wish. My atheist ass will be “officially” Catholic for as long as I live. There’s been a few threads about that. ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Amazing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@Captain\_Amazing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Amazing)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2010, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youre-no-longer-a-jew/546893/51 "2010-07-17T01:48:50Z")
> [@Eva\_Luna](#): > > Pardon my skepticism about the ultimate aims of the sector of Israeli society that passes laws like this, but I get spooked when I read stories like [this one,](http://www.nytimes.com/2008/03/02/magazine/02jewishness-t.html?_r=1&scp=1&sq=Orthodox+Judaism+Israel+American&st=nyt) in which some Jews are apparently more equal than others. Right, I know. But one of the things this law will do, apparently, is introduce civil marriage in Israel, in cases where neither of the people involved can prove to the satisfaction of the Rabbinate that they are Jewish. ---
**Author:** ![NinjaChick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/71c47a/32.png) [@NinjaChick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinjaChick)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2010, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youre-no-longer-a-jew/546893/52 "2010-07-17T03:30:46Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > The Lubavitch Rabbi assured Mrs. Plant my Conservative conversion was Kosher, but it was at the Purim party. :dubious: Y’know, I was going to say that that’s probably the worst time ever to ask a rabbi a question, but then I realized, nah, that’s going to be the _best_ time, assuming the good rabbi is properly plastered. And then I realized that might say a good deal about the rocky relationship between Judaism and me. Purim’s a great holiday, though. When I was a kid it meant, yeah, you’ve got to go to synagogue - but there are cookies and I got to go dressed as a ninja! And as an adult it means I can claim that, yep, sorry, gotta drink to excess tonight, religious requirement. And eat cookies! So that’s pretty awesome. ---
**Author:** ![BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bcef8e/32.png) [@BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2010, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youre-no-longer-a-jew/546893/53 "2010-07-17T04:02:06Z")
> [@Bill\_Door](#): > > But it’s okay if I still eat like I am, right? Cause that crap the goyim eat would bore me stupid. I’m not sure “bore” is the adjective you’re looking for. ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Nader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Darth\_Nader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Nader)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2010, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youre-no-longer-a-jew/546893/54 "2010-07-17T05:08:43Z")
Paul, are ya there? Get out. Go northwest just for a while. Please. ---
**Author:** ![movingfinger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@movingfinger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/movingfinger)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2010, 6:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youre-no-longer-a-jew/546893/55 "2010-07-17T06:52:21Z")
So American Jews are seeing the birth of “Judaism Lite”. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2010, 7:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youre-no-longer-a-jew/546893/56 "2010-07-17T07:27:48Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > Well, that problem at least is easily solved. You really shouldn’t be eating your rabbis in the first place. Yeah, I thought it was already un-kosher. Chews cud (well, pellets) but doesn’t part the hoof. Oh, wait, you said _rabbis_. Never mind. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Eva\_Luna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e495f1/32.png) [@Eva\_Luna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eva_Luna)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2010, 10:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youre-no-longer-a-jew/546893/57 "2010-07-17T10:09:17Z")
> [@Captain\_Amazing](#): > > Right, I know. But one of the things this law will do, apparently, is introduce civil marriage in Israel, in cases where neither of the people involved can prove to the satisfaction of the Rabbinate that they are Jewish. I am a fan of civil marriage - had one myself, in fact. But I still detest the idea that one group of Jews gets to tell another group of Jews that they don’t count. It creates stupidity like [this,](http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/programmes/this_world/4215160.stm) in which 25% of Israelis, including ones who consider themselves Jewish and whose ancestors were all Jewish, have to leave the country to have a Jewish wedding that they don’t find deeply offensive. ---
**Author:** ![Brown\_Eyed\_Girl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brown_eyed_girl/32/3574_2.png) [@Brown\_Eyed\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brown_Eyed_Girl)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2010, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youre-no-longer-a-jew/546893/58 "2010-07-17T14:02:44Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > … or worse buy it floating in jars like removed cancerous tissue … I thought I was the only one. [insert pukey smiley here] ---
**Author:** ![Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2010, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youre-no-longer-a-jew/546893/59 "2010-07-17T14:41:11Z")
> [@Superfluous\_Parentheses](#): > > I wish. My atheist ass will be “officially” Catholic for as long as I live. There’s been a few threads about that. Eventually one of your descendants will become a Mormon, and then _poof_ you’ll be one too. ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Amazing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@Captain\_Amazing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Amazing)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2010, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youre-no-longer-a-jew/546893/60 "2010-07-17T15:17:14Z")
> [@Eva\_Luna](#): > > I am a fan of civil marriage - had one myself, in fact. But I still detest the idea that one group of Jews gets to tell another group of Jews that they don’t count. It creates stupidity like [this,](http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/programmes/this_world/4215160.stm) in which 25% of Israelis, including ones who consider themselves Jewish and whose ancestors were all Jewish, have to leave the country to have a Jewish wedding that they don’t find deeply offensive. It bothers me too, but that’s because Israel doesn’t have civil marriage. This law goes a really small way in reversing that. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youre-no-longer-a-jew/546893.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youre-no-longer-a-jew/546893.md?page=4)