# Congratulations! You're no longer a Jew! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 16, 2010, 11:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youre-no-longer-a-jew/546893 "2010-07-16T11:12:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![NinjaChick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/71c47a/32.png) [@NinjaChick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinjaChick)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2010, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youre-no-longer-a-jew/546893/81 "2010-07-18T19:56:38Z")
> [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](#): > > Part of the reason for emphasis on ancestry is [baptism for the dead](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baptism_for_the_dead). > > Apparently they’ve retroactively baptized Hitler, as well as Jewish victims of the Holocaust, which I did not know. Why the fuck would they retroactively baptize _Adolf Hitler_? As far as I can tell from Wikipedia it’s supposed to somehow…I don’t know, make their afterlife better? And so…they want to make sure that Hitler at least has a chance at a slot in heaven? And here I was thinking that the vast majority of people were pretty much okay with the “Good riddance, let him rot” attitude towards him. 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2010, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youre-no-longer-a-jew/546893/82 "2010-07-18T20:02:35Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > I believe there was such an uproar (and rightly so!), that they had to issue a policy to stop doing so. (Personally, I find the whole deal disgusting, but what can you do) The mormons are a creepy people with icky theology but say what you will about them, they have a kickass genealogical database. Your feelings about a rite that you don’t believe has any validity is a far far second to being able to track and follow generations of people. I mean your in a generic sense but really getting upset about this is far too silly for my tastes. ---
**Author:** ![C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b2d939/32.png) [@C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C_K_Dexter_Haven)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2010, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youre-no-longer-a-jew/546893/83 "2010-07-18T20:05:08Z")
> [@suranyi](#): > > Yeah, that’s true: In Jewish law, if you were born a Jew, you’re still a Jew even if you don’t believe in God. See: [Can you be an atheist and still be Jewish? - The Straight Dope](http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/1503/can-you-be-an-atheist-and-still-be-jewish) for details. ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Amazing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@Captain\_Amazing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Amazing)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2010, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youre-no-longer-a-jew/546893/84 "2010-07-18T20:51:52Z")
> [@NinjaChick](#): > > Why the fuck would they retroactively baptize _Adolf Hitler_? As far as I can tell from Wikipedia it’s supposed to somehow…I don’t know, make their afterlife better? And so…they want to make sure that Hitler at least has a chance at a slot in heaven? Mormons believe that everyone, and that includes Hitler, because he’s part of everyone, will have the opportunity after their death to accept Jesus and become Mormon. But they also believe that a person needs to be baptized to become a Christian. So, they baptize the dead by proxy so that the dead, including Hitler, will be free to accept Jesus and become Mormon. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2010, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youre-no-longer-a-jew/546893/85 "2010-07-18T21:11:12Z")
An eternity of green Jell-O. They call that _Heaven_? ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2010, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youre-no-longer-a-jew/546893/86 "2010-07-19T04:37:02Z")
> [@Captain\_Amazing](#): > > Mormons believe that everyone, and that includes Hitler, because he’s part of everyone, will have the opportunity after their death to accept Jesus and become Mormon. But they also believe that a person needs to be baptized to become a Christian. So, they baptize the dead by proxy so that the dead, including Hitler, will be free to accept Jesus and become Mormon. Honestly, I don’t think anyone deserves to go to Hell for eternity. The punishment should not exceed the crime. So, while I find it silly, that is one part of Mormonism that doesn’t get me riled up. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2010, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youre-no-longer-a-jew/546893/87 "2010-07-19T13:11:15Z")
> [@Autolycus](#): > > Honestly, I don’t think anyone deserves to go to Hell for eternity. Say, a year for each person murdered in a concentration camp? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Mtgman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@Mtgman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mtgman)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2010, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youre-no-longer-a-jew/546893/88 "2010-07-19T20:31:32Z")
Personally I’d say every moment from when the person killed in a concentration camp died to when they would have naturally died of natural causes, with a multiplier depending on how cruelly that person died. So if you worked an infant to death in the pits, you’d get 70 years times 100 or so for the cruelty factor. If you interred an old person and they died in a cell, but never having been mistreated or worked/starved, then you’d get five extra years or so with a multiplier of two or three. Enjoy, Steven ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2010, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youre-no-longer-a-jew/546893/89 "2010-07-19T22:03:54Z")
> [@Autolycus](#): > > Honestly, I don’t think anyone deserves to go to Hell for eternity. The punishment should not exceed the crime. So, while I find it silly, that is one part of Mormonism that doesn’t get me riled up. Presumably then there shouldn’t be infinite reward for finite merit. Say, something like five to fifty years blissful _apres vie_ and then instant, painless oblivion? ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2010, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youre-no-longer-a-jew/546893/90 "2010-07-20T02:40:31Z")
I don’t have a copy of T.H. White’s _The Book of Merlin_ handy, so I can’t give the direct quote, but this kind of conversation always puts me in mind of the serpent who says that if humans really had any concept of eternity, they wouldn’t go shooting their mouths off about how great it would be to spend it, even in Heaven. ---
**Author:** ![Superfluous\_Parentheses](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8edcca/32.png) [@Superfluous\_Parentheses](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superfluous_Parentheses)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2010, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youre-no-longer-a-jew/546893/91 "2010-07-20T02:43:46Z")
> [@BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](#): > > Officially? Does the pope keep a list under his bed or something? [See here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=552482) ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2010, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youre-no-longer-a-jew/546893/92 "2010-07-20T04:28:12Z")
[Update.](http://www.haaretz.com/news/national/interior-minister-yishai-absence-of-conversion-law-poses-danger-to-jewish-people-1.302602) > [@](#): > > Netanyahu, who has previously said he would block the proposed legislation from making it to a vote in the Knesset, on Sunday said he would ensure Likud ministers vote against the bill if it does reach the Knesset. > > “The bill could tear apart the Jewish people,” Netanyahu said at the weekly cabinet meeting in Jerusalem. “We will make the effort to stop the bill from reaching the Knesset, but if it is not removed, I will ask the Likud members and members of other parties to vote against it.” The net result of this episode seems to be that Bibi has told the religious right that they can stuff it. And Lieberman has had no choice but to accept that fact, albeit with requisite whines. Not a bad thing to have happened when all is said and done. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2010, 4:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youre-no-longer-a-jew/546893/93 "2010-07-20T04:47:13Z")
> [@DSeid](#): > > [Update.](http://www.haaretz.com/news/national/interior-minister-yishai-absence-of-conversion-law-poses-danger-to-jewish-people-1.302602) > > The net result of this episode seems to be that Bibi has told the religious right that they can stuff it. And Lieberman has had no choice but to accept that fact, albeit with requisite whines. > > Not a bad thing to have happened when all is said and done. Until I read the article I thought you meant _Joe_ Lieberman. (Read some of the comments and weep. One asshole compared Reform Jews to “Jews for Jesus”. Ugh) ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2010, 12:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youre-no-longer-a-jew/546893/94 "2010-07-20T12:29:41Z")
I’m wondering,not that this is possible by any stretch of the imagination, but what if all the Palestinians decided to convert to Judaism? Then they would become official Israelians, migrate from the hellpit that is Gaza, and move into those nice new homes annexed by Jerusalem. Maybe some ultra paranoid Orthodox official thinks that could happen and drafted this bill to prevent that possibility. ---
**Author:** ![Damuri\_Ajashi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/898d66/32.png) [@Damuri\_Ajashi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Damuri_Ajashi)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2010, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youre-no-longer-a-jew/546893/95 "2010-07-20T15:17:53Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > Still, AIUI, jewishness is bestowed through the mother. So say a nice atheist boy finishes his service in the IDF, and celebrates with a trip to New York, where he falls in love with, and marries an American _shiksa_. He brings her home to momma and papa, who, having raised their son without regard to religion, welcome their daughter-in-law with open arms. They settle down and raise a family in a little village outside Tel Aviv. > > Are the issue of this union Jews? Are they Israeli citizens? Not if that shiksa is a Palestinian. ---
**Author:** ![Damuri\_Ajashi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/898d66/32.png) [@Damuri\_Ajashi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Damuri_Ajashi)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2010, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youre-no-longer-a-jew/546893/96 "2010-07-20T15:25:48Z")
> [@Damuri\_Ajashi](#): > > Not if that shiksa is a Palestinian. Oops turns out she has to be a palestinian from gaza or the west bank. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youre-no-longer-a-jew/546893.md?page=4)