# Congratulations! You've been turned into a vampire.
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youve-been-turned-into-a-vampire/759901
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [July 14, 2016, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youve-been-turned-into-a-vampire/759901 "2016-07-14T15:16:52Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@DaphneBlack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DaphneBlack)
#### Post date: [July 14, 2016, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youve-been-turned-into-a-vampire/759901/1 "2016-07-14T15:16:52Z")
Assuming the following rules:
1. Vampires survive on the blood of mammals. Human blood is the most nutritious, but it is possible to survive on lesser mammals, it just takes a lot more of them and you will be weak (comparatively) and constantly hungry. You can still eat human food, but it won’t provide any nutrients. If you abstain from blood, you will slowly starve and eventually dry out/mummify.
2. Vampirism conveys a few extra benefits: super-strength and heightened senses, extra ‘charm’, super speed, but not shape-shifting, mind-reading or flying. There is that immortality and agelessness too!
3. You-as-vampire will retain your human personality, values, and, if you so choose, personal relationships.
4. Vampirism comes with some significant downsides: you can’t go out in the sun, you can’t be seen in mirrors or cameras (why is this not a popular part of the mythos any more?), you’re constantly craving human blood, and religious organizations and other vigilante groups are out to kill you. And you are dead – a stake through the heart, a beheading, fire, or various other tricks can still kill you and if they do, it’s off to eternal damnation for you!
Given that, how would you approach your newfound un-life?
Please feel free to elaborate on your poll choice below, or tell me something important I’ve left out.
---
### Author:  [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)
#### Post date: [July 14, 2016, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youve-been-turned-into-a-vampire/759901/2 "2016-07-14T15:41:24Z")
I’ll try to maintain a normal life until my kids are adults, and/or until they die of old age. In my spare time I’ll alternate between watching over/helping them in their lives, and some superhero-esque crime fighting on the side. During that time I’ll live on animal blood and stolen/purchased blood bank blood as much as possible.
Once my kids die and I’m still an ageless monster, I’ll probably go at least a little insane and withdraw from humanity to some extent. Hopefully I’ll be able to restrict myself to killing evil people, but I can’t make any guarantees. I do plan to watch over & advance the interests of my descendants for as long as I live though.
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### Author:  [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)
#### Post date: [July 14, 2016, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youve-been-turned-into-a-vampire/759901/3 "2016-07-14T15:51:39Z")
I’d try to get voluntarily donated blood, it could be much simpler. But I’m a vampire now, I don’t see any reason not to drink fresh human blood from the necks of nubile young women, who will be willing before I’m done. It may not seem fair to you humans, but it’s vampiric nature to us.
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### Author:  [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)
#### Post date: [July 14, 2016, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youve-been-turned-into-a-vampire/759901/4 "2016-07-14T16:01:52Z")
Here’s a question for the **OP** - when I drink blood from a human, which of the following are true?
They die. Once I get going, I can’t stop.
I can stop whenever I want to. If I do, my victim won’t remember a thing.
I can stop whenever I want to. If I do, my victim remembers everything.
I can stop whenever I want to. If I do, my victim becomes a vampire, enslaved to me.
I can stop whenever I want to. If I do, my victim becomes a vampire, completely independent of me.
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### Author:  [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)
#### Post date: [July 14, 2016, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youve-been-turned-into-a-vampire/759901/5 "2016-07-14T16:02:02Z")
I will be History’s Greatest Monster.
But what’s this “no shape-shifting” crap? I want to be able to turn into a bat, a wolf, and a hovering spooky mist!
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### Author:  [@DaphneBlack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DaphneBlack)
#### Post date: [July 14, 2016, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youve-been-turned-into-a-vampire/759901/6 "2016-07-14T16:35:52Z")
> [@Ukulele\_Ike](#):
>
> I will be History’s Greatest Monster.
>
> But what’s this “no shape-shifting” crap? I want to be able to turn into a bat, a wolf, and a hovering spooky mist!
Then you’ll have to find a witch I guess!
---
### Author:  [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)
#### Post date: [July 14, 2016, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youve-been-turned-into-a-vampire/759901/7 "2016-07-14T16:36:47Z")
My plan is to go to a war zone, preferably one where I don’t care for either side, and grab a snack whenever I want. Nobody’s gonna notice a few extra corpses on a battlefield.
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### Author:  [@DaphneBlack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DaphneBlack)
#### Post date: [July 14, 2016, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youve-been-turned-into-a-vampire/759901/8 "2016-07-14T16:38:20Z")
> [@muldoonthief](#):
>
> Here’s a question for the **OP** - when I drink blood from a human, which of the following are true?
>
> They die. Once I get going, I can’t stop.
> I can stop whenever I want to. If I do, my victim won’t remember a thing.
> I can stop whenever I want to. If I do, my victim remembers everything.
> I can stop whenever I want to. If I do, my victim becomes a vampire, enslaved to me.
> I can stop whenever I want to. If I do, my victim becomes a vampire, completely independent of me.
Good question!
You can stop when you want to. Using your charm, you can _probably_ convince them that nothing/something else happened. But there are definitely people who are _into it_, too.
If you want to make someone into a vampire, you can, but not just by drinking from them. There are other steps (they drink from you, etc.). They won’t be enslaved by you per se, but you’ll feel some responsibility for them as their sire.
---
### Author:  [@DaphneBlack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DaphneBlack)
#### Post date: [July 14, 2016, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youve-been-turned-into-a-vampire/759901/9 "2016-07-14T16:39:38Z")
> [@muldoonthief](#):
>
> I’ll try to maintain a normal life until my kids are adults, and/or until they die of old age. In my spare time I’ll alternate between watching over/helping them in their lives, and some superhero-esque crime fighting on the side. During that time I’ll live on animal blood and stolen/purchased blood bank blood as much as possible.
>
> Once my kids die and I’m still an ageless monster, I’ll probably go at least a little insane and withdraw from humanity to some extent. Hopefully I’ll be able to restrict myself to killing evil people, but I can’t make any guarantees. I do plan to watch over & advance the interests of my descendants for as long as I live though.
Will you tell your children of your new nature?
---
### Author:  [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)
#### Post date: [July 14, 2016, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youve-been-turned-into-a-vampire/759901/10 "2016-07-14T16:41:08Z")
“…They own the night… and the night… seems to last as long as…”
…til dawn, and for as long as I want.
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### Author:  [@DaphneBlack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DaphneBlack)
#### Post date: [July 14, 2016, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youve-been-turned-into-a-vampire/759901/11 "2016-07-14T16:41:56Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#):
>
> My plan is to go to a war zone, preferably one where I don’t care for either side, and grab a snack whenever I want. Nobody’s gonna notice a few extra corpses on a battlefield.
You could feed on the half-dead, too, I suppose. Not a bad plan.
---
### Author:  [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)
#### Post date: [July 14, 2016, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youve-been-turned-into-a-vampire/759901/12 "2016-07-14T16:42:36Z")
> [@DaphneBlack](#):
>
> They won’t be enslaved by you per se, but you’ll feel some responsibility for them as their sire.
That would probably be the case for **muldoonthief** , but I know quite a few people for whom it wouldn’t be true.
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### Author:  [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)
#### Post date: [July 14, 2016, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youve-been-turned-into-a-vampire/759901/13 "2016-07-14T16:50:40Z")
> [@DaphneBlack](#):
>
> Good question!
>
> You can stop when you want to. Using your charm, you can _probably_ convince them that nothing/something else happened. But there are definitely people who are _into it_, too.
>
> If you want to make someone into a vampire, you can, but not just by drinking from them. There are other steps (they drink from you, etc.). They won’t be enslaved by you per se, but you’ll feel some responsibility for them as their sire.
Ok, then I’m getting myself some hot salty fresh human blood on a regular basis. I’d guess I’ll get pretty good at figuring ahead of time who’ll be suggestible enough that I can convince them nothing happened. A few who claim otherwise will probably be ignored by the police.
> [@DaphneBlack](#):
>
> Will you tell your children of your new nature?
Almost certainly not.
> [@Nava](#):
>
> That would probably be the case for **muldoonthief** , but I know quite a few people for whom it wouldn’t be true.
I suspect I won’t be turning anyone else. I’ve read too much Ann Rice before she went nuts to think vampires can get along with each other.
---
### Author:  [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)
#### Post date: [July 14, 2016, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youve-been-turned-into-a-vampire/759901/14 "2016-07-14T16:53:07Z")
Am I vulnerable to garlic, holy water, or holy symbols? I would seriously consider going public and declaring that I want to be a “good” vampire, and subsist on volunteer donations while doing other good works/fighting crime (or being a cop on the night shift or something like that).
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### Author:  [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)
#### Post date: [July 14, 2016, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youve-been-turned-into-a-vampire/759901/15 "2016-07-14T17:00:06Z")
Another question for the OP - Am I unique, or are there other vampires? If so, do they have a society of sorts, or are they just loners who avoid each other, or do they actively try to murder each other?
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### Author:  [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)
#### Post date: [July 14, 2016, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youve-been-turned-into-a-vampire/759901/16 "2016-07-14T17:06:09Z")
Do I have to have a sissy haircut like Jonathan Frid?
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### Author:  [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)
#### Post date: [July 14, 2016, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youve-been-turned-into-a-vampire/759901/17 "2016-07-14T17:14:54Z")
I suppose I would go the traditional route, preying off of gypsies, prostitutes and hobos.
A bigger question is what do you do for income and a place to live? In film, books and other media, vampires always seem to have the benefit of being independently wealthy before they turned into vampires. I don’t happen to have an ancestral castle, family estate, plantation, or ownership in a nightclub. So now I have to find a job that allows me to work at nights.
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### Author:  [@Johnny\_Ace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Ace)
#### Post date: [July 14, 2016, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youve-been-turned-into-a-vampire/759901/18 "2016-07-14T17:17:54Z")
> [@msmith537](#):
>
> I suppose I would go the traditional route, preying off of gypsies, prostitutes and hobos.
>
> A bigger question is what do you do for income and a place to live? In film, books and other media, vampires always seem to have the benefit of being independently wealthy before they turned into vampires. I don’t happen to have an ancestral castle, family estate, plantation, or ownership in a nightclub. So now I have to find a job that allows me to work at nights.
Easy. Just find a drug dealer every once in a while and you’ll be able to fund yourself comfortably enough. And you’ll be doing a public service.
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### Author:  [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)
#### Post date: [July 14, 2016, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youve-been-turned-into-a-vampire/759901/19 "2016-07-14T17:21:53Z")
You’re DEAD; you don’t _live_ anywhere; you sleep in a box full of your native soil in the ground.
Kristen Stewart is NOT your girlfriend.
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### Author:  [@DaphneBlack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DaphneBlack)
#### Post date: [July 14, 2016, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/congratulations-youve-been-turned-into-a-vampire/759901/20 "2016-07-14T17:31:12Z")
> [@iiandyiiii](#):
>
> Am I vulnerable to garlic, holy water, or holy symbols? I would seriously consider going public and declaring that I want to be a “good” vampire, and subsist on volunteer donations while doing other good works/fighting crime (or being a cop on the night shift or something like that).
No to garlic and holy water. Crosses, crucifixes, holy relics and symbols of other religions (stars of David, crescents, Hindu symbols, etc.) – yes. No church for you!
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