# Conservatism Is A Mental Disorder! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 28, 2003, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/conservatism-is-a-mental-disorder/191493 "2003-07-28T18:54:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/conservatism-is-a-mental-disorder/191493/41 "2003-07-28T23:48:14Z")
I swear, some of you need some serious work on calibrating your irony detectors, and some others are so damned uptight, you’ll need a hypodermic needle to perform an enema. ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/conservatism-is-a-mental-disorder/191493/42 "2003-07-28T23:48:24Z")
Ooh, **'luci** got spanked by a Dutchman. Not a fun experience, I can assure you. ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/conservatism-is-a-mental-disorder/191493/43 "2003-07-28T23:50:13Z")
Oh c’mon now, is **Reeder** or **elucidator** the lefty **december**? Can we have two? ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/conservatism-is-a-mental-disorder/191493/44 "2003-07-28T23:51:10Z")
Damn. Didn’t notice. I’ll take your word for it. ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/conservatism-is-a-mental-disorder/191493/45 "2003-07-28T23:53:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Revtim \* > \*\*Oh c’mon now, is **Reeder** or **elucidator** the lefty **december**? Can we have two? \*\* Great, now we need another **december** to even things out. ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/conservatism-is-a-mental-disorder/191493/46 "2003-07-28T23:54:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by elucidator \* > \*\*Damn. Didn’t notice. I’ll take your word for it. \*\* Don’t bother. I really just wanted an excuse to say “spanked by a Dutchman.” ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/conservatism-is-a-mental-disorder/191493/47 "2003-07-28T23:56:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Coldfire \* > **elucidator** : you’re the **december** of the Left side of the spectrum, as far as these boards are concerned. I disagree. **december** is polite. ---
**Author:** ![Ferrous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Ferrous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferrous)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/conservatism-is-a-mental-disorder/191493/48 "2003-07-29T00:00:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jodi \* > **You realize this leaves you without a leg to stand on, yes? I mean, if you totally misread the study, you might idiotically but gleefully use it to try to whack conservatives with. Which frankly is what I thought you were doing, but apparently I give you too much credit. No, you read the study, determine it’s full of shit, and _still_ misrepresent it in order to . . . . Well, it’s not entirely clear _what_ your thoughts were here. I mean, you know the study is crap. You know it doesn’t say what you said that it said. But still, somehow, it justifies some additional pointless, topic-less conservative bashing.** Or alternately, he didn’t mean for it to be taken seriously. He was poking fun at his own “side” and deliberately making an absurd statement for a bit of fun. That’s how I read it, anyway. Not to say he isn’t a bit of an asshole (though I kinda like him anyway), but he’s not so stupid as to believe that article seriously supported the premise that “conservatism is a mental disorder”. Or even that he could get away with claiming it did. Whattya say, **'luce**? Am I close? ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/conservatism-is-a-mental-disorder/191493/49 "2003-07-29T00:06:33Z")
Spot on. Got it in one. **Scylla** caught on too, I think, but sometimes its hard to tell. Either that, or he’s been waiting for a long time to share that Kodiak moment. ---
**Author:** ![Wolfian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/7ea924/32.png) [@Wolfian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wolfian)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/conservatism-is-a-mental-disorder/191493/50 "2003-07-29T00:20:23Z")
:Sigh: Just because a psychologist studies something doesn’t mean the subject is nuts. Psychologists study everything from conservatives to video game players to people in love. There probably is a personality type to everyone, that doesn’t necessarily mean that everyone is crazy (everyone has little quirks, but if they are channeled in positive directions there’s no problem. For example, John Madden is afraid of flying, so he got the Madden bus and used to film shows in it.). Jeebus, I’m only an undergrad and some people already get weird around me when I talk to them. You aren’t helping **elucidator**. I know this was an attempt at a joke, but geez. Another **december** to bring balance to the Force? Can’t we just whip out light sabers and purge them all? ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/conservatism-is-a-mental-disorder/191493/51 "2003-07-29T00:24:45Z")
My god, can’t you conservatives take a fucking joke? Lighten the fuck up for fuck’s sake. Are you that fucking humor impaired that you can’t recognize a satirical OP when you see one. Take your fucking meds you fucking whackos. ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/conservatism-is-a-mental-disorder/191493/52 "2003-07-29T00:26:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Wolfian \* > \*\*Another **december** to bring balance to the Force? Can’t we just whip out light sabers and purge them all? \*\* I was hoping for one of those matter-antimatter annihilation deals. I figure if we can get the levels of partisanship on each side close enough, they’ll eliminate each other. So much more interesting, and it doesn’t dirty up a nice clean lightsaber. ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/conservatism-is-a-mental-disorder/191493/53 "2003-07-29T00:27:14Z")
Oh I got it, but just because you’re being facetious, doesn’t mean you’re not a facetious asshole. Anyhow, it took me 3 months to track down that Kodiak. I must have followed that sonuvabitch through half of Yellowstone Park. He almost gave me the slip half a dozen times, and once he doubled back on his trail and almost had me. I had to go over a waterfall to escape. But, finally, I got the drop on that Bastard Bear. It was with a great satisfaction that I puled the trigger and put an end to the miserable fuck. As his brains spilled out across the forest floor, I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was a Grizzly looking fellow about 12 feet tall. “Sorry Pal, but I think you just made a big mistake. You shouldn’t have shot that bear. Now, the law of the forest says either I have to kill you, or I have to rape you, bear style, really, really hard.” “Well,” I replied. “Anything’s better than death.” “We’ll see about that,” said the Grizzly Bear. And ladies and gentleman, I am sorry to say that that bear had his way with me for two hours. He raped me and gnawed and chewed me and clawed me till I was nigh unto death. He left me tore and broken in ways no man should ever be. Maybe I should have died from my injuries, but somehow I managed to drag myself to a hospital, where I spent the six months in intensive care recovering from my wounds. All that time, only one thought went through my head. Revenge. And on the day of my release from the hospital I grabbed my gun and went back into the woods. ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/conservatism-is-a-mental-disorder/191493/54 "2003-07-29T00:27:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Diogenes the Cynic \* > \*\*My god, can’t you conservatives take a fucking joke? Lighten the fuck up for fuck’s sake. Are you that fucking humor impaired that you can’t recognize a satirical OP when you see one. Take your fucking meds you fucking whackos. \*\* Do you support the cause of the working classes with that mouth? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/conservatism-is-a-mental-disorder/191493/55 "2003-07-29T00:37:17Z")
Actually, **Scylla** , you’re the only one I thought _did_ show a sense of humor about it. And now you’ve got me hooked on this bear rape saga. Please continue. ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/conservatism-is-a-mental-disorder/191493/56 "2003-07-29T00:40:48Z")
So you shoot a bear, and then you get buggered by a bear. So you shoot that bear, and get it up your Nixon by another bear. And then…you go back. You see the pattern developing here, Scooter? I mean, no offense or nothing, but are you sure _revenge_ is the motive here? ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/conservatism-is-a-mental-disorder/191493/57 "2003-07-29T00:45:17Z")
This story reminds me of a Lord Buckley routine as recreated by that-Florida-singer-guy. And another one that has the punchline “OK, then, death. Death…by guzunga!” This shaggy doggie better have one heck of a punchline, or I’m going to use my 2nd Amendment rights and go arm some bears. ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/conservatism-is-a-mental-disorder/191493/58 "2003-07-29T00:58:18Z")
It took me five months to track that bear down. He knew every trick in the book, and some I’d never heard of. He’d almost had me a dozen times. Remember that movie with Alec Baldwin and that Hannibal Lecter guy? Anthony Hopkins. That’s it. Well anyway, Alec baldwin is sleeping with Hannibal Lecter’s wife, and Lecter is like all rich and Baldwin isn’t, so Baldwin is planning on killing Hopkins so he can steal his wife and his money. But, their plane hits a flock of geese and crashes and then Baldwin and Lecter get chased all over Alaska by the unbeleivably nasty Grizzly Bear, until finally Lecter decides he’s had enough and says “I’m going to find him (meaning the bear,) and I’m going to kill the motherfucker!” That was a pretty good movie. Anyway, that was what it was like. Except it was just me, no Alec Baldwin, and I don’t think anybody was sleeping with my wife. Anyway, I track the Motherfucker down at long last and blow his brains out. While the shot is still ringing in the air, I feel this tap on my shoulder. Turning around, I see it’s this Polar looking fellow about fifteen feet tall. He looks at me for about ten seconds. My blood runs cold. Then he points one long wicked looking black claw at me, and stares me straight in the eye. And then he says… ---
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/conservatism-is-a-mental-disorder/191493/59 "2003-07-29T01:10:55Z")
Well, they don’t really get any bigger than a 15 foot polar bear, so I’m dying to know what comes next. ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/conservatism-is-a-mental-disorder/191493/60 "2003-07-29T01:11:12Z")
He says: “You. You’re really not here for the hunting, are you?” Which brings me to my question for elucidator: “You’re not really here for the discussions, are you?” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/conservatism-is-a-mental-disorder/191493.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/conservatism-is-a-mental-disorder/191493.md?page=4)