# Constantine movie **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 16, 2004, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/constantine-movie/255502 "2004-07-16T22:53:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![El\_Elvis\_Rojo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@El\_Elvis\_Rojo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Elvis_Rojo)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2004, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/constantine-movie/255502/1 "2004-07-16T22:53:50Z")
I just saw the trailer for this yesturday, and it looks pretty cool. I was just curious if this is supposed to be based on the comic _Hellblazer_, or are the writers just not all that original in coming up with the name of a detective that dabbles in the occult and fights demons? ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2004, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/constantine-movie/255502/2 "2004-07-16T23:22:31Z")
Yup, it’s John Constantine. ---
**Author:** ![SolGrundy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbce88/32.png) [@SolGrundy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SolGrundy)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2004, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/constantine-movie/255502/3 "2004-07-16T23:31:25Z")
> [@El Elvis Rojo](#): > > I just saw the trailer for this yesturday, and it looks pretty cool. I was just curious if this is supposed to be based on the comic _Hellblazer_, or are the writers just not all that original in coming up with the name of a detective that dabbles in the occult and fights demons? **SolGrundy** ’s anger rising! Yes, it is supposed to be based on _Hellblazer_. Key phrase “supposed to be.” But considering that they: 1. Took a series with a quintessential modern British character living in Thatcherian England and changed the setting to Los Angeles 2. Has Constantine driving a _cool car_, ignoring the fact that a good chunk of the stories in _Hellblazer_ and _Swamp Thing_ were based on the assumption that Constantine can’t drive and needs to bum rides of people 3. Cast _Keanu Reeves_ as John Constantine I have to wonder if they ever even read the comic book. I haven’t seen the trailer yet, but I’m predicting a horror of _The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen_ proportions. Or maybe even… ::shudder:: _The Avengers_! ---
**Author:** ![SolGrundy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbce88/32.png) [@SolGrundy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SolGrundy)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2004, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/constantine-movie/255502/4 "2004-07-16T23:36:15Z")
Oh! Oh! AND, 4) Not only did they move it to LA and cast an American completely totally inappropriate for the role. They cast a British actress doing an American accent as the love interest! This thread needs to move to the Pit before I can talk about how much this movie really pisses me off. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2004, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/constantine-movie/255502/5 "2004-07-16T23:39:20Z")
[Teaser trailer](http://pdl.warnerbros.com/wbmovies/constantine/teaser_hi/teaser_a.mov) ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2004, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/constantine-movie/255502/6 "2004-07-16T23:42:06Z")
> [@SolGrundy](#): > > Oh! Oh! AND, > 4) Not only did they move it to LA and cast an American completely totally inappropriate for the role. They cast a British actress doing an American accent as the love interest! > > This thread needs to move to the Pit before I can talk about how much this movie really pisses me off. And I love the character and they chose Pinnochio pre transformation to play a subtle and nuanced charming bastard. They can… preform a painful sexual act upon themselves with sharp implements coated with oxidized crust. ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2004, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/constantine-movie/255502/7 "2004-07-16T23:50:01Z")
I like Keanu, but as John Constantine? They might as well have chosen Chow Yun-Fat! ---
**Author:** ![Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hey_It_s_That_Guy)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2004, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/constantine-movie/255502/8 "2004-07-17T00:11:07Z")
Actors that could have played an excellent John Constantine: Paul Bettany Ewan McGregor Sting (he’s a bit old and balding, but the character WAS based on him!) Kiefer Sutherland (if they HAD to make JC an American, he would’ve been perfect.) ---
**Author:** ![SolGrundy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbce88/32.png) [@SolGrundy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SolGrundy)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2004, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/constantine-movie/255502/9 "2004-07-17T00:54:15Z")
We were just making a list of actors who’d be best suited to play John Constantine: 1. Dune-era Sting 2. Clive Owen 3. Heath Ledger 4. Christian Bale 5. Keifer Sutherland 6. Kenneth Brannagh … 7. Arnold Schwarzeneggar 8. Jim Belushi 9. Tom Arnold … 10. Robert Guillaume 11. Michael Clarke Duncan 12. Divine … 13. The guy who plays Mini-Me 14. Eve Plumb 15. The woman who played Aunt Esther from _Sanford and Son_ … 5,048) Current-day Sting 5,049) Keanu Reeves ---
**Author:** ![Menocchio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de053/32.png) [@Menocchio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Menocchio)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2004, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/constantine-movie/255502/10 "2004-07-17T03:42:51Z")
Yeah. I can’t think of a worse casting choice of a DC comics character. Except maybe Jack Black as Hal Jordan. They aren’t \*really \* going to do that, are they? ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2004, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/constantine-movie/255502/11 "2004-07-17T04:24:31Z")
> [@Menocchio](#): > > Except maybe Jack Black as Hal Jordan. They aren’t \*really \* going to do that, are they? Que? A Green Lantern flick? Or JLA? ---
**Author:** ![Menocchio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de053/32.png) [@Menocchio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Menocchio)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2004, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/constantine-movie/255502/12 "2004-07-17T15:11:41Z")
> [@adam yax](#): > > Que? A Green Lantern flick? Or JLA? > [@](#): > > AICN says Jack Black as Hal Jordan . It’s supposed to be a zany comedy, a la “The Mask”. :rolleyes: Now, don’t get me worng. I like Jack Black. But I really hope that either AICN is wrong on this, or it gets smothered in it crib. This is the problem with being owned by a media conglomerate, you don’t get to veto the really, really lame movie ideas. If Marvel owned hellblazer and GL (or Catwoman!), neither of these movie would be made until they pulled their act together and made something close to being watchable. ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2004, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/constantine-movie/255502/13 "2004-07-17T16:12:38Z")
Linda Hunt would make a better Constantine than Keanu. ---
**Author:** ![Selkie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbce88/32.png) [@Selkie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Selkie)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2004, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/constantine-movie/255502/14 "2004-07-17T16:41:11Z")
Plenty of Constantine movie talk is [this older thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=257017). ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2004, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/constantine-movie/255502/15 "2004-07-17T20:35:13Z")
> [@SolGrundy](#): > > Yes, it is supposed to be based on _Hellblazer_. Drat. I was hoping this was going to be an historical drama about the ancient Roman **emperor** Constantine. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2004, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/constantine-movie/255502/16 "2004-07-18T03:17:43Z")
So they made an instantly forgetable movie based on some obscure comic. Just be like everyone else and don’t go see it. ---
**Author:** ![SolGrundy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbce88/32.png) [@SolGrundy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SolGrundy)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2004, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/constantine-movie/255502/17 "2004-07-18T21:35:56Z")
> [@Mockingbird](#): > > Linda Hunt would make a better Constantine than Keanu. So would Linda Lavin, and Helen Hunt. They could use them both and switch between them, like they did for the Olsen twins in “Full House.” ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2004, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/constantine-movie/255502/18 "2004-07-19T02:27:17Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > So they made an instantly forgetable movie based on some obscure comic. Just be like everyone else and don’t go see it. An obscure comic with a character some of us care about. Thanks for your patronizing contribution. ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2004, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/constantine-movie/255502/19 "2004-07-19T02:33:37Z")
> [@SolGrundy](#): > > So would Linda Lavin, and Helen Hunt. > > They could use them both and switch between them, like they did for the Olsen twins in “Full House.” If they have Linda Lavin as Constantine, they’ll need Vic Tayback as Papa Midnite and Polly Holliday as Kit. How sad that Tayback is dead. I guess Dave Madden will have to play the character. ---
**Author:** ![Mollie\_Magill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mollie_magill/32/20882_2.png) [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2005, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/constantine-movie/255502/20 "2005-01-10T13:43:20Z")
I have seen the future, and it is bad. I picked up the Comic adaptation of the movie the other day. Not even Steven Seagal could save this fetid train wreck. This character may be named John Constantine, but he sure as heck is not the John Constantine we know. John Constantine is not fighting for redemption. Sure, he’d take it if it were offered, but he’s not going to be questing for his personal redemption. And he sure as shit wold not be begging the Snob for it. John Constantine does not kick ass and take names. John will get Bloke A to kick Bloke B’s ass, and if he has time, he’ll ask whether Bloke C knows Bloke A and B’s names. John would not quit quit smoking, even if he had lung cancer. Oh, wait he already did. Still smoking. John Constantine is not called “Constantine” by anyone exept his enemies. His friends, if they live long enough, call hiim “John.” John has a friend named Chas. I have no idea who this Chaz charater is, but John does NOT have a sidekick, oh wait, I’m sorry, “appentice.” The screenplay the comic script was adapted from looks like it was written by commitee. There are two dissimilar plots at play. One involving this cop’s twin sister, and the other is a bad ripoff of “Dangerous Habits.” The story suffers from the same malady a lot of other comic book adaptions have. The writers are trying to include everything. You can’t do that and have a coherent script. In short: Sanve you money, save yourself. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/constantine-movie/255502.md?page=2)