# Constipation. Help me out, folks... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 21, 2010, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/constipation-help-me-out-folks/550953 "2010-08-21T05:06:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2010, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/constipation-help-me-out-folks/550953/61 "2010-08-24T00:02:27Z")
And just remember, **OpalCat** , as it says in the Good Book: This too shall pass. šŸ˜ƒ ---
**Author:** ![Dunkelheit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dunkelheit/32/248_2.png) [@Dunkelheit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunkelheit)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2010, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/constipation-help-me-out-folks/550953/62 "2010-08-24T00:03:41Z")
I realise the issue has been resolved for the time being, but I have to refute the suggestions for larger-than-a-serving ingestion of artificial sweeteners containing sugar alcohols (mannitol, sorbitol, etc) ā€“ yes, they will get your guts going, but not in a pleasant way. I do second the proposed use of fibre when taking opiates. And heat is good for the discomfort as well as getting things moving. If you donā€™t have a bath (like us), a heating pad or hot water bottle or microwaved rice sock or other similar heated item will work too. ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2010, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/constipation-help-me-out-folks/550953/63 "2010-08-24T00:31:59Z")
> [@OpalCat](#): > > > [@Acid\_Lamp](#): > > > > Stick a finger up there and see if anything is ā€œon deckā€. If yes, loosen it up a bit and youā€™ll probably be okay. > > This is what I ended up having to do. I had a serious impaction. Gross. Not a fun experience nor one Iā€™ll recommend to all my friends. If this problem rears its ugly head again, I think I have something in my kitchen that might help :p:o * * * I just thought of the best tag-line for a laxative: ā€œPoop-B-Gone! Kick the shit out of your constipation!ā€ ---
**Author:** ![Morgyn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morgyn/32/3041_2.png) [@Morgyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgyn)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2010, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/constipation-help-me-out-folks/550953/64 "2010-08-24T00:54:17Z")
> [@Autolycus](#): > > I just thought of the best tag-line for a laxative: ā€œPoop-B-Gone! Kick the shit out of your constipation!ā€ _snickers_ This reminds me of a family story. When my mom first met her new father-in-law, one of the first things he did was tell her a joke about two little girls who wanted to earn some pocket money during the Depression. They made a cardboard sign that said, ā€œWeā€™ll move anything, 5Ā¢ā€, and put it in their little red wagon which they then pulled around the neighborhood. A little boy came up to them and said, ā€œIā€™d like to hire you. Hereā€™s 5Ā¢. Now, move my bowels for me.ā€ The one little girl turned to the other and said, ā€œYou hold the nickel, and Iā€™ll beat the shit out of him.ā€ ---
**Author:** ![lisacurl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/41988e/32.png) [@lisacurl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lisacurl)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2010, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/constipation-help-me-out-folks/550953/65 "2010-08-26T18:34:17Z")
> [@Sattua](#): > > Donā€™t tense your jaw and throat when you try to go. If you arenā€™t good at consciously relaxing, sing while youā€™re trying. Sphincter theory. Probably not the total solution, but a helpful part of it. Sphincter Theory ā€“ band name! ---
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2010, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/constipation-help-me-out-folks/550953/66 "2010-08-26T19:21:28Z")
Once when fighting a really horrid UTI I guzzled about 32 oz of cranberry juice in the span of an hour. The intense amount of vitamin C moved things along very, very quickly. I actually slept on the bathroom floor for a few hours so I wouldnā€™t be far from the toilet that night. ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2010, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/constipation-help-me-out-folks/550953/67 "2010-08-26T19:39:27Z")
Next time this happens, [try leaning your upper body forward while sitting on the toilet](http://www.slate.com/id/2264657/). Like you were trying to put your head between your knees. If you have a way better sense of balance than I do, you could try squatting on the toilet seat. Squatting is supposedly a more natural position for humans than sitting to have a bowel movement. Leaning forward simulates a squat for people whose bathroom equipment, balance, leg muscles, or knees are not conducive to squatting. Rocking your torso back and forth, between leaning forward and leaning backward, while sitting on the toilet might also help. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2010, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/constipation-help-me-out-folks/550953/68 "2010-08-27T05:22:17Z")
They should make personal-sized plumberā€™s helpers to help things out. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2010, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/constipation-help-me-out-folks/550953/69 "2010-08-27T17:59:32Z")
If nothing else works, find someone whoā€™s turn on by scat porn ---
**Author:** ![Drain\_Bead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47774/32.png) [@Drain\_Bead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drain_Bead)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2010, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/constipation-help-me-out-folks/550953/70 "2010-08-27T18:14:39Z")
Oh, God, yes. Painkillers can cause HORRIBLE constipation. The worst pain Iā€™ve ever been in was from that. Labor (all five hours of it that I went through before the c-section) was nothing compared to how that felt. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2010, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/constipation-help-me-out-folks/550953/71 "2010-08-27T18:28:15Z")
Iā€™ve been in a situation where forty people were all in the same house have all needed to have three bowel movements in three days. We drank lots of coffee and ate lots of apples. ---
**Author:** ![SeaDragonTattoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2010, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/constipation-help-me-out-folks/550953/72 "2010-08-27T20:49:17Z")
A most recent anecdote - I just finished taking vicodin every 6 hours for the last couple days. The ER nurse told me I would definitely get constipated on that schedule. I had some magnesium already in the house (magnesium oxide 250mg) that I had used 1/2 tablets as part of a supplement program some time ago. So, I took a whole tablet of the magnesium every 12 hours while taking the vicodin, and presto! Things have moved along just fine - maybe a bit faster than usual, actually, but I would rather than than the opposite! ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2010, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/constipation-help-me-out-folks/550953/73 "2010-08-27T21:21:24Z")
> [@Anne\_Neville](#): > > Next time this happens, [try leaning your upper body forward while sitting on the toilet](http://www.slate.com/id/2264657/). Like you were trying to put your head between your knees. If you have a way better sense of balance than I do, you could try squatting on the toilet seat. Squatting is supposedly a more natural position for humans than sitting to have a bowel movement. Leaning forward simulates a squat for people whose bathroom equipment, balance, leg muscles, or knees are not conducive to squatting. > > Rocking your torso back and forth, between leaning forward and leaning backward, while sitting on the toilet might also help. Oh trust me, I tried every position including squatting on the toilet seat. There wasnā€™t a position that would have gotten this impaction to move. ---
**Author:** ![Poysyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Poysyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Poysyn)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2010, 7:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/constipation-help-me-out-folks/550953/74 "2010-08-28T07:18:02Z")
Just wanted to add, one of the worst times I ever ran into an Ex: I was constipated (T3s) and went to the store to get prunes and glycerin suppositories. I looked awful - sweats, messy hair and I looked like someone that was having some gut issues. YAY! Who was in front of me in the checkoutā€¦? Yes, my most recent (and horrible) Ex. Fabulous. ---
**Author:** ![Cicero](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cicero/32/3594_2.png) [@Cicero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cicero)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2010, 7:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/constipation-help-me-out-folks/550953/75 "2010-08-28T07:23:41Z")
I guess after meeting you ex you no longer had need of prunes? ---
**Author:** ![Poysyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Poysyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Poysyn)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2010, 7:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/constipation-help-me-out-folks/550953/76 "2010-08-28T07:31:33Z")
> [@Cicero](#): > > I guess after meeting you ex you no longer had need of prunes? Unfortunately no, but I donā€™t mind prunes, so it was okay šŸ™‚ ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2010, 7:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/constipation-help-me-out-folks/550953/77 "2010-08-28T07:34:39Z")
> [@OpalCat](#): > > This is what I ended up having to do. I had a serious impaction. Gross. Not a fun experience nor one Iā€™ll recommend to all my friends. Thank god the house here used to belong to my grandfather (a doctor) and so there were gloves. The reason for the constipation is a combination of travel (I have serious bathroom issues) but mostly taking Vicodin for my tailbone.\* > > \*About 10 years ago I fractured my tailbone and it healed wrong. ([here, see?](http://gallery2.opalcat.com/gallery2/v/OpalCat/OpalCat2010/tailbone_x-ray.jpg.html)) and itā€™s been hurting off and on, mostly on, ever since. I recently saw a doctor about it and he is going to talk to various surgeons about cutting it off. In the meantime since itā€™s been really bothering me and Iā€™ve been working on a project at the computer (job wise) and thus sitting in one place for long stretches, he gave me some vicodin for it. I know that vicodin can cause constipation and Iā€™ve been taking it like every day for the last week. So Iā€™m pretty sure thatā€™s it. Iā€™ve run into the same problem with Tylenol 3. I know now that if I take it again itā€™s going to be with a stool softener. If youā€™re backed up you can actually feel it on the left side of the abdomen and Iā€™ve found that you can massage it to help things out. Itā€™s going to be painful if impacted but itā€™s better than hours of pain. Iā€™ve done this with young pets when training them to go outside. Squeeze them like a tube of toothpaste and it seemed to get things moving enough for the animal to seek greener pastures. And in the TMI side of things I had to excavate my geriatric cat when things backed up. Iā€™ve pulled turds out that could support a car. Me ow ow ow ow ow. ---
**Author:** ![lee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lee/32/7455_2.png) [@lee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lee)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2010, 8:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/constipation-help-me-out-folks/550953/78 "2010-08-28T08:01:04Z")
What do mathematicians do when they are constipated? Work it out with a pencil. What do computer scientists do when they are constipated? Work it out digitally. ---
**Author:** ![tr0psn4j](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/958977/32.png) [@tr0psn4j](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tr0psn4j)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2010, 8:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/constipation-help-me-out-folks/550953/79 "2010-08-28T08:07:10Z")
Drink some coffee. It works a bit too well for me sometimes. šŸ™‚ ---
**Author:** ![Cub\_Mistress](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea666f/32.png) [@Cub\_Mistress](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cub_Mistress)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2010, 12:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/constipation-help-me-out-folks/550953/80 "2010-08-28T12:10:07Z")
[Bristol Stool Scale](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bristol_Stool_Scale) Some interesting information on types of stool here. SFW. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/constipation-help-me-out-folks/550953.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/constipation-help-me-out-folks/550953.md?page=5)