# contribute to this story.. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 30, 2000, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/contribute-to-this-story/27473 "2000-07-30T20:26:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Raven255](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/a88e4f/32.png) [@Raven255](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raven255)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2000, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/contribute-to-this-story/27473/1 "2000-07-30T20:26:31Z")
every1 that posts, should add on a bit to the story, it should come out funny. here we go: Once apon a time there was a man sitting at a table in a restaurant when… ---
**Author:** ![Jebus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/48db29/32.png) [@Jebus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jebus)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2000, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/contribute-to-this-story/27473/2 "2000-07-30T20:28:17Z")
came walking in a woman with the sharpest nipples this side of the net… ---
**Author:** ![Shadowfox](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c89c15/32.png) [@Shadowfox](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shadowfox)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2000, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/contribute-to-this-story/27473/3 "2000-07-30T20:34:41Z")
…who, unbeknownst to the man, was an agent for the Illuminati, whose main goal is to… ---
**Author:** ![Lizard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@Lizard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lizard)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2000, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/contribute-to-this-story/27473/4 "2000-07-30T20:38:03Z")
…to felch his mother. The woman sat down. “Hello.” “Hello.” he replied. “My, those are sharp nipples you have. Can they cut glass?”… ---
**Author:** ![Whammo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8dc957/32.png) [@Whammo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whammo)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2000, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/contribute-to-this-story/27473/5 "2000-07-30T20:46:43Z")
“No”, she replied “Though once they did slice up the face of a sexual attacker.” “Thats soo odd”, thought the man… “this woman is nothing but ugly… with her big mouth, wide back, sharp nipples and flat bum, and yet I am strangly attracted to her. If only she was my mother… I would felch her” “May I buy you a drink?”, he asked. “And please, use my special straw.” Producing a straw from the inner pocket of his jacket. ---
**Author:** ![DeathLlama](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f07891/32.png) [@DeathLlama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeathLlama)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2000, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/contribute-to-this-story/27473/6 "2000-07-30T21:02:06Z")
“Why thank you!” she said as she grabbed the straw and started poking him in his left eye. "Hey, what are you doing? That’s not… ---
**Author:** ![Lizard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@Lizard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lizard)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2000, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/contribute-to-this-story/27473/7 "2000-07-30T22:16:05Z")
nice!" Suddenly, with amazing strength for a woman, she threw him across her knee and spanked him hard. He was really enjoying the spanking when she produced a two foot dildo at least six inches across. “My God!” he gasped. “What are you going to do with that?” “Just close your eyes” she said. “It will only hurt at first.”… ---
**Author:** ![Xgemina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/b5e925/32.png) [@Xgemina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Xgemina)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2000, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/contribute-to-this-story/27473/8 "2000-07-30T22:56:35Z")
She then began to beat him severely about the head and shoulders with the dildo, which was weighted with lead, until he began to lose consciousness. At which time she… ---
**Author:** ![oldscratch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ed655f/32.png) [@oldscratch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oldscratch)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2000, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/contribute-to-this-story/27473/9 "2000-07-30T23:04:39Z")
stepped out for a quick smoke break. Damn being an addict sucked. After sucking down a Marlborro Red she stepped back in, only to find… ---
**Author:** ![Satan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Satan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satan)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2000, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/contribute-to-this-story/27473/10 "2000-07-30T23:38:46Z")
…the roof, the roof, the roof was on fire… * * * Yer pal, Satan _TIME ELAPSED SINCE I QUIT SMOKING: Three months, three weeks, 21 hours, 35 minutes and 3 seconds. 4515 cigarettes not smoked, saving $564.50. Life saved: 2 weeks, 1 day, 16 hours, 15 minutes._ Vist the [The Fabulous Forums of Fathom](http://fff.fathom.org/cgi-bin/Ultimate.cgi?) ---
**Author:** ![Drain\_Bead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47774/32.png) [@Drain\_Bead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drain_Bead)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2000, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/contribute-to-this-story/27473/11 "2000-07-30T23:44:36Z")
The firemen rushed in, bearing powerful hoses. “Get down, party people!” they shouted to the large crowd, which was dancing to annoying techno music. ---
**Author:** ![DeathLlama](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f07891/32.png) [@DeathLlama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeathLlama)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2000, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/contribute-to-this-story/27473/12 "2000-07-31T00:26:53Z")
Meanwhile, across town a small group of hampsters… ---
**Author:** ![Ruffian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/71e660/32.png) [@Ruffian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruffian)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2000, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/contribute-to-this-story/27473/13 "2000-07-31T00:42:12Z")
…were sitting down for a pleasant meal of their young. Buford, the youngest (not being eaten, that is), suddenly sits up and sniffs: “Dear Lord, that smells like Marlboro Red!” His mother raises an eyebrow and says… ---
**Author:** ![DigitalMuse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecccb3/32.png) [@DigitalMuse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DigitalMuse)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2000, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/contribute-to-this-story/27473/14 "2000-07-31T01:46:23Z")
“You’ve been sniffing the Sharpies one to many times!”. And she proceeded to… ---
**Author:** ![nashiitashii](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7c8e57/32.png) [@nashiitashii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nashiitashii)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2000, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/contribute-to-this-story/27473/15 "2000-07-31T02:31:23Z")
take out her magic wand and smack Buford upside the head with it, and he became the second course for dinner instantly. The neighborhood alley cat sees this and he snatches up Buford’s dead carcass and begins to… ---
**Author:** ![DeathLlama](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f07891/32.png) [@DeathLlama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeathLlama)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2000, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/contribute-to-this-story/27473/16 "2000-07-31T05:46:01Z")
…rub it all over himself to the beat of that annoying techno music he heard earlier that night on the other side of town. Suddenly Rod Stewart walks by and… ---
**Author:** ![hypergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/49beb7/32.png) [@hypergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hypergirl)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2000, 6:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/contribute-to-this-story/27473/17 "2000-07-31T06:04:32Z")
…begins to sing songs from joseph and the amazing technicolor dreamcoat before he trips over the alley cat and notices the dead hamster. he then… ---
**Author:** ![nashiitashii](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7c8e57/32.png) [@nashiitashii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nashiitashii)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2000, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/contribute-to-this-story/27473/18 "2000-07-31T06:06:46Z")
proceeds to spew all 5 gallons of semen and beer all over the ground due to the sight. The dead hamster turns into a llama and then… ---
**Author:** ![labdude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/5fc32e/32.png) [@labdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/labdude)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2000, 6:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/contribute-to-this-story/27473/19 "2000-07-31T06:12:40Z")
…take off at a quick trot. He heads straight toward the smell of smoke and the sound of techno music. … ---
**Author:** ![DeathLlama](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f07891/32.png) [@DeathLlama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeathLlama)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2000, 6:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/contribute-to-this-story/27473/20 "2000-07-31T06:39:15Z")
…arriving at the burning restaurant, our dead hamster-turned-llama starts spitting on the fire. Four hours later the fire is extinguished. Again, a llama saves the day. But then out of the corner of his eye he sees a suspicious looking man with a sturdy looking straw… [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/contribute-to-this-story/27473.md?page=2)