# Contribute Your Atheist Holiday Songs! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 25, 2002, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/contribute-your-atheist-holiday-songs/138662 "2002-11-25T14:25:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2002, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/contribute-your-atheist-holiday-songs/138662/1 "2002-11-25T14:25:15Z")
One of the things that sucks about being an atheist is we get no holidays, no songs. Here’s one I came up with on Saturday while the Shop Rite was pounding Xmas carols into my noggin: Have yourself a godless little Christmas, Let’s both you and I Do things that will make the baby Jesus cry. Have yourself a godless little Christmas, Jews and Muslims, too— Carl Sagan would have been real proud of you! Once again, as in pagan days, Those pre-Reagan days of yore— Faith-filled friends who now cross our eyes They will proselytize no more. One day soon we’ll be free of religions, if our fates allow. Till then, let’s hang Chick tracts from the highest bough! And have yourself a godless little Christmas, now . . . I know we have a lot of good song parodists at the SDMB. Anyone else got any contributions? We can all go caroling this year . . . ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2002, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/contribute-your-atheist-holiday-songs/138662/2 "2002-11-25T15:00:26Z")
As you may know, I’m a believer, but hubby’s not. Seeing as hubby isn’t good at this kind of thing, I thought I’d help him out and contribute: What child is this Who laid to rest On Mary’s lap is sleeping? It ain’t the Messiah, He don’t exist No angels watch are keeping This, this is just a child There is no God, no Mercy mild Haste, haste, denounce all faith He’s just another baby! Or maybe: Now rest ye merry, gentlemen Let nothing you dismay Fundies belief will see to it We don’t work on this day We don’t need saved from Satan’s pow’r He’s not real anyway! Oh, tidings of egg nog and gifts Egg nog and gifts Oh, tidings of egg nog and gifts ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2002, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/contribute-your-atheist-holiday-songs/138662/3 "2002-11-25T15:04:34Z")
Her comes Carl Sagan! Here comes Carl Sagan! Right down Demon-Haunted lane! Religion and ETs and all his pet peeves are pulling on his chain! People are praying, hymm singing; inciting Carl to the fight burn your stockings and forget your prayers, 'Cause Carl Sagan is right! ---
**Author:** ![GKW](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d9b06d/32.png) [@GKW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GKW)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2002, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/contribute-your-atheist-holiday-songs/138662/4 "2002-11-25T15:34:22Z")
Would those dogs barking to carolling melodies count? ---
**Author:** ![welby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d78d45/32.png) [@welby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/welby)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2002, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/contribute-your-atheist-holiday-songs/138662/5 "2002-11-25T15:41:24Z")
Not my best effort, but I’ve always had trouble doing a parody of a Christmas song unless it’s dirty and involves Santa giving head. Give it time. I’ll do another. **Oh Come All Ye Faithful** O come all ye faithful Joyful and triumphant O come ye, O come ye to Welby’s house Come and behold me Faithless hater of angels O come let us abhor him, O come let us abhor him, O come let us abhor him, He rejects the Lord Sing choirs of Fundies Sing in exhortation Oh sing all ye citizens, ye lovers of holiday sales Glory to Wal-Mart! It’s time to buy our presents! O come let us abhor them, O come let us abhor them. O come let us abhor them, They reject the Lord Yeah Lord we greet thee Born this happy morning ANd now all the presents are given Little Johnny’s stocking’s missing Now in his room appearing O come let us eat turkey, O my our faith is murky, O the kids new toys don’t work-ee, Christ where’s the receipt, Christ from which store? ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2002, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/contribute-your-atheist-holiday-songs/138662/6 "2002-11-25T16:21:08Z")
\*Let us break wind together on our knees, (on our knees) Let us break wind together on our knees. (on our knees) When I fall on my knees and jar loose a rather big 'un, O Lord, have mercy on me. Let us guz wine together on our knees, (on our knees) Let us guz wine together on our knees. (on our knees) When I fall on my knees and barf to the rising sun, O Lord, have mercy on me. Let us press bods together on our knees, (on our knees) Let us press bods together on our knees. (on our knees) When I fall on my knees with my face to your rising moon, O Lord, pretty pretty pretty please.\* ---
**Author:** ![drewbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drewbert/32/15890_2.png) [@drewbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewbert)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2002, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/contribute-your-atheist-holiday-songs/138662/7 "2002-11-25T17:00:03Z")
There goes Santa Claus There goes Santa Claus Back up to the North Pole I think he’s gettin’ Kinda sick and tired Of hauling all that coal! When he gets home He’ll unplug the phone Or maybe play some golf, And next year don’t be too surprised When Santa takes Christmas off! ---
**Author:** ![panache](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c77e96/32.png) [@panache](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2002, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/contribute-your-atheist-holiday-songs/138662/8 "2002-11-25T17:55:26Z")
“Wreck the malls with cows on Harley’s, Fa la la la la, La la la la” -Not my own creation, but a Holiday classic none the less ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2002, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/contribute-your-atheist-holiday-songs/138662/9 "2002-11-25T18:11:51Z")
One of my favorite MAD articles of my youth was one of Christmas Carol parodies. This thread makes me want to search for it on my Totally MAD CD ROMS. ---
**Author:** ![slortar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@slortar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slortar)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2002, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/contribute-your-atheist-holiday-songs/138662/10 "2002-11-25T19:18:01Z")
Every day’s a holiday for us atheists. Wheeeee! ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2002, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/contribute-your-atheist-holiday-songs/138662/11 "2002-11-25T20:29:53Z")
Oh come, all ye faithless, Joyless and triumphant, Oh come ye, oh come ye to Bethlehem. Come and reject Him, There’s no King or angels, Oh come let us ignore Him, Oh come let us ignore Him, Oh come let us ignore Him, Christ, I’m bored. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![SCSimmons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e495f1/32.png) [@SCSimmons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SCSimmons)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2002, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/contribute-your-atheist-holiday-songs/138662/12 "2002-11-25T20:35:48Z")
Reading this thread, I’ve come to the conclusion that there’s a good reason that there are no atheist holiday songs. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2002, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/contribute-your-atheist-holiday-songs/138662/13 "2002-11-26T00:19:00Z")
Have yourself a merry little Christmas Enjoy the Channaka too I don’t believe in your religion But I don’t begrudge those who do We’re a religion-tolerant nation For our founders that what it was about So enjoy your traditions and celebration Let’s leave the hating out ---
**Author:** ![dwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dwyr/32/363_2.png) [@dwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dwyr)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2002, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/contribute-your-atheist-holiday-songs/138662/14 "2002-11-26T00:55:48Z")
How’s about a few choruses of “Deck Us All With Boston Charlie”? ---
**Author:** ![Tenar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@Tenar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tenar)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2002, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/contribute-your-atheist-holiday-songs/138662/15 "2002-11-26T03:41:09Z")
“walla walla wash and a kalamazoo!” And unless “capitalism” counts as a religion, Christmas is ALREADY an atheist holiday in the U.S. ---
**Author:** ![Tenar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@Tenar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tenar)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2002, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/contribute-your-atheist-holiday-songs/138662/16 "2002-11-26T03:44:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by dwyr \* > \*\*How’s about a few choruses of “Deck Us All With Boston Charlie”? \*\* (When my little brother used to sing it, it used to come out, quite innocently, as “Deck the Halls with Balls of Charley.”) ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2002, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/contribute-your-atheist-holiday-songs/138662/17 "2002-11-26T03:46:04Z")
And I’d like to wish everyone in this thread an expensive Christmas and another New Year. ---
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2002, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/contribute-your-atheist-holiday-songs/138662/18 "2002-11-26T03:53:47Z")
Dashing through the snow In a two-door Chevrolet… Robin ---
**Author:** ![Hamlet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hamlet/32/2818_2.png) [@Hamlet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamlet)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2002, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/contribute-your-atheist-holiday-songs/138662/19 "2002-11-26T04:13:22Z")
_ **Jingle Hells** _ Painting with broad brush In a thread of mockery Why not rip apart Anyone who believes Look, I’m so funny I can mock tee hee I’m so much better Than those who aren’t like me. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2002, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/contribute-your-atheist-holiday-songs/138662/20 "2002-11-26T04:25:09Z")
You better watch out Now don’t you be lax, Or you’ll be appearing in his next fax Freddie Phelps is coming to town. He’s making a list Or so he will tell For each one in Heaven there’s a billion in Hell Freddie Phelps is coming to town. He sees you drinking whiskey, He knows you order wine He’s got a personality that’s strictly border line… He bosses all his children They’re scared to leave his homes He’d serve them all some Kool-Aid That was bottled by Jim Jones There was more but I can’t find all the words. I’ve got them on a sheet somewhere. A friend wrote it but he passed away several years ago, and I still miss him. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/contribute-your-atheist-holiday-songs/138662.md?page=2)