# Control your children! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 1, 2008, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/control-your-children/475213 "2008-12-01T18:13:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![flodnak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/838e76/32.png) [@flodnak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flodnak)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2008, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/control-your-children/475213/41 "2008-12-02T14:25:27Z")
> [@Gukumatz](#): > > Hah! I saw something similiar in Oslo (Nille, for the ones keeping score) last tuesday. “Barn uten oppsyn vil bli gitt flytende sukker og et gratis trommesett.” (Unattended children will be given liquid sugar and a complementary drum set.) Oh my word. Which Nille was this? I have a sudden urge to go there - and I never go to Nille 😛 ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2008, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/control-your-children/475213/42 "2008-12-02T14:51:50Z")
> [@PoorYorick](#): > > My two year old granddaughter is the cutest, most adorable child in the world, and I’ll kick anyone’s ass who says otherwise. Given that, she sometimes acts like, well, a two year old. Somewhere down the line I got the job of being the bad guy when she acts up. You know, the one that gives her the look and says, “Chloe. Stop . . . NOW.” She knows that when we’re at the store or wherever, she gets one warning when shes crying for a toy or refusing to come to me, or whatever. If the warning doesn’t work, I figure she’s just had enough, and I pick her up and we leave the store. We left a cart of groceries once; I’m sure the stockers loved us for that. > > On the positive side, she’s almost always a little sweetie when we’re out, and I rarely even have to use what my wife calls the “command voice.” On the negative side, well, I hate being the bad guy, dammit. She’s got eyes you can swim in, and when her lower lip starts quivering, I just want to give her anything to make her happy again. Kudos for crushing down that urge and giving her what she really needs, quivering lip or no. You’re a good grandpa. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2008, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/control-your-children/475213/43 "2008-12-02T15:29:22Z")
> [@PoorYorick](#): > > My two year old granddaughter is the cutest, most adorable child in the world, and I’ll kick anyone’s ass who says otherwise. Given that, she sometimes acts like, well, a two year old. Somewhere down the line I got the job of being the bad guy when she acts up. You know, the one that gives her the look and says, “Chloe. Stop . . . NOW.” She knows that when we’re at the store or wherever, she gets one warning when shes crying for a toy or refusing to come to me, or whatever. If the warning doesn’t work, I figure she’s just had enough, and I pick her up and we leave the store. We left a cart of groceries once; I’m sure the stockers loved us for that. > > On the positive side, she’s almost always a little sweetie when we’re out, and I rarely even have to use what my wife calls the “command voice.” On the negative side, well, I hate being the bad guy, dammit. She’s got eyes you can swim in, and when her lower lip starts quivering, I just want to give her anything to make her happy again. I hate participating in these sorts of RO-against-modern-children threads (it is always hilarious to me to see people complaining about “kids these days” - as if that wasn’t the case when _they_ were kids! :D) - but I gotta say that I approve of this post. I’m learning, if slowly, that the parenting thingie that seems to work is to back up your words with consequences. That does not, in my case, include spanking of our 3 year old, but rather removal from the fun. A relatively recent example: our kid can sometimes get out of hand when there is too much excitement going on, like when we are at a family gathering with his (older) cousins, who are not disciplined. One time, he got badly behaved - he would not sit down for dinner, but kept running around, and he would not be quiet - he was too riled up. We tried calming him down with a time-out, but he would not calm or obey. So we told him - “If you do not sit down, we will leave”. He didn’t and so we did - much to the family’s surprise and I think dismay. He was upset by being made to leave the party, but it really is the only thing that works - telling him over and again “don’t” has no effect if you let him stay and misbehave. If you take him away, he learns that behaving = having fun and not behaving = no fun. I certainly would not claim he’s perfectly behavied or that we are perfect in parenting. But we are trying to learn. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2008, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/control-your-children/475213/44 "2008-12-02T15:37:09Z")
I would like to volunteer to beat any/all of your children as necessary, if you don’t feel up to it. My travel expenses are minimal, and I’ll charge only 5 cents per strike. There will be a small additional surcharge for strangling, or if you want me to use nonstandard weapons. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2008, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/control-your-children/475213/45 "2008-12-02T15:48:27Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > I would like to volunteer to beat any/all of your children as necessary, if you don’t feel up to it. My travel expenses are minimal, and I’ll charge only 5 cents per strike. > > There will be a small additional surcharge for strangling, or if you want me to use nonstandard weapons. Dunno. You have to prove first that you are up to beating on an active 3 year old. It would be a bad investment and poor teaching moment it the tyke gets the better of you and kicks _your_ ass. ---
**Author:** ![Mollie\_Magill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mollie_magill/32/20882_2.png) [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2008, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/control-your-children/475213/46 "2008-12-02T15:55:56Z")
> [@Malthus](#): > > I’m learning, if slowly, that the parenting thingie that seems to work is to back up your words with consequences. That does not, in my case, include spanking of our 3 year old, but rather removal from the fun. In my experience, just backing up what you say works. When Fang hears that X will happen, or Y will have to be taken away, he _knows_ what would happen next if he doesn’t change his ways. Of course, that hasn’t stopped him from testing his limits. He’s five. That’s his job. My job is to set and enforce the limits. Spike is still a little young to understand consequences. He’s eighteen months. Right now, his biggest infractions are flinging and hitting both of which result in 90 seconds on the Time Out Mat with one of us stating in a very firm manner (not yelling) that he is on the Time Out Mat, and why. It took Fang about two weeks of the Time Out Mat for _every_ infraction to break him of hitting and biting whe he was that little. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2008, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/control-your-children/475213/47 "2008-12-02T15:57:19Z")
> [@Malthus](#): > > Dunno. You have to prove first that you are up to beating on an active 3 year old. > > It would be a bad investment and poor teaching moment it the tyke gets the better of you and kicks _your_ ass. That’s true. Be sure to take away their Nerf guns before I arrive. ---
**Author:** ![Acid\_Lamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Acid\_Lamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acid_Lamp)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2008, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/control-your-children/475213/48 "2008-12-02T16:02:22Z")
I regularly engage in “social engineering” when I’m out and about it public. Kids love me for some reason and as long as they are well mannered I’m happy to entertain them. The ill mannered ones however, get treated to a sharp, bass bark and the raised eyebrow of doom. You’d be surprised how many small children have a sense of embarrassment when called on their behaviour by a stranger. I’ve seen many a larval human go from a screaming wreck to :eek: and very quiet when confronted by a stranger talking to them like another adult. Usually its something along the line of: “Hey, what are you crying about?” They clam right up. I’ve only had a few parents get indignant with me, but I’ve found that the look of doom works just as well on them. I don’t find myself to be too imposing, maybe its the bushy beard. ---
**Author:** ![TroubleAgain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e480ec/32.png) [@TroubleAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroubleAgain)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2008, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/control-your-children/475213/49 "2008-12-02T17:28:00Z")
> [@Malthus](#): > > I hate participating in these sorts of RO-against-modern-children threads (it is always hilarious to me to see people complaining about “kids these days” - as if that wasn’t the case when _they_ were kids! :D) - but I gotta say that I approve of this post. I don’t know if it’s a generational thing or a regional thing (I’m 42 and grew up in the south), but it _wasn’t_ like that when I was a kid. Any and every adult was free to correct you when you needed it, (right down to a swat on the behind if the adult was a relative or friend of the family) and if you screwed up, not only would you get corrected by whatever adult was nearby, you’d get it again when your parents found out. And God forbid you _really_ screw up, because you’d get punished or corrected right in front of God and Everybody. Oh, the shame!:o ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2008, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/control-your-children/475213/50 "2008-12-02T17:45:27Z")
> [@TroubleAgain](#): > > I don’t know if it’s a generational thing or a regional thing (I’m 42 and grew up in the south), but it _wasn’t_ like that when I was a kid. Any and every adult was free to correct you when you needed it, (right down to a swat on the behind if the adult was a relative or friend of the family) and if you screwed up, not only would you get corrected by whatever adult was nearby, you’d get it again when your parents found out. And God forbid you _really_ screw up, because you’d get punished or corrected right in front of God and Everybody. Oh, the shame!:o People have been complaining about “the kids these days” lacking respect and acting like undisciplined hooligans since at least the Roman era (I can remember reading a hilarious quote on the subject from an Roman author whose name, alas, escapes me), and I will bet since the evolution of the first homo sapiens. 😃 I mean, if you are 42 you were born in the 1960s - the era when Dr. Spock (not the Vulcan, alas) was blamed for “ruining American youth” through “permissiveness” as very young children: > **[Benjamin Spock](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Benjamin_Spock#Claims_that_Spock_advocated_permissiveness)** > > Benjamin McLane Spock (May 2, 1903–March 15, 1998), widely known as Dr. Spock, was an American pediatrician, Olympic athlete, and left-wing political activist. His book Baby and Child Care (1946) is one of the best-selling books of the 20th century, selling 500,000 copies in the six months after its initial publication and 50 million by the time of Spock's death in 1998. The book's premise told mothers, "You know more than you think you do." Spock was widely regarded as a trusted sour Spock was... … the fact that the very people whose _parents_ were potentially wild out-of-control hippies are _now_ making “kids these days” noises just proves that human nature, if nothing else, is immutable. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![ShelliBean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f9ae1b/32.png) [@ShelliBean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShelliBean)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2008, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/control-your-children/475213/51 "2008-12-02T17:52:11Z")
> [@MacTech](#): > > but that would just make the problem _WORSE_, you’d end up with screaming hyperactive brats wired up on Caffiene, if anything, unattended brats should be given Thorazine and a puppy If I drop my kids off there will you give them Thorazine? Because I was seriously thinking about it last night… Other side of this problem - when I take my kids into a store and they act like the rebellious brat heathens I’ve raised them to be, I almost feel like I can’t discipline them in view of anyone lest I be accused of child abuse. I don’t know what the solution is. I guess I could start with preemptive beatings before we enter the store. Honestly that’s not far from the truth. Before we go in somewhere that I can’t afford to replace what they might break or they’ll be total asses in front of people I drop my voice to what the younger one calls the “mean mommy voice” and tell them that I do not have any plans to corral any out of control children and that I have a legion of toys from their toy box that can go straight to the garbage when we get home if they can’t control themselves. We’ve only had to lose a set of legos and a couple swords so far. But I’m mean like that. I also charged my older son money when he does stuff like order desserts just to order them (after a long line of questioning involving I’ll get it if you really want it but don’t order it if you are just going to let it sit there). ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2008, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/control-your-children/475213/52 "2008-12-02T17:59:39Z")
I occasionally watch shows like “Super Nanny” with my mom, and I always ask if my brother and I were that bad when we were kids. I ask if we acted out in public much or not. She contends that she just didn’t bother to take us out in public much. We spent most of our socializing time at home with the relatives where we could be kid-like in private. Go mom, I guess. ---
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2008, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/control-your-children/475213/53 "2008-12-03T15:34:37Z")
> [@ZipperJJ](#): > > I occasionally watch shows like “Super Nanny” with my mom, and I always ask if my brother and I were that bad when we were kids. I ask if we acted out in public much or not. > > She contends that she just didn’t bother to take us out in public much. We spent most of our socializing time at home with the relatives where we could be kid-like in private. > > Go mom, I guess. I like to think of Super Nanny as televised birth control. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/control-your-children/475213.md?page=2)