# Conversation Overheard: "He can't be gay - he's married!" **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 11, 2003, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/conversation-overheard-he-cant-be-gay-hes-married/206780 "2003-10-11T01:43:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![nisosbar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c37758/32.png) [@nisosbar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nisosbar)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/conversation-overheard-he-cant-be-gay-hes-married/206780/1 "2003-10-11T01:43:20Z")
I overheard three young women having a conversation about a guy they work with: Girl 1: Matt, he’s gay. Girl 2: He’s gay? But he’s **married**! Girl 1: So? Gays can marry. Girl 2: To a woman? Girl 3 wisely remained silent. 😃 LOL One of those conversations people have which lay bare the unspoken and (usually) baseless prejudices/preconceptions about life in general. ---
**Author:** ![Stage\_Manager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stage_manager/32/7267_2.png) [@Stage\_Manager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stage_Manager)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/conversation-overheard-he-cant-be-gay-hes-married/206780/2 "2003-10-11T01:51:13Z")
Yep. I’m queer as a three-dollar bill, and I was married (to a _woman!_) for sixteen years. Some people just don’t get it. ---
**Author:** ![pizzabrat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e9c0ed/32.png) [@pizzabrat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pizzabrat)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/conversation-overheard-he-cant-be-gay-hes-married/206780/3 "2003-10-11T01:51:23Z")
you shouldn’t eavesdrop on people ---
**Author:** ![Bugnorton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19b73/32.png) [@Bugnorton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bugnorton)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/conversation-overheard-he-cant-be-gay-hes-married/206780/4 "2003-10-11T01:52:17Z")
[tongue in cheek]“But he has kids so that proves he’s not gay.”[/tongue in cheeck] Yes, I’ve heard that too (as I’m sure many of you have). ---
**Author:** ![Bugnorton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19b73/32.png) [@Bugnorton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bugnorton)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/conversation-overheard-he-cant-be-gay-hes-married/206780/5 "2003-10-11T01:54:43Z")
sorry, preview used to be my friend (but I suspect he was gay). ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/conversation-overheard-he-cant-be-gay-hes-married/206780/6 "2003-10-11T02:07:46Z")
They forgot, “Well, maybe he’s bi!” ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/conversation-overheard-he-cant-be-gay-hes-married/206780/7 "2003-10-11T02:16:50Z")
Not much different than this conversation with my mother back in the 70’s: Me: I like Elton John. Mom: Why would you want to listen to him? Isn’t he gay? Me: I like his music, I don’t want to have sex with him. ---
**Author:** ![Palewriter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/db5fbb/32.png) [@Palewriter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Palewriter)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/conversation-overheard-he-cant-be-gay-hes-married/206780/8 "2003-10-11T03:05:18Z")
Jeez. I didn’t think even Sir Elton knew he was gay back in the 70s. On second thoughts, strike that thought. 🙂 - PW ---
**Author:** ![amarinth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3be4f8/32.png) [@amarinth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amarinth)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/conversation-overheard-he-cant-be-gay-hes-married/206780/9 "2003-10-11T04:02:32Z")
Maybe I’m weird…but though I don’t think it right to assume that everyone is straight, I don’t think it unreasonable to assume that someone married to a person of the opposite gender is straight, nor is it unreasonable to express surprise when the assumption is found to be incorrect. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/conversation-overheard-he-cant-be-gay-hes-married/206780/10 "2003-10-11T20:18:46Z")
Good point, **amarinth**. And if you think about it, it would really suck for this guy’s spouse if he was gay. ---
**Author:** ![Angel\_of\_the\_Lord](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/angel_of_the_lord/32/2949_2.png) [@Angel\_of\_the\_Lord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angel_of_the_Lord)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/conversation-overheard-he-cant-be-gay-hes-married/206780/11 "2003-10-11T20:52:06Z")
What amarinth said. I’m not wont to jump to conclusions about a person’s sexuality, but I can’t think of many reasons why a gay man would marry–and stay married to–a woman. I mean, there are possible reasons, but, generally, assuming a man who’s married to a woman is not a Kinsey 6–or is not going to self-identify as exclusively homosexual–is a pretty safe assumption. Then again, the girls might’ve been a bit vapid and been confusing being gay with being bisexual. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/conversation-overheard-he-cant-be-gay-hes-married/206780/12 "2003-10-11T20:58:15Z")
And besides, gay people can get married in some locations. ---
**Author:** ![Bugnorton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19b73/32.png) [@Bugnorton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bugnorton)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/conversation-overheard-he-cant-be-gay-hes-married/206780/13 "2003-10-11T21:20:02Z")
If you happen to live in a geographical location like, for instance the deep south, where many ignorant bigots hold positions of socio-economic power _and_ you are gay, well you just might find quite a few unfortunately very practical reasons for maintaining a “conventional” marriage. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/conversation-overheard-he-cant-be-gay-hes-married/206780/14 "2003-10-11T21:51:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Guinastasia \* > \*\*They forgot, “Well, maybe he’s bi!” \*\* A point which, I hope, **fizzy** ’s parents will either not find out about or not consider. As **bugnorton** said, there can be very practical reasons for being married. “Can’t be gay! He’s married!” indeed. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/conversation-overheard-he-cant-be-gay-hes-married/206780/15 "2003-10-12T00:37:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bugnorton \* > If you happen to live in a geographical location like, for instance the deep south, where many ignorant bigots hold positions of socio-economic power _and_ you are gay, well you just might find quite a few unfortunately very practical reasons for maintaining a “conventional” marriage. Oh, come on. Such a person could: 1. Move. (People do it all the time.) 2. Divorce, purportedly for conventional reasons. (Ditto.) The thing about staying in a straight marriage while gay is that it’s not just your own life you’re messing up. Putting ‘pleasing the local powers that be’ above ‘being honest about oneself with one’s spouse’ is just plain wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/conversation-overheard-he-cant-be-gay-hes-married/206780/16 "2003-10-12T01:58:01Z")
> [@](#): > > Putting ‘pleasing the local powers that be’ above ‘being honest about oneself with one’s spouse’ is just plain wrong. Agreed. You read about people who were pressured into marrying someone of the opposite sex, even though they were gay, only later to find out they couldn’t live a lie. I mean, think about it-wouldn’t you be devastated if you found out your spouse of so many years was gay, and all this time your marriage was a lie? It wouldn’t be fair to either person. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![vanilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f19dbf/32.png) [@vanilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanilla)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/conversation-overheard-he-cant-be-gay-hes-married/206780/17 "2003-10-12T02:42:33Z")
Guin, Guin, Guin. I was married tro a gay man, a drag queen no less. I knew it (but knew he had had relations with about 5 women in his life). Wasn’t fun. Was horrible. Especially when he brought one to live with us, pretending it was just a roommate. (he was only with me for the money). I loved him (I was stupid). my 2 cents ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/conversation-overheard-he-cant-be-gay-hes-married/206780/18 "2003-10-12T02:49:09Z")
{{{{ **vanilla** }}}} I’m so sorry. ---
**Author:** ![vanilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f19dbf/32.png) [@vanilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanilla)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/conversation-overheard-he-cant-be-gay-hes-married/206780/19 "2003-10-12T02:57:14Z")
Thanks. I was just venting it out. Its been 10 years he’s been dead. But I knew there was a reason I Liked you. 🙂